Tag Archives: eurovision

I was bored and asked Google AI mode three questions about myself

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Disclaimer: I seldom use any sort of AI chatbots for any purpose and I really miss the era when every text that you could find anywhere was actually written by humans. But I was bored as fuck today so I decided, why not?

First question: “who is cookiefonster’s favorite homestuck character”

Based on his extensive blog series “Cookie Fonster Dissects Homestuck” and subsequent reflections, Cookie Fonster has expressed a strong affinity for several characters, often noting their specific contributions to the narrative. While he doesn’t explicitly name a single “absolute favorite” across all posts, his commentary highlights several top contenders:

  • Dave Strider: Cookie Fonster has explicitly called Dave the “best character” and frequently praises his arc, particularly his relationship with his brother and his “ironic” humor.
  • Jasprosesprite^2: He describes her as a “really fun character” and notes that her lengthy conversations are a “complete laugh riot,” bringing much-needed energy to the story’s later stages.
  • Caliborn: In his deeper dissections, he admits to loving the way Caliborn “works around his subpar intelligence to accomplish anything he wants to,” often finding his chaotic presence entertaining.
  • Roxy Lalonde: He notes her importance as a “fan favorite” and discusses her “ambiguous flirting” and strong friendships with the other kids in a highly positive light. 

Throughout his “commentary” and “reflections” series, he also frequently focuses on Karkat Vantas and Rose Lalonde, often celebrating their complex emotional beats and leadership struggles. Are you looking for his thoughts on a specific part of the comic, like Act 6 or the Epilogues?

I mean, okay… this is a decent enough analysis but Google is kinda wild guessing here. I find it a bit odd that there’s no mention of John Egbert, a character I’ve often mentioned in my blog posts I particularly love. As for me calling Dave the best character in Homestuck, I guess I did going by a search on my blog, but that’s also kind of misleading. Here are all my Homestuck posts with the phrase “best character”:

  • Part 70: I mention the “best character” in Homestuck at the end, implicitly referring to Caliborn.
  • Part 71: I explicitly use the phrase in bold: “Caliborn is the best character in Homestuck.” How did Google miss that?
  • Part 81: I again refer to Caliborn as the best character.
  • Mini-post about Caliborn and Dirk: Ditto.
  • Part 4 rewritten: I refer to John as the best character other than Caliborn. Then I say “Dave uses Blogger just like me, which is why he’s the best character.” which a human reader could probably tell was meant in jest. But Google decided for some reason this proved that Dave is my favorite character in the comic.
  • Part 83: Yet again I explicitly refer to Caliborn as the best character. Google gave a reasonably accurate summary for why I like to call him the best character.
  • Part 7 rewritten: Ditto, but you’d only know the “best character” refers to Caliborn if you’ve read my other posts.
  • Part 84: Ditto.
  • Analysis of vfromhomestuck’s tweets: Uh, ditto?

I will give Google this: it was right that I love many different characters in Homestuck for many reasons. That’s true for every work of media I love, really. I don’t know if I can choose just one favorite character, but I’m rather surprised Google mentioned Jasprosesprite^2 and not John.

Second question: “what is cookiefonster’s favorite eurovision song ever”

Cookie Fonster has identified several songs as top contenders for his favorite, often shifting his top pick based on when he is writing or which era of the contest he is reviewing. 

As of his most recent “all-time” updates in 2024 and 2025, his primary favorites include:

  • “Dancing Lasha Tumbai” (Ukraine 2007): In April 2024, he explicitly stated that, “At the moment, I’d say my all-time favorite Eurovision song is ‘Dancing Lasha Tumbai’”.
  • “Ding-a-Dong” (Netherlands 1975): He has frequently called this his potential “favorite Eurovision song of all time”. He describes it as the song that truly “hooked” him on the contest and says he is “unreasonably obsessed” with it.
  • “Poupée de cire, poupée de son” (Luxembourg 1965): He refers to this as one of his “all-time favorite Eurovision songs” and a significant influence on the contest’s shift toward pop music.
  • “Europapa” (Netherlands 2024): While he hesitated to name it #1 immediately due to “recency bias,” he admitted to being “extremely addicted” to it and noted it might eventually take the top spot. 

In his deep dives into specific countries, he has also highlighted “La dolce vita” (Finland 1989) as his favorite entry of the 1980s and “C’est le dernier qui a parlé qui a raison” (France 1991) as a “masterpiece”. 

Are you interested in his rankings for a specific decade, such as his favorite entries from the 1970s?

This, on the other hand, is spot-on. I don’t love “Ding-a-Dong” quite as much as I used to but yes, it was indeed my gateway drug to early Eurovision. Well done, Google!

Third question: “is cookiefonster gay”

Cookie Fonster has described his sexual orientation in varying ways over the years, reflecting a personal journey of self-discovery:

  • Aromantic (Formerly): In 2019, he stated that he was “firmly convinced” he was aromantic.
  • “Not Aromantic” / “Picky”: By 2024, he updated his stance, explicitly saying, “I am not actually aromantic. I’m just picky”.
  • Privacy: When asked for further elaboration on his identity in late 2024, he replied that he “would rather not elaborate on this publicly”. 

While he frequently discusses LGBTQ+ themes in his Eurovision reviews—identifying “undercover gay anthems” or critiquing “surprise gay kiss” gimmicks—he generally focuses on the music and performance rather than his own personal identity. 

It is important to note that he is a distinct person from other public figures with similar names, such as Sawyer Hemsley (co-founder of Crumbl Cookies), who publicly came out as gay in August 2025. 

Would you like to see his reviews of Eurovision songs with LGBTQ+ themes, like his analysis of “Marry Me” or “This Is My Life”?

I probably mentioned somewhere on my blog that I am heterosexual which is still true. Even during the time I claimed to be aromantic, I still considered myself straight. The bullet points about me updating my stance are from this Homestuck post.

So it’s weird that Google didn’t give a straight (no pun intended) answer to my question. Also, the bullet point about privacy is a nonsensical AI hallucination. In reality, when I said on my blog that “I would rather not elaborate on this publicly”, I was replying to a commenter asking why I had a falling out with someone I went to Eurovision 2024 with, because I like to keep that sort of stuff private. Nothing to do with my identity.

Also, who the fuck is Sawyer Hemsley and why is he relevant to this answer? And since when was there anything LGBT-related in the two Eurovision songs titled “This Is My Life”? (“Marry Me” is the one with the lesbian kiss at the end, so yeah, that one is pretty gay.)

My plans for posts about Eurovision 2026

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Hi everyone, I haven’t posted on this blog in a little while! I just wanted to give you an update on how I plan to cover Eurovision 2026 on my blog.

I’ve decided after a lot of thinking that I will in fact watch Eurovision 2026. There are already quite a few great songs selected and I just won’t be able to resist watching them live, plus it’ll be a fun thing to do with online friends (and maybe some family members on the final if I can convince them). I cannot say I’m excited for the next Eurovision because of the elephant in the room, but I do still want to watch it live and try to enjoy it as much as I can. The one thing I’m not sure about is whether I will vote in this year’s contest, because as a rest of the world voter I’m pretty sure my money would go to directly to the EBU. I’ll see how I feel when the show happens.

My plan is to release four blog posts about Eurovision 2026. They’re as follows:

The first post will be a discussion on the German national final for the year. I won’t actually be watching the German selection live this year, because it’s on the same day as Finland’s selection which is a fest of bangers, not a fest of dull radio pop. But writing a blog post about the German selection has become a tradition for me so I intend to continue that. As with the 2024 selection, I’m really disappointed the song lineup is so bland and has so few songs in German, so I’m preemptively disappointed for whatever my country will send.

Now for the second post: I’ve been watching lots of national finals this season, but I won’t make any posts reviewing a full national final this year. Instead, in March I’ll write a post listing a few hidden gems from national finals that didn’t make it to Eurovision.

And finally, after I watch Eurovision 2026 live, you should expect a pair of posts reviewing the show after the week is over. Rest assured, it’ll include plenty of ranting about what incompetent fuckbags the EBU are. But it should also include some of my usual analysis of what makes a song great.

ESC250 2025: My predictions and analysis of the results

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Happy new year, everyone! It’s still 2025 in Ohio as I’m writing this post, but not for much longer. I’ve decided to send off my blogging about Eurovision (for now) with something fun: an analysis of the results of the annual fan vote ESC250, specifically those for the entries of Basel 2025. The results were streamed on a French radio station on December 31, then once the stream ended the full results were published. Here are my votes with the position each song ended up in:

Here are my predictions of how high each entry would score:

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Eurovision Side Post: Changes to My List of Winners (end of 2025 edition)

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To any Eurofans reading my blog: this will be my second last Eurovision-related blog post for the time being. My last will be an analysis of the ESC250 2025 results on New Year’s Day, since I made a list of predictions of where each 2025 entry will land in the ESC250 and want to see how right I was. After that, I probably won’t blog about Eurovision (not even about past contests) until the 2026 contest happens. I’m not sure yet if I will review Eurovision 2026 or not; I’ll see how I feel in May.

Anyway, it’s time for some updates to my list of winners of each Eurovision year! My latest version of the winners list was on my 1974 re-review. Most of these updates I was gonna save for my re-reviews of each year, but I’ve decided to put those posts on hiatus.

In my 1975 round 2 review, I was going to surprise you guys by changing my winner to Turkey, Seninle Bir Dakika. I did start writing that post and here’s a snippet of what I said about my old winner, “Ding-a-Dong”: Now, I’m afraid, I’ve gotten a little tired of this song. Don’t get me wrong, I still like it, but I’ve overdosed on it so much that it doesn’t have quite the magic it used to. I’ve even had to demote it all the way from a 10/10 to an 8. Still, I think this song was absolutely the right winner this year, because it leaves a stellar first impression and that’s exactly what’s needed to do well in Eurovision. Turkey’s entry, on the other hand? Now that has massively grown on me and I curse the juries for giving it last place. That’s not how you treat a Eurovision newcomer! This song is a truly gorgeous minor key ballad whose singer gives an emotional, passionate performance.

Next up is another retcon to Turkey, and it has to do with my 8-bit cover project on YouTube (which I am still doing). When searching for entries from 1985 to cover, I realized that “Didai Didai Dai” would be absolutely perfect for an 8-bit cover, since it’s got a really nice funky beat that reminds me of Mario music. Soon after, I decided my winner of the year would be “La det swinge” no longer, but Turkey, Didai Didai Dai. It helps that MFÖ are such likable performers!

Speaking of MFÖ, my winner of 1988 is now Turkey, Sufi. For 1988 it was a real challenge picking a song to 8-bit cover, because I really don’t like most entries that year. But then I stumbled upon the studio version of “Sufi”, and what a banger it is! It’s much better than the orchestra version and once again has a cool funky 80’s beat. Now I can say that 1988 at least has one song worth listening to. Sorry, Lara Fabian!

And speaking of my 8-bit covers, I’ve changed my winner of 1992 to Finland, Yamma Yamma. Hey, don’t look at me funny—the song is catchy as hell! By Eurovision 1992 standards it’s a total banger. Not to say it’s the most amazing song in the world, but since 1992 is a notoriously weak year, I’d say it did not deserve last place.

My new winner of 1997 might surprise you. It was originally “Dinle”, then I temporarily changed it to “Sentiments songes” (whose singer Fanny Biascamano died of cancer a few days ago, 46 is much too young to die), and now I’m giving the honor to Poland, Ale jestem. It’s a song that took quite a while to grow on me, but now I utterly love the fuck out of it. It’s a mind-blowing composition that throws so many cool melodies and instruments all in the course of three minutes and is in close contention with “River” from 2022 with the best Polish entry.

And finally, let’s skip ahead to 2025. I know I had retconned my winner to “Bara bada bastu” not long ago, but now I’m changing it to what I should’ve chosen the whole time: Latvia, Bur man laimi. I’ll never forget how much the song knocked my socks off the first time I heard it, which was when I watched the Supernova semifinal, and I love it just as much today. It’s hard to think of a Eurovision song more “me” than this one. In a Discord server I asked people for fun which Eurovision entries they associate with me, and this was an answer that one person gave. Other answers I got included “Europapa”, “Alcohol Is Free”, “Funny Girl”, and “The Moon Is Rising”—the last of them because I frequently mention how much I hate it.

EDIT: Wait, I missed one. I’ll change my 1980 winner from “What’s Another Year” to Morocco, Bitaqat Hub because it’s such an awesome and unique Middle Eastern song. I also love that the lyrics are an earnest message about peace, in a way that doesn’t feel clichéd.

Alright guys, here’s my updated winner list:

  • Belgium, 3 (1957, 1976, 2003)
  • Bosnia and Herzegovina, 2 (2001, 2006)
  • Denmark, 2 (1963, 2000)
  • Finland, 6 (1974, 1983, 1989, 1992, 2010, 2023)
  • France, 3 (1977, 1990, 1991)
  • Germany, 5 (1956, 1968, 1979, 1982, 1999)
  • Greece, 1 (2013)
  • Hungary, 2 (2005, 2019)
  • Ireland, 2 (1970, 1994)
  • Israel, 1 (1987)
  • Italy, 1 (1964)
  • Latvia, 3 (2002, 2018, 2025)
  • Lithuania, 1 (2022)
  • Luxembourg, 3 (1965, 1972, 1973)
  • Moldova, 1 (2009)
  • Monaco, 1 (1960)
  • Morocco, 1 (1980)
  • Montenegro, 1 (2015)
  • Netherlands, 7 (1959, 1967, 1969, 1971, 1998, 2014, 2024)
  • North Macedonia, 1 (2020)
  • Norway, 3 (1966, 1993, 1995)
  • Poland, 1 (1997)
  • Portugal, 2 (1984, 2017)
  • Serbia, 4 (2004, 2008, 2011, 2012)
  • Sweden, 2 (1958, 1996)
  • Switzerland, 2 (1986, 2021)
  • Turkey, 4 (1975, 1978, 1985, 1988)
  • Ukraine, 2 (2007, 2016)
  • United Kingdom, 3 (1961, 1962, 1981)
  • (18 winners; hoping my math is right!)

See you again on January 1! And remember, people: Fuck the EBU.

My thoughts on the EBU’s decision on Israel participating in Eurovision 2026

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Fuck the EBU. Fuck the EBU. Fuck the EBU. Fuck the EBU. Fuck the EBU. Just imagine me repeatedly saying that a hundred times. Or more, if you like.

Today, the European Broadcasting Union made the immoral decision to allow Israel to participate in Eurovision 2026, even though that country is still bombing the shit out of Gaza, even though they manipulated the televote with some help from their government in both the past two contests, and even though four broadcasters (RTVE from Spain, AVROTROS from the Netherlands, RTÉ from Ireland, RTVSLO from Slovenia) said they would withdraw from the contest if Israel is allowed in. And these four countries did indeed quit the contest for 2026.

Muchas gracias, RTVE. Dank je wel, AVROTROS. Thank you and go raibh maith agat to RTÉ. And najlepša hvala to RTVSLO for being the first broadcaster to threaten to withdraw. You guys have so much more spine and integrity than the EBU. Fuck the EBU, by the way. Fuck the EBU. Israel’s broadcaster Kan are incredibly fucking selfish as well, to insist on participating in the contest despite how much of a shitshow it would be for everyone else.

I’m at a loss about this decision. It is so obviously wrong on so many levels to do this, and I am pissed off and disgusted at the EBU for doing this. Even if I had a full-time job that could pay for it, I will not go to Eurovision 2026. Not just because the EBU made an immoral decision, but also because I believe there will be a huge amount of protests against Israel participating in 2026, and I would not feel safe being surrounded by so many. I don’t think there will be quite as many protests as there were in Malmö 2024, since Malmö is such a Muslim-heavy city, but there will be a lot nonetheless. I felt very unsafe surrounded by all those protests when I went to Malmö and I’d much rather not go through a repeat of that in Vienna 2026. There would simply be no way to ignore the elephant in the room if I go to the next contest. I have no idea yet if I will even watch the show at all. Maybe I’ll just watch the songs and rank them on my own, and not engage with the Israeli entry at all.

Honestly I’m starting to question why I even went to the contest in 2024, when I knew ever since October 2023, when the war in Gaza began, that Israel participating would turn it into a massive shitshow. I don’t regret going there—I’m glad I got to see all the entries from that contest live (semifinal 1 in a rehearsal, semifinal 2 the live show), and I’m glad I got to meet and make a handful of friends there, except for one person I spent most of the trip with who was a complete asshole to me. I’m similarly glad I went to Eurovision 2025, which was a much happier experience for me, despite the show ending on an extremely sour note where the country that should’ve been banned almost won.

The EBU has such a fucking obvious double standard it’s unreal. Back in 2022, they were quick to ban Russia when only two broadcasters (ERR and Yle) outright said they would not participate if Russia is allowed in. To be fair, there were more that made it clear they felt Russia should not be allowed in, but still, the EBU has a big double standard and is willing to bend backwards to keep Israel participating even if it causes four other countries to leave the contest, probably because they’re scared that if they don’t do that they’ll be called antisemitic.

I’ll say it a few more times: Fuck the EBU. Fuck the EBU. Fuck the EBU. Fuck the EBU. Fuck the EBU. Fuck the EBU. Fuck the EBU. Fuck the EBU. Fuck the EBU.

Fuck the EBU.

Cookie Fonster Plows Once Again Through Eurovision 1974: The Year Hosted in My Birthplace

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Intro Post

< 1973 Review | 1974 Review | 1975 Review >

Introduction

Yes, I was actually born in Brighton, England, which is where Eurovision 1974 (the year of my dad’s birth) took place. But I do not consider myself British at all. My parents just happened to be spending a year abroad in England and returned to the United States when I was three months old, and I haven’t been back to the UK since.

Luxembourg had hosted and won Eurovision 1973, but unsurprisingly for such a small country, they refused to host Eurovision twice in a row. Spain who came second place also declined to host, so the EBU asked the ever-eager BBC to hold their horses as they looked for other countries who could do it. Israel’s IBA offered to do it, as did the BBC’s rival broadcaster ITV, but the IBA lagged behind many European broadcasters in technology, and ITV participating meant the BBC wouldn’t be able to. So the BBC bidded to host after all, and after getting the offer they chose to put on the show in the Brighton Dome. The arena normally had 2100 seats, but half of them had to be temporarily removed to make way for commentator booths and other equipment, which means this is another show with a rather small audience.

As with the previous contest, 17 countries took part this year, but we have a little swap-out. Greece made their debut whereas France dropped out because of their president Georges Pompidou’s sudden death. This year has a mythic place in Eurovision lore because it has a lot of songs that tie in with real-world events in some way, not to mention two very big names: Olivia Newton-John representing the UK, and the winners, ABBA from Sweden. But what I’m interested in is, do the songs this year hold up? We’re about to find out together.

Before I dive into the songs, there are some clever details in this year’s production I’d like to point out. For one thing, I like that the producers picked one good-looking font and used it throughout the show. The font is called Optima Bold and looks remarkably timeless. It fits well in a 1970’s show and wouldn’t be out of place in something produced in 2025 either. The logo for this year’s contest is also timeless and cleverly designed: a bird holding a microphone circled by the text “EUROVISION SONG CONTEST 1974”. The postcards are fabulous too: first they show a bit of the participating country, then footage from the contestant’s rehearsal, and finally them having a good time exploring Brighton. They cram a lot of material into 40-ish seconds and do it really well.

Did I forget anything? Oh right… Katie Boyle hosted this contest, making it her fourth and final time presenting Eurovision. She still holds the record for most times having hosted Eurovision; the only other people who have hosted multiple contests are Jacqueline Joubert (1959, 1961) and Petra Mede (2013, 2016, 2024). Unfortunately, this time around Katie looks like she’s afraid something disastrous will happen throughout the show. If you read up a little bit on this contest, you’ll know why that is: it’s because she wasn’t wearing underwear beneath her dress. I watched the show with British commentary done by David Vine.

And one more thing: the voting system got reverted to “each jury has 10 members who can give a point to one song each” for one last time. Surprisingly, no country scored zero points this year. Instead, four countries tied for last place with three points each: Norway, Germany, Switzerland, and Portugal.

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Cookie Fonster Recounts Eurovision 1973 Again: The Year Where Fans Fixed the Audio

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Intro Post

< 1972 Review | 1973 Review | 1974 Review >

Introduction

Vicky Leandros’ victory brought Eurovision to Luxembourg for the third of four times. This time, the show took place in the Grand Théâtre de Luxembourg, which has 943 seats in the main theatre and 400 in the studio. That is a tiny audience by modern standards, the kind you might see in a smaller country’s national final. I think this gives the show an intimate feel, compared to those with grandiose arenas such as 1968 in the Royal Albert Hall. This intimate feel is further helped by the orchestra surrounding the performers in a circle, which I think looks just plain awesome. Unfortunately the show has no postcards this year. We only get a picture of each singer taken during a rehearsal with their name on the bottom to introduce each song, and they often have unflattering expressions.

Eurovision 1973 is a year of many firsts. It was the first year to have at least one female conductor (for Sweden and Israel), the first that explicitly let countries sing in any language they wanted, the first where at least one song used a backing track (“Power to All Our Friends” from the UK), and the first year where Israel participated. Austria and Malta from last year skipped this contest, meaning it had a total of 17 participating countries. Because this was Israel’s first time participating and came just a year after the horrific Munich massacre, the contest had extreme security measures in place, especially for the Israeli delegation. According to Swedish conductor Monica Dominique, two men with machine guns guarded both sides of the stage throughout the television broadcast.

The intro to the show is pretty simple: an opening film with little clips of the contestants set to an orchestration of “Après toi”, a glimpse at Vicky and Leo Leandros in the audience, then the presenter Helga Guitton introducing the show in French and English with a pinch of German and a few words in Luxembourgish. I watched the show with German commentary uploaded to YouTube just a few weeks ago, but I made sure to check out the versions of each song with strings created by awuga. The orchestra had major sound issues this year which caused the strings to be mostly inaudible on TV, although when I first watched the year I just thought the orchestra was brassier than usual.

The top three of this year are all quite iconic: Cliff Richard with “Power to All My Friends” at third place, a very famous Spanish song called “Eres tú” at second, and the winner was Luxembourg with “Tu te reconnaîtras”—the second of five times the host country won.

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Cookie Fonster Relistens to Eurovision 1972: Vicky Gets Her Revenge

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Intro Post

< 1971 Review | 1972 Review | 1973 Review >

Sorry this post took so long! I got sidetracked by other projects, that’s all. It’s quite exciting to see Romania and Bulgaria return after multi-year breaks to Eurovision 2026—let’s hope they send honest efforts and not flops. But I’m still very much worried about the elephant in the room that is Israel’s participation. I still firmly believe that country should be banned from 2026. It’s pretty clear that the EBU is trying to procrastinate dealing with this issue as long as possible. We’ll see what happens, I suppose. I don’t see any of the countries that said they would boycott the contest if Israel participates backing down from this position, especially not the Netherlands who are a huge financial contributor, because AVROTROS has been more stubborn than any other broadcaster regarding Eurovision ever since the Joost Klein incident, and for very good reason.

Unfortunately I probably won’t go to Vienna for Eurovision 2026, unless maybe I get a high-paying job very soon and get lucky regarding vacation days. Even then, it would be much wiser to save up money for later trips. I need a new job very badly, but even if I do have one I might need to watch next Eurovision from home.

Introduction

After having won Eurovision 1971, the tiny country of Monaco originally wanted to host the next Eurovision contest, but the country had no concert hall or TV studio big enough to host the show. The second and third place countries, Spain and Germany, both declined to host, so the BBC stepped in and offered to stage the event in either Blackpool or Edinburgh. In the end, Edinburgh had the honor of hosting the event, making this the first Eurovision in Scotland, and the only Eurovision hosted in a part of the UK other than England. The show took place in the Usher Hall, which has a modest 2200 seats. You won’t hear much of a Scottish accent from the presenter, Moira Shearer—her accent is total Received Pronunciation (RP), just as much as our good pal Katie Boyle.

This year had the same 18 participating countries as 1971, and the same 1-5 star voting system as well. The winner was Luxembourg with the iconic song “Après toi”, the UK scored yet another second place, and Germany scored a third place two years in a row although they still had yet to win. In last place came Malta for two years in a row, which led them to skip the next two years.

Last time I watched the contest with German commentary, but this time with British commentary done by Tom Fleming. He begins the show narrating the history of Scotland as though he’s a movie narrator. The orchestra plays an arrangement of “Un banc, un arbre, une rue” in homage to Monaco as the camera pans down to the audience, all dressed in fancy suits but with a little splash of color. Then Moira Shearer enters this year’s glamorous stage and gives the usual efficient British-style introduction to the show in English and French. Sadly the show doesn’t have postcards this year, but it does have cute little photos of each competing artist on the big screen before each song begins.

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Cookie Fonster Picks Apart Eurovision 1971 Again: A Duet That Slowly Won Me Over

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Intro Post

< 1970 Review | 1971 Review | 1972 Review >

Introduction

There are some Eurovision years I’m passionate about and am looking forward to reviewing again. But before I reach them, I need to get through some of the contest’s dullest years, such as Eurovision 1971. I remember it not being a terrible year, just one with no songs I’m passionate about. This year was the first of seven to be hosted in Ireland; it took place at the Gaitey Theatre and was hosted by Bernadette Ní Ghallchóir. This production was a huge undertaking for RTÉ at the time, but the Irish have always known how to put on a good Eurovision show.

All the countries that skipped 1969 or 1970—Austria, Finland, Norway, Portugal, and Sweden—returned this year, and the island country of Malta made their debut, though they weren’t successful in their first few years. This made for a total of 18 participating countries. The winner was Monaco for the first and only time, then in second place came Spain and Germany in third. The newcomer Malta landed at the bottom both this year and the next year, which discouraged them from further participation for the next two decades.

I’ll paste my description of the voting system from round 1: This contest completely redid the voting system, presumably to appease the countries that were mad about the four-way tie two years ago. This time, every country had a pair of jury members (older and younger than 25 years respectively), who each gave songs 1 to 5 points, and the points were all added up so that every country got no less than 34 points. I think that’s a cumbersome system with the obvious hole that a country could vote others low so that they’d comparatively score higher, but somehow it was in place for three years in a row. Plus, rating anything numerically is dumb because number ratings mean different things to different people. I’m also not a fan of this voting system because it means far fewer juries decide how many points each song gets, but I get why it was done: to make the voting more transparent and assuage the unhappy countries. It was temporary anyway.

The show opens with an opening film of a man riding a horse-drawn carriage through the streets of Ireland and welcoming the guests to the Gaitey Theatre. It’s a tiny venue with a capacity of only 1145 seats, which I suppose was the best Ireland had at the time. Then the presenter introduces the show in Irish, French, and English, and the songs kick off. I love the pattern of the hosts introducing the show in Irish each time the show came to Ireland, and I hope it continues should Ireland win again. When speaking English, Bernadette sounded like she was trying to hide her Irish accent, but it slipped through a fair amount anyway. This year had postcards similar to last year: once more tours of each participating country. This time, the producers didn’t cheat and film four different postcards in Paris.

Last time I said I watched the contest with Austrian commentary, but it seems in retrospect it was a mix of Austrian and German. The YouTube upload I used this time is listed as having entirely German commentary, and I’ll trust that.

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Cookie Fonster Dives Back into Eurovision 1970: The Year with Female Terry Wogan

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Intro Post

< 1969 Review | 1970 Review | 1971 Review >

Introduction

After Lenny Kuhr won Eurovision 1969 in a completely deserved landslide, her home country of the Netherlands hosted Eurovision 1970 in its capital city of Amsterdam… wait, why are there only twelve countries? Were some of them mad about something that happened last Eurovision? Oh right, there were four winners that year due to a tie, and several countries were so pissed about the result that they dropped out of the next contest. Norway, Sweden, and Finland up north all dropped out, Austria had originally planned to return in 1970 but joined the Nordic boycott, and Portugal skipped too but still organized Festival da Canção that year. Clearly the Portuguese just loved that annual festival too much.

Out of the four winners of 1969, one of them had to be chosen to host the show. Spain and the UK, as the hosts of the last two years, were out of the running, so a random draw was held between France and the Netherlands. This meant that the Dutch broadcaster NOS put on the show this year, which conveniently matches my headcanon that Lenny Kuhr is the rightful winner of 1969.

The opening film starts with a series of graphics captions with text welcoming the audience to Eurovision 1970 in Dutch, English, and French. It’s set to some eccentric dissonant music, which I feel is more of what the 1969 interval act should have been, because it’s weird and surreal but still sounds like music, then stops being dissonant as it progresses. We get a view out of a plane, some exploration of canals and cyclists and all that fun Dutch stuff. I have a soft spot for those old touristy opening films, they just make me feel good.

After the opening act concludes, the presenter Willy Dobbe gives an introduction so absurdly short (just saying “welcome to Eurovision 1970 in Amsterdam” in French, English, and Dutch) that it almost feels a little rude, but maybe that’s just my perception. Immediately after her introduction begins, we get the postcard for the first entry. Since this contest had only 12 countries participating, to fill the time we get little opening films called postcards to introduce each singer. Eurovision in the 1970’s and early 80’s would feature postcards on and off, then every year from 1984 onwards used those things in many different formats. I love Eurovision postcards and even once did a blog post ranking them all up to 2024.

I always thought this contest was only archived with Irish commentary, but the Dutch commentary is on YouTube as well. I’m still watching with Irish commentary though, because I remember the RTÉ commentator Valerie McGovern being absolutely hilarious, and because I don’t speak Dutch. She is the “female Terry Wogan” referred to in this post’s title. It’s a shame this is the only year she ever commentated Eurovision, but she was lucky to have commentated when her country won. While 1968 and 1969 are fully available in color, the archived broadcast of this year has a few sections in grayscale. I wonder if the majority of this broadcast being in color would make the grayscale portions easier to colorize?

Oh yeah, this year is the first of seven times Ireland won Eurovision. They won with 32 points, the UK came second with 26, and Germany third with 12 points—all three were women singing cutesy upbeat songs. There was one zero-pointer, Luxembourg with a song I remember nothing about.

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