Monthly Archives: August 2019

Cookie Fonster Dissects Homestuck Part 94: Wizardfic Nostalgification Station

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Introduction

< Part 93 | Part 94 | Part 95 >

Act 6 Act 5, Part 2 of 6

Pages 5572-5634 (MSPA: 7472-7534)

“Nostalgification” is totally a real word, I swear.

Years in the future…

Minus several.

After a bunch of pages that were mostly romance drama and hints at the Condesce’s machinations, it’s time for a fun throwback. The image shown above depicts Roxy’s carapacian neighborhood on a rainy evening, just like how Rose’s house was in the early acts. This whole scene is going to be a lot of fun, I can tell.

I forgot how cute Roxy looks in her starting outfit, my god. Full disclosure: for me, a fictional girl’s cuteness is mainly determined by whether or not she wears tights.

It’s time to read Wizardy Herbert! You might already know that Wizardy Herbert is the name of one of Hussie’s pre-MSPA works. It’s an unfinished Harry Potter parody story with wild metafictional elements and overall insane nonsense. It is my understanding that Hussie in real life never cared much for wizards and decided when writing both Wizardy Herbert and Homestuck to crudely parody the fondness people have for them.

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Cookie Fonster Critiques Homestuck Part 11 Rewritten: Magical Dreams and Retroactive Clowns

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Introduction / Schedule

< Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12.1 >

Pages 952-1051 (MSPA: 2852-2951)

Act 3, Part 3 of 5

Link to old version

Right now my priority for this blog is my main Homestuck post series I started in 2015 where I’m currently on Act 6 Act 5; this post is a bit of a divergence from the plan I’ve laid out. I finished my newest post a few days ahead of schedule, so I decided to do a rewritten post to release on Friday instead. I mostly did it as a bit of a breather from the absurd romance drama I sped through.

Who’s this guy?

At the curb of Act 3’s halfway point, it’s time for us to meet Spades Slick’s lookalike.

Spades Slick?

Got a nice ring to it.

But you know your own name. And that damn well ain’t your name.

Jack Noir’s naming is done a bit differently from other characters. He doesn’t have a naming box; rather, he’s meta-aware of Hussie’s fingers typing his name. The book commentary here is worth reading:

Jack at this stage is the villain. Villains in Homestuck tend to be meta-villains. That is, they exist much closer to the surface of the story’s meta-bubble, and often interact with the way it’s told. For instance, Jack Noir is the original owner of the 4th wall. (See next page.) As a universal bureaucratic game construct, he can keep tabs on everything going on in the session, including just outside the story.

Though Jack Noir is a meta-villain, there are limits to this, possibly tied to his personality. It could be the scope of his ambition never includes messing with the story itself. His desire for power lies entirely within fictional parameters. Later, there are much more flagrant meta-villains, in Doc Scratch and Lord English. They live on the surface of the meta-bubble, and at times badly puncture it. All iterations of Lord English in total basically represent the ultimate meta-villain. Though it takes a very long time for this to become apparent, and for it to be revealed exactly what this means.

I think it’s fair to assume this villain foreshadowing and easing in was intentional. Act 3 is filled to the brim with hints at the trolls’ backstory, the alpha kids, and (much more subtly) the cherubs. Jack Noir’s higher degree of meta awareness than the beta kids is a subtle but useful way to ease readers into the times villains start taking over the narration. On the topic of characters taking over narration, if you somehow haven’t read Detective Pony *****PLEASE DO SO IMMEDIATELY*****, then come back here.

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Cookie Fonster Dissects Homestuck Part 93: A Friendship Even More Permanently Ruined

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Introduction

< Part 92 | Part 93 | Part 94 >

Act 6 Act 5, Part 1 of 6

Pages 5512-5571 (MSPA: 7412-7471)

Get ready for lots of sighs in this act.

One of my Act 6 Act 2 posts was originally going to be called “The Worst Part of Homestuck (So Far)” but I then decided to name it “A Friendship Permanently Ruined”.

This post was originally going to be called “The Worst Part of Homestuck (Arguably)” but then I decided on “A Friendship Even More Permanently Ruined”.

As a wise man once said, the circle of stupidity is complete.

Act 6 Act 5 of Homestuck opens with a short flash of Jake English sitting alone and bored on his planet, waiting for the day his cool young grandma and her movie-loving brother finally show up. In this flash, Jake’s sprite is revealed to be a combination of Eridan and Sollux, who flips him the bird. Jake wheezes laughing for… some reason? Then he gets an alert from Dirk and sighs again.

TT: Dude! 
TT: Where you at, man. 
TT: Wait. 
TT: Which computer are you using? 
TT: I’m not comfortable knowing my words could be hovering over Cage’s clownish, sort of gaunt face. 
TT: Could you maybe switch back to naked blue chicks as your exclusive desktop fodder? TIA. 
TT: But yeah. 
TT: I don’t know if you just want a little solitude. 
TT: Or if maybe you finally just got like, 
TT: A case of Strider fatigue. 
TT: I could understand that. 
TT: I mean, not to get all neurotic on you. 
TT: I’m just saying I get it, if that’s what’s going on. 
TT: But for real, if you gotta sneak away for a few days, that’s cool. 
TT: Just might be kind of dope if you at least would let me know which planet you scurried off to. 
TT: And by dope I guess I mean considerate? 
TT: Really not trying to be a drag here. 
TT: Wondering what’s up is all. 
TT: Want to meet up soon? 
TT: I found a really promising tomb we could raid. 
TT: Looks like it runs hella deep. 
TT: If I’ve got the specs right, could run as deep as the Lion’s Mouth itself. 
TT: But without all the fuckin’ fire to deal with. 
TT: Wait, I mean Lion’s Mouth. 
TT: Gotta underline that key shit. Always forget. 

What is going on with Jake? He’s always viewed Dirk as a cool friend and his whole life he’s been excited to go on tomb raiding adventures just like in his favorite movies. But now he isn’t responding to any of his best bro’s messages.

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Cookie Fonster Dissects Homestuck Part 92: Quirk Resignation and Clown Vomit

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Introduction

< Part 91 | Part 92 | Part 93 >

Act 6 Act 4 + Act 6 Intermission 4

Pages 5438-5511 (MSPA: 7338-7411)

The whole Caliborn/Hussie arc is a lot more metafictional than I remembered.

I always forget how good of a song Even in Death is, holy shit.

Time to begin Act 6 Act 4 of Homestuck! Unlike Act 6’s prior sub-acts, this one consists of a single flash. I think most people agree that it’s a good change of page for the alpha kids’ Medium exploration to be condensed into one flash, rather than another few hundred pages of dilly-dallying and romance drama. As with the trolls’ arc, we don’t really need to see the alpha kids’ usual game progression (or in this case, lack thereof) all over again. A montage showing us a few scenes of the alpha kids exploring their planets and their Jack Noir counting his days in jail is all that is needed.

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My Homestuck post schedule for the next few months

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For the first time in almost three years, I’ve been outputting a steady weekly-ish stream of new Homestuck blog posts! Posts that aren’t rewrites of old posts, that is. And I am extremely proud of myself for regaining that old motivation.

School is starting next week for me. It’s going to be my third and final year as an undergraduate student, after which I’ll probably get a full-time job (I have a part-time job on campus this fall semester and probably also spring). As I said in an earlier post, with school coming up I feel it’s a good time to bring back my schedule of new Homestuck posts every Friday morning (but probably earlier). I’m going to continue this schedule until the end of Act 6 Intermission 5, then probably put my Homestuck post series on a short hiatus just like Hussie did after he finished Act 6 Intermission 5. I already know exactly how I’ll divide my Homestuck posts for these next few acts and I have planned dates for each of those posts. My plans are as follows:

  • 08/16/2019 – Part 92 (A6A4 + A6I4) (done!)
  • 08/23/2019 – Part 93 (A6A5 part 1)
  • 08/19/2019 – Part 93 (A6A5 part 1) (released early!)
  • 08/23/2019 – Part 11 rewritten (Act 3 part 3)
  • 08/30/2019 – Part 94 (A6A5 part 2) (released two days early!)
  • 09/06/2019 – Part 95 (A6A5 part 3)
  • 09/13/2019 – Part 96 (A6A5 part 4)
  • 09/20/2019 – Part 97 (A6A5 part 5, the trickster section)
  • 09/27/2019 – Part 98 (A6A5 part 6, the split screen section)
  • 10/04/2019 – Part 99 (A6I5 part 1)
  • 10/11/2019 – Part 100 (A6I5 part 2)
  • 10/18/2019 – Part 101 (A6I5 part 3)
  • 10/25/2019 – Part 102 (A6I5 part 4)
  • 11/01/2019 – Part 103 (A6I5 part 5)

Obviously, these plans are subject to change. Not the act divisions, those are finalized and I know exactly which pages each post will start and end at. But the dates are most certainly subject to change. It does feel good though having an estimated date for when I’ll finish Act 6 Intermission 5. It also feels crazy that post 100 isn’t too far away. Obviously my 100th post has to be something special, and I think it’s good enough for number 100 to be the part where Aranea tells us about Caliborn’s backstory.

9/1/2019: “New posts every Friday morning” has evolved from a posting schedule to a deadline, one that I’ve consistently been early for in the past few weeks. I think at this point you can reasonably expect new posts to come out once a week, maybe? Or maybe every Wednesday, I don’t know. I finished post 95 today and I’ll probably make some revisions the next few days and release it, unless I turn out to be REALLY busy with schoolwork.

Cookie Fonster Dissects Homestuck Part 91: Drunken Smooches and Costume Parties

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Introduction

< Part 90 | Part 91 | Part 92 >

Act 6 Intermission 3, Part 6 of 6

Pages 5399-5437 (MSPA: 7499-7537)

Featuring the best psycheout in all of Homestuck.

If only John and Vriska knew how much their friends nearby miss them…

You reach the end of the game to find an intriguing convergence of outrageous personalities. You are just dying to see what these heavyweights of badittude have to say to each other, but somehow you discover within yourself the superhuman restraint to hit pause. 

When I got to the end of Openbound Part 3 in the last post, I already knew that the walkaround ended right before Meenah could talk to Vriska, John, and Tavros but I was still a bit disappointed to remember it cut off right there. But upon further consideration, I think it’s fair to cut things off here and resume this arc with something other than a walkaround because we’ve been overdosed with walkaround content this whole intermission. You probably know that Homestuck doesn’t have any more full walkaround games after Openbound. I’ll discuss this point at the end of this post, where I recap Act 6 Intermission 3.

There is a whole world of fucking around going on with the meteor crew during the second year of their voyage, and it would be a criminal act of negligence to end this intermission without at least having a peek at their tomfoolery. A weaker person would just want to see what happens with Meenah and Vriska right away. Thank goodness you are a player with a strong sense of responsibility and discipline.

Every scene on the meteor so far in Act 6 has been hilarious, so I’m totally down for checking out what those characters are up to even though we’ve already seen plenty of it in this intermission so far.

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Cookie Fonster Dissects Homestuck Part 90: Tsundere Vacillation Station

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Introduction

< Part 89 | Part 90 | Part 91 >

Act 6 Intermission 3, Part 5 of 6

Page 5398 (MSPA: 7298) [Openbound: Part 3]

In which I definitely don’t underhandedly vent about school projects.

This post is extremely long. In fact, it’s my longest Homestuck post yet! Hope you enjoy.

Here’s my plan for the next few acts:

  • Act 6 Act 4 + Act 6 Intermission 4 – 1 post
  • Act 6 Act 5 – 6 posts
  • Act 6 Intermission 5 – 5 posts

I estimate that I’ll reach the end of Act 6 Intermission 5 around November 1, give or take a week. After that, we’ll see what comes next.

Time to start the third and final part of Openbound, where we meet the last three Beforan trolls!

The chest next to Rufioh has some Fiduspawn cards, which brings back long-gone memories.

First off is Rufioh Nitram, the homage character to Dante Basco. He’s alright I guess, which is way more than can be said about most of the other Beforan trolls.

Meenah’s conversation with him doesn’t waste much time establishing absurd archetypes. Rufioh says he had wings since birth and never ascended to god tier, then starts to bemoan how people think he’s braver than he actually is. Right after that, Rufioh dives into his backstory which is WAY darker than anything else we saw with the alpha trolls.

MEENAH: alright so you never god tiered but i still dont get somefin
MEENAH: didnt you have a totally fuckin stupid robot body at some point or did i just imagine that
MEENAH: that whole period of time in our session was reel foggy to me i guess because i was dead for a while there
 #maybe i got the ghost madness #could SWEAR you was a metal horse tho
RUFIOH: yeaaah…
RUFIOH: no, the robot body was def1n1tely a th1ng… 1 k1nd of blocked that out of my memory too, haha… that was… that sh*t was someth1ng else, yo! crazy…
RUFIOH: 1’m sure you remember how all that started… back when damara and 1 were st1ll dat1ng… r1ng any bells?
MEENAH: yeah
MEENAH: fuckin megido
MEENAH: do we really need to rehash that ancient bullshit drama
 #bull #lol #wait… #why dont you ever do bull puns? #FAIL
RUFIOH: no, no… heh, just say1ng 1s all… 1t was that whole th1ng… anyway, that’s when horuss was k1nd of mack1ng on me, remember… and 1 wasn’t all about to vac1llate w1th h1m and her cause 1 knew how she was… d*mn, so jealous… so f***1ng crazy…
RUFIOH: so she made me a cr*pple, remember?
MEENAH: tag that shit homie
 #abaloneism
RUFIOH: d*mn, yeah… 1 mean, she busted me up… couldn’t move a muscle… well, could st1ll flap my w1ngs well enough, haha…

And you thought Vriska was a HUGE 8ITCH, huh???

Unlike what we learned prior about the Beforan trolls’ backstory, this is WAY worse than the Alternian trolls’ backstory. Tavros was only paralyzed from the legs down and Vriska even had the courtesy to make him some sick flying equipment. Damara paralyzed Rufioh’s entire body save for his wings, all because of romantic jealousy.

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