Cookie Fonster’s Homestuck Commentary Part 74: Dawn of the Other Twelve

Introduction

Part 73 | Part 74 | Part 75 >

Act 6 Intermission 2, Part 3 of 3

Pages 4741-4819 (MSPA: 6641-6719)

NOTE: I’m not going to pretend this isn’t just filler text again.

2019 NOTE: Actually I don’t need filler text anymore, I can have actual text here because I have something to say as a disclaimer! In the interest of dramatic irony, I will be keeping everything I said in this post about John and Roxy’s relationship completely unedited. I’m doing this because I believe Hussie intended readers’ massive confusion at them not getting together in the credits to be part of the “experience” and I’d rather not taint my expression of my reaction with the usual “holy shit this reads differently after the epilogues”.

John wakes up in a dream bubble and oh hey it’s another 2x callback combo: to Jake waking up to see Aranea, and to Karkat getting hit in the face by a bucket.

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Cookie Fonster’s Homestuck Commentary Part 66: The Miracle of Another New Beginning

Introduction

Part 65 | Part 66 | Part 67 >

Act 6 Act 2, Part 1 of 6

Pages 4391-4436 (MSPA: 6291-6336)

NOTE: The first 30 or so pages covered in this post are technically between Act 6 Intermission 1 and Act 6 Act 2, but it makes the most sense to consider those pages part of the latter act.

NOTE 2 (8/25/2016): Happy birthday, Andrew Hussie!

You are Jane Crocker again. 

And once again, you have woken up on the moon of Prospit, without any recollection of how you fell asleep. You think you were going outside to get the mail? You can’t remember.

Here’s a bit of dream self weirdness in action. Waking up in the dream world and taking a while to remember stuff that happened is one of the defining motifs of dream bubbles, but not of dreams in Prospit or Derse. Jade’s dreams never worked that way at all, with her essentially sleeping on and off in sort of a dual state of existence, sometimes forgetting that she’s even asleep. But in fairness, Jade has always been a special case in that regard.

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Cookie Fonster’s Homestuck Commentary Part 33: Cthulhu Acid Trip Dreams

Introduction

Part 32 | Part 33 | Part 34 >

Act 5 Act 2, Part 6 of 32

Pages 2841-2890 (MSPA: 4741-4790)

Yes, this really is a scene in Homestuck. I promise you, not all of it is an LSD tri—oh wait you should know this, because this post series is made on the assumption that people reading it have read Homestuck.

In which I decide against the “in which blah blah blah” thing because that would be stealing an idea from the blog that inspired this post series, and stealing ideas is a bad habit I’ve had in my creative projects for as long as I can remember; and also because I went fine adding title pictures to my older posts without any text immediately following.

Continuing from where we left off, we see what Jack Noir is up to. He yanks the ninja sword out of the beat mesa record thing, and I wonder where exactly Dave’s bro went. I actually don’t remember. I think he escaped and somehow went to LOWAS offscreen but I’m not sure. I guess I’ll see and find out.

Then comes a famously bizarre and nightmarish flash in which Jade wakes up from her dream. I’ll comment on it with the screenshot method I’ve seen livebloggers use.

I like how deceiving the Prospit loading screen is knowing what really happens in this flash.

This looks like a pseudo-old timey video game.

This flash starts with an eye-melting dream sequence about Squiddles. I think this is meant to give the impression that Jade now has regular absurd dreams? Pretty much everyone has weird dreams, but Jade should probably be a little more weirded out at that. I’m pretty sure she had gotten really used to dreaming on Prospit since she was little, so normal person dreams really should tell her that something’s wrong.

But then again, she’s dreaming, and when you’re dreaming, your mindset shifts to a whole different world. In my dreams, I’ll often have memories of things that didn’t actually happen. So maybe Jade is in her dream mindset or something, just like how she was pretty absentminded while dreaming on Prospit. This actually makes sense in Homestuck’s context; in dream bubble sequences, characters will typically take a while before they can remember stuff.

I know this might just be a tangent about stuff you already know and have experienced, but dreams are a pretty fun topic to talk about because of how weird everything about them is.

Rewatching this flash, I can tell that the zoom-out scene depicted above is meant to tell readers, “Now that Jade’s dream self is dead, she dreams in bubbles in a realm that lies way outside Derse.” But as I’ve seen, readers are more typically just plain confused by this flash, made worse by the fact that when they finish the flash and collect their thoughts, their minds will likely be clouded up by the shock of the scary squidmonster sequence in the second half of the flash. This is a noteworthy flaw in Homestuck. Flash animations meant to convey information will often just seem really cryptic to readers, or seem really inexplicable and confusing. When I first watched [S] WV: Ascend, I thought it was meant to show readers that WV and company are the ones behind Sburb.* There’s a few flash scenes that throw readers off especially often, like Aradia ascending to god tier or the Green Sun being created rather than destroyed. I think such scenes throw readers off because they will often show something happening, but they don’t put into words the reason why or how it happened.

* I should’ve mentioned that in the last Act 2 post, but I guess I forgot to. I totally could add that to that post, but it would kind of ruin the point of mentioning that here so I won’t. Maybe that could be taken as bonus information you could get from reading this blog beyond just my first ten posts or something. I don’t know.

A workaround for that problem might be accompanying the flashes with expository text. Nannasprite’s exposition sequence back in Act 2 seems to me like Hussie experimenting such a medium of conveying information. But in later acts, flash sequences will instead often be followed by exposition dumps explaining what happened in those flashes. The flash I’m currently commenting on is one of the best examples of this: immediately following the flash, Feferi will explain stuff to Jade about the Furthest Ring and what happened in Jade’s dream sequence. Other examples of this sort of thing are Jade giving John a rundown of the events that happened in Cascade about 200 pages after that flash, or Aranea explaining stuff about Lord English in the walkaround game that immediately follows [S] Caliborn: Enter.

Up next, Feferi appears in Jade’s dream, and here readers will typically think “what the FUCK”. I think this scene is meant to show us that people from different sessions can share a dream, but people watching this flash will seem to have trouble getting that, rather thinking Feferi’s a projection of Jade’s mind, which should be impossible because she’s never seen a troll in person.

I should note that I laughed pretty hard at the absurdity of this sequence. That’s when the audio and imagery start to distort, leading to a nightmarish minute-long squidmonster sequence which gradually progresses from this:

to this:

before accompanying the following imagery with giant monster whispers:

This nightmare sequence tends to flush any understanding of what’s going on out of readers, which I think might serve to help make readers feel the way Jade does about this whole thing.

So she wakes up in a really awful mood and talks to Feferi.

Look at that droopy face mixed in with all the goofy stuff Jade used back in Act 3.

CC: Glub glub. 38)
GG: what!!!!!
CC: S-E-E??
GG: see what!
GG: go away 

John, Rose, and Dave have all completely warmed up to the trolls, but here’s Jade still unable to tolerate any of them, made worse by her mood. Jade’s actions in this whole following sequence pretty heavily show us her grumpy side, going way against her giggly girl nature. You can tell by how she says “go away” without punctuation how she’s feeling.

CC: I told you!
CC: T)(ere is not)(ing to worry about at all.
GG: bluhhh what are you talking about….
GG: my head hurts
GG: just stop it, stop trolling me
GG: i hate you all!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

CC: )(oly mackerel, looks like SOM-EON-E woke up on t)(e wrong side of t)(e absurd )(uman bed! 

This contrasts pretty heavily with Jade’s little exchange with Karkat back in Act 3. She seemed a lot more energetic to tell a troll to scram back then than now. Speaking of which, I don’t recall how exactly Jade came to warm up to the trolls. I guess I’ll find out about that.

GG: my dream was horrible!!!
GG: i dont know what that was, i have never dreamed anything like it
CC: Yes, I imagine not! You )(ave spent your w)(ole life dreaming about prospit, no?
GG: oh god….
GG: prospit 😦
GG: is it really gone?
CC: Yes, Jade. It is time to face t)(e facts!
CC: Our moons are gone too. If we wis)( to sleep now, our dreams must take place in t)(e bubbles glubbed by t)(e gods w)(o live in t)(e Furt)(est Ring.
CC: It is t)(e infinite space w)(ic)( divides all sessions, completely unnavigable and unfat)(omable, untouc)(ed by t)(e time or space of any universe in existence.
CC: Its lords are our slumberbuddies now. 38) 

GG: uuuuuuuuugh D: 
CC: Don’t be ridiculous. T)(ey are not as dreadful as t)(ey look.
CC: In fact, t)(ey are quite )(elpful if you know )(ow to talk to t)(em!
CC: Don’t you remember our dream? I was trying to s)(ow you t)(at t)(ere is not)(ing to fear.
CC: But t)(en… you kind of freaked out! )(umans are so M-ELODRAMATIC. 

Here’s the exposition stuff I mentioned a little while ago. Feferi’s practically recapping the flash I just went over.

GG: could you please
GG: not use all those stupid parentheses??????
GG: i can hardly read what you type and its giving me a migraine
CC: GLUUUUB oh fine.
CC: I will suspend my neato quirk just for you.
CC: I hereby renounce the royal mark of sea dweller supremacy in the interest of INT-ERSP-ECI-ES DIPLOMACY.
GG: what about the -E thing, can you stop that too? it is also annoying and stupid
CC: JEGUS JADE.
CC: Look! It is like a cool trident I throw sometimes.
CC: 
Ψoooooo —————E 

CC: How is that not awesome!
GG: meh :\
CC: Okay, you win. I have officially humbled myself before you. Entirely glubbing peasant-IFICATED for your pleasure.
CC: Shall I clip my fins for you as well, your majesty? 

Here’s Feferi’s condescending side again, how she feels like she has humbled herself and stuff in place of the obnoxious royal typing style.

GG: hehehe
GG: ok, sorry for sounding bossy
GG: you seem pretty nice, and you sure do look exotic
GG: i kind of always thought you were all like
GG: a bunch of really obnoxious humans
CC: Well, thank you! On both counts, of being likened to something other than an obnoxious human, as well as on my exotic looks.
CC: For the record, you look pretty awesomely weird too. 

Jade has now realized that among the trolls, at least this one isn’t that bad. Also, here’s another bit of contrast between Jade then and now: she used to be really on top of things with her future knowledge she inexplicably refuses to share, but now she’s really out of the loop on the trolls at this point. I’m thinking back to Jade’s conversation with John where she talked about the stuff she somehow knew would happen but denied that she’s psychic. Jade gets a lot of development away from being the cryptic pseudo-psychic girl in this act.

GG: i remember prospit being attacked
GG: and
GG: falling…..
GG: aaaand
GG: i dunno 😦
GG: do you know what happened?
CC: Hell if I know!
CC: In your pre-death dream at least. Oh, well you died obviously, so there’s that.
GG: fffffff
GG: yeah, i gathered that! XC
CC: All I could see was what happened in your hive.
CC: You were asleep, and then your robot exploded.
CC: And then your lusus saved you! Kind of like mine saved me.
CC: Before she died. 38C 

How exactly did Gl’bgolyb save Feferi? Did it have to do with entering the game or what? I know that later she mentions that her lusus fell into her kernelsprite—is that it? I’m really not sure.

GG: also it was shortly before your friend sent me a weird message
GG: about how my robot was going to explode, and i should talk to him when it happens
GG: this was months ago
CC: Oh? Who was that?
GG: it was the most awful and angry one
GG: i am so sick of him, i really dont want to talk to that pathetic jerk ever
CC: Ah, Karkat. Of course.
GG: thats his name?
CC: Yes, he’s our leader. Why did he want you to talk to him?
GG: hmmmm
GG: thats right, it was about some kind of plan…
GG: which he said me from the future told him about?
GG: i thought it was total nonsense at the time
GG: but
GG: i guess he was telling the truth
GG: so maybe i should talk to him? i dont know 

CC: Glubshrug.
CC: He’s pretty harmless, really. You get used to his yelling.
CC: I do not even process it as yelling anymore. More like a lot of blubbering.
CC: More blubber spills out of that mouth than a gash in a poached whale. 

I guess Feferi is the one who convinces Jade that the trolls aren’t so bad. I don’t remember much how Jade deals with Karkat and warms up to him, I guess I’ll see.

CC: And hey, if you want to take another nap sometime, let me know! They will be more than happy to glub us up another bubble.
GG: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
GG: i am never going to sleep again!
GG: never never never never never never 

What if Jade does end up refusing to sleep? That might potentially parallel her with Karkat, her patron troll. But as I said in an Act 3 post, John says much later that Jade still retains her sleeping habit. It’s a bit ironic that a character who always wants to make positive contributions to whatever’s going on has such an affinity for sleeping, which I’ve speculated to be Vriska’s mind control experiments rubbing off on her mind when it’s free of influence.

Oh my god, those eyebrows. That’s such a Karkat face.
Also, notice the huge meteor in the sky on the top left.

GG: ok, my robot exploded
GG: now what smart guy!
CG: HOLY SHIT, IT’S HARLEY
CG: COMMUNICATING WITH ME OUT OF NOWHERE OF HER OWN VOLITION
CG: HOLD THAT THOUGHT WHILE I GO INFORM MY DISGRACE OF A CLOWN FRIEND ABOUT THIS TRUE REAL LIFE MIRACLE, IT MIGHT LIFT HIS SPIRITS
CG: I HAVE TO SPREAD THE WICKED WORD LIKE I’M MASSAGING SHITTY SPARKLEDUST AROUND MY NETHER REGIONS TO ASSUAGE A VICIOUS RASH
CG: IT’S LIKE I’M SEASONING A FUCKING STEAK HERE. 

I don’t think we know whether Karkat had this conversation before or after Gamzee watched that ICP video. I wonder if Karkat did indeed try that on Gamzee, or what. We don’t get any dialogue from Gamzee between his conversation with Dave I covered last post and when he becomes full-on evil. I think it’s likely that after his crisis of faith, Gamzee went out of the computer lab and questioned his life choices in private as he slowly became evil.

GG: i knew i would regret this
GG: talking to you is so terrible
GG: its making my headache worse
CG: OH YEAH, BECAUSE TALKING TO YOU HAS JUST BEEN ABSOLUTE EUPHORIA.
CG: DON’T EVEN TALK TO ME ABOUT HEADACHES.
CG: RIGHT NOW THERE’S A LUMBERJACK SPLITTING WOOD ON MY THINK PAN.
CG: HE’S GOT THE FOREARMS OF A CHOLERBEAR, A MOUNTAIN OF LOGS, AND NOTHING BUT FUCKING TIME. 

This is another parallel between Jade and Karkat: both, at this point, are really tired and woke up from a horrifying dream, and are thus grouchy and even grouchier than usual respectively. All four beta kids seem to have some parallels with their patron trolls, though I can’t put my finger on any good ones between John and Vriska at the moment.

GG: i cant believe i fell for this
GG: it was just a setup to troll me some more
GG: why do you go to such lengths to troll me? i just dont understand it
CG: TRY TO BE CULTURALLY SENSITIVE
CG: TROLLING IS AN ACTIVITY THAT SHARES A NAME WITH MY ENTIRE SPECIES
CG: DO I GET ON YOUR CASE FOR ALL THE TERRIBLE HUMANNING YOU DO?
GG: thats ridiculous, humanning isnt a word
GG: and if it was, it would be a nicer thing to do than trolling!
GG: you know what i mean, stop pretending you dont 

Here Jade’s lampshading the absurdity of what trolls do—exactly what I mentioned a few posts ago. As I said, I don’t really get the thing of trolls using their species name as a word with a lot of meanings. I guess it’s just a silly thing that expands on the term “trolling” as it’s used on the Internet.

GG: i mean you are being patronizing and disingenuous to get a rise out of me
GG: and that is really really shitty!!!!!!
GG: i am so tired of it, and i am done talking to you forever
GG: bye karkat, it was awful knowing you! 

I’m pretty sure this is the second time in Homestuck where Jade swears. Just as John starts doing the Vriska thing not long after he first talks to her, Jade ends up swearing in her first decently long conversation with Karkat.

Or does this give a hint at Jade’s hidden depths, with her own ruder tendencies? Act 5 Act 2 has Jade’s psyche explored in quite some depth, showing us some personal issues of her own. This brings to mind how Dave’s personal issues are also explored in depth. But in Act 6 this becomes pretty different: Dave’s issues are later played VERY far—excessively so I would argue—to the point of retroactively making him have even more personal issues and repressive stuff than he already did; Jade’s, however, are practically forgotten about. A common complaint is that among the beta kids, the Derse dreamers get so much more character development than the Prospit dreamers, and I must agree here. Some people argue that John has gotten zero real change and development since page 1 of Homestuck (I disagree but I won’t go on about why), and as I said when I started Act 3, it’s generally agreed that Jade has gotten way too little screen time in Act 6. This is even implicitly referenced in the most recent update featuring Jade as of the Omegapause, when the god tier version of Calliope alludes to Jade’s role in the story as she talks about the space aspect.


This tangent literally arose from Jade saying the word “shitty”. It almost feels like I’m getting comically off-track in my posts, but then again, this post series was always meant to analyze Homestuck in depth.

CG: YOU PROBABLY DIDN’T CONTACT THE RIGHT ME.
GG: what does that mean!
CG: I MEAN FUTURE ME IS PROBABLY THE ONE TO TALK TO ABOUT THIS.
CG: SINCE IT’S ALL NEWS TO ME.
GG: is this another prank
GG: you are seriously the worst at pranks
CG: I DON’T PLAY PRANKS, THAT’S JUVENILE NONSENSE. 

This is another example of Karkat being an inverse of John, who as we know, has an affinity for pranks..

CG: IN THIS CASE, I AM ACCOMPLISHING THE LATTER.
CG: HERE, CLICK THIS AND WE WILL SOLVE THE MYSTERY TOGETHER.
CG: 
GG: 😐

I never realized until now that the following memo where Jade watches Karkat argue with himself was made by Karkat to figure out this exploded dreambot stuff. I guess it diverts from the point so quickly that you forget what it even was for. Doesn’t Karkat know at this point that talking to his alternate self will inevitably lead to a heated fight?

This would be my second choice for this post’s title picture.

CCG RIGHT NOW opened memo on board FRUITY RUMPUS ASSHOLE FACTORY.

CCG: HEY FUTURE ME, WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THIS EXPLODED JADEBOT BUSINESS?
CCG: MUST BE SOMETHING REALLY MISSION CRITICAL, OR JADE WOULDN’T HAVE BOTHERED GETTING IN TOUCH WITH US, RIGHT?
CCG: SOMETHING IMPERATIVE TO OUR SURVIVAL NO DOUBT?
CCG: HEY DOUCHE BAG, ARE YOU THERE
??? gardenGnostic [?GG] AT ?:?? responded to memo.
?GG: oh jeez, why am i doing this
?GG: this is so stupid!
CCG: PIPE DOWN HARLEY, THIS PRACTICALLY DOESN’T EVEN CONCERN YOU AT THIS POINT
?GG: bluhhh youre so funny!!!!! 

If Karkat said that Jade doesn’t have anything to do with this memo, then why did he invite her to it? So she can help explain the robot explosion?

Also, it’s hard to tell if Jade’s being sarcastic when she says Karkat is so funny. She has been in a pretty grouchy mood but it’s been noted several times that Jade generally isn’t very sarcastic.

CCG: YOU KNOW, IT’S REALLY AMAZING HOW BEHIND THE TIMES YOU ARE.
CCG: IT’S ALMOST AS IF YOU’VE SLEPT THROUGH THIS WHOLE ADVENTURE
CCG: OH WAIT, THAT IS ESSENTIALLY TRUE.
CCG: IT WAS HILARIOUS WATCHING YOU GROW UP.
CCG: YOU THOUGHT YOU HAD ALL THE ANSWERS, FROLICKING ALL OVER YOUR ISLAND BEING INFURIATINGLY CHIPPER, BUILDING ROBO-BUNNIES LIKE A MORON AND ULTIMATELY RUINING EVERYTHING.
CCG: YOU WERE SO SURE YOUR DREAMS TOLD YOU EVERYTHING YOU NEEDED TO KNOW.
CCG: AND NOW LOOK AT YOU
CCG: YOU SUDDENLY UNDERSTAND JACK SHIT. 

Karkat specifically notes that Jade being out of the loop thing I mentioned earlier. It’s kind of a recurring thing with this post series, where I make an observation about something, and then a few pages later, I end up seeing Homestuck make note of that observation.

CCG: DO YOU EVEN HAVE ANY IDEA HOW LUCKY YOU ARE TO BE GRACED BY MY DIVINE FURY?
CCG: TO HAVE THE PRIVILEGE OF GETTING TO BE STUDIED AND MOCKED BY ME FOR YOUR WHOLE PATHETIC MISERABLE LIFE?
CCG: DO YOU REALIZE I’M YOUR GOD? YES, YOUR LITERAL GOD, THAT’S RIGHT.
?GG: sure karkat, whatever you say! 

This is the exact same condescending attitude Karkat displayed in his first conversation with John. He gradually warms up to John before he even starts talking to Jade, and at that point I guess he goes back to the same starting place and presents himself as a victorious almighty god, only for that to backfire yet again.

CCG: AND I HAVE TAKEN TIME OUT OF MY BUSY GODLY SCHEDULE TO SCRUTINIZE YOUR POINTLESS EXISTENCE.
CCG: OUT OF THE COUNTLESS TRILLIONS OF LIFE FORMS I BROUGHT INTO REALITY THROUGH ANGRY GRUBFUCK POWER ALONE, I HAVE SELECTED YOU FOR EXAMINATION AND HARASSMENT.
CCG: PERSONALLY I THINK THAT WARRANTS A LITTLE GRATITUDE, AND JUST MAYBE, A BIT OF DEFERENCE.
CCG: A CURTSY, PERHAPS?
CCG: BUT YEAH GO AHEAD AND KEEP BLOWING ME OFF LIKE THE FLAKEY LITTLE TWERP YOU ARE.
FUTURE carcinoGeneticist [FCG] 3 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.
FCG: HEY DON’T TALK TO HER LIKE THAT YOU UNCOUTH PIECE OF SHIT.
FCG: THIS IS REFLECTING POORLY ON BOTH OF US, IT’S GODDAMNED EMBARRASSING. 

Here future Karkat responds to the memo not to answer the robot question, but to call his past self out on being mean to Jade. At first I thought, oh Karkat’s just doing this to call his past self out, but then I realized that future Karkat knew exactly how that would happen, which through [incoherent time travel ramble omitted] originated from itself. Stuff being predetermined to happen is nothing new at this point but it’s still pretty mind-screwy whenever you take a moment to think about it.

FCG: I CAN’T BELIEVE I EVER THOUGHT FUTURE ME WAS THE STUPID ONE
FCG: PAST ME IS THE DUMBEST BUCKET OF FESTERING DISCHARGE I EVER FELL ASS BACKWARDS INTO. 

I mentioned two posts ago that I wanted to find when Karkat said that the only person worse than future him is past him, and this is the closest quote I found because I didn’t consider that it might have been said in a walkaround (which is when it was said).

FCG: LOOK, JADE’S NOT THAT BAD OK.
FCG: YOU JUST GOT TOO WORKED UP, AND YOU CAN’T SEE THAT.
FCG: AND NOW ALL THIS FROTHING PANDEMONIUM JUMPING OUT OF YOUR MOUTH IS JUST RIDICULOUS OVERCOMPENSATION FOR YOUR OWN SHORTCOMINGS AND MISTAKES, AND MASKING SOME FEELINGS YOU’RE NOT REALLY IN TOUCH WITH.
FCG: THIS IS ALL SO OBVIOUS, I’M FLUSHING LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER IN EMBARRASSMENT HAVING TO EXPLAIN IT TO YOU, AND EVEN WORSE, REMEMBERING HAVING IT EXPLAINED TO ME BY THE SMART ONE THREE HOURS AGO AND STILL ACTING LIKE A MOIST GLOBE EVEN AFTER BEING SO SOUNDLY SCHOOLFED.
CCG: I DON’T BELIEVE THIS. PLEASE TELL ME THIS IS A JOKE.
FCG: YOU SAID SO YOURSELF, WE DON’T JOKE AROUND. IT’S JUVENILE, REMEMBER.
CCG: I’M GOING TO VOMIT.
CCG: I’M MAKING A MENTAL NOTE TO SLAP MYSELF THREE HOURS FROM NOW, FOR BEING ENOUGH OF A SAP TO START DEVELOPING RED FEELINGS FOR A DUMB ANNOYING HUMAN, IF I’M READING BETWEEN THE LINES CORRECTLY. 

This angry past/future Karkat argument reminds me of another simultaneous parallel and contrast between him and Dave: Davesprite is considerably more open about his emotions than Dave, just like future Karkat vs. past Karkat here, but Dave and Davesprite get along just fine while two Karkats will inevitably descend into a flaming argument.

?GG: future karkat, if you really are future karkat……
?GG: where do you get off thinking you can just suddenly act like were pals because you said you apologized????
?GG: if you want to apologize then great i am all ears! but just mentioning it off hand and then yelling at yourself the same way you yell at me all the time as if i need a knight to come save me from yourself is so lame, not to mention completely insane
?GG: i cant even believe the things im typing here! this is so stupid, talking to two of you at once is the worst thing imaginable
?GG: you treat everyone horribly, even yourself, i cant even fathom how awful it is to be you
?GG: past karkat, youre acting like a bigger jerk than he is and i think you know that! why dont you take his advice and grow up
?GG: as if theres even a real difference between you two. three hours is hardly any time at all, you are the same person YOU FUCKING IDIOTS!!!!!!!!! 

I really like this speech Jade gave to both Karkats on the memo. She’s calling Karkat out on exactly what’s wrong with him.

CCG: OH SHIT
FCG: YES, THAT WAS GREAT. WE BOTH HAD IT COMING, ESPECIALLY HIM. GREAT WORK JADE. 
?GG: stop it!!!!
?GG: ugh, i dont know whats worse, jerk karkat or goofy sycophant karkat
?GG: i cant stand it, whether youre trying to be nice or just being a crazy asshole, you are just so weird!!!
?GG: im through humoring you, i dont even care about this stupid exploded robot mission, whatever that was
FCG: OH RIGHT, ABOUT THAT
FCG: YEAH WE NEED TO TALK
FCG: I MEAN WE HAVE ALREADY FROM MY PERSPECTIVE
FCG: BUT YOU’RE GOING TO BE REALLY BUSY SOON, BECAUSE YOU’RE ABOUT TO ENTER YOUR SESSION
FCG: SO DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT UNTIL YOU DO, THEN JUST HIT ME UP, WE’LL TALK ABOUT IT
?GG: hahaha, FAT CHANCE!!!!
FCG: LOOK I KNOW THINGS ARE WEIRD BETWEEN US RIGHT NOW AND YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO BE MAD.
FCG: ESPECIALLY AT THAT LOSER.
FCG: BUT THINGS WILL CHANGE, IN TIME YOU’LL SEE I’M NOT QUITE SO AWFUL, OK? 

It doesn’t take long for John to realize that Karkat is completely harmless and just kind of bitter sometimes, but Jade thinks he’s an absolute idiot for quite some time. Also, take note of how much Jade swears in this memo.

??? turntechGodhead [?TG] AT ?:?? responded to memo.
?TG: ahahahahah oh god
?TG: dude i cant believe you were just getting on our case about hitting on the troll girls
?TG: and then literally the very next memo you are slobbering all over jade
?TG: thats just perfect hahahaha
CCG banned ?TG: from responding to memo.
FCG rebanned ?TG: from responding to memo

Dave takes a moment to call Karkat out on being, let’s face it, kind of stupid. And past and future Karkat both agree that Dave is a shitbag.

?GG: i also cant wait for past you to past drop dead and go to hell, PAST TENSE!!!!!!!!
?GG: when are those things going to happen?? or will have already past/future happened?????
?GG: i want to put another reminder on my finger so i know when its time to throw a party!!!! 

This sounds so much like something Karkat would say. Remember when in one of my Act 4 posts I went on a tangent to moan about how robotic it is to say that Dave and Rose are always sarcastic while John and Jade never are? Well here’s another example against that. I don’t mean to sound bitter.

FCG: HOW’S THIS FOR A PACT, EVERYBODY.
FCG: PAST KARKAT ONLY TALKS TO PAST JADE FROM NOW ON, AND THE TWO OF THEM CAN BICKER LIKE SHITTY LITTLE CHILDREN FOR HOURS/YEARS RESPECTIVELY.
FCG: AND FUTURE KARKAT ONLY TALKS TO FUTURE JADE, AN ARRANGEMENT WHEREIN ONLY INTELLIGENT DISCOURSE TAKES PLACE BETWEEN TWO CIVILIZED, MATURE, GROWN ASSED ADULTS.
FCG: IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?????? 

Turns out this is pretty much what Jade ends up doing later.

?GG: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa XO
?GG: i will just ban myself!!!!
?GG: *JADE HARLEY BANNED HERSELF FROM RESPONDING TO THE GRUMPY SHIT HEAD MISERY ZONE, AND IS NEVER COMING BACK*
?GG: pchoooooooooooooooo
[?GG] ceased responding to memo.
FCG: OK, THERE. SHE’S GONE.
FCG: MAYBE NOW YOU GET IT.
FCG: HOW HIDEOUS EVERYONE THINKS YOU ARE, MAYBE YOU’LL FINALLY STOP FUCKING EVERYTHING UP.
CCG: HUH
FCG: WHAT
CCG: I THINK
CCG: I WAS PROBABLY WRONG ABOUT JADE
CCG: SHE’S A LITTLE LESS LAME THAN I THOUGHT
FCG: SHHHHSHHSHSHSHSH
FCG: SHE CAN STILL READ THIS YOU STUPID FUCK
FCG: NOW’S NOT THE TIME TO OPEN YOUR VEINS AND WRITE POEMS ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS 
CCG: FUCK YOU, I’M JUST VOICING A HARMLESS OBSERVATION OK
CCG: IT’S NOT MY BUSINESS IF SOME LUNK HEAD IN THE FUTURE GETS CARRIED AWAY WITH WHATEVER LITTLE THOUGHTS I MAY OR MAY NOT NOW BE THINKING
FCG: I…
FCG: BUT
FCG: HOW COULD THAT EVEN BE A REAL THING I TYPED THREE HOURS AGO, HOW COULD I BE THIS STUPID. 

Shouldn’t future Karkat be happy that past Karkat realizes Jade isn’t that stupid? Or is the cringe at something he typed in the past that strong? I’m pretty sure most people look back on things they did in the past and think it was stupid, and for Karkat it must be so extreme that ruminating about romantic feelings that would later be a pretty real thing must make the cut as something to cringe over.

Also, Karkat is very often touted as disliking himself, but I don’t think hating yourself and hating your alternate self necessarily go hand-in-hand. As I just said, I think most people cringe at stuff they did in the past to some extent, but that doesn’t necessarily mean they hate themselves. Here’s an even better example: in one Calvin and Hobbes story arc, Calvin clones himself and he thinks his clone is a total jerk, but Calvin is as far away as can be from hating himself; he’s totally convinced that he’s a revolutionary genius.

FCG: WE ARE JUST THE DUMBEST FUCKERS WHO EVER LIVED AREN’T WE.
CCG: SPEAK FOR YOURSELF.
FCG: I DON’T EVEN HAVE THE ENERGY TO BAN US.
FCG: I’M JUST LEAVING.
[FCG] ceased responding to memo.
CCG: YEAH
[CCG] ceased responding to memo.

I like the note this memo ends on: both Karkats are exhausted, accept that they’re both idiots, and leave the memo.

Jade consults her reminders and throws away all but one of them because she can’t remember what any of them mean anymore. This is pretty obvious symbolism for Homestuck’s recurring theme of growing up, a theme I’ve seen lots of people bring up. She looks at her house to see John deploying stuff in it.

I remember that for about a week during my first read this was the page I stopped on.
For some reason, going back to this page brings back ALL the memories.

Jade consults her reminders and throws away all but one of them because she can’t remember what any of them mean anymore. This is pretty obvious symbolism for Homestuck’s recurring theme of growing up, a theme I’ve seen lots of people bring up. She looks at her house to see John deploying stuff in it.

This picture above is a bit of art weirdness: the cruxtruder is drawn in the isometric projection that’s used throughout the early acts, but the room in the background is not.

EB: i woke up on the battlefield which was on fire, and had flaming bits of prospit everywhere. 

If this sentence is shown to people who haven’t read Homestuck, they’d probably think “prospit” is a mineral or something. Just a little oddity I noticed.

GG: 😦 
GG: yes, but that was not prospit. that was its moon which was severed by the crazy derse agent 

What Jade says seems a bit nitpicky; usually Prospit and Derse are not thought of as separate entities from their respective moons.

EB: i also got your present, and it saved my life!
GG: really?? 😀
EB: yes, the bunny was so awesome, it was definitely the best bunny i got today.
EB: thank you so much, jade!
GG: ❤
EB: when jack saw it, he flew the hell away. and then the bunny and i went on an adventure together.
EB: does the bunny have a name? i asked him but i don’t think he can talk.
GG: i dont know! i did not give him one after applying the upgrades
GG: i gave her a girls name when i was very young, but now she is a different bunny, and also a boy i guess?
GG: its up to you john, he is your bunny 

What was the girl’s name Jade gave that bunny? Is it named after someone from Squiddles or something? I don’t think it’s ever stated.

EB: also, apparently i am supposed to marry rose. karkat said so.
GG: what!!!!
EB: it is true, it is a fact from an alien. 

I just love how John said that with a straight face. “It is true, it is a fact from an alien.” It’s like he’s a nine-year-old kid from a sci-fi movie who’s been fascinated with aliens all his life.

GG: ugh he is so weird 
GG: you shouldnt listen to him! 
EB: heheh, i did not take him that seriously. 
EB: but karkat is cool, he is angry and funny. 
GG: D: 
GG: he is angry and a huge pain in the ass 
GG: have you ever talked to two of him at once???? 
EB: haha, no! 
GG: dont ever do it! you will get a headache 
EB: that sounds kind of awesome. 
GG: noooooooo, think again 

It didn’t take long at all for John to warm up to Karkat compared to Jade, but then again he wasn’t in a really bad mood from a nightmare about an infinite dark Cthulhu-space.

EB: i’ve got it.
EB: i will name her liv tyler.
GG: ????
EB: the bunny.
GG: 😐
GG: you mean from armageddon?
EB: yeah!
GG: john that is so stupid
GG: but also kind of cute i guess
GG: ok then the bunny will be named after your silly movie star fantasy crush
EB: it’s too bad i can’t marry liv instead of rose.
EB: the girl i mean, not the bunny.
EB: but i guess she is probably dead now, along with all the other glamorous movie stars who come out to shine on the silver screen.
EB: that’s pretty sad. 

This is a really weird time for it to dawn on John that all his favorite movie stars are probably dead. I wonder if during the battleship journey, John wrote fanfiction of his favorite celebrities playing Sburb? He probably did.

GG: how much time do you suppose we have?
EB: i will find out now!

I didn’t expect this bit to be followed by a scene switch. If I didn’t already know what goes down in Homestuck I would’ve been pretty frustrated, but then again, by this point readers are probably used to scene switches like that.

Up next is another little sequence of panels where Jack Noir flies to LOWAS for a second battle with Dave’s bro, giving him his sword. This bit is notable because it shows us that Jack considers this guy to be a worthy opponent. I wonder what the latter was planning to do over there. Was he just exploring, or did he go there through his mysterious knowledge stuff?

I really like the little outer space view in this panel.
Also note the meteor near Earth; it’s almost like Earth’s second moon.

John drops a globe on Jade’s cruxtruder in order to open it, which brings to light the pattern theme that’s so prominent in the early acts. This sequence of pages is almost like a throwback to earlier acts, with the patterns relating to entering the game played out for Jade, and for the most part, not subverted. I think John mentions a little later that this feels so much like old times with deploying stuff around Jade’s house. Just for reference, the cruxtruder pattern goes as follows: John’s is opened with a hammer, Rose’s with a wizard statue, Dave’s with a toilet, and Jade’s with a globe. Remember the Jade pattern breaking count I took back in Act 3? Well, I just thought up another thing that might count. (15?) Among the four beta kids, Jade is the only one who opens her client player’s cruxtruder by accident. It’s kind of a stretch because the noted instance of this pattern is not the one that occurs last, and probably more of Dave’s instance of a pattern than Jade’s. Don’t worry though, later we’ll have a few stronger instances of Jade breaking patterns.

EB: ok, we have 10 minutes and 25 seconds.
GG: hmmmm i wonder what the significance of that number is
EB: why would it be significant?
EB: numbers don’t always need to have significance!
GG: but they usually do! 

This isn’t the first time Jade broke the fourth wall. Remember in Act 3 when Jade (not really) let the reader try playing Memory with her items and regrets breaking the fourth wall, as the narration explicitly states? Homestuck has a lot of lines that might count as breaking the fourth wall, or at least leaning on it.

EB: hey, what do you think we should prototype this fussy little orb with?
EB: heheheh, it seems like so long ago that rose fed mine a clown.
EB: we were just messing around, we didn’t even know what we were doing.
GG: i dont know…
GG: there are so many possibilities
EB: yeah… 

EB: it’s almost like your grandpa put all this crap here knowing we’d have to make that decision.
GG: hmmmmmm!
GG: yes, it sure seems that way
EB: he seems like he was an awesome guy, i would have liked to have the chance to talk to him.
GG: well
GG: maybe you will get that chance john
EB: oh?
GG: yes, as a matter of fact i am sure we will both get that chance!
GG: i once dreamt that we would 

This exchange is really enticing the mystery of what Jade’s sprite will be prototyped with. Through what we know so far, Jade’s promise that she and John will both get the chance to meet her grandpa during the game is very heavily directing readers to the idea of Grandpasprite. And this whole scene’s also implicitly directing readers to the idea of Bec prototyping himself, because both he and Grandpa’s body are next to the kernelsprite, and because of Hussie’s affinity for red herrings. It wouldn’t be unreasonable to guess that Bec and Grandpa will both be prototyped into Jade’s sprite, leading to what I’ve seen people call “Grandpawsprite”.

Arguably, Jade and John’s supposed meeting with Grandpa is still an unanswered question as of the Omegapause. She’s most likely talking about meeting Jake, but if that’s the case, it’s a little dubious whether Jade would recognize him as her grandpa, so it’s not 100% clear. I’m personally unsure if I’d recognize young versions of my parents.

EB: huh…
EB: wait, are you saying we will prototype him?
EB: like i did with nanna, to bring her ghost back to life?
EB: as…
EB: another ghost?
GG: sure, why not!
EB: i guess that makes a lot of sense, actually.
GG: that is what i believe this game is for in part
GG: you got to bring back your nanna, rose brought back her cat, i can bring back grandpa, and dave…
GG: dave got to bring back a dead bird because of course he is too cool to have any dead family members 

This bit where John and Jade discuss the possibility of prototyping Grandpa is one hell of a red herring.

EB: i just messaged [dave], he is not answering. 

The youngest instance of Dave at this point, the one wearing the black suit, is clearly still asleep, but are there really no other Daves running around to answer John? The same goes a bit later where Rose and Jade both pester Dave but get a confused consort instead. Or do all the Daves out there just think friends pestering them is past Dave business?

EB: what do we do about prototyping?
EB: we shouldn’t put your grandpa in yet, unless we want lots of imps and ogres and stuff that look like your grandpa.
GG: augh, nooooooooooooooo

Grandpa imps are surprisingly easy to imagine: just picture an imp, then picture it with Grandpa’s facial features. Maybe with his hat for good measure.

EB: we could put in something really lame, to make all the monsters weaker!
EB: or at the very least, more ridiculous looking.
EB: like one of these weird pictures of blue ladies lying around.

If both of you are OK with Grandpa mixed with a blue lady, then go ahead, chuck in one of those things! That would be a seriously absurd and messed up thing. We’ve had two sprites much later that are of ambiguous gender due to being a combination of a male and female, the former of which promptly exploded but the latter of which is very satisfied with their existence. Someone’s probably drawn Blue-Lady-Grandpasprite or whatever you want to call it.

Apparently he stitched up Cal. Rose is also into knitting so that might be a parallel between her and Dirk?

Davesprite successfully finds his bro and joins him in the fight. This is important because it shows that Davesprite still cares about his guardian to an extent, enough that he wants to catch up with him. This is much unlike how regular Dave, after a year without his guardian, makes it clear that he doesn’t want to meet his kid bro. What’s up with that difference? Davesprite didn’t assume his bro was dead during his timeline, but Dave knew for a fact that he’s gone, so maybe that’s why? Or did it take more than four months for Dave to realize his bro was messed up? Or did living on a meteor without puppets and swords everywhere make Dave realize that faster?

Davesprite choosing to fight with his guardian might support my theory I mentioned last post that Davesprite has more respect for Bro than Dave does.

EB: what is this thing, anyway??
EB: and why is it blocking your transporter?
GG: it is some sort of terrible creature my grandpa hunted
GG: he called it the typheus minion
GG: i always hated it! 

So Jade apparently completely believed her grandpa when he said that was a hideous monster he hunted. Is she like the kind of fictional kid who believes all sorts of nonsense her parents say? In the movie Instructions Not Included, the little girl spent the first seven years of her life believing everything her dad made up about her mom, who is supposedly never with her because she travels around the world saving people’s lives. But this is a pretty bad analogy because in Homestuck her grandpa’s crazy adventure exploits are very real.

EB: typheus?
EB: like the web browser?
GG: i guess so
GG: it is probably a coincidence though
EB: hmm, i don’t know…
EB: if you think numbers always mean something, why wouldn’t browser names?
GG: yeah maybe…..
GG: i guess it would make sense for someone to name a really awful web browser after such a hideous monster
EB: wow, you sure do hate that thing!
GG: well sorry, i just found it sort of a weird and creepy thing to grow up with!
EB: i think it is pretty cool.
EB: and he is actually sort of cute to be honest, :p
GG: :p!!!!!!
EB: oh, and screw you, typheus is an awesome browser!
EB: it is old school.
GG: joooohhhhhn, it is so crappy
EB: typheus is the best and that’s really all there is to say on the matter.
GG: YEAH RIGHT
GG: now is obviously not the best time to have the argument about whose browser is better….
GG: but really john you should upgrade to echidna, its so much nicer 

I love this exchange about web browsers. This is the closest Homestuck gets to directly referencing the fact that the kids’ browsers are all named after their respective denizens. I once saw a theory that Skaianet developed all of those browsers. It’s a little weird how no other time has anyone noted that their denizen shares a name with their favorite web browser. I’d be pretty surprised if I played Sburb with some hypothetical Firefox geek friend and it turns out that my denizen is called Chrome and his is called Firefox. But putting real-life browsers here just doesn’t have the same effect because they aren’t named after ancient Greek stuff, at least not the popular ones.

How does dropping a big stuffed object comically clump up everything?
Also, nice touch: Grandpa’s hat fell on the cruxtruder. What would prototyping a hat do? Is that even possible?

EB: in my foolishness, i came very close to prototyping your grandpa.
GG: D:
GG: john, try to be more careful!
EB: we very nearly had to face our grandfatherly paradox-dad as a last boss.
EB: that would probably be the worst case scenario. 

The dramatic irony is so delicious. Even though said irony is only a thing if you’re rereading, it’s still delicious.

Just got through another 50 pages, so I’ll stop here. See you next time as I extensively, and I mean EXTENSIVELY, comment on a flash which is one of my favorites.

>>  Part 34: Villain Caninification Station

Cookie Fonster’s Homestuck Commentary Part 30: Coolkid Phenomination Station

Introduction

Part 29 | Part 30 | Part 31 >


Act 5 Act 2, Part 3 of 32


Pages 2733-2783 (MSPA: 4633-4683)


The pages I’m covering today don’t actually start with this picture, but I’ve decided to start doing what I’ll call “title pictures” for these posts. So here’s a picture of Dave in some building in a baseball shirt or something. I’ve seen drawings of the beta kids where Dave is inexplicably wearing this outfit while the rest are in their starting clothes.


Last time Rose did a bunch of stuff and so did Kanaya. Now it’s time for Dave to do a bunch of stuff. OK, not quite. First John and Vriska have to do stuff. Man, why do characters do stuff so much?


Where were we? John just emptied his sylladex.



AG: This is the most ridiculous pile of useless crap I have ever seen.
AG: Why did you pick up all this junk???????? Rocks, mushrooms, shoes…….. 

AG: Jegus, John.
EB: jegus?
AG: Yes. Jegus!
EB: how do you know about jegus? do you even know what that is?
AG: I have no idea! It’s something Terezi has 8een saying non stop for some reason.
AG: It is weirdly infectious.
AG: What is it, some sort of human profanity?
EB: no. well, yeah kind of.
EB: it is a misspelling of an adult male bearded human, who was magic. 

I remember reading this bit in my first read-through. Now think of the fact that I’m taking note of this. That’s how much I skimmed stuff in my first read-through. John’s last line is of particular note because it sounds like something a troll would say.

Also, this right here is proof against the misconception that Jegus is a troll word. For some reason it’s really popular among fans to make all the trolls Jegus-spewing machines. Dave is technically the one who came up with the term through a misspelling in a conversation with Terezi and the other trolls started using it as well. Let it sink in. Dave coined the word so many fans think is a troll catchphrase.

AG: John! Is that a frog I see there?
EB: uh, yes. it is.
AG: How do you have a frog already????????
EB: i dunno. i found it, and i decided to captchalogue it for some reason.
EB: frogs are pretty cool.
AG: It seems awfully early in your game for you to 8e finding frogs. Your session sure is weird!
EB: huh. ok…
EB: apparently it is considered illegal contraband.
EB: why would a frog be illegal?
AG: John, shut your trap! We are in a hurry here. 

This is one of many allusions to the significance of frogs in Homestuck’s world. But as usual, we don’t know why they’re significant, leaving readers confused as to what the deal with frogs is. They show up so much that some readers think it’s just plain absurd. I’ve seen readers think “oh come on” when they realized that the ultimate goal of the game is breeding a giant frog.

AG: H8RRY 8P!!!!!!!!!
EB: that was nine !’s.
AG: Oops.

This might be the only time a troll messes up his or her typing quirk that isn’t a mistake on Hussie’s part. It’s a bit weird when you think about it that Gamzee never messes up his quirk even though he’s Gamzee. Vriska blushes at her mistake.

Behold 90’s cartoon kid John, in all his glory.


EB: so, uh…
EB: red sneakers, some jeans, a tee shirt, and another shirt…
EB: this is the fabulous outfit you had in mind?
AG: Yes! Isn’t it awesome?
EB: it’s pretty cool and all…
EB: i was just picturing something…
EB: more elaborate? like maybe more adventurey.
AG: Fuck that.
AG: This is a really hot look for you, John. It makes you look a million times more cool, instead of some kind of overa8sconding daggerlance fl8ling pansy. 

Surprised John apparently didn’t notice that his outfit resembles what Nic Cage wore in one of his movies.

More perspective views. Why isn’t he flying straight up? Is it not possible or what?


EB: ok…
EB: marquise bossyfangs mcsekret, this has been a lot of fun…
EB: but i have to go talk to my pals now, and also rescue jade!
AG: Yes, I know that, dummy! I am in complete command of your timeline, remem8er?
E8: oh yeah. sure, if you say so. 

The Vriska thing in all its glory. I laughed reading Vriska’s line here.

AG: We will not speak again for a while. 8ut for me it will only 8e a moment.
AG: I do not envy the Serketless coldspell you are a8out to endure, John.
EB: that’s too bad.
EB: how long will it be?
AG: Man, calm down! It will only 8e a couple of hours or so.
AG: Sweet Jegus, I have clearly done a num8er on you to engender such a frothing o8session so quickly.
AG: Not surprising. It’s just the 8urden that comes with 8eing so damned awesome. 8ut you will figure that out soon enough John, 8ecause I have you well on your way.
EB: ha ha, i guess… 

It’s pretty worth noting that John does seem to enjoy talking to Vriska. Apparently he likes someone helping him around his adventure or something. This bit is pretty much Hussie saying to readers, “Next time on Homestuck: stuff other than John chatting with Vriska.”

AG: Phase two of my program for you 8egins in a little while.
AG: In the meantime, try not to get corrupted 8y anyone too lame. Especially no8ody with 8rown text or gray text, or any shit ugly color at all for that matter. 

Another funny line I forgot existed. It’s a delightful feeling reading through Homestuck yet again and seeing all these funny bits I either forgot existed or never previously read at all.

This image has some cool artistic bits. Dave’s face in John’s glasses, Dave’s symbol vibrating a little, John’s cartoony perspective, and the sketchy view of the house in the background.


EB: hey dave!

TG: hey
EB: wow, it’s been a while since we talked, hasn’t it.
TG: has it
EB: i think the last time i talked to you, i was doing exactly what im doing now…
EB: which is blasting off from my house.
EB: or was it?
EB: wow, i can’t remember… 

This whole scene seems like a call back to the stretch of pages with John and Terezi and Davesprite’s timeline, at least the parts focusing on John.

TG: man who cares
TG: i mean thats great and all
TG: but i talked to you plenty more times since that from where im standing
TG: ive got to make this quick
EB: oh.
EB: you mean like the trolls?
EB: are you using the troll time chat gizmo?
TG: fuck no fuck that trollian horseshit
TG: its just regular old time travel
TG: im from the future
EB: oh ok. is this dave sprite?
TG: no
TG: just regular ordinary dave from the fucking future nothing special dude come on 

I love that line. “its just regular old time travel”. It’s also a lot like John’s first conversation with Rose in this act, but it’s a Dave who’s been doing even more stuff while we weren’t looking, traveling through time like a sci-fi fan’s dream come true.

EB: well, excuse me, but i still think time travel sounds kind of special.
EB: sorry you are so jaded by awesome shit! 

Yeah, Dave never was like “holy shit time travel thats so cool”. Was he expecting that to be a thing when he learned that he and his friends are literally in a wild superpower video game? Or did he never see time travel as something cool and awesome? John obviously thinks time travel is the world’s coolest thing, but Dave probably realized the burdens time travel carries, especially the kind where you can’t change the past, through, I don’t know, movies about time travel? Yeah let’s say that. Let’s say he watched the Back to the Future trilogy and concluded from it that time travel is dumb.

TG: i need to borrow some boondollars off you
EB: boondollars? i thought they didn’t do anything.
TG: no they do do something
EB: what do they do?
TG: what do you think they buy shit its fucking money 

This is Dave’s genre savviness in action. He knows what’s up with those game mechanics and stuff, even though John’s the one who’s into all these video games. He’s also the one who knew it was a bad idea to play Sburb way back in Acts 1 and 2. Dave isn’t necessarily portrayed as a super brainiac but you have to give him some credit for easily understanding the deal with the game they’re playing.

EB: how far in the future are you from? 
EB: i thought we only had something like 24 hours until, like…
EB: game over.
TG: yeah we do
TG: but chronologically ive been around for at least triple that
EB: wow. how…
EB: i don’t get how that works!
TG: no shit your deal is wind not time
TG: youre on easy street what is there even to think about with wind
TG: like what angle to blow it at to fly a damn kite or how gentle its gotta be to make a picnic go swimmingly 
TG: its kiddie bullshit time is serious fucking business
TG: leave it to the pros ok 

The funny thing about this passage is that although it’s not explicitly stated, it’s made pretty obvious that there’s more to the breath aspect than just wind, and Dave doesn’t realize that because that isn’t his deal.

EB: but, doesn’t going back in time make an alternate reality?
EB: i thought that’s what happened with dave sprite, he came back to make sure i didn’t die and this is a new timeline now.
TG: yeah it can work that way
TG: or not
TG: ive been very careful
TG: this whole operation is strung together with stable time loops
TG: no timeline offshoots cause thats when daves start dying and that isnt no good for nobody 

This whole conversation is pretty interesting to read when you consider that the retcon stuff will later be a thing.

Also Dave uses a triple negative.

EB: so what is the future like?
EB: or uh, the 3x future…
EB: do we win???
TG: oh you know
TG: noirs outta control
TG: rose is crazy jades crazier and youre
TG: well youre you 

It doesn’t take a genius to figure out from what Dave says about Jack that Jade is going to prototype something bad—so bad that I need italics to show how bad it is—into her sprite. It also doesn’t take a genius to guess that Bec might get prototyped, or at least give thought to such a possibility. With a little more reasoning one might deduce something like this: Jack Noir becomes the super-dangerous Bec Noir, the kids have to perform the scratch to banish him to the troll session, he fucks more shit up. That’s only partly true, but it’s an easy thing to guess given that the clues deliberately mislead readers. I’ve read a decent amount of Homestuck liveblogs, and some of them are incredibly good at correctly predicting plot events, assuming they aren’t faking it. All this stuff that readers can infer, from only three words.

TG: and together were up to our bulges and miscellaneous bullshit alien physiology in hot sloppy shenanigans while hatching plans under our feathery asses like a bunch of cage free farm fresh motherfuckers
TG: but im not about to get into specifics cause this is complicated enough as it is
TG: and if i started ranting too much about the future id start sounding like one of these smug alternian shitheads and im not about to drop that retarded science on my good bro
TG: so im staying on track here 

Trolls rubbing on Dave again with troll anatomy metaphors.

TG: egbert stfu and give me your goddamn boonbuck j3gus fuck
TG: ill turn it into a boonmint in an hour and youll get it back ok
EB: j3gus?
EB: *narrows eyes suspiciously…*
TG: no comment 

He’s just not going to admit his buddyhood (is that a word?) with Terezi. This reminds me of the whole running gag of Karkat denying his thing with Terezi, but unlike him, Dave decides to stay deadpan and choose not to respond rather than shouting “none of your business you douche”.

EB: i don’t even know how to give it to you!
EB: they are just more weird gaming abstractions, how do we do this?
TG: you can wire it to my account
TG: ill send you the app 

Homestuck’s early acts are all about weird gaming abstractions (the sylladex, the echeladder, the strife stuff) that are gone through without question, with the kids casually talking about which fetch modus they use. Now John’s actually noting how weird the abstractions are. This demonstrates how Homestuck has evolved—shedding the video game layers as the story progresses. First shedding the captchalogue stuff, then lessening the prominence of the Sburb interface, then decreasing usage of software to get around; all of those eventually become secondary things that are occasionally brought up or done. If you open up a Homestuck search page and search “captcha” or “grist” or “modus” or something, you can get a feel for how this sort of stuff has become less prominent over time, but is still mentioned now and then.

The video game mechanics that characterize early Homestuck so heavily make a comeback in early Act 6 where the alpha kids rehash the introductory patterns of the beta kids with their own twist, but even then it’s later toned down, not to mention that the alpha kids generally have better fetch modi than the beta kids. For instance, while the first 100-some pages of Homestuck are all about John’s sylladex mishaps, as far as I remember the first time in Act 6 that sort of thing happens to the extent of what goes on in the early acts is something like a hundred pages in, where Lil’ Sebastian starts making a mess of Jane’s house, and that might be the closest Act 6 gets to having these sylladex shenanigans.

EB: i’m really pretty busy you know. i have to help jade!
TG: i know
TG: but this takes like two seconds
EB: bluh…
EB: fiiiiiiiine.
TG: dude
TG: dont do the vriska thing ok
TG: shes messed up we talked about this
TG: or will talk
EB: who?
TG: whatever
TG: alright app incoming
— turntechGodhead [TG] sent ectoBiologist [EB] the file “virtualporkhollow.exe” —
TG: gotta go later 

I like how John learned Vriska’s name from Dave mentioning it.

It’s easy to forget that Dave has big eyebrows, as seen in the copy of him to the left.


Up next is a scene switch to the crazy stuff Dave is up to, mirroring the scene switch to Rose. This bit shows that Dave has started doing crazy stuff, similarly to Rose. Just look at his duplicates with goofy costumes.


Dave talks to Terezi, who sends him a comic. Dave’s reaction is as follows:

TG: fuck
TG: bout time
TG: what took so long 

Just like between Rose and Kanaya, their casual lines and conversations so clearly indicate a friendship. Given that, it’s a shame that those kid/troll relationship patterns are kind of broken apart and swirled around like I don’t know what. But I’m not going to ramble about that right now.

GC: TH3 PH3NOM3NON OF TH3 COOLK1D 1S 4 F4SC1N4T1NG ON3 D4V3
GC: 1 H4V3 STUD13D 1T
GC: D1D YOU KNOW TH4T W3 DO NOT H4V3 COOLK1DS ON 4LT3RN14?
TG: oh shit really
TG: that loud sound of shock you just smelled was my jaw hitting the floor 

Their interactions like this need no commentary. They’re just that humorous, littered with referencing each other’s memes and stuff. Like I just said, it’s a shame that their dynamic is scrapped and also kind of forcibly dismantled post-retcon (note the words “kind of”). But let’s forget for a second that any future events exist and go on.

TG: so are we done making money yet or what
GC: OH 1 DONT KNOW
GC: T3CHN1C4LLY W3 W3R3 4 LONG T1M3 4GO
TG: yeah i kinda figured
GC: BUT 1TS 4 FUN W4Y TO STR3TCH OUT TH3 T1M3 YOUV3 GOT L3FT, 1SNT 1T?
GC: >:]
TG: im not complaining
TG: but you said there was something specific we were working toward here
TG: i mean aside from buying up all the nastiest fraymotifs
GC: Y3S BOTH 4R3 TRU3
GC: 4ND TH3R3 4R3 SOM3 YOU H4V3NT BOUGHT Y3T!
GC: TH4T 1S 1MPORT4NT, W3 N33D TO K33P YOU COMP3T1T1V3 W1TH JOHN
TG: competitive
TG: man
TG: dont matter what i do im not gonna outpace egbert
GC: DONT S4Y TH4T! YOUV3 GOT TO B3L13V3 1N YOURS3LF D4V3 

Their interactions are still mixed in with Dave stuff with all his personality flaws and stuff. Terezi does encourage him and legitimately thinks he’s a cool and funny guy, and she kind of goes along with the thoughts Dave hides about being in people’s shadows or whatever? I don’t know.

TG: hey its not like the futures a mystery or anything weve both seen it
TG: well
TG: ive seen it
TG: youve just caught a whiff of it
TG: like a hungry beggar loitering cross the street of an olive garden
TG: just cause a filthy vagrants barred from entry dont mean a dude doesnt know italian foods nearby its a fucking fact to his nose 

I think the mention of Olive Garden is a thrown-in reference to something Hussie joked about at some point. There’s also occasional references to blitzing chakras which I believe came from the same context as Olive Garden.

GC: DO NOT D1STR4CT FROM TH3 1SSU3 W1TH YOUR S4SSY R3M4RKS 4BOUT 34RTH 1T4L14N FOOD
GC: Y34H OK, JOHN M4Y S3RV3 YOU YOUR OWN BULG3 ON 4 S1LV3R TURN T4BL3 PR3 SCR4TCH
GC: BUT WH4T 4BOUT 4FT3R TH4T?
GC: W3 N33D YOU TO K33P P4C3
GC: 1T 1S TH3 CL4SS1C STRUGGL3, TH3 HUM4N 34RTH COOLK1D V3RSUS TH3 34RTH HUM4N N3RD
GC: WHO W1LL W1N??????? >:O
GC: (D4V3 D4V3 D4V3) 

This is the first time “pre-scratch” or “post-scratch” is used as a term in Homestuck. The scratch is one of those things that’s talked about a lot but we don’t know what its deal is for quite a long time.

TG: alright well its not like i even have a problem parting with this useless bullshit money
TG: how much do you need
GC: 413 BOONBONDS
TG: thats all
TG: i can afford to give you a fuckload more than that
TG: how bout i give you an even boonbank
GC: NO!!!
GC: 1T MUST B3 3X4CTLY TH4T 4MOUNT
TG: ok just to be clear
TG: thats 413
TG: not “aie”
GC: Y34H
GC: J3RK >:P
TG: whats up with that number
TG: ive seen it around 

I like how Dave lampshades arc numbers, wondering what’s up with them. I think he wonders what’s up with a lot of stuff in the game. At one point, when reminiscing about the intellibeam laserstation device, he says that sometimes he thinks the game was made by a dumbass, which reminds me of how Homestuck often serves to parody video games. I totally could have talked more  about how Homestuck parodies old video games back in the first few acts. I totally could have talked more about a lot of stuff in the first few acts. Sometimes when I look at my earlier posts, I think, wow, some parts hardly have any substance. If I wanted to I could have edited them to match with how I’ve doing posts—and I have been doing that to an extent by adding some extra commentary to old posts—but part of the fun of the blog is writing it as I go and seeing how this blog is evolving.

But we’re on strict schedule here (not really), so let’s get back to the conversation!

GC: TH3Y 4R3 TH3 NUM3R4LS OF TH3 BL1ND PROPH3TS
TG: whats that mean
GC: 1 DONT KNOW >:? 

We never learn what the deal is with those alleged “blind prophets”. How does Terezi know that those are a thing but not know what that means? 413 is referred to as the numerals of the blind prophets in her introduction page which kind of suggests that she already knew about that beforehand, but only kind of.

GC: 4T TH3 3X4CT 3ND OF TH1S CONV3RS4T1ON
GC: YOU MUST W1R3 TH3 MON3Y TO MY 4CCOUNT 3X4CTLY 6 HOURS 4ND 12 M1NUT3S 1NTO TH3 P4ST
GC: MY P4ST! R3L4T1V3 TO MY PR3S3NT MOM3NT 4S OF TYP1NG TH1S 

If I have my facts straight, Terezi receives the transfer of money about 6:12 hours before the critical moment. Does this mean that from Terezi’s perspective, this conversation is taking place around the critical moment, which is after Murderstuck and all that? I never realized that.

TG: you mean i can do that
TG: then
TG: why werent we just wiring money into the past for these investment escapades instead of doing all this time traveling
GC: B3C4US3!
GC: TH4T W4SNT TH3 PL4N
GC: W3 H4D TO PL4Y 4LONG W1TH TH3 ST4BL3 T1M3 LOOPS W3 W3R3 PR3S3NT3D W1TH
GC: YOU KNOW, M4K3 SUR3 4LL THOS3 D4V3S RUNN1NG 4ROUND 3X1ST3D 1N TH3 F1RST PL4C3
TG: oh yeah
TG: i knew that its just frustrating sometimes its like paradox space makes you do everything the hard way
GC: Y34H T3LL M3 4BOUT 1T 

Everyone realizes that the reality they live in is the bullshittiest thing ever. Dave sends Terezi a silly comic and then the money transfer.


Then we switch to Terezi in the past. She stands on the roof of the trolls’ meteor and sniffs Prospit with her smelloscope, and sees it being destroyed after looking for a second.


Hint enticing, anyone?


Your keen nose penetrates deep into the Insniffisphere I mean Incipisphere and zeroes in on the familiar honey-sweet smell of Prospit. 

This is what I like about Homestuck’s narration. When it’s like a person who slips his tongue about things and is generally sassy like that. 

Look at Gamzee’s face. When HE’s surprised, you know shit must be serious.


Terezi returns to the computer lab to see Kanaya sawing off Tavros’s legs and Karkat passed out on the floor. She starts a memo informing the trolls of Prospit’s destruction which serves largely for more hint enticing stuff.

CGC: B4D N3WS 3V3RYON3!
CGC: UM
FUTURE gallowsCalibrator [CGC] 3 MINUTES FROM NOW responded to memo.
FGC: T3R3Z1 SOM3TH1NG H4S COM3 UP
CGC: OH?
FGC: Y3S YOU W1LL N33D TO CUT TH1S M3MO SHORT
FGC: 3V3RYON3, TH3 BOTTOM L1N3 1S TH4T PROSP1T W4S JUST D3STROY3D
FGC: 1 4M SORRY TO S4Y
FGC: >:[
CGC: >:[ 

If you’re reading this, please stop what you’re doing and draw fanart of Terezi cosplaying Professor Farnsworth.

FAG: He never listens! None of you do, really.
FAG: And now all of your extra lives are waaaaaaaasted.
FAG: What a 8unch of losers! I’m outta here.
FAG banned herself from responding to memo.
CGC: W3LL
CGC: NOT 4LL OF TH3M
CGC: TH3 D3RS3 DR34M3RS 4R3 F1N3 4S F4R 4S 1 KNOW
FUTURE arsenicCatnip [FAC] 3:14 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.
FAC: :33 < ummm no not quite :((
FAC: :33 < she is refurring to the fact that derse was just destroyed too 

The whole point of this memo is some hint enticing stuff. Man I should come up with a synonymous phrase so my writing doesn’t sound repetitive.


Terezi receives her transfer of 413 boonbonds and asks Sollux to trace its source. Turns out that’s how the trolls found out about the kids—a stable time loop fulfilled by itself and having no point of origin. What isn’t a stable time loop in Homestuck? The characters all think that kind of stuff is stupid; Jade, for instance, finds it mind-wrenching that her password system originated from itself.

GC: SOLLUX 1 N33D YOU TO TR4C3 4 MON3Y TR4NSF3R
TA: 2omeone 2ent you money?
GC: Y3S
TA: why’2 2omeone 2endiing you money.
TA: and why now of all tiime2, liike we can even u2e iit.
TA: who’2 thii2 doucebag?
GC: TH4TS WH4T 1 W4NT YOU TO F1GUR3 OUT!
TA: ok.
TA: bam, done.
TA: ii am fuckiing iincrediible. 

I like this casual demonstration of how fast Sollux is with computer stuff. “OK.” (beat) “Bam, done.”

TA: 413 boonbond2? damn.
TA: 2omeone here ha2 been playiing 2grub ii gue22. wonder why they’d 2end u2 money.
TA: maybe they know we made them? maybe iit’2 liike a tiip. liike thank2 dude2 for makiing u2 exii2t.
GC: >:???
TA: why 413, why that number.
TA: any iidea?
GC: NUM3R4LS OF TH3 BL1ND PROPH3TS
GC: OTH3R TH4N TH4T, DONT KNOW
TA: well, 2eeiing a2 we don’t know 2hiit about the guy…
TA: bliind 2eem2 liike the operatiive concept.
TA: kiinda liike a bliind donatiion.
TA: and now we’re fuckiing riich.
TA: 2o ii gue22 you could 2ay…
TA: they’re the numeral2 of the bliind profiit2.
TA:  (I am very grateful that WordPress doesn’t make images have these huge spaces around them)

Here’s a little oddity: the trolls have been in their session for eight times as much as Dave has, and they act like 413 boonbonds is a big deal when Dave has, I don’t know, at least millions of times more than that, if the high currency units he mentions are anything to go by?

Speaking of those currency units, it’s worth noting that the units of money don’t all have their values specified. Of the units that are multiples of boondollars, only boonbucks (1 million) and boonbonds (1 quintillion) have their values explicitly specified; other mentioned units can only be presumed through guesswork. This is the difference between Homestuck, a story about a fictional video game, and an actual programmed video game. I’m sure this kind of thing is present in other works of fiction, but it still feels unique; for example, an in-universe game from some famous media franchise might have official clear rules derived outside of the work, but there’s no way Sburb could be made as a real life video game, and some stuff there will necessarily be kind of ambiguous.


Also Sollux’s pun is brilliant. I didn’t realize the word “blind” is also part of the pun until now.

GC: M4YB3 W3 SHOULD T3LL K4RK4T
GC: WH3N3V3R H3 W4K3S UP
TA: ehhhhh, thii2 2hiit’2 probably not iimportant enough two bother hiim wiith.
TA: iif he fiind2 out, he’ll probably want two hatch 2ome dumba22 plan that make2 no 2en2e.
TA: and badger me iintwo doiing a lot of miindnumbiing bu2ywork.
TA: ii’d leave hiim alone. 

Subtle dramatic irony here. Sollux doesn’t think that all this is a big deal, and he correctly predicts Karkat’s plan to troll these kids.

Note that Dave is the only kid listed here and the only one whose timeline appears here.
This begs the question: how did the trolls find the other three kids? Did they find their chumhandles from spying Dave on his computer, or did they ask him?


Terezi, Sollux, and Feferi examine Dave’s childhood in a little sequence that calls back to the Act 5 Act 2 opening flash. Visual callbacks are one of Hussie’s gimmicks. He says that those are used in order to evoke previous scenes and show contrast against them, and this scene is a great example of that: photos contrasting Dave’s upbringing against John’s. But Dave’s upbringing scenes have some humorous commentary that shows what a troll thinks of thinks of a typical(?) human’s life.


I’m not sure how exactly little Dave was thrown like a ball and landed back on his bro or something.
Also, throwback to the crazy shit Dave went through in Acts 2 and 3.


GC: H3Y 34RTH BOY

GC: W41T…
GC: 1 JUST 4SSUM3D YOU W3R3 4 BOY
GC: M4YB3 YOUR3 4 G1RL?
GC: 1 DONT KNOW MUCH 4BOUT YOUR W31RD HORNL3SS SP3C13S, 1 GU3SS YOU COULD B3 >:\
TG: yes im a girl
GC: OH R34LLY?
GC: 34RTHL1NGS 4R3 R34LLY B1Z4RR3
GC: NO OFF3NS3
GC: WH4T 1S YOUR SP3C13S C4LL3D
TG: north american hollering phallus baboon
GC: >:?
GC: 1 TH1NK YOU M1GHT B3 PULL1NG MY FROND, F3M4L3 34RTHL1NG 

For some reason, inaccurate first impressions are kind of a thing between kids and trolls. Dave here makes bullshit up about his race, which is worth noting because it’s the first time any troll talks to a human.

GC: MY N4M3 1S T3R3Z1, WH4TS YOURS
TG: shaggy 2 dope
GC: OK SH4GGY, S33
GC: 1 C4N SM3LL D3C31T
GC: L13S H4V3 4 SUBTL3 ODOR, 34SY TO M1SS 4T F1RST
GC: BUT TH3 MOR3 TH3Y P1L3 UP TH3 MOR3 TH3Y ST1NK!
GC: TH4T 1S NOT YOUR R34L N4M3
TG: ok sorry
TG: its ben stiller
GC: 4LSO 1 DONT TH1NK YOUR3 R34LLY 4 G1RL
TG: nope
TG: sorry to disappoint you dude
GC: 1 4M 4 G1RL NOT 4 BOY!
TG: dont care
GC: >:[
GC: TH1S F1RST 3NCOUNT3R 1S NOT GO1NG 4S W3LL 4S 1 HOP3D 

First encounters not going well is also a recurring thing between kids and trolls. Karkat, Kanaya, and Terezi all have this with their first time talking to a human.

Also, Kanaya says the exact same thing Terezi says: “I am a girl, not a boy.”

TG: i had such high hopes trapezi it started out brilliantly
GC: T3R3Z1!!!!!!!!
GC: 4ND 1 4M NOT TROLL1NG YOU, 1 4M JUST TRY1NG TO G3T TO KNOW 4 L1TTL3 4BOUT YOU 4ND YOUR SP3C13S
GC: 1 JUST D1SCOV3R3D 1T 4ND 1 4M CUR1OUS
TG: excuse me but it says right in the header of this conversation that youre trolling me
TG: persterchum always knows
GC: OH…
GC: OH Y34H
GC: BUT
GC: OK TH1S M1GHT B3 H4RD FOR 4N 34RTH B4BOON TO UND3RST4ND
GC: BUT TROLL 1S 4 V3RB TH4T H4S 4 LOT OF NU4NC3
GC: TH3 WORD C4N M34N 4 LOT OF TH1NGS
GC: FOR 1NST4NC3, 1 4M 4 TROLL!
TG: no shit
GC: NO 1 M34N
GC: TH4TS WH4T MY SP3C13S 1S C4LL3D 

The whole thing about trolling being used as a verb among Homestuck’s trolls is never really explained. I think Jade lampshades how weird it is at one point, saying that there’s no such thing as humanning.

TG: here
TG: http://tinyurl.com/CDandSL
GC: 1 4M NOT SUR3 WH4T 1S PORNOGR4PH1C 4BOUT TH4T
GC: 1TS JUST K1ND OF STR4NG3
TG: i guess
GC: 1TS PR3TTY GOOD THOUGH
TG: its ok
TG: im not thrilled with this direction though i think its too much like my bros stuff
TG: need to figure out my own ironic statement to make
TG: spread my wings you know 

Here, Dave openly admits to feeling shadowed by his bro. This is worth noting because refusing to show emotions is kind of the deal with him, but here he’s freely saying that he wants to have an individual brand. I’m not even going to bother going on a tangent about his arc stuff.

GC: H4NG ON
GC: OK H3R3 YOU GO B3N ST1LL3R
GC: http://tinyurl.com/FORB3NST1LL3R
TG: oh my fucking hell
TG: that is horrendous
TG: in the most beautiful way
GC: TH4NK YOU B3N >:]
TG: god damn
TG: that mouth
TG: its like
TG: i dont know
TG: a fucking pork chop
TG: jegus
TG: i mean jesus
TG: so overwhelmed i cant even damn type 

In the very first interaction between a troll and human, inspiration is sparked in both parties: for Terezi, the memetic word “Jegus”, and for Dave, Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff.

GC: 1 SHOULD PROB4BLY RUN TH1S BY
GC: UH
GC: MY L34D3R
TG: your leader
TG: thats a retarded thing to say even by the standard of your own bullshit made up vernacular
GC: SM4RT4SS!
TG: whos he really
TG: your boyfriend or something
GC: PFFFFFFFF Y34H R1GHT
GC: W3LL OK
GC: 1 M34N
GC: 1TS B33N SORT OF COMPL1C4T3D W1TH H1M 

This right here is an indication of just how obvious it is to everyone that Karkat and Terezi have something going on.

GC: 4CTU4LLY H3S K1ND OF SM4RT4SSY L1K3 YOU NOW TH4T 1 TH1NK 4BOUT 1T
GC: BUT YOU S33M C4LM 1NST34D OF SHOUTY 4LL TH3 T1M3
GC: 4LSO
GC: YOU TYP3 1N BR1GHT BOLD R3D 
GC: YOU DONT H1D3 TH3 COLOR OF YOUR BLOOD L1K3 4 STUP1D W1GGL3R >:]
TG: ok that remark was almost as boring as it was weird 

I guess Terezi likes having smartasses to hang out with. But the calm smartass vs. the yelly smartass—which will she pick??

GC: OK, 1 W1LL G3T B4CK TO YOU 4FT3R YOU B3G1N PL4Y1NG
GC: TH4T W1LL B3 N3XT SOL4R SW33P FOR YOU
GC: TRY NOT TO B3 TOO 1MP4T13NT FOR MY R3TURN
TG: i plan on forgetting about you instantly after this conversation
GC: Y34H R1GHT
GC: YOU KNOW 1 H4V3 L3FT MY M4RK
GC: 1 4M S33R3D 1NTO YOUR R3T1N4S
GC: L1K3 4 B1G R3D SUN 

Dave ends up forgetting to forget as we see a bit later. How recursive can you get?

Didn’t Terezi say this was the crocodiles’ way of being friendly?


TG: what the fuck was the point of this again

GC: WHY D4V3
GC: WH4T 1S TH1S TH4T MY NOS3 D3T3CTS
GC: COULD 1T B3
GC: T34RS??? >:O
TG: this is bullshit
TG: this was a setup all along
GC: 1 TOLD YOU YOU WOULD CRY D4V3
GC: 1 TOLD YOU BRO……………. >8y
TG: ok jegus
TG: dont say it
TG: if you say i warned you about tears or something one more time
TG: i swear to gog
GC: DONT!
GC: DONT S4Y YOUR3 GO1NG TO DO 4N 4CROB4T1C SOM3RS4ULT OR P1RHOU3TT3 OFF OF SOM3TH1NG, J3GUS
GC: 1 G3T 1T 4LR34DY!
TG: ok fine
TG: our memes can cancel each other out this time 

How does Terezi know the SBaHJ reference? Did Dave show Terezi his comics or did she come up with jokes for him to use? It’s probably the former, but I should note that Terezi referenced this SBaHJ comic in a conversation with Sollux, which makes me wonder if Dave’s famous comic series was collaborated with Terezi or something. Terezi’s drawing pulled SBaHJ out of Dave’s subconscious so it wouldn’t be out of the question if her influence on his comics went even further than that.


TG: there now i wont be satisfying your crazy red fetish either
GC: >:’C
GC: NOW 1 4M CRY1NG TOO YOU S33 WH4T YOU D1D
TG: all you get to smell is black
TG: like licorice or something
TG: you hate licorice right
GC: 1 LOV3 L1COR1C3
TG: shit
TG: ok lets say i dont smell like licorice then
TG: i smell like
TG: a coal miners asshole
GC: TOO L4T3!
GC: 1T 4LR34DY SM3LLS L1K3 L1COR1C3 S1NC3 YOU S41D TH4T, 4ND NOW 1 C4NT UNSM3LL 1T 

Both of them pretty much messing with each other; this is how Dave rolls with friendships. This is also why I find those mentions of post-retcon Dave and Karkat acting childish and giggling like in Vriskagram really out of character for both of them, made worse by the fact that their onscreen conversations are NEVER like that. Maybe if they weren’t supposedly all inexplicably giggly I wouldn’t think of Dave and Karkat as so much of a bullshit pairing? I don’t know, I tend to talk too much about that stuff. Maybe I should save my thoughts on that for when it’s all of a sudden strongly suggested they are or were a thing, which is a long way from now.

TG: whatever
TG: anyway
TG: probably bout time i got on with this game
TG: sans these pointless sidequests you want drag me through for kicks
TG: later terezi nice knowing you
GC: W41T!
GC: YOU C4N’T D1TCH M3, W3V3 GOT 1MPORT4NT STUFF TO DO TOG3TH3R
TG: unlikely
GC: OH
GC: H3Y >:o
GC: HOW DO YOU KNOW MY N4M3?
TG: you told me remember
GC: Y34H, BUT 1 THOUGHT YOU FORGOT!
TG: why would i forget
GC: YOU S41D YOU W3R3 GO1NG TO M4K3 4 PO1NT OF FORG3TT1NG!
TG: oh
TG: i guess i forgot i was supposed to forget
GC: W3LL TH3N
GC: M1ST3R D4V3 STR1D3R
GC: 1 4M GL4D TH4T YOU FORGOT TO FORG3T >:D
TG: uh alright 

How recursive can you get? God dammit I should have saved that line for this point.

Also, Terezi said the same thing (“how do you know my name”) Karkat said in his first conversation with John.


This reminds me of some rollercoaster ride I went to years ago.


TG: its like
TG: watching a miracle made of nothing but twitching schroder legs
GC: YOU S33 D4V3
GC: 1 TOLD YOU, YOU W1LL NOT R3GR3T H1TCH1NG YOUR SH1TTY JP3GGY FOUR WH33L D3V1C3 TO MY CONST3LL4T1ON
GC: TH1S 1S WH3R3 TH3 P4RTYS 4T
TG: look at us go
TG: i cant stop watching
TG: damn
TG: those moves 

GC: TRUST M3
GC: TH3S3 MOV3S DONT STOP K33P T4K1NG PL4C3
GC: NOT 4T TH1S P4RTY
TG: i can see im going to have to drop everything
TG: drop it like its simultaneously hot and i just tripped over the rug
TG: dedicate my undivided attention to this shit 

This is Dave’s reaction to Terezi’s dance party gif. I like the way he reacts to things he seriously finds funny.

TG: damn youre right
TG: truth be told everyone will be tripping when im done
TG: once i upset this biznasty with my swift cuts
TG: dudes will phalanx themselves agape like theyre offerin to store my shit in their mouths for the night
TG: rows of glasseyed human fly catchers beholding categorical fucking domination of the dance floor
TG: but they wont catch none cause the flys all mine 

For a second I thought Dave was rapping here.

This reminds me even more of a rollercoaster, the same one in fact. I think it’s something from Kings Island.


TG: i feel like i should be offering some visual rebuttal here
TG: you arent giving me any time though dammit
GC: TH4T 1S B3C4US3 1 H4V3 YOU 4T TH3 T3MPOR4L D1S4DV4NT4G3
GC: 1 C4N P4US3 4ND DO WH4T3V3R 1 L1K3 4ND TH3N CONT1NU3 OUR CONV3RS4T1ON W1THOUT M1SS1NG 4 ST3P!
GC: BUT DO NOT WORRY D4V3
GC: 1T WOULD B3 4 SH4M3 TO H4V3 TO WH1FF YOUR FR4GR4NT T34RS 4G41N
GC: 3V3NTU4LLY TH3 T4BL3S W1LL TURN 4ND TH3 4DV4NT4G3 W1LL B3 YOURS
GC: YOU W1LL H4V3 4LL TH3 T1M3 1N TH3 PR3N4T4L UN1V3RS3 4T YOUR D1SPOS4L
GC: B31NG TH3 KN1GHT OF T1M3 4ND 4LL
TG: oh yeah
TG: i keep forgetting i can time travel
TG: thats fine i guess 

This is the difference between Homestuck and a superhero comic. At heart our heroes, despite gaining godly superpowers as the story progresses, are still four nerdy teenagers.

TG: but seriously what is the real plan here
TG: that has to do with not fucking around
GC: TH3R3 1S NO PL4N TH4T DO3S NOT 1NVOLV3 FUCK1NG 4ROUND
GC: BUT W3 W1LL M4K3 SUR3 4LL OF OUR FUCK1NG W1LL B3 4PPL13D 1N 4 CONSTRUCT1V3 D1R3CT1ON
TG: ok could you try to be somehow even less subtle when you hit on me thanks
GC: WH4T
GC: WH4T D1D 1 S4Y?
TG: man
TG: nevermind
GC: YOU W1LL H4V3 TO FORG1V3 M3 D4V3, 1 TH1NK SOM3T1M3S TH3 M34N1NG OF WORDS 1S LOST THROUGH OUR CULTUR4L D1FF3R3NC3S
TG: no shit
TG: im going to infer that your species reproduces by having sex with a grub in a bucket or something
TG: am i close
GC: D4V3
GC: TH4T 1S 4BSOLUT3LY TH3 F1LTH13ST TH1NG 1 H4V3 3V3R H34RD 4NYON3 S4Y >:\ 

Cultural differences bringing laughs abound again.

GC: R3M3MB3R HOW 1 S41D YOU H4V3 PL3NTY OF T1M3
TG: tell me anyway
GC: OK W3LL T4K3 WH4T YOU H4V3 S4V3D UP FROM CL1MB1NG YOUR 3CH3L4DD3R TO ST4RT W1TH
GC: HOW MUCH DO YOU H4V3?
TG: dont know
TG: i never even looked at it
GC: D3RRRRP, N1C3 JOB 4C3 G4M3R
GC: M4YB3 YOU SHOULD H4V3 4 LOOK 4T 1T
TG: k 

These casual conversations mentioning Homestuck’s bizarre game mechanics give a deliberate vibe of weirdness. I mentioned earlier in this post how Homestuck has shedded its video game layers as it progressed, and referencing them at a point after their shedding can give a sense of nostalgia, humor, weirdness, or all of the above.

I’ve heard that Hussie livestreamed himself drawing this panel, though I have no idea if that’s actually true.


TG: ok after all this hype you better be prepared to fucking dazzle me
TG: are you gonna bring it?
GC: 4LLOW M3 TO PROV1D3 4N 4NSW3R THROUGH 1NT3RPR3T1V3 D4NC3
GC: http://tinyurl.com/H3LLFUCK1NGY3S
TG: awesome
TG: peace out t-z
GC: >:)
TG: oh shit
GC: >:?

GC: WH4T 1S 1T?????
TG: fuck

This is Dave’s reaction to getting bugged by Karkat. It’s interesting how he hates him despite knowing him as his troll buddy’s boyfriend. This is also leading into one of my personal favorite pesterlogs in all of Homestuck so I’ll stop here. Another 50 pages covered.

See you next time as I either write a post to say stuff about this post series or forget about that idea and just write up a regular post about that funny moment and other stuff.


>> Part 31: Shipping Grids and Massive Walkarounds