A collection of tips for writing various Homestuck characters correctly

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Hey guys, here’s a blog post I’ve been meaning to write for probably a few years now! What motivated me to write it was discussions with Homestuck fans about the trainwreck that is Homestuck: Beyond Canon. Everyone who’s not happy with the direction of Beyond Canon has a different reason why they don’t like it, and for me it’s that every single character is written incorrectly. The writing is so inaccurate to the original that it’s extremely difficult for me to read through any of it, it just pisses me off.

My second biggest problem is that Beyond Canon retcons and/or contradicts the epilogues again and again and again, and reverts so much of the characters’ development from the epilogues, but that’s outside the scope of this post. Point is, the authors of Beyond Canon have zero understanding what made Homestuck good. A cool thing about the epilogues is that they embraced having a format different from the original Homestuck: text only, lots of time skips, and a narration style very different from Hussie’s. Beyond Canon, on the other hand, tries too hard to replicate Homestuck, and fails at that miserably.

Okay, back on topic. In this post, I will be telling you guys the right way to write each Homestuck character, so that you can write fanfics that are actually good and accurate to the original comic. Not literally every character, but most of the important ones.

General tips

If you’re writing a Homestuck character for the first time, I strongly suggest you reread some of their chatlogs in Homestuck itself. I like to use readmspa.org to search for Homestuck conversations because it includes not just the pesterlogs, but also walkarounds and all the text contained in images. Also, when you’re writing fanfiction or anything at all, you should read it over and over again to iron out mistakes and make sure the whole thing flows smoothly. That’s what I always do when I write my blog posts. I obsessively reread them as I write them.

And as for narration, I find that in fanventures, it’s best if the narration imitates Hussie’s snarky adventure game style, whereas in text-only fanfics, it’s cooler if the narration uses the author’s own style. That way, the fic has the existing Homestuck characters written accurately to the original comic, but the style of narration will help make it feel like yours.

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Why do I ship John and Roxy from Homestuck? (mini-post)

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If you’ve read my Homestuck blog posts, you’ll know that there is only one Homestuck ship I’m truly passionate about, and that is John Egbert x Roxy Lalonde. This ship is known as Roxygen if you’re cool, Breathalyzer if you’re uncool and still associate Roxy solely with alcohol. I’ve been a fan of this ship for almost as long as I’ve been a Homestuck fan—since early 2015, I would say. At that point, I already found their dynamic cute as fuck and frequently reread their conversations. I was really hesitant to publicly admit I liked that ship at first, like it was an embarrassing secret or something. That changed when the credits came out in October 2016 and seemingly sunk it, after which I complained incessantly about just that. There was a brief period where I felt John/Terezi was my favorite ship instead, but that reverted soon after. But why do I like this one particular Homestuck ship so damn much?

It’s simple, really. John is a character I heavily relate to, while Roxy has a lot of attributes of the type of people I tend to get attracted to: funny, spontaneous, and eager to show off her skills. I never realized this is why I like the ship so much until around 2020, when I saw an acquaintance of mine post an image online that said most people’s favorite type of ship is “character I relate to + character that’s the type of person I’m attracted to”, even if they wouldn’t admit it. And then it hit me that I have a case of literally exactly that. Another reason I like the ship this much is because I am straight as fuck, which is unusual for a Homestuck fan.

By this point I’ve long decided to embrace my love of this particular ship, as well as embrace that I’m still obsessed with Homestuck twelve years after I first read it. What’s the use in denying a crucial part of me? Pretty much every friend of mine who’s read Homestuck says that I give off John Egbert energy, and that’s another thing I have no choice but to embrace.

I have a longer Homestuck-related blog post in the works, it should be out soon! I’m not gonna try restarting my Homestuck blog post series again, don’t worry. Instead it’s a post about how to correctly write Homestuck characters. I kind of got carried away with it.

Cookie Fonster Weighs in on Eurovision 2026 (Final): Three Countries’ Post-Hiatus Glowups

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Intro Post

< 2026 Semifinals | 2026 Final

Introduction

Well, here we are now for the worst Eurovision year of the 2020’s. I mean that in terms of the show and the EBU’s inability to learn anything, because the song lineup was actually really good. In Vienna, 25 countries (would’ve been 26 if Spain hadn’t boycotted) competed for the trophy and the show was, suffice to say, quite a mess.

In third place came Romania with a massive fan favorite song, which is tied with 2005 and 2010 as their best result. In second place came the country that should’ve been banned yet-a-fucking-gain, but this time it was in part because the song did really well with the juries. And the winner came as a surprise to many viewers: Bulgaria with a catchy kickass girlbop titled “Bangaranga”. They had never won the contest before, but they did score fourth place in 2016 and second in 2017. When I reach Bulgaria’s song, I’ll analyze why it makes sense that this song won and how the song’s victory benefits the contest. No one in the final scored zero points overall, but the UK, Germany, and Belgium all got zero from the televote.

Romania and Bulgaria were among the three countries that returned this year after a hiatus; the other is Moldova, who achieved an excellent eighth place with a song that’s Moldovan to the core. That’s one of the positives about this trainwreck of a Eurovision year: all three countries that returned after taking breaks had a massive glowup. One of the negatives is that Israel still hasn’t been banned and thus five countries boycotted, and another negative is that Austria’s hosting this year was godawful.

A small positive is that just like Vienna 2015, Austria took the effort to open the show with an actual live orchestra which reminds us of Austria’s musical heritage and of the old days of Eurovision. JJ performs “Unknown” again, the same song from an interval act in the second semifinal (did he have no other songs he could perform?), then comes half of the flag parade, a reprise of “Wasted Love”, and the other half of the flag parade. Søren from Denmark comes first in the flag parade and he looks more stoked to be at Eurovision than anyone else, though I’m sure all the others were full of just as much hype. Thorsten Schorn said during the flag parade that Bulgaria’s song could become the summer hit of the year, which shows that by this point it was easily one of the standouts of the year. Sam from the UK got a substantial amount of cheers, though knowing his result they must have come primarily from British fans. Greece and Australia’s contestants were also met with a roaring reception, as well as the home team from Austria at the end. After 18 minutes the show finally begins, which is really excessive.

I watched the final with German commentary since I have an HD copy saved to my computer. Life hack for Eurofans who want to find commentary: for the latest year you can often find it on the broadcaster’s website, and for other recent years (2016 onwards) you won’t find them on YouTube, but rather on its Russian counterparts VK Video and OK.ru, or its Chinese counterpart Bilibili.

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Cookie Fonster Weighs in on Eurovision 2026 (Semifinals): The Year That Five Countries Boycotted

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Intro Post

< 2025 Final | 2026 Semifinals | 2026 Final >

Gonna be honest, after this year’s Eurovision ended, my motivation to review it has been much lower than after last year’s contest. The Israel situation soured the entire show for me this year, far more than the past two years. But I’m pulling through and 11 days after the grand final ended, I finished going through the semis! 10 songs down, 25 to go.

Introduction

Hello again to my readers—hope you’ve all had a good Eurovision week! I certainly did, despite my heart pounding near the end of the results, but I’ll get to that later. In my time zone the show starts at 3 PM, so to watch it I had to take Tuesday and Thursday off work. I chose to take Friday off as well so that I’d have three days off in a row.

Last time Eurovision came to Austria was in 2015 right after Conchita Wurst’s victory, and it took place in the Wiener Stadthalle in Vienna. The very same building was happily willing to host the contest in 2026, so it was pretty obvious we’d be back in Vienna, and indeed we were. It was the first Eurovision hosted in a country’s capital since Lisbon 2018.

The EBU made a big deal about this being the 70th Eurovision Song Contest, so it’s quite ironic that this is the contest with the fewest competing countries since semifinals were introduced in 2004. There were 36 countries competing in 2004; this year there were only 35. Moldova returned after skipping last year, Romania after skipping the past two years, and Bulgaria after skipping the past three, whereas five countries boycotted the contest because of the EBU’s asinine refusal to ban Israel from participating even though their presence is bringing the contest into serious disrepute.

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Eurovision 2026 is coming up; a few thoughts

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In fifteen days, the Eurovision Song Contest 2026 will begin its first semifinal. In any other year I’d be super excited for the contest, but the Israel situation sours the whole thing for me this year, much more so than in the past two years. I will still watch the contest this year, mostly because it’s a fun thing to do with online friends, but without anywhere near as much excitement or vigor this time. And rest assured, after the contest ends I will write a two-part review of Eurovision 2026 on my blog. It’ll include my usual reviews and rankings of each song, plus a lot of ranting about the contest’s incompetent management. It may even include a few retroactive adjustments to my list of winners.

Who do I think will win this year? Unfortunately I think it will be France with their song “Regarde !” I absolutely do not want it to win because it’s an opera bait abomination, but I still think it has the biggest chance. At least that way, if it wins I’ll feel proud my prediction was correct.

Who do I want to win this year? Well, that’s essentially asking what is my favorite song this year. My two biggest favorites currently are Sweden with “My System” and Greece with “Ferto”. The former is a fast, punchy EDM bangery banger of bangeriness, and the latter is best described as a “Cha Cha Cha” type song. Both are types of Eurovision entries I’ve historically enjoyed again and again. There are quite a few other entries I love this year, but I won’t spoil them just yet!

I’ll see you guys again in a few weeks when I begin my 2026 review.

I was bored and asked Google AI mode three questions about myself

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Disclaimer: I seldom use any sort of AI chatbots for any purpose and I really miss the era when every text that you could find anywhere was actually written by humans. But I was bored as fuck today so I decided, why not?

First question: “who is cookiefonster’s favorite homestuck character”

Based on his extensive blog series “Cookie Fonster Dissects Homestuck” and subsequent reflections, Cookie Fonster has expressed a strong affinity for several characters, often noting their specific contributions to the narrative. While he doesn’t explicitly name a single “absolute favorite” across all posts, his commentary highlights several top contenders:

  • Dave Strider: Cookie Fonster has explicitly called Dave the “best character” and frequently praises his arc, particularly his relationship with his brother and his “ironic” humor.
  • Jasprosesprite^2: He describes her as a “really fun character” and notes that her lengthy conversations are a “complete laugh riot,” bringing much-needed energy to the story’s later stages.
  • Caliborn: In his deeper dissections, he admits to loving the way Caliborn “works around his subpar intelligence to accomplish anything he wants to,” often finding his chaotic presence entertaining.
  • Roxy Lalonde: He notes her importance as a “fan favorite” and discusses her “ambiguous flirting” and strong friendships with the other kids in a highly positive light. 

Throughout his “commentary” and “reflections” series, he also frequently focuses on Karkat Vantas and Rose Lalonde, often celebrating their complex emotional beats and leadership struggles. Are you looking for his thoughts on a specific part of the comic, like Act 6 or the Epilogues?

I mean, okay… this is a decent enough analysis but Google is kinda wild guessing here. I find it a bit odd that there’s no mention of John Egbert, a character I’ve often mentioned in my blog posts I particularly love. As for me calling Dave the best character in Homestuck, I guess I did going by a search on my blog, but that’s also kind of misleading. Here are all my Homestuck posts with the phrase “best character”:

  • Part 70: I mention the “best character” in Homestuck at the end, implicitly referring to Caliborn.
  • Part 71: I explicitly use the phrase in bold: “Caliborn is the best character in Homestuck.” How did Google miss that?
  • Part 81: I again refer to Caliborn as the best character.
  • Mini-post about Caliborn and Dirk: Ditto.
  • Part 4 rewritten: I refer to John as the best character other than Caliborn. Then I say “Dave uses Blogger just like me, which is why he’s the best character.” which a human reader could probably tell was meant in jest. But Google decided for some reason this proved that Dave is my favorite character in the comic.
  • Part 83: Yet again I explicitly refer to Caliborn as the best character. Google gave a reasonably accurate summary for why I like to call him the best character.
  • Part 7 rewritten: Ditto, but you’d only know the “best character” refers to Caliborn if you’ve read my other posts.
  • Part 84: Ditto.
  • Analysis of vfromhomestuck’s tweets: Uh, ditto?

I will give Google this: it was right that I love many different characters in Homestuck for many reasons. That’s true for every work of media I love, really. I don’t know if I can choose just one favorite character, but I’m rather surprised Google mentioned Jasprosesprite^2 and not John.

Second question: “what is cookiefonster’s favorite eurovision song ever”

Cookie Fonster has identified several songs as top contenders for his favorite, often shifting his top pick based on when he is writing or which era of the contest he is reviewing. 

As of his most recent “all-time” updates in 2024 and 2025, his primary favorites include:

  • “Dancing Lasha Tumbai” (Ukraine 2007): In April 2024, he explicitly stated that, “At the moment, I’d say my all-time favorite Eurovision song is ‘Dancing Lasha Tumbai’”.
  • “Ding-a-Dong” (Netherlands 1975): He has frequently called this his potential “favorite Eurovision song of all time”. He describes it as the song that truly “hooked” him on the contest and says he is “unreasonably obsessed” with it.
  • “Poupée de cire, poupée de son” (Luxembourg 1965): He refers to this as one of his “all-time favorite Eurovision songs” and a significant influence on the contest’s shift toward pop music.
  • “Europapa” (Netherlands 2024): While he hesitated to name it #1 immediately due to “recency bias,” he admitted to being “extremely addicted” to it and noted it might eventually take the top spot. 

In his deep dives into specific countries, he has also highlighted “La dolce vita” (Finland 1989) as his favorite entry of the 1980s and “C’est le dernier qui a parlé qui a raison” (France 1991) as a “masterpiece”. 

Are you interested in his rankings for a specific decade, such as his favorite entries from the 1970s?

This, on the other hand, is spot-on. I don’t love “Ding-a-Dong” quite as much as I used to but yes, it was indeed my gateway drug to early Eurovision. Well done, Google!

Third question: “is cookiefonster gay”

Cookie Fonster has described his sexual orientation in varying ways over the years, reflecting a personal journey of self-discovery:

  • Aromantic (Formerly): In 2019, he stated that he was “firmly convinced” he was aromantic.
  • “Not Aromantic” / “Picky”: By 2024, he updated his stance, explicitly saying, “I am not actually aromantic. I’m just picky”.
  • Privacy: When asked for further elaboration on his identity in late 2024, he replied that he “would rather not elaborate on this publicly”. 

While he frequently discusses LGBTQ+ themes in his Eurovision reviews—identifying “undercover gay anthems” or critiquing “surprise gay kiss” gimmicks—he generally focuses on the music and performance rather than his own personal identity. 

It is important to note that he is a distinct person from other public figures with similar names, such as Sawyer Hemsley (co-founder of Crumbl Cookies), who publicly came out as gay in August 2025. 

Would you like to see his reviews of Eurovision songs with LGBTQ+ themes, like his analysis of “Marry Me” or “This Is My Life”?

I probably mentioned somewhere on my blog that I am heterosexual which is still true. Even during the time I claimed to be aromantic, I still considered myself straight. The bullet points about me updating my stance are from this Homestuck post.

So it’s weird that Google didn’t give a straight (no pun intended) answer to my question. Also, the bullet point about privacy is a nonsensical AI hallucination. In reality, when I said on my blog that “I would rather not elaborate on this publicly”, I was replying to a commenter asking why I had a falling out with someone I went to Eurovision 2024 with, because I like to keep that sort of stuff private. Nothing to do with my identity.

Also, who the fuck is Sawyer Hemsley and why is he relevant to this answer? And since when was there anything LGBT-related in the two Eurovision songs titled “This Is My Life”? (“Marry Me” is the one with the lesbian kiss at the end, so yeah, that one is pretty gay.)

Obligatory post on Germany’s selection for Eurovision 2026

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Here are my thoughts on my country’s entry for Eurovision 2026, “Fire” by Sarah Engels:

It’s generic and beige radio pop with zero personality that sounds like something I’ve heard hundreds of times before and proves the German Eurovision team has learned nothing. This is exactly the kind of song I wanted Germany to stop sending. The national final was overloaded with songs of this type so it was inevitable that would happen. Not a single one of these songs gripped me or inspired me, but I would have been at least somewhat happy if they sent one of the two German-language songs, because I feel very strongly that Germany needs to stop pretending their language doesn’t exist. But I’ve said that like a million times in my Eurovision blog post series.

Yes, I pasted this paragraph from my review of the 2024 selection. The only change I made was replacing “NDR” with “the German Eurovision team”, because this year SWR organized the selection instead, but the lineup of songs is just as dull either way. And yes, as with 2024, the selection had only nine songs in total and only two were in German. Also, in the above paragraph, when I said none of the songs gripped me or inspired me, that was a lie. There is one entry in this selection I do really love, and I’ll save it for the end of the post.

I should note that I didn’t actually watch the German selection live, though I did see a few snippets of past German-speaking contestants (Paola del Medico and Michael Schulte) talking about their experience in Eurovision, as well as Hazel Brugger being Hazel Brugger (I mean that in a good way). To those that don’t speak German, Hazel’s sections probably just seem like a bunch of yapping, but I can promise you her humor is even funnier in her native language. On that day (February 28) I instead watched Finland’s national final which consisted entirely of bangers. It was pretty obvious “Liekinheitin” would win but I loved the show anyway.

I’ll give the German producers this: they put a lot of effort into staging each song as good as they can. I suppose that’s part of Germany’s approach these days, making the staging sell the song as good as possible even if the tune itself is widely regarded as “meh”. It worked with “Always on the Run” back in 2024—it’s crazy how much fans turned on that song after Isaak performed it in Malmö.

The song lineup though, it is just so beige it hurts. One entry in this selection is my favorite by far, but I’ll save it for the end of this post. “Jeanie” by Dreamboys is a radio pop song that is pleasant enough to listen to and has decent harmonies but doesn’t quite manage to grip me. “Wonderland” by Laura Nahr starts off slow but is decent enough once it picks up the pace, but the only part I really like is the slightly dissonant “wonder-wonder-wonderland” bit. “A OK” by Milo “Myle” Hoelz is without a doubt the most boring song of the lineup, basically a total non-event.

None of the songs I just talked about made it to the superfinal, and neither did the two songs in German. “Herz” by Bela is a decent enough boybop in German with a swing beat similar to our last winner “Satellite”, but it doesn’t have quite the gripping factor “Baller” by Abor and Tynna has. I’ll dedicate a bit more time to the token joke entry, “Ciao Ragazzki” by Ragazzki. I’ve never been totally able to make my mind up about that song, but Marti and David’s enthusiasm on stage makes me feel absolutely gutted that they didn’t win or even make it to the superfinal. Marti Fischer released several YouTube videos in German promoting his song and it’s very clear he wanted to go to Eurovision with this. He clearly designed the song with the thought of “what is the most Eurovisiony song I could possibly write?” The chorus is so repetitive and the rapping is too talk-singy, but their excitement on stage makes me somewhat like it. I think I have a soft spot for two goofy guys having the time of their life on stage—see also Jedward and Væb. Unfortunately the candidates for the superfinal were chosen completely by juries, which doomed this song’s chances.

Of the three songs that made it to the superfinal, I already discussed the winning song “Fire”—it’s an ultra-generic overchoreographed girlbop and total Fuego clone, a very disappointing choice for Germany in the contest. “Optimist” by Molly Sue is the token gloomy sadgirl ballad every recent German selection seems to have, and I admit it’s one of the better songs, mainly because Molly really feels the lyrics and they have a good theme to go with them. “Black Glitter” by Wavvyboi is also one of the better songs and I would’ve preferred it to go to Eurovision over “Fire”, since it’s a major key rock song with a fair bit of personality and gains a decent rock beat once it gets going.

Eurofans whose countries do national finals often say that with other countries they want their favorite entry to win, but with their own country they want the entry best suited for Eurovision to win. I’m very much this way with German national finals. In 2024 none of the songs felt particularly suited to the contest, in 2025 “Baller” was very clearly the best choice for Eurovision, and in 2026 with the return of juries to semifinals, “Ciao Ragazzki” might have actually gotten a decent result. But it sure as hell isn’t my favorite entry this year: that would be “When I’m with You” by Malou Lovis. It’s relaxed and just a tad jazzy, and it makes for excellent casual listening. It’s nice to have a romantic song that’s just plain wholesome and positive for a change, instead of all those bitter breakup tunes. It’s got sweet romantic lyrics, it’s quite interesting compositionally, I can put it on whenever I need to unwind after a long day, what more could you ask for? I’ll gladly forgive Malou Lovis for not singing in German, because if a song is good enough it doesn’t matter what language it’s in. This was obviously not going to win the German Eurovision selection—the only way it would have is if the juries and televoters were all replaced with clones of me.

So yeah, the German selection actually had a few decent songs and one that I surprisingly love. But the winning song is exactly what I feared would win, and I am just so disappointed in my country for choosing it. Or rather, in my country for letting the international juries (of whom not a single one was German) advance it to the superfinal and allow the televoters to pick it as their favorite. All of this means that this year, I just have to root for other countries. I won’t spoil too much on my tastes, but as of right now my two biggest favorites are Greece and Denmark.

My plans for posts about Eurovision 2026

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Hi everyone, I haven’t posted on this blog in a little while! I just wanted to give you an update on how I plan to cover Eurovision 2026 on my blog.

I’ve decided after a lot of thinking that I will in fact watch Eurovision 2026. There are already quite a few great songs selected and I just won’t be able to resist watching them live, plus it’ll be a fun thing to do with online friends (and maybe some family members on the final if I can convince them). I cannot say I’m excited for the next Eurovision because of the elephant in the room, but I do still want to watch it live and try to enjoy it as much as I can. The one thing I’m not sure about is whether I will vote in this year’s contest, because as a rest of the world voter I’m pretty sure my money would go to directly to the EBU. I’ll see how I feel when the show happens.

My plan is to release four blog posts about Eurovision 2026. They’re as follows:

The first post will be a discussion on the German national final for the year. I won’t actually be watching the German selection live this year, because it’s on the same day as Finland’s selection which is a fest of bangers, not a fest of dull radio pop. But writing a blog post about the German selection has become a tradition for me so I intend to continue that. As with the 2024 selection, I’m really disappointed the song lineup is so bland and has so few songs in German, so I’m preemptively disappointed for whatever my country will send.

Now for the second post: I’ve been watching lots of national finals this season, but I won’t make any posts reviewing a full national final this year. Instead, in March I’ll write a post listing a few hidden gems from national finals that didn’t make it to Eurovision.

And finally, after I watch Eurovision 2026 live, you should expect a pair of posts reviewing the show after the week is over. Rest assured, it’ll include plenty of ranting about what incompetent fuckbags the EBU are. But it should also include some of my usual analysis of what makes a song great.

ESC250 2025: My predictions and analysis of the results

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Happy new year, everyone! It’s still 2025 in Ohio as I’m writing this post, but not for much longer. I’ve decided to send off my blogging about Eurovision (for now) with something fun: an analysis of the results of the annual fan vote ESC250, specifically those for the entries of Basel 2025. The results were streamed on a French radio station on December 31, then once the stream ended the full results were published. Here are my votes with the position each song ended up in:

Here are my predictions of how high each entry would score:

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Eurovision Side Post: Changes to My List of Winners (end of 2025 edition)

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To any Eurofans reading my blog: this will be my second last Eurovision-related blog post for the time being. My last will be an analysis of the ESC250 2025 results on New Year’s Day, since I made a list of predictions of where each 2025 entry will land in the ESC250 and want to see how right I was. After that, I probably won’t blog about Eurovision (not even about past contests) until the 2026 contest happens. I’m not sure yet if I will review Eurovision 2026 or not; I’ll see how I feel in May.

Anyway, it’s time for some updates to my list of winners of each Eurovision year! My latest version of the winners list was on my 1974 re-review. Most of these updates I was gonna save for my re-reviews of each year, but I’ve decided to put those posts on hiatus.

In my 1975 round 2 review, I was going to surprise you guys by changing my winner to Turkey, Seninle Bir Dakika. I did start writing that post and here’s a snippet of what I said about my old winner, “Ding-a-Dong”: Now, I’m afraid, I’ve gotten a little tired of this song. Don’t get me wrong, I still like it, but I’ve overdosed on it so much that it doesn’t have quite the magic it used to. I’ve even had to demote it all the way from a 10/10 to an 8. Still, I think this song was absolutely the right winner this year, because it leaves a stellar first impression and that’s exactly what’s needed to do well in Eurovision. Turkey’s entry, on the other hand? Now that has massively grown on me and I curse the juries for giving it last place. That’s not how you treat a Eurovision newcomer! This song is a truly gorgeous minor key ballad whose singer gives an emotional, passionate performance.

Next up is another retcon to Turkey, and it has to do with my 8-bit cover project on YouTube (which I am still doing). When searching for entries from 1985 to cover, I realized that “Didai Didai Dai” would be absolutely perfect for an 8-bit cover, since it’s got a really nice funky beat that reminds me of Mario music. Soon after, I decided my winner of the year would be “La det swinge” no longer, but Turkey, Didai Didai Dai. It helps that MFÖ are such likable performers!

Speaking of MFÖ, my winner of 1988 is now Turkey, Sufi. For 1988 it was a real challenge picking a song to 8-bit cover, because I really don’t like most entries that year. But then I stumbled upon the studio version of “Sufi”, and what a banger it is! It’s much better than the orchestra version and once again has a cool funky 80’s beat. Now I can say that 1988 at least has one song worth listening to. Sorry, Lara Fabian!

And speaking of my 8-bit covers, I’ve changed my winner of 1992 to Finland, Yamma Yamma. Hey, don’t look at me funny—the song is catchy as hell! By Eurovision 1992 standards it’s a total banger. Not to say it’s the most amazing song in the world, but since 1992 is a notoriously weak year, I’d say it did not deserve last place.

My new winner of 1997 might surprise you. It was originally “Dinle”, then I temporarily changed it to “Sentiments songes” (whose singer Fanny Biascamano died of cancer a few days ago, 46 is much too young to die), and now I’m giving the honor to Poland, Ale jestem. It’s a song that took quite a while to grow on me, but now I utterly love the fuck out of it. It’s a mind-blowing composition that throws so many cool melodies and instruments all in the course of three minutes and is in close contention with “River” from 2022 with the best Polish entry.

And finally, let’s skip ahead to 2025. I know I had retconned my winner to “Bara bada bastu” not long ago, but now I’m changing it to what I should’ve chosen the whole time: Latvia, Bur man laimi. I’ll never forget how much the song knocked my socks off the first time I heard it, which was when I watched the Supernova semifinal, and I love it just as much today. It’s hard to think of a Eurovision song more “me” than this one. In a Discord server I asked people for fun which Eurovision entries they associate with me, and this was an answer that one person gave. Other answers I got included “Europapa”, “Alcohol Is Free”, “Funny Girl”, and “The Moon Is Rising”—the last of them because I frequently mention how much I hate it.

EDIT: Wait, I missed one. I’ll change my 1980 winner from “What’s Another Year” to Morocco, Bitaqat Hub because it’s such an awesome and unique Middle Eastern song. I also love that the lyrics are an earnest message about peace, in a way that doesn’t feel clichéd.

Alright guys, here’s my updated winner list:

  • Belgium, 3 (1957, 1976, 2003)
  • Bosnia and Herzegovina, 2 (2001, 2006)
  • Denmark, 2 (1963, 2000)
  • Finland, 6 (1974, 1983, 1989, 1992, 2010, 2023)
  • France, 3 (1977, 1990, 1991)
  • Germany, 5 (1956, 1968, 1979, 1982, 1999)
  • Greece, 1 (2013)
  • Hungary, 2 (2005, 2019)
  • Ireland, 2 (1970, 1994)
  • Israel, 1 (1987)
  • Italy, 1 (1964)
  • Latvia, 3 (2002, 2018, 2025)
  • Lithuania, 1 (2022)
  • Luxembourg, 3 (1965, 1972, 1973)
  • Moldova, 1 (2009)
  • Monaco, 1 (1960)
  • Morocco, 1 (1980)
  • Montenegro, 1 (2015)
  • Netherlands, 7 (1959, 1967, 1969, 1971, 1998, 2014, 2024)
  • North Macedonia, 1 (2020)
  • Norway, 3 (1966, 1993, 1995)
  • Poland, 1 (1997)
  • Portugal, 2 (1984, 2017)
  • Serbia, 4 (2004, 2008, 2011, 2012)
  • Sweden, 2 (1958, 1996)
  • Switzerland, 2 (1986, 2021)
  • Turkey, 4 (1975, 1978, 1985, 1988)
  • Ukraine, 2 (2007, 2016)
  • United Kingdom, 3 (1961, 1962, 1981)
  • (18 winners; hoping my math is right!)

See you again on January 1! And remember, people: Fuck the EBU.