Cookie Fonster Says Stuff About His Homestuck Commentary 5: Holding Off Posts, Probably

So Homestuck, the comic I’ve been blogging about for nearly half a year now, just resumed. And when I saw the news, I got super hyped to read it; heart beating, fingers twitching, loads of energy within my body that can only be released through running and jumping around. It sounds like a story of a guy preparing for the BIG GAME (it’s sports) rather than a random dude finding that the famed webcomic he’s overly invested in has updated after 8 months of pause, but that’s exactly what I felt like.

Lots of thoughts are running through my head about everything that went down in the new update. So many that I feel that working on my Homestuck post series during that time will interfere with those thoughts. During that time period I’ll mostly hold off posts to collect thoughts.

According to the news post the final updates are as follows:

3/28-4/2: 125 pages of updates

4/3-4/5: no updates

4/6: End of Act 6 animation(s)

4/7-4/13: 40 pages of updates, last one is the entirety of Act 7, the final act

So here’s my tentative plan. Unless I feel like making these posts again during the updates (which is entirely possible given how much I’ve failed to stick to plans with this post series), the series will progress as follows. Next post will be April 5, with the pause before the EoA6 update to write most of it. Although there’s no guarantee that’ll happen, the extra time might, and I say might, make the next post be super-length. Next post after that will be a bit after the 13th, then back to posts everfy five days. Maybe I’ll also write posts about the final stretch of updates during/after it’s all posted.

Like I said, I’m posting my reactions to the updates on my Tumblr. So if you want to keep up with my ramblings about that weird anime with those gray horoscope aliens during the final stretch of updates, go there. 

Cookie Fonster Says Stuff About His Homestuck Commentary 4: After the Comic Resumes

So I was browsing the various Homestuck discussion boards and stumbled upon this Reddit post, which leaked news from one of the author’s friends that the comic is already finished, it would resume very soon, and end next April 13, its seventh anniversary. Previously readers were led to believe it would resume April 13 by extrapolating from the following values: on February 1, 2016, the end of Act 6 was 30% finished, and on March 7, the end of Act 6 was 65% finished, placing the completion date and by association the time the comic resumes nicely at April 13. But seeing the news that it’ll resume probably in late March is quite a shock. I was prepared to make this post about the blog after the comic resumes a few days before the comic’s birthday, but now I guess I should make that post right now.

On April 13—previously the presumed resume date and now the designated end date of Homestuck—my post series should be around page 5500. That’s a good ways into the section of Act 5 Act 2 known as Murderstuck, and not far from the Doc Scratch intermission. I guess this means that the portion between where I am now and roughly page 5500 will be the portion I’m commenting on during the comic’s final stretch of updates. I was kind of hoping to comment on more stuff during that time, but I’m sure I’ll have interesting stuff to say during those two weeks or so.

What’s good about this whole thing is that much of my commentary posted before the comic resumed will probably be funny in hindsight, maybe with some on-the-dot accurate predictions, maybe with some predictions that were completely different from what really happens. After the point I’ll be at when Homestuck has its grand finale, my post series will go as I originally wanted it to be: done after the comic is complete and all plot threads are resolved. I was kind of hoping to be further through my post series at that point but whatever. Though it would have been cool to do this whole project after Homestuck is over, it’s fun in hindsight to see what I thought might happen after the comic resumes.

Something else: I plan on blogging my reaction to the final updates as they are posted as many readers do, most likely on my Tumblr blog. I posted my reaction online for parts of the previous stretch of updates but not the whole thing, largely out of laziness.

Also, happy Easter everyone.

Cookie Fonster’s Homestuck Commentary Part 43: The Evil Juggalo Nightmare


Part 42 | Part 43 | Part 44 >

Act 5 Act 2, Part 16 of 32

Pages 3321-3359 (MSPA: 5221-5259)

NOTE: Sorry the post’s two days late. So much for spring break giving me a faster schedule.

Up next is another walkaround, similar to Alterniabound but with a somewhat different, more worrisome tone. If you take a moment to examine the items scattered across the floor, there’s so much dramatic irony (thinking Vriska is harmless and Tavros is alive and well) and worries as to where everyone is, especially Gamzee.

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"The Why of Fry" Reminds Me of Homestuck (and to a lesser extent Phineas and Ferb)

Top: foreshadowing.
Bottom: also foreshadowing.

For the past month or so I’ve been watching all episodes of Futurama in order. And I have to say, it’s one of my favorite shows. It turned out that there’s A LOT more episodes I hadn’t already seen than I thought. The Luck of the Fryrish made me tear up and is my favorite episode so far, Jurassic Bark was FUCKING SAD, and The Why of Fry is also really memorable because it heavily reminds me of the story webcomic Homestuck with its stable time loops and revelations of characters’ involvement in past events. Here I’ll go over these similarities because they really are pretty striking.

“You are the chosen one!”

At the start of the episode, Fry feels like a useless tool, with his crewmates accomplishing more than usual without him at their side. But then the mysterious little pet alien Nibbler takes Fry to his home planet where he learns that he is the most important man in the universe because he has brain attack immunities that arise from him being his own grandfather. Being the “chosen one” is also a theme in Homestuck; all of the major characters would be considered chosen ones. Out of the whole population of Earth, four nerdy teenagers are given the quest of creating a universe in the guise of a new video game. John, the protagonist of Homestuck, is also in a sense his own grandfather (having created all the guardians who in turn were cloned to create the four kids), but unlike Fry, who FREAKED THE FUCK OUT when he realized this fact, he took that revelation pretty lightly, merely thinking it’s a little strange.

But wait, it gets better, a lot better.

“That was a (Nibbler/Vriska) thing!”

We later learn that Nibbler was behind Fry getting frozen a thousand years in the future, an iconic event that at first seemed like a pure accident. This instantly reminded me of how Vriska in Homestuck loves involving herself in important plot events, such as Jade constantly falling asleep, Bec the omnipotent dog getting created, and Jack Noir turning into an omnipotent dog. The first two of those events are especially noteworthy because at first we didn’t know Vriska was behind those, just like we didn’t know Nibbler was behind Fry getting frozen.

This isn’t all Nibbler was behind. It turns out he did the I.C. Wiener “prank call” that led Fry to the cryogenics building. I have to say, that was a BRILLIANT plot twist which I previously did not know of at all. This further supports the whole idea that Nibbler is Vriska. I don’t mean he literally is Vriska, just that they have a lot in common.

Nibbler and Vriska are both pretty strongly foreshadowed as shown in the picture at the beginning top of this post. Nibbler is literally foreshadowed when his shadow appears as Fry is about to get frozen in the first episode. The title card page of Homestuck (which is 82 pages in) has the sun symbol that Vriska wears on her god tier outfit, which the author stated retroactively foreshadows her. Some argue retroactive foreshadowing doesn’t count but it’s close enough for me.

Going on, when we get a closer look at what went on when Fry was frozen, we see that future Fry went back in time in an attempt to catch Nibbler and stop this moment. He finds Nibbler under the table, argues with him about whether to freeze his past self, and as it turns out, he (not Nibbler as suggested earlier in the episode) blows on the chair at the last second, causing it to tip and his past self to fall in the tube as we saw, effectively not changing the past. Being unable to change the past is very much a thing in Homestuck (with a few exceptions), as are stable time loops.

“Nobody can know this useful information!”

Towards the end of the episode, Nibbler takes Fry back to Earth and wipes his memories of this whole experience. This is yet another thing that reminds me of Homestuck. In Homestuck it’s sort of a recurring theme that characters refuse to share useful information they know. For instance, Jade always hid her knowledge of the future from John, apparently because doing so would mess up the timeline, but I STILL don’t see the harm in telling him. Likewise, Nibbler pretends to be an adorable mindless little creature rather than the almighty universe maintainer he is.

This part also reminds me of Phineas and Ferb, a show I used to watch pretty often. Perry the Platypus has a similar thing going on to Nibbler: for some reason he can’t let the kids know that he’s a secret agent. The movie “Across the 2nd Dimension” explores what would happen if the kids found out (and like The Why of Fry, ends with the kids’ memories being erased); although I’m sure the movie makes it clear why the kids can’t know that Perry is a secret agent and I remember pretty well how the movie goes, I can’t remember why exactly they that fact has to be a secret.

Cookie Fonster’s Homestuck Commentary Part 42: Password Weirdness and Frog Breeding


Part 41 | Part 42 | Part 43 >

Act 5 Act 2, Part 15 of 32

Pages 3297-3320 (MSPA: 5197-5220)

Fitting that post number 42 (the answer to the Ultimate Question) is where we finally get an answer to a very fundamental question in Homestuck: how exactly universes are made.

First here is a flash, titled [S] Wake, that I could’ve ended last post with but didn’t. I’m not sure if it’s more thematically appropriate to end a post with the start of Murderstuck or start a post with it. Last post was getting long so I stuck with the latter.

If there’s anything about Homestuck the average person is likely to know, it’s the story behind the song Megalovania (a version of which is used in this flash). There’s really no reason to rehash it all over again, nor is there any reason to point out for the ten millionth time how funny it is that so many people got into Homestuck through the iconic Undertale song.

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Cookie Fonster’s Homestuck Commentary Part 41: Jade’s Adventures in Dumbtimeloopland


Part 40 | Part 41 | Part 42 >

Act 5 Act 2, Part 14 of 32

Pages 3250-3294 (MSPA: 5150-5196)

NOTE: Next week is spring break, so the next two (possibly the next three) posts will be posted at a faster rate than usual: on March 15, 18, and possibly 21 respectively. Never mind, that’s a really time-crunchy schedule. Let’s just say the next three posts will each be posted at most five days after the previous.

Hilarious every time.

Back from where we left off, Jade answers Karkat and talks about her sprite. Speaking of which, here’s another pattern Jade breaks that I should’ve mentioned last post: (21) her sprite is not a long-lived entity.

GG: i made the mistake of prototyping my dream self who has been dead for years 
GG: and shes completely crazy and theres no talking any sense into her 
GG: hmm? 
CG: YES. “HMM.” 
GG: hmm what 

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Cookie Fonster’s Homestuck Commentary Part 40 (Recap 3 Annotations)

(back to main post)

Here are my comments on Recap 3 of Homestuck. It’s pretty long so I’ve decided to put it in a separate post. Are you ready for lots of words? If so, then here we go.

  • The recap doesn’t dwell much on the events of Hivebent; it just says a whole bunch of stuff happened and the trolls created the kids’ universe but had their entry to it cut short. Then it goes straight to recapping Act 5 Act 2 so far. This is notable because it kind of acknowledges that much of the trolls’ arc isn’t too relevant to the greater story line; I discussed this in more detail in post number 27.
  • After the first paragraph, the recap first lists events from Karkat’s perspective, then John’s, then Rose’s, then Dave’s, then Jade’s. I suppose it’s the most convenient way to list a huge array of events that went down in Act 5 so far.
  • The scratch is referred to as a “spacetime rift” that “forced [Jack] into the trolls’ session”. More scratch red herring stuff I guess. Later, Doc Scratch outright states that the scratch is not a rift used to banish Jack; another one of those “making false theories explicitly wrong” moments.
  • The section about Karkat’s perspective makes much reference to events back in Acts 3 and 4, which I guess is for the sake of reminding people of the order of the trolls’ events.
  • John is stated to be “oblivious to the true nature of [Vriska’s] schemes”. What is the true nature of her schemes? I guess as the point talked about at this point he is oblivious, but later Vriska makes it clear that it’s for self-aggrandization, involving herself in a boy’s path to heroism, and everything else for that matter.
  • I’ve mentioned several times that it’s a bit fuzzy whether John almost prototyped the blue doll because of its missing eye and arm or just removed its eye and arm. The recap seems to point to the former idea, saying that he “resolve[d] to prototype with the blue doll, missing an arm and eye, to deliberately disable Jack”.
  • Rose’s study of the Green Sun leads to a subsection on Doc Scratch and Lord English, talking about events in the trolls’ arc like Scratch making Vriska kill Aradia and himself being used to blow off Vriska’s arm. This shows that the trolls’ arc isn’t entirely irrelevant; the first paragraph just gives the gist of it and its ultimate purpose, and later parts I guess recap it further.
  • Terezi helping Dave is stated to be “in part due to her rivalry with Vriska”, which I guess answers the question of whether the Terezi-Vriska competition is just one-sided Vriska misconceptions.
  • Terezi is stated to heave led Dave into a pot of soup only because it “needed to happen on his timeline”. I don’t think that was stated when I read that part, though I could be forgetting stuff. In Act 4 Terezi said to John that she wanted to see what happens if she tries messing with the timeline even though they say you can’t mess with the timeline, so it’s a bit weird that now she’s apparently just following through stuff.
  • It’s stated that Terezi and Vriska are “partaking in a dangerous game of rivalry fueled flirtation”. Is it supposed to be flirtation with each other or with the kids?
  • Dave’s section of the recap does a decent job clarifying stuff about the order of events in his timeline. I’ve seen multiple attempts to sort all pages in chronological order from each of the characters’ perspectives, and there are pretty clearly some hard or ambiguous parts. The recaps probably help with that.
  • Apparently Jade couldn’t remove her entry item blindfold, which serves as evidence that maybe it does have first guardian properties or something? I’m not sure.
  • Finally, Hussie is apparently the second most important character in Homestuck. Even though he’s kind of a joke character, he’s involved in Caliborn’s rise to power, just like Gamzee, his rival in supposed importance.

I didn’t give these extensive comments on the first two recaps, though look at how long this bullet list is. Make of that what you will.

Cookie Fonster’s Homestuck Commentary Part 40: The Miracle of a New Beginning


Part 39 | Part 40 | Part 41 >

Act 5 Act 2, Part 13 of 32

Pages 3192-3249 (MSPA: 5096-5149)

Jade tries out her Christmas presents, continuing the Christmas special theme, I guess like the episode following the Christmas special.

First off, Jade shows us what John and Rose are up to. I really like how both pictures above show some future knowledge device showing Jade with her spectagoggles, signifying that pretty much everyone now has some way of knowing future stuff. The narration says “You wonder why…” or “You wonder what…” a lot of times, which I think signifies that knowledge of the future does not equate with omniscience.

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Cookie Fonster’s Homestuck Commentary Part 39: the CRISMATS SPECAIL


Part 38 | Part 39 | Part 40 >

Act 5 Act 2, Part 12 of 32

Pages 3133-3195 (MSPA: 5033-5095)


WV, thinking John is dead, tries to escape his command station but the door jams because the station is out of fuel.

Of course you still have your secret treasure, but it will almost certainly prove to be of no use to you in this dilemma whatsoever. It clearly serves no significant purpose other than to be pretty, and to make your hand glowy.

Sure, whatever you say, Mr. Narrator! Some time later in the exile arc, we learn about plans for dealing with Jack Noir where it’s made clear that the ring will be used for stuff. With that in mind, PM being the final wearer of the ring is quite the plot twist.

Oh yeah, there’s another thing you forgot about! You ate that delicious green nuclear rock earlier in the day, even though it feels like it was more than a year ago.

Here’s something Homestuck occasionally does: linking to earlier pages in order to remind people of things they might have forgotten about. I think this probably should be done more often; for example, I’ve seen people reading Homestuck completely forget about the time Karkat told past Jade her robot will blow up when it is referenced several times later. In this case it’s a reminder of the Chekhov’s uranium. The “more than a year ago” bit is another one of those things that made the most sense to serial readers. But I guess that could make sense to archival readers (most especially those reading at a slow pace) given that as the link reminds us, the uranium was eaten over two thousand pages ago.

Ugh, there he goes again, bothering you. He is so impatient. Doesn’t he realize how time consuming it is preparing for the holidays? He’s just going to have to hold his stupid angry alien space horses.

Wait… you almost forgot, it’s still April, and nowhere near the holiday season. You guess all this wintry weather tricked you into thinking it was.

But wait! Even THAT doesn’t make any sense, since it never snowed on your island, and you were never able to connect it with the holiday season! Boy, are you confused.

But you always wanted a white Christmas, and dammit, that is what you are going to have, even though it’s April, and even though you are giving all these presents to yourself, and even though Jesus Christ is no longer a relevant figure to celebrate on account of the annihilation of humanity!

This is yet another part that made the most sense to serial readers. But it’s not that hard to guess that these panels were posted around Christmas time. I hadn’t previously realized it, but the following stretch of pages is essentially Homestuck: The Christmas Special. And I’m going to say stuff about Christmas specials.

Almost every TV show or other serial work of media will have at least one Christmas special, often in the second season. The classic Christmas special goes something like this: the characters meet Santa Claus and discover through him the true meaning of Christmas. However, in more modern works of media, as well as those geared towards older audiences, the theme of the Christmas special will be toyed with and in some way massively subverted. Think of a TV show or whatever else. Now think of its Christmas special. How much would you say it subverts the typical Christmas pattern? Repeat this process as many times as you want.

The narration quoted above specifically talks about how it’s not actually Christmas even though this is the Christmas special. Homestuck is a work of media that’s all about subverting typical patterns. Before we open presents, I should note that this is the only Christmas special in Homestuck, unless you count John’s alchemy binge, posted near the previous Christmas.

This is one of the most hilarious panels in Homestuck, subverting the pattern of detailed portraits (1234) we’ve been getting of some of the other trolls. The narration says, “Karkat cannot be conveyed with a more detailed portrait yet. He is too angry, and is forced to look like shit. Maybe later if he can manage to calm down.” Better yet, the drawing is very crude but still has subtly flashing screen light effects.

I LOVE how the Sburb interface font changes to Comic Sans for SBaHJ items.

TG: yes perfect 
GG: it is the prettiest tree i have ever seen!!!!! 
TG: ok im going to torrent you another like negative billion artifact grists 
GG: ok great! 
GG: everything about that makes total sense 

Dave is helping Jade make a Christmas themed upon everyone’s favorite comic. This Christmas special focuses mainly on Jade, but it also has people working together to set up a very merry Christmas.

Also, Jade is right on here. Why do you even need negative artifact grist? What purpose does it serve? How can you have negative amounts of grist in the first place?

As you can see from comparing the two pictures above, the conksuck boot above is literally flat and 2-dimensional. This whole SBaHJ-ey Christmas interlude is a nice goofy and silly break from dramatic shit.

GG: is this conksucky enough 
TG: its the conksuckiest piece of fucking shit that ever still somehow qualified as a boot 
GG: ❤ 
TG: you just know imigrants were responsible 
GG: well… 
GG: i am not even sure if i am technically a u.s. citizen! 
TG: yeah see what i mean

It sort of says something about Jade’s life that she apparently doesn’t know whether she’s a U.S. citizen. This implies that she doesn’t know what country she lives in. I’m pretty sure her island’s coordinates are in U.S. territory but I have no idea whether that counts as being a citizen. More on Jade’s isolation from society later.

Jade proceeds to have her own alchemy binge, and I’ll comment on whatever parts I feel like commenting on.

A few times in this sequence, including this alchemization, Jade uses some of her friends’ possessions. How did she get those? Probably Dave just gave her the code.

Jade tries to alchemize earmuffs but ends up making a fluffy ball plus headband instead. As the narration says, why is this thing so expensive? The sizable cost implies some kind of special use, though I can’t think of any use for such a thing.

You have secretly wondered whether your grandpa was actually Iron Man in his younger years. It would explain so many things, including why this armor is here.

This page is another one of these moments where an easily missable bit from a while back is brought to light. In this case, it’s the inexplicable Iron Man suit amidst a room full of knight armor.

Also, it’s pretty interesting to consider the implications of the narration’s statement that Jade wondered whether her grandpa is Iron Man (she should totally tell Jake this). This either demonstrates her grandpa’s status as an impossibly awesome guy or Jade’s status as someone secluded from society. I guess it could be both things.

There’s quite a bit of evidence throughout the comic that Jade is pretty isolated from society (for instance, remember when she dunked a towel in a toilet to try and clean it?), but despite that, she generally acts pretty normal. For example, even though she apparently follows through with the creepy taxidermy tradition, she seems to know it’s weird given that she warns John not to look in the lab atop her house because of her dead dream self. This reminds me of how Kanaya is emphasized in her introduction to be isolated from troll society but isn’t portrayed as oblivious to cultural norms, if anything the opposite. Jake, on the other hand, is portrayed as heavily oblivious to stuff because of his isolation from society, almost deconstructing Jade’s life. The alpha kids are in general deconstructions of traits of the beta kids—taking traits from beta kids and bringing them in a whole new direction—and I’ll have a lot to say about that when we meet them.

Jade makes an Iron Man suit and the pattern breaking count is back yet again. (20) The other kids eventually settle on a single outfit by the halfway point of Act 5 Act 2, but Jade switches between all the outfits she’s made.

If you are going to adopt a new regular outfit, you’d prefer something a little comfier and less ostentatious, and if possible, in less flagrant violation of copyright laws.

I totally forgot this funny copyright joke. Homestuck has never really followed copyright laws, flagrantly including appearances of and even more allusions to numerous works of media. This has some serious ramifications on Hiveswap, the upcoming Homestuck adventure game. I’ve heard that Hiveswap will use a troll alphabet different from the Daedric alphabet stolen from The Elder Scrolls that Homestuck uses.

This image above is an example of one of those interesting bits of trivia about Homestuck: types of grist used to make an object will often resemble the object itself, as will the numbers.

Jade combines some random stuff for experimentation’s sake (as I said I love these sequences where characters experiment with the game) and makes…

…none other than Johnny 5 himself! I was expecting something more complicated but it’s worth the gag.

Jade’s alchemy sequence ends with the narration saying, “Ok that’s enough.” followed by “HAPPY APRIL 13TH, 2009 EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!!!!!”, rubbing it in our face that this Christmas special isn’t on Christmas in-comic. It’s also a great example of the weirdness of webcomic time; Homestuck is probably an extreme case of this, with years of updates taking place over days.

Also, I’m pretty sure it’s April 14th, 2009 by now, not April 13th. The kids’ game entries are all spaced apart by around four hours, and John entered around 5:30 PM Pacific time, so Jade entered around 5:30 AM John’s time zone. Jade is four hours west of John so it’s at least April 14th, 1:30 AM in Jade’s time zone at this point. When the 24-hour reckoning ended and the session is scratched, I think it would be April 15, 2009, around 5:00 AM John’s time zone.

Pedantry aside, Jade’s alchemy binge is pretty cool but it doesn’t beat the amber smuppets and stuff that Dave made. In any case, merry not-Christmas everyone!

Jade answers Eridan, who I guess is the troll featured at the tail-end of this Christmas interlude. It would’ve been cool if the troll here was Gamzee because Christmas is in his zodiac sign, but whatever. There’s probably some alternate version of the zodiac where Christmas is in Eridan’s sign.

CA: noww that youre done makin all that pointless rubbish 
CA: ivve got somethin wway more wworth your wwhile 
GG: which one were you again? 
GG: wait 
GG: werent you the guy who was always trying to hit on me?? 
CA: that couldvve been anyone 

Eridan has a point here; at least half of the trolls have tried to hit on one or more of kids. I mentioned two posts ago that it’s really weird that so many of the trolls try to hit on the kids, and it seems like they acknowledge this.

CA: so you might as wwell take it and settle your score wwith that awwful wwitch 
GG: but 
GG: im the wwitch! 
GG: i mean witch 

If Eridan was Jade’s patron troll, she would no doubt make this mistake a lot.

GG: i do not have a score to settle with rose!!! 
GG: why would you think that? 
CA: oh 
CA: wwell fuck 
CA: suppose i wwas guessin it wwas natural to presume somesuch relation like that betwween the twwo a you 
GG: i think you are projecting your own attitude on to others 
GG: just because you tend to hate and/or hit on everyone you meet doesnt mean everyone else is that way 

Jade is pretty much summing up the deal with Eridan. Projecting your own attitude onto others always makes for hilarious dialogue, and it’s something a lot of trolls do.

GG: rose just sent me a code for a crystal ball, shes my friend and is basically the best! 

I guess that answers the question of how Jade used her friends’ possessions in alchemy. Pretty much what I presumed.

CA: oh i see so she shared her “magic secrets” wwith you then 
CA: its probably a trap i wwouldnt trust her 
CA: she is a cunnin and treacherous sort trust me i knoww her type 

This troll is hilarious. Did I mention that? Even though Rose called him a complete idiot he still inexplicably sees her as an adversary he just outclassed.

CA: oh wwill you just take the fuckin gun already 
GG: no i dont want it!!!!! 
CA: its a wway more powwerful wweapon than any of that crap you made 
CA: its a legendary relic wwithout equal 
GG: more like a legendary piece of shit! 
CA: youre bein needlessly fuckin stubborn about this im doin you a fuckin favvor here 
GG: yes but i dont like you very much and i feel really icky about accepting a present from you 

Note the phrase “a present from you”. This reminds me of the Christmas stuff that just happened.

Eridan gives Jade the code for Ahab’s Crosshairs and she recognizes it.

GG: hmmm… 
GG: i have seen this before 
CA: howws that possible 
CA: its a one of a kind wweapon plundered from an alternian ghost ship 
GG: i am very sure its the same rifle included with johns present 
GG: but… 
GG: bigger of course 
CA: probably a cheap imitation of the original 
CA: uh 
CA: kind of like that one there is 
CA: so theres your answwer stable loops ahoy 
CA: noww enjoy the utter fuckin domination it affords 

This newly made copy of Ahab’s Crosshairs is almost certainly the one that’ll be sent to the lotus time capsule. Sending the bunny’s weapons to the time capsule is one of those plot points that still needs to be resolved as of the Omegapause. I think there’s a 60% chance that it’ll be explicitly shown how that’ll play out. I say 60% because it’s largely pretty obvious how that’ll happen. The obvious part is how to get the weapons. Each of the four weapons probably has a copy currently available to put in: the Warhammer of Zillyhoo alchemized in the trickster arc; the Quills of Echidna taken from Echidna; the Royal Deringer which I think is a stage of the whole Welsh sword cycle thing; and of course, the copy of Ahab’s Crosshairs Jade just alchemized. The non-obvious part is who will do the task. I’m sure by now most of the characters have realized that the bunny will bring nothing but trouble, so I’m not sure who will be up for the task. Maybe Vriska will coerce Jake, who is oblivious to the danger the bunny provides as far as we know, into doing it? Or did some Derse agent already steal the weapons while we weren’t looking?

GG: yes but…. 
GG: i did not provide the weapons! 
GG: my penpal did 
CA: wwhos that 
GG: the guy who helps me build the present 
GG: we worked on it together but he supplied the bunnys weapons
GG: im pretty sure hes from the future! 
CA: wwhy 
GG: because he said hes my grandson 

It would be pretty interesting if Jade’s penpal turned out to be literally Jade’s grandson. But knowing the mixed-up family relations in Homestuck it’s not at all illogical to guess that he’s not her genetic grandson. If we are to assume that he is her genetic grandson, then this guarantees that some Jade ship will be canon.

CA: wwhat the fuck is a grandson 
CA: is that some kind of pervverse human familial thing 
GG: umm yes 
CA: nevvermind then your procreational biologistics make my fins curl in distaste 
GG: oh no!!!!! 
GG: aaaaa please dont tell anyone i told you about him! 
GG: augh how could i let that slip to you of all people 
CA: settle dowwn jade youre radically underestimatin the amount of shit i dont givve about this 

Surprisingly, Eridan of all people is the voice of reason here.* Pointlessly withholding information is sort of a thing in Homestuck. The aggravating thing about that is, 99% of withheld information is completely harmless to let out, and will at worst be thought of as some kind of prank.

* I’ve been waiting for months to say that.

GG: i have wondered about that, assuming he is right…
GG: he was so nice, and it really did feel like i was talking to family, so i really dont think he was making it up
GG: i couldnt help but try to imagine his parents… 

Here, Jade is assuming that her penpal had parents. That assumption is a bit weird when you consider that before the ectobiology sequence, the identities of John’s mother, Rose’s father, and Dave’s and Jade’s parents are never once brought up.

GG: and more interestingly…….
GG: his grandfather :O
GG: i still wonder who it could be…
GG: although i guess at this point
GG: the options are pretty limited 😮 

I can only imagine Jade thinking that she’ll have to have babies with Dave or sleuth out some other boy playing a Sburb session if she doesn’t want to bang a troll.

CA: ok i think im startin to feel ill talkin about things makin me fathom pink wwigglers comin out a your owwn personal torso 
CA: so change a fuckin subject 

Apparently the trolls know a thing or two about how humans reproduce that isn’t bullshit. It’s never really made clear how trolls came about to understanding human culture, other than I guess deducing certain things from the Trollian viewports.

CA: that gun i just gavve you is somethin of a hatchright to the kid
CA: happy i could play a role in your dirty stinkin lineage
GG: like an heirloom? i guess it could be
GG: do you even have those? if you dont have parents how could you?
CA: no wwe dont knoww our direct forebears and im pretty sure any attempt to seek out or evven inquire about the supplier of your genes wwould be a fine wway to get yourself killed 

It’s pretty interesting how Eridan is describing things about troll culture. It’s an unsettling thought, not just not knowing who your genes came from, but not being allowed to know, and since we’re talking about trolls, death is the penalty.

This bit brought to mind the pages where we learned about troll reproduction, and I just thought up something: when Karkat created the trolls, probably all their genes combined in one big slurry to create the other twelve trolls, and each one inherits genes from all the trolls, but the largest portion from one of them.

CA: but wwevve got our lore and it says wwe all got indivvidual ancestors wwho contribute to most of our genes abovve and beyond wwhat the grubs slurry does
GG: ewwwwwwww
CA: oh shut up
CA: anywway a lot of us believve wwere meant to trace the footsteps of those ancestors evven though wwe can nevver knoww em
CA: and on that journey wwe can come across belongings they once had cause wwe wwere hatched to find em and finish their wwork
CA: i kinda think thats wwhy i found the gun in the first place
CA: but noww im forsakin it because fuck i just found a better destiny than my old crappy one wwhich i nevver got any appreciation for anywway 

This is the first description of the concept of ancestors. It’s sort of a common thing in works of fiction for there to be a group of historical figures, each of whom strongly corresponds to a major character, from some specific time era. The ancestors are a pretty tangential aspect of Homestuck, though from what I can tell there’s quite a lot of fanworks about them. Some of the Homestuck videos I watched before reading the comic were weird stuff that featured them, which was a big factor in my impression of Homestuck.

Once I made a YouTube video that featured a snippet of some Homestuck video featuring the ancestors (among about ten other videos), and in the description I called those characters “some random animated characters”. Then a commenter told me that the characters are from Homestuck and their names are The Signless, The Ψiioniic, etc., which I thought was bizarre. In my first read, I never once reached the part where I thought to myself, oh, that’s the part with all those weird “the this, the that” characters. Although I do recall thinking of the Condesce (and also Meenah) as weird evil versions of Feferi.

Introducing the weird troll session countdown thing whatsit. 10:25 hours before some event, Jack slices the victory platform door in half and the trolls go to the meteor lab; 6:12 hours Jack destroys Prospit; 5:12 hours Karkat wakes up as we saw in Alterniabound; and here we are at 4:13 hours. These few pages are clearly meant to introduce the whole countdown thing, and they’re probably when Hussie had the idea for it. The whole point of the countdown I think is mostly to give people a scale of time for the troll session stuff.

AA: hi 
TA: hii? 
AA: i guess i sh0uld say s0mething 
AA: bef0re i g0 
TA: aradiia, ii am riight glubbiing here, liike two feet away from you. 
TA: iif you want two 2ay 2omethiing two me why don’t you ju2t turn two your left and 2ay iit, iit’2 bad enough that you’ve hardly 2aiid two lou2y word2 two me 2iince you became that 2weaty a22hole’2 2moochbot. 

Yet another moment where people lampshade the constant use of chat clients.

AA: i kn0w 
AA: but this is hard f0r me 
TA: how ii2 iit hard. 
TA: you are a tiin can, robot2 don’t have feeliing2. 
AA: n0 thats n0t true 
TA: ok then, what ii2 iit. 
AA: s0rry ab0ut everything 
AA: and all the bad luck y0uve had 
AA: y0u didnt deserve it 
AA: i have t0 g0 n0w 
TA: what, where are you goiing? 
AA: im n0t sure 
TA: er, cool ii gue22?? 

Here, Aradia is making her goodbyes, and trying her best to reconcile despite being a robot. Her apology gives her a bit of development as a character. First off, she is making her goodbyes to Sollux, her longtime friend, rather than Equius, who she was merely programmed to love. In a sense this is showing some emotions amidst her empty soul. That probably sounds lame but whatever. Also, she recognizes that the manipulative stuff she did to Sollux was rather undeserved, more hints of emotion.

AA: anyway thats it 
TA: waiit. 
TA: you mean for good, wiill ii see you agaiin? 
AA: i d0nt kn0w that either 
AA: but i guess if y0u d0 
AA: pr0bably n0t with y0ur eyes 
TA: what the hell i2 that 2uppo2ed two mean? 
AA: i think y0ull be 0k with it th0ugh 

Yet another bit reminding us of something we might have forgotten about. Back in the trolls’ arc, Sollux talked about the prophecy that he will die, become blind, and die again. Now we’re reminded of the blind part of that prophecy, the second third of it.

AA: 0_0 
AA: i wish 
AA: i c0uld s0meh0w make that em0tic0n smile 
AA: 0u0 
AA: n0 that l00ks stupid 
AA: 0h well 

Here, Aradia is trying to smile. It’s interesting seeing her try her best to make a heartfelt goodbye.

Some people insist those two were certainly never in a relationship.


At long last, robotic Aradia smiles as she gives Sollux a hug and then…

And there it is, fulfilling a promised future event in Alterniabound. Sollux takes off his glasses and sheds weird mustard tears. (I am not at all sorry for the gross imagery this will surely evoke.)

An hour later Terezi watches Doomed Dave wake up, saying that was apparently pointless given he was supposed to get killed in his sleep and then ascend. But then…

And that’s the ultimate failure of the attempt to get Dave to god tier. I already discussed this failure last post. Terezi breaks down in tears at the death of this Dave and leaves the lab. See you next time as Jadesprite becomes a thing.

>> Part 40: The Miracle of a New Beginning

Cookie Fonster Says Stuff About His Homestuck Commentary 3: Character Selection Screens

Unlike my previous two posts of this type, this one is pretty short; it’s just something I’ve been meaning to say about how I’ll do this post series.

Every so often, Homestuck will have character selection screens, where you can select which order to read parts of the story. To spice things up, I will try to avoid doing those in the most common order. This means that in two-option selection screens I will do them in reverse order (for example, in this selection screen I’ll first do Jake, then Jane, rather than what most readers do), and in selection screens with three or more options I will do it in random order. This is practically a moot point for the “click the panels” selection screens, but for the other ones it is relevant.