Cookie Fonster Dissects Homestuck Part 107: Marty McFly Refuses to Fight the Incredible Hulk


< Part 106 | Part 107 | Part 108 >

Pages 6376-6396

Act 6 Act 6 Intermission 1, Part 3 of 5

Alternate post title: The Wonderful World of Strider Malaise

I’ll finish A6A6I1 before next 4/13, I promise. I’m setting this goal because this act (screw calling it a sub-sub-intermission) ends with a scene that I’ve been looking forward to covering for a LONG time now and I’m worried that whatever content comes out on Homestuck’s 11th anniversary might clog up my brain again.

Dirk is out of the loop both literally and figuratively.

Also, just like last time, I’m quoting all of Dirk’s conversation with Arquiusprite in images instead of text.

Picking up from where we left off, it’s time to see what Dirk is up to. He’s flying through the outer reaches of the alpha session just like the three different versions of Jack Noir, contacting Arquiusprite as a last resort to figure out what the hell is going on.

With these three lines alone, it’s already clear that the Condesce’s plan for what to do with Dirk is working exactly as intended: she has no use for him whatsoever and used Jade to warp him as far away from the action as possible. Kind of sucks that this guy is shafted for so much of Act 6 Act 6, but I guess that’s just what the empress thinks of him.

Here, Arquiusprite does what he does best: providing bizarre trivia on things absolutely no one asked about. This is what he does for most of this conversation, which is hilarious for the reader but painfully useless for Dirk.

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Cookie Fonster’s Homestuck Commentary Part 77: What Is "Actuality?"


Part 76 | Part 77 | Part 78 >

Act 6 Act 3, Part 3 of 8 or so I hope but I really don’t know

Pages 4862-4877 (MSPA: 6762-6777)

I couldn’t resist having philosophy bullshit for a post title

Why did I have to stop in the middle of this exposition sequence? I’m sorry everyone.
Also as you probably haven’t noticed I’ve taken a bit of liberty ordering text and images.

Take a moment to appreciate this panel. Not enough people do.

TT: My bro did this too with his many fine films.
TT: Practically everything was a symbol for something. Either in mockery of the batterwitch, or conveying some hidden message to its audience. Each film was always rigorously picked apart for its head-scratching symbolic meaning.
TT: But he managed to accomplish all that without ever compromising the purity of his ironic vision, which I think was admirable.

Last post pretty much ended with me discussing the supposed symbolism in Rose’s books. Now we learn that Dave’s movies also had a crazy symbolism thing going on, but I guess we’re supposed to infer for ourselves what lies in there? Or maybe it’s more like how Homestuck references those comics and it’s probably intertwined with that.

GT: Your forebears are certainly entrepreneurial if nothing else.
GT: I can get behind the idea of making a killing if it means i also get to be as good at doing adventures as i hope to be.
GT: Did they ever bring the battle to the witchs doorstep or were the blows dealt strictly through public masquerades and theatrics?
TT: Yeah, they got pretty deep into the shit eventually.
TT: They were both very skilled combatants. I’m pretty sure she had some weird powers too.
GT: Powers you say?
TT: Communion with occult forces. Something like that.
TT: She knew things. Had visions. It’s why she was able to write those books, and more importantly, why Roxy and I were able to survive here. 

It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that Rose in the scratched universe had the exact same whole crazy knowledge thing going on as her other self. The explanation almost feels like handwaving stuff but given what previous stuff we’ve seen with the trolls and their ancestors’ abilities it kind of works fine, makes sense even.

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Cookie Fonster’s Homestuck Commentary Part 66: The Miracle of Another New Beginning


Part 65 | Part 66 | Part 67 >

Act 6 Act 2, Part 1 of 6

Pages 4391-4436 (MSPA: 6291-6336)

NOTE: The first 30 or so pages covered in this post are technically between Act 6 Intermission 1 and Act 6 Act 2, but it makes the most sense to consider those pages part of the latter act.

NOTE 2 (8/25/2016): Happy birthday, Andrew Hussie!

You are Jane Crocker again. 

And once again, you have woken up on the moon of Prospit, without any recollection of how you fell asleep. You think you were going outside to get the mail? You can’t remember.

Here’s a bit of dream self weirdness in action. Waking up in the dream world and taking a while to remember stuff that happened is one of the defining motifs of dream bubbles, but not of dreams in Prospit or Derse. Jade’s dreams never worked that way at all, with her essentially sleeping on and off in sort of a dual state of existence, sometimes forgetting that she’s even asleep. But in fairness, Jade has always been a special case in that regard.

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Cookie Fonster’s Homestuck Commentary Part 42: Password Weirdness and Frog Breeding


Part 41 | Part 42 | Part 43 >

Act 5 Act 2, Part 15 of 32

Pages 3297-3320 (MSPA: 5197-5220)

Fitting that post number 42 (the answer to the Ultimate Question) is where we finally get an answer to a very fundamental question in Homestuck: how exactly universes are made.

First here is a flash, titled [S] Wake, that I could’ve ended last post with but didn’t. I’m not sure if it’s more thematically appropriate to end a post with the start of Murderstuck or start a post with it. Last post was getting long so I stuck with the latter.

If there’s anything about Homestuck the average person is likely to know, it’s the story behind the song Megalovania (a version of which is used in this flash). There’s really no reason to rehash it all over again, nor is there any reason to point out for the ten millionth time how funny it is that so many people got into Homestuck through the iconic Undertale song.

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Cookie Fonster’s Homestuck Commentary Part 29: Crazy Destruction and Laptop Reunions


< Part 28 | Part 29 | Part 30 >

Act 5 Act 2, Part 2 of 32

Pages 2684-2731 (MSPA: 4584-4631)

NOTE: I said my blog hiatus would probably last longer than this, but I’ve finished all homework and I have some spare time now, so I figured, why not release a post right now? Next post will probably be 1-2 weeks from now.

Background turtles are sweating like there’s no tomorrow.

We see what Rose is up to, and what’s the first thing she does? She destroys a turtle temple, which is kind of a character establishing moment, except that we already were introduced to her long ago so maybe it’s more of a mission establishing moment? I don’t know, it still has the same feel as a character establishing moment. But it reveals a new trait in Rose, her exceptional perseverance and desire for relevance. Dave once said that she did this crazy destruction stuff “because shes rose”.

This is the first time a character is represented in an alert bubble by a symbol against a non-white background; this gradually becomes more and more common as the story progresses.*

* As Homestuck went on, alert bubbles have progressed like so: (1) bubbles with “…” in them -> (2) bubbles with their character’s face -> (3) characters’ symbols against a white background -> (4) characters’ symbols as they appear on the shirt (this includes aspect symbols). That progression is pretty gradual, with each slowly overtaking its predecessor.

GA: Okay This Will Probably Strike You As An Odd Moment For Me To Mention This 
GA: But Actually 
GA: There Are Not Many Moments Ive Observed On Your Timeline Which Wouldnt Qualify As Odd 
GA: And Somehow 
GA: Your Idle Moments Seem To Invite Interruption The Least 
GA: And This Is A Difficult Topic For Me To Broach 
GA: For Reasons That You Probably Wont Understand 
TT: You’re rambling again, Kanaya. 

Rose’s line here is a definite indicator of a friendship going on between them.

GA: Okay Sorry 
GA: Ive Just Been Meaning To Say 
GA: That I Read Your Instructional Guide

Why didn’t she mention this sooner? That should logically be the first thing she tells her, but I guess she was too occupied with finding the deal with her or something.

Up next is a stretch of pages showing the whole thing of Kanaya trolling Rose from the former’s point of view. It’s worth noting that none of the other trolls we heard from in Acts 3 and 4 have scenes like this where we see their trolling from their point of view. I think that’s to clarify the random timeline point trolling stuff and have readers better understand things from her point of view, something not necessary for the other trolls. Anyway, first she talks to Karkat.

GA: Your Speech Was Really 
GA: Emotional 

In the first few acts of Homestuck, it was all but natural for the main characters, who all live far from each other, to talk using chat clients. Now it’s lampshaded that the trolls still text message each other a lot even though they’re all in one room. This oddity is brought up a few other times.

GA: I Just Wanted To Ask You Something In Confidence 
GA: About The Humans 
GA: Are You Sure Theyre Responsible For Our Misfortune 
GA: Was It On Account Of Malice Or Incompetence 
GA: It Sort Of Does 
GA: Im Not Even That Sure Why 
GA: This Is A Difficult Topic For Me To Broach 
GA: For Reasons That You Probably Wont Understand 

I don’t see why Kanaya thinks that. She seems to have some interest in Rose, who she is asking about as she says a bit later, and Karkat always refuses to talk about his red romantic stuff. He’d totally understand.

[2019 EDIT: I’m going to phrase this passage in a less clumsy way. I don’t see why Kanaya thinks that her interest in Rose would be hard for Karkat of all people to understand. Karkat is an absolute expert on romance and is known for refusing to talk about his own red affairs.]

GA: Will Your Response Involve An Athletic Maneuver Of Some Sort 

I like when running gags are subverted like this.

GA: Im Not Sure Which Depresses Me More 
GA: The Sabotage Of Our Session Or The Futility Of Theirs 
GA: Well I Havent Asked What I Wanted To Ask 
GA: Its About TentacleTherapist 

Weird that Kanaya thought so strongly that Rose and her friends succeeded. Did the wordy prose just appeal to her so much that she didn’t infer from the final walkthrough entry that something went wrong?


Dave has come off to me the sarcastic one among the beta kids but whatever.

GA: You Have Notes On Them 
GA: I Guess 
GA: Thats Why Youre Our Leader Karkat 
GA: Statements Like That Are Also Why Youre Our Leader 

This bit interestingly contrasts with what John and Rose said about the former’s leadership role a little while ago, which this is a call back to. While John insists on not calling himself the leader, Karkat does insist on doing so. There’s plenty of moments like this where Karkat simultaneously parallels and inverts John.

GA: Have You Talked To Her 
GA: The Rose Human 
GA: Also 
GA: Do We Really Have To Say Things Like The Rose Human 

Lampshading yet another absurd thing trolls do. I love how the many of the trolls do things that seem straight up weird or dumb but are later noted as dumb by the trolls themselves. Homestuck is all about that sort of thing.


Why is there a period after a question mark? I have no idea whether or not this is a typo. If you carefully read Homestuck you can certainly find a handful of typos and other mistakes, not counting drunk characters making lots of typos and the various intentional misspellings of words (e.g. SBaHJ-isms like conksuck and refrance).

GA: It Just 
GA: Feels Really Silly When We Say Things Like The John Human In Confidence Amongst Ourselves 

What speech are they talking about?? Seriously I’m kind of confused. I think it’s something that happened offscreen?

GA: I Dont Know 
GA: Im Not Sure If Ive Got It In Me Right Now 
GA: Fine 

And that’s how Kanaya’s amusing weirdness while talking to Rose came to be.

So she starts conversing with Rose. First conversation it’s actually John, who makes her think Rose is an idiot. Sollux opens the viewport for her as we already saw and she thinks the following about Rose:

How underwhelming. No horns. Skin as white as a ghost! You wonder how she manages to look in a mirror without falling asleep.

This line is a bit weird considering her later clear interest in Rose. I guess the conversation with John posing as Rose colored her impression of Rose negative.

You continue to spy on the Rose human. What’s that nonsense she wrote on her walls? What did she do to her totem lathe?? Idiot.

The second sentence here is also a bit of a weird reaction because Kanaya probably saw the subconscious genetic code writing some of the other trolls wrote on their walls and likely knows that it’s Doc Scratch’s code, so she shouldn’t be so shocked that the kids have a similar thing going on.

I love how Gamzee’s just standing there in the foreground.

Then comes the bucket gag again. The bucket alone further bruises her impression of Rose. That right there, ordinary things being like a kid publicly showing a sex toy collection to aliens, is why fans love overusing that joke so much. OK that didn’t really need to be said because you probably know that assuming you’ve read Homestuck. Moving on.

Turns out Kanaya is the one who gave Rose her joke name, Flighty Broad. How does that even work? Who entered the names of the other beta kids? I don’t even know. She goes so far as to think Rose is mentally retarded and that she stole the Sburb walkthrough from somewhere else, which is weird to think of when you consider that they later constitute one of the comic’s strongest romantic relationships.

Kanaya decides to see if Rose’s friends are any better and trolls John months in the past.

GA: Hello 
GT: hi…? 
GA: Allow Me To Make This Simple 
GA: I Am A Troll From Another Universe Using A Chat Client Utility Which Is Capable Of Contacting You And Your Friends At Any Point Of Your Lives Which I Choose Up To And Including The Moment Of Your Own Incompetence Fueled Self Destruction 
GA: Im Looking For Evidence Of Intelligence In Your Species 
GA: A Reason 
GA: Any Reason At All Really 
GA: To Justify Wasting The Few Precious Remaining Moments Of My Life On You 
GA: It Has Fallen On Your Shoulders To Supply Me With That Reason John Human 


GT: so let me see if i have this straight… 

GT: you are a time traveling space alien from the future, sent here to study humans? 
GA: No 
GT: are you from mars? is it a mission of peace? 
GA: No John You Werent Listening 
GT: what does your time machine look like? a phone booth? phone booths are a popular thing for some reason. 
GA: Damn It 
GT: were you lured to earth by a huge gyroscopey thing that jodie foster piloted in contact, while matthew mcconaughey sort of acted as her spiritual guide i guess… 
GA: What The Hell 
GT: and then he kind of preached to her about having faith instead of believing in the sciences so hard all the time, and i guess in the end she believed him, maybe? 
GT: actually, im not even sure what the point of mcconaughey was in that movie. but he was still awesome. 
GT: and then jodie found her dad on an alien planet… but i think he was a ghost or something? or maybe an alien in disguise. 
GT: and then she went home and nobody believed her, but you just KNOW mcconaughey believed her. 
GT: because he had all the faith. and i mean ALL OF IT. 
GT: anyway, does that have any applicability to your cosmic interstellar astrojourney? 

I just love how badly John misunderstands what Kanaya says. He thinks she’s someone from one of his favorite sci-fi movies and rambles about the movie Contact. This is why I like him so much.

One think I find a bit weird is that when John talks about movies, he always refers to the characters by the actors who play them. I suppose he must be really into the actors or something.

GA: Okay Youre Even Dumber Than The Rose Human Thats Incredible Really 
GT: pff, i know i’m dumber than rose, that is not much of a burn, dude! 
GA: Im A Girl Not A Boy 
GT: oh, sorry. 
GT: i don’t know why i thought you were. 
GA: It Happens 

I always assume people on the Internet to be male by default. It’s probably a douchey sexist thing to do but whatever.

GA: Shes An Imbecile And Conveying How Much I Dislike Her At This Point Presents An Overwhelming Gauntlet Of Personal Expression 
GA: But Regardless She Said To Paste Something From Our Conversation 
GA: To Get You To Understand Whats Going On 
GA: I Have Strong Doubts It Will Be Effective But Here Goes 
GA: GA: I Should Figure Out How The Viewport Feature Of This Application Works 
GA: GA: So I Can See What Such A Primitive Creature Looks Like 
GA: TT: haha, well i know what you guys look like. 
GA: TT: you look kind of like… 
GA: TT: howie mandel from little monsters. 
GA: TT: even though, to be perfectly frank, he was kind of a big monster. 
GA: TT: because he was a big goofy adult. 
GA: TT: and fred savage was like his child prankster sidekick. 
GA: GA: Is This An Adversary You Have Encountered On Your Quest
GA: TT: no, it’s a movie. 
GA: TT: you should ask john about it, because he thinks it’s awesome, which it is. 
GT: hahaha! oh man, you blew it! 
GT: now i know for sure you’re trolling me. rose hates that movie. 
GA: Are You Suggesting 
GA: I Was Being Trolled 
GA: That It Was A Charade Meant To Make Me Look Foolish 
GT: possibly! i know that sure didn’t sound like her. 
GT: but i think it’s more likely that you made it all up cause you know i like that movie. 
GT: so i tip my cap to you, well played miss troll! 

I love how these misunderstandings spiral further and further into hillarity. This is my third read and I have to say I laughed really hard. But it’s not the kind of laughing where you let out a loud “HAHAHA”, it’s the kind where you open your mouth in a big stupid smile and feel like you’re going to lose your breath and die any minute. 

GA: Now Im Wondering If You Might Be Trolling Me As Well 
GT: ok well, just between you and me… 
GT: SOMEONE here is getting trolled. 
GT: and it just might be all three of us. 

Unlike his previous misunderstandings, John is right on here.

GT: but you shoulda told me you liked little monsters! 
GT: we could jam about that. what was your favorite part? 
GA: Suspicions Pitching Once Again Toward The Conclusion That You Are Just Very Stupid 
GT: i really want to get a little monsters poster, but they’re hard to find! 
GT: i asked my dad for one for christmas. fingers crossed! 
GA: Im Guessing Thats The Human Equivalent Of 12th Perigees Eve
GA: Will Your Adult Human Custodian Forage For Leavings As Ours Do 
GT: yup, that sure keeps sounding alien of you. 
GT: keep up the good work! 
GT: listen, i’m kind of busy, i have to wrap this present and mail it in a hurry. 
GT: so i’m going to block you! 
GT: but i might unblock you again soon, because you’re kinda cool. 
GA: Your Blocks Mean Nothing But Dont Worry You Wont Hear From Me Again 

John ends up liking her for coming off to him as a good and funny troll who likes the same movies he likes. He even considers unblocking her. 

GT: yeah well… 
GT: you might just hear from me! 
GT: also, you should give rose another chance. 
GT: she is really great! whatever she did, she was probably just pulling her mind games on you, it’s all in fun. 
GT: there is more to her than that, you’ll see. 
GT: bye! 

ghostyTrickster [GT] blocked grimAuxiliatrix [GA]

This here is the important bit that puts Kanaya and Rose on track for a better relationship. I already said what I was going to say about that bit in an Act 4 post, and I probably should have saved that for now. But I’ll quote what I said back then anyway:

It’s also worth noting that John, both in this exchange with Kanaya and his other exchange with her a few months in the past for him, unknowingly induces a friendship between the two of them. He jokingly asks that the two of them cut to the chase and be friends already in this conversation, and tells her that Rose is actually really great in the other conversation. He remains unaware of the fact that he played a part in his friend getting together with her cool girlfriend, a relationship which he really approves of.

Kanaya talks to Dave and Jade in the past as well though we don’t get to see those conversations. Dave probably was like “haha youre such an idiot and so are all the other trolls” and Jade was probably like “aaaauuuuugggghhh you are all so rude and stupid!!!!” and blocked her.

John is two days before Rose here, but times only hours apart have been shown to be just as many pixels apart. If this isn’t a continuity error I guess that implies that Trollian’s timeline has a zoom function.

Kanaya has a bunch more conversations with Rose which we either already saw or don’t see, and there’s all this snarky horseshitometer stuff which I don’t have much to say about, except for this bit:

You skip ahead to a point on her timeline when you suspect friendship may plausibly have been established already. You have your THIRD CONVERSATION. It does not go as well as you’d hoped. 

This reminds me of a joke I saw somewhere which tells you that if you want to build a time machine, you just need to start building one and your future self will travel back in time and give it to you.

Kanaya then has her eighth conversation with Rose.

What even is that red aura. We’re hardly even into Act 5 Act 2 and Rose is already doing some CRAZY shit.

GA: What 

GA: The Hell 
GA: Did You Just Do 
TT: Hi there. 
GA: You Actually Did It 
GA: Blew It Up I Mean 
GA: I Had Begun To Believe That Was Embellishment 
TT: This is it, isn’t it? 
GA: What Is It 
TT: This is the eighth conversation between us, from your perspective. 
TT: As well as mine. 
GA: Yeah 
TT: I’ve been looking forward to this. 

Rose says she’s been looking forward to this conversation (a call back to the start of John and Karkat’s first conversation). This implies that she’s kind of interested in that troll she’s been talking to as well (maybe or maybe or not romantically). John said the same about his first conversation with Karkat, but he’s definitely more open about enthusiasm and the like than Rose is, so when Rose says she’s been looking forward to something, she means it. This possible interest is only further supported the first thing she asks her:

GA: Really 
TT: Yes. 
TT: I have some questions for you. 
GA: What Questions Do You Have 
TT: I’ll start with a simple one. 
TT: Do trolls have names?

and the conversation cuts off. She definitely wants to get to know stuff about the troll she’s been talking to. Does she actually see her as a viable romantic partner? It wouldn’t surprise me if she knows at this point, or at least suspects, that the trolls and kids might meet in person. This right here is the stuff that builds up to their official relationship. Some relationships in Homestuck are frowned upon because they didn’t have buildup, but this one definitely has plenty of it.

Also, I like how each kid has a different way of knowing the trolls’ names. Vriska mentioned Terezi and Karkat’s names to John, Rose asked Kanaya what her name is, Terezi told Dave her name and presumably Vriska’s, Dave mentioned Vriska’s name to John, Feferi told Jade Karkat’s name, and I forget how Jade knows Kanaya’s name, or whether or not it’s ever said.

Is THIS why so many readers think John is bisexual or something?
I totally forgot this panel existed. 

AG: What. 

AG: The hell…….. 
AG: Are you doing!!!!!!!! 
EB: oh hey. 
AG: John, stop kissing that adult 8rown male human computer at once. 
EB: but… 
EB: it is bill cosby. 
EB: he’s back. 
EB: in laptop form. 

When you think about it there’s just so many actors John idolizes wholeheartedly. Nic Cage, Matt McConaughey, Harry Anderson, Bill Cosby… did I forget any? That isn’t actually that much but whatever.

(EDIT: I should mention that I learned about the real-world controversy surrounding Cosby shortly after I wrote this post.)

AG: Man. It is just another waste of time. 
AG: Everything you do is a huge waste. 
AG: A stupid pointless 8unch of w8stey w8stey w8stes. 
EB: excuse me, but spending just a little quality time with my man bill here is not a w8stey w8ste at all. 
EB: no amount of 8’s in words will make that true. 
AG: You have important things to do! 
AG: Remem8er Jade???????? 
EB: of course i do! jeez! 
EB: ok, i’m going.

Note the similarity to when Terezi was about to blast him off to his seventh gate.

AG: Noooooooo!!!!!!!! 
EB: what?!?!?! 
AG: What the fuck are you doing now! 
EB: i am going to blast off and fly a little higher, to see if i can find nanna up there! 
EB: and then i will install the game. 
EB: it will only take a second! 
AG: No, that’s not what I mean! 
AG: I know that’s what you’re going to do. 
AG: You’re just not supposed to do it now! 
AG: You are supposed to do something else first. And then fly up. It’s right here on your timeline. 8y attempting to do the thing you’re not supposed to do yet, you are just wasting more of our time!!!!!!!! 

Vriska bossing John around some more, and even doing the predestination stuff. Is she just like, fuck it, I’m going to go along with everything that I know is going to happen? She does seem to do that a lot, like causing Bec Noir to be a thing. She probably created Arquiusprite because she knows he’ll be part of Lord English. I guess that’s just doing the Vriska thing.

EB: jeez!!! 
EB: you are incredibly bossy. 
EB: more like marquise bossyfangs. 
AG: I told you, that’s my role playing name, not my real one! So your weak 8urn means nothing. 
EB: no, you did not tell me that you like to play troll dungeons and dragons. 

RIGHT. ON. Dungeons and Dragons is one of many things that I see kids talk about in school and can’t help but think, god it’s so weird. At least half of the kids at my school have some kind of interest like that. I know there’s a handful who are into Homestuck but I haven’t bothered talking to them for some reason. Come to think of it, Homestuck’s classpect system is very much like a roleplaying game thing, like a version of Dungeons and Dragons where people fight over the meanings of most of the classes because some of them hardly have hints as to what they do. I have no idea how that game actually works so I could be way off on that. Fun fact: I knew the name of a SpongeBob episode titled Dunces and Dragons before I even knew about Dungeons and Dragons so for a while the name of the game brought a SpongeBob episode to mind.

I’m probably a bit of a hypocrite here because I think most people who know about Homestuck but don’t read it think it’s some weird bullshit, my past self included.

EB: has it occurred to you that i might be wasting so much time because you keep pestering me telling me how much time i’m wasting? 
EB: and then when i’m about to make progress you tell me i am doing the wrong thing! 
EB: if it weren’t for you i would be playing this game already. 
AG: Okaaaaaaaay, shut up! 
AG: Fine. I will hold your hand every step of the way, since that’s apparently how you want to do this. 
EB: but it isn’t! 
AG: I said shut up! 

When Vriska realizes she’s wrong, she won’t admit it, rather she changes the subject.

AG: Look, you are a8out to make yourself a new outfit, and THEN you will fly up and install the game. 
EB: oh… 
EB: but why would i do that? my ecto labsuit is rad! 
AG: 8ecause you look like an idiot! 
EB: 😦 
AG: Seriously, it’s a good thing I did decide to 8other you now. Otherwise you would go through the game looking like a little weenie 8oy-Skylark. 
EB: what is a boy skylark? 
AG: It is the most terri8le, gutless class for wimpy losers, ones who have no idea how to handle themselves when a girl talks to them and stuff. 
EB: actually, i think i remember passing that rung on my echeladder a while ago. 
AG: Yes, exactly! It is 8eneath you, John. 
AG: You are clearly much 8etter than that. You should dress like it. 
EB: who cares what i dress like? it is what’s inside the adventurer that counts. 
AG: Hahahahahahahaha! 
AG: I watched you actually say that with a str8 f8ce. Oh my god. 

John has a penchant for saying goofy-sounding things with a straight face. This reminds me of all the cornball things Jake says, which I think is a trait of John’s that he amplifies.

AG: Trolls are an extremely fashion-minded race, John. You should make a note of this, since you pretend to 8e a scientist or something. 
EB: ha ha, it sounds like you have a really lame culture. 
AG: John, that is an outr8geous thing to say. You don’t even know how important the fashions are, so 8e quiet. 

Vriska is pretty much the only character in Homestuck who tricks people just by making shit up. This is another way practically everyone at this point is more clever than her. But like previously, John buys it and thinks it’s lame.

EB: laaaaaaaame.
AG: Look at that! You counted out 8 a’s for me, John! That is so thoughtful of you.
EB: oh, ha ha…
EB: i didn’t even count. it just…
EB: turned out like that.
AG: Really????????
EB: yeah.
AG: <33333333 

This is the first time Vriska officially rubs off on John. Trolls rubbing off on kids is a pattern that happens with all four of them that’s introduced and played out only this act.

Also, note Vriska’s heart emoticon.

EB: ok, anyway, i will make a new suit, but i am not ditching my ectosuit!!!
EB: it is so sweet, i look like link, if zelda was a quest about an elf scientist.
EB: i am the wind waker. it’s me.
AG: I know you are, John.
AG: Now empty out your sylladex and let’s see what sort of killer gear we can make for you. 8ut do it fast!

John thinks Dungeons and Dragons is dumb but gleefully compares himself to something from a different well-known fantasy game. I’m kind of the same way with the things I am or was into vs. the many more things I’m not into. Also, Vriska is flat out foreshadowing stuff here.

We switch back to Rose, who has a conversation with Kanaya which we cut off on a little while ago.

GA: Ive Just Been Meaning To Say 
GA: That I Read Your Instructional Guide
TT: Oh? 
GA: Yeah 
TT: Sorry to hear you were subjected to that. 
GA: Why 
TT: It was a little melodramatic in retrospect. Heavy-handed. 
TT: But now it’s stuck on that server forever, broadcasting the notes of very confused girl sifting through the aftermath of just another pedestrian apocalypse somewhere in paradox space. 

So the discussion of Rose’s walkthrough begins. She talks about how she’s moved past that and is now in the process of fucking shit up.

TT: Have you ever written a message you regretted instantly upon sending? 
GA: Lately 
GA: Almost Perpetually 
TT: That line included? 
GA: Wow Yeah Kind Of 
GA: Also 
GA: That One 

I like how Rose kind of knows what’s up with Kanaya. It seems like their conversations omit things that go without saying. For example, as far as I know, Rose never says anything like, “There’s this troll who pesters me a lot who I think has a thing for me.” Also the awkwardness discussed here is exactly like what I talked about in one of the Act 4 posts.

TT: I’m sure you must regard the walkthrough as pretty quaint.
TT: As a veteran of the game.
GA: Actually
GA: At The Time Of Reading It Lent Some Useful Insight 
GA: Into The Nature Of The Game I Hadnt Yet Considered 

I think she’s talking about Rose’s descriptions of how the game has lots of stuff that undeniably counts as magic, and more significantly, how the game can reasonably be thought of as a malevolent force. They then discuss Rose’s whole thing of destroying stuff.

GA: Okay 
GA: But These Means Presently On Display 
GA: Are Making Me A Little Nervous 
GA: I Think Its Kind Of A Reckless Use Of 
TT: Of what? 
GA: These Forces 
TT: Dark magic, you mean? 
GA: Yes 
GA: Well 
GA: Influence By The Gods From The Furthest Ring 
GA: The Communion You Seem To Have Developed With Them I Find Kind Of Troubling 
TT: I don’t think they are as nefarious as you might imagine. 
TT: Many of them seem to be intent on helping us. 
GA: How Exactly Do You Know That 
TT: From their whispers in my dreams. 

Rose, a Derse dreamer, calls Skaia “malevolent” but trusts the Horrorterrors completely. Kanaya, a Prospit dreamer, thinks the inverse. People reading this will no doubt question Rose’s motives here. Why does she trust those space Cthulhus? It probably ties in with her interest in eldritch abominations, which begs the question, where did that interest come from? Did Jade dream that Rose would go to a bookstore and buy a book on those elder gods? Or is that just built into Rose as a Derse dreamer? Jade doesn’t seem like the kind of person who would encourage people to read about huge tentacle monsters. But as I wrote this sentence, Squiddles immediately came to mind. Maybe Rose and Jade aren’t so different after all.

GA: How Much Time Have You Really Spent Sleeping 
GA: Since You Began Playing 
TT: Not much. 
TT: But quite a lot in a failed timeline. 
TT: And now and then, memories surface from that alternate reality. 
TT: Vague memories, but unmistakable in familiarity, like spontaneously remembering a dream from years ago by some inexplicable catalyst. 
TT: In that reality, they spoke to me in my sleep and told me much of what I needed to know. 
TT: Including what to do to reset our timeline and create the present reality. 

I had completely forgotten about this description of Rose’s memories of Davesprite’s timeline.

TT: I have assurances I’m on the right track. 
TT: Surely you must have spoken to the gods by now. 
TT: What did they tell you to make you so suspicious? 
GA: Actually 
GA: I Havent 
GA: I Have Never Visited Derse Or Traveled Beyond The Veil 
GA: Prospits Moon Was My Home 
GA: For Most Of My Dreaming Life 
TT: It was? 
GA: Yes 
TT: This surprises me. 
GA: Why 
TT: … 
TT: Good question. 

I think it’s because many characters find Kanaya and Rose to be very similar people, so having opposite traits or game assignments would be surprising to them. I’m not going to get all role-inversion-y up in here, but I will note that it’s pretty common for two characters in Homestuck to simultaneously parallel and contrast against each other. I’m not going to list all of those pairs, but John and Karkat are a pretty prominent example.

GA: Skaia Was Always The Foil For My Curiosity 
GA: But It Only Showed Me What I Needed To See 
GA: It Very Much Had The Presence Of Something Sentient 
GA: And 
GA: Benevolent 
GA: But Silent 
GA: Not Something To Converse With Or Be Instructed By 
GA: Or Anything With An Agenda Beyond Which It Knows To Be Manifest Already 
GA: Like A Very Clear Mirror 
GA: That Has Everything There Is To See Inside It 
GA: But Only Some Things Are Visible At Any Given Moment 
GA: I Always Trusted It 
GA: And I Dont Trust Gods That Would Eschew Its Light 

That right here is the, sorry readers who hate seeing that word, inversion I’m talking about. I promise it’s not a batshit role inversion theory based on disputable class pairing headcanons and pairings of those pairings or whatever. Kanaya describes Skaia as “benevolent” in contrast to Rose saying it’s “malevolent”, and Kanaya directly states that she doesn’t trust those elder gods while Rose just as explicitly says she does. It’s precisely the inverse of what Rose thinks.

TT: You didn’t actually answer my question. 
TT: When was it exactly that you read my walkthrough?
GA: Oh 
GA: A While Ago 
TT: Before you first contacted me? 
GA: I Have To Confess That 
GA: Ive Been Experiencing Something Like 
GA: Impression Whiplash 
GA: Since That Time 
TT: What do you mean? 
GA: At First I Thought You Were Foolish And Incompetent 
TT: My apologies for whatever misstep I may have taken to dispel that impression. 
TT: It was an honest mistake, I swear. 

Rose never mentioned that John was impersonating her the first time Kanaya contacted her. I think she found it obvious that that’s what was going on but never bothered saying it because it’s so obvious. It’s just like what I was talking about earlier in my commentary on this exchange (to see it, scroll up a bit).

GA: You See Thats What Im Talking About 
GA: That Was A Very Snarky Remark That Happened Just Now 
GA: Stratified By Your Signature Varieties Of Insincerity Which Cut Through The Literal Meaning Of The Statement Like Colorful Ribbons 
GA: And The Net Intent Is Something Maddening To Try To Know 
GA: Its Meaning I Think Exists At The Inscrutable Nexus Of Semantic Space Where Humor Chafes Against Soft Malice 
GA: A Place Perhaps The Human Mind Occupies More Comfortably I Dont Know 
GA: Xenopsychology Isnt My Strong Suit 
GA: Or Even A Real Word 
TT: … 

How does Hussie even write these weird rambles.

GA: Why Dont You Put The Turtle Ruins Down 
GA: And Return To Your House 
GA: I Have Sketched Some New Outfits For You That I Think Are Nice
GA: We Could Try To Make Them 
GA: It Will Be Fun 
TT: You seem to have taken quite an interest in my wardrobe decisions. 
TT: Are all trolls so fashion-minded? 
GA: Urrgh No 
GA: Sadly 

Here’s another call back to other kid/troll interactions. Kanaya is actually honest about her unique interest in fashion, unlike Vriska who makes stuff up.

TT: Maybe later. 
GA: What If There Isnt A Later 
TT: Well, we already know there won’t be. 
TT: That’s nothing new. 
GA: I Mean 
GA: There Not Being A Later Might Happen Sooner Than You Think 
TT: Wow, what? 
GA: I Mean 
GA: For You Specifically 

We aren’t far into Act 5 Act 2 and there’s already hints of a pretty ominous thing happening to Rose.

This is what she’s doing as she’s having this conversation.

A: Alright 
GA: I Cant See You In The Future 
GA: The Viewport Wont Let Me After A Certain Point 
GA: Its Black 
GA: But Only For You 
GA: Not The Others 
TT: When? 
GA: Several Hours From Now 
GA: Do You Know Why This Could Be 

If that isn’t ominous, nothing is.

TT: That’s thoughtful of you. 
TT: To strive to pacify me as I scuffle down this black corridor. 
GA: Wait 
GA: Is That What Im Doing 
TT: Is it? 
GA: On Second Thought 
GA: Thats Not What I Want To Do 
TT: Oh. 
TT: That’s a pity. 
TT: Who will make sure my soul isn’t forfeit in service of gods then? 
GA: Well 
GA: I Hope That Doesnt Happen 
GA: But Id Rather Not Get Stuck In That Kind Of Pattern Again 
GA: So If You Want To Wreck Turtle Villages And Tear Your Planet Apart On The Counsel Of Dark Gods 
GA: Fine With Me I Guess 
TT: What do you mean, “again?” 
GA: Ur 
GA: Ill Do The Thing You Do When You Dont Say Anything 
GA: “…” 

I like how she accidentally implies having feelings for Rose (she doesn’t want to be stuck as moirails with someone she’s attracted to like what happened with Vriska), but only the other trolls would actually get the implication here. Soon after Rose finally gets around to asking her question:

TT: What do you know about the Green Sun? 
GA: Ive Never Heard Of It 
TT: Thank you. 
TT: The transaction was very tidy. 
GA: Agreed

Cue readers thinking “what the fuck is the green—oh wait, never mind. OK, kind of never mind. Attentive readers may remember it as the Chekhov’s sun (awful pun) glimpsed in a few scenes with Bec. But not all readers are attentive. I wonder whether I would have recognized the green sun from the scenes with Bec if I actually read Homestuck the first way through. Probably not? Even now I’m not the most attentive reader when it comes to reading stuff for the first time. I always used to have a bad habit of skimming books I read, and I think reading Homestuck for the first time and realizing I didn’t understand anything may have taught me not to do that.

I would have stopped a bit later so that next post would start with what Dave is up to just like this one started with what Rose is up to, but this post is getting pretty long.

As for my future schedule, a post covering 50 pages every Sunday may be decent, but at the same time, it might be pretty slow. I’ll see what happens; if I fall into a pattern, then I guess that’s my schedule for you.

See you next time as Dave does stuff.

>> Part 30: Coolkid Phenomination Station