Cookie Fonster Critiques Homestuck Part 17: Coolkid Duplication Station

Introduction

< Part 16 | Part 17 | Part 18 >

Act 4, Part 3 of 6

Pages 1578-1659 (MSPA: 3478-3559)

Rose kicking ass.

Continuing from where we left off, John finds his dad’s car, and then talks to Terezi who, like I said in the last post, he always has had an enjoyable dynamic with. Right away they snark at each other:

GC: JOHN DONT M4K3 FUN OF MY H4ND1C4P 
EB: which one, the blindness or the leetspeak. 
GC: 1 4M S3NS1T1VE 4BOUT BOTH 


[…]


GC: B3FOR3 YOU K33P TYP1NG MOR3 STUP1D O’S 1N TH4T WORD 
GC: JUST L1ST3N 4ND DO WH4T 1 S4Y 
GC: YOU KNOW YOUR3 GO1NG TO 3V3NTU4LLY 4NYW4Y 
GC: B3C4US3 YOUR3 4 N1C3 GUY 4ND K1ND OF 4 TOT4L W33N13 PUSHOV3R 

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Cookie Fonster Critiques Homestuck Part 16: Paradox Eggs and Alchemy Bacon

Introduction

Part 15 | Part 16 | Part 17 >

Act 4, Part 2 of 6

Pages 1455-1577 (MSPA: 3355-3477)

Link to rewritten version (unfinished)

This title picture matches even better with the post title than I thought it would.
Look at that little egg on the alchemiter. Better still, the cruxite dowel to the left of the egg looks kind of like bacon.

Once a dutiful lawyer, always a dutiful lawyer.

Time to start the exiles’ backstories. Before becoming an exile, the Renegade was an authority regulator (noted AR?) and the Mendicant was a parcel mistress (PM?). AR? is hanging around LOWAS and finds John’s dad’s car sitting there parked illegally, marking the scene with caution tape, and giving the owner a ticket. He loots the green package and John’s server copy of Sburb from the car. PM? is also walking around there, and sees AR? with the green package.

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Cookie Fonster Critiques Homestuck Part 15: Ditzy Dreamers and Exile Cookouts

Introduction

< Part 14 | Part 15 | Part 16 >

Act 4, Part 1 of 6

Pages 1358-1454 (MSPA: 3258-3354)

Link to rewritten version

Can’t think of a caption other than “The Land of Wind and Shade”, which would be redundant.

Act 4 of Homestuck, like a few other acts, opens up with a minigame. In this game, John explores his planet, a cloudy blue world named the Land of Wind and Shade, fights imps, gathers information about his denizen and the imps and stuff from salamanders, somehow talks to Nannasprite from afar, and like in the game where he explores his house, has a voice in his head give him commands, but the voice is definitely someone different from the Vagabond. It is very similar to the game very early in Act 2, but instead of exploring his house, he explores the planet he entered. This minigame really is rather complicated, with features such as sylladex access and sending objects through a mail system and multiple attack methods and a button to talk to Nannasprite and so on. Hussie has said that this game is somewhat experimental and that it probably could’ve been presented in a more effective way (which is what the famous YouTube series Let’s Read Homestuck does).

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Critique of a Large Number Contest

Why can’t people submit serious large number entries instead of this nonsense.

Here’s a blog post about large numbers, written in the style of the content in my large numbers website. I couldn’t fit it in any section of that website, so I decided to post it in this blog instead.

Introduction: Hamkins’ Large Number Contest

One day, when I was doing some online research about large numbers on the Internet, I came across this large number contest. It is a large number contest held by Joel David Hamkins and Ruizhi Yang at a top-three Chinese university, where you submit the largest number you can write down on an index card—quite a typical large number prompt. The entries were submitted by 150 undergraduate students at the beginning of a talk held at the university.

The rules for the contest were as follows:

  1. A submission entry consists of the description of a positive integer written on an ordinary index card, using common mathematical operations and notation or English words and phrases.
  2. Write legibly, and use at most 100 symbols from the ordinary ASCII character set. Bring your submission to the talk.
  3. Descriptions that fail to describe a number are disqualified.
  4. The submission with the largest number wins.
  5. The prize will be $1 million USD, divided by the winning number itself, rounded to the nearest cent, plus another small token prize.

with 99999, 10*(10*99)+5, and “the population of Shanghai at the moment” listed as examples of valid submissions.

The first two of these are indisputably valid submissions in any large number contest. The third, however, is a little iffy. Undoubtedly there is a number that denotes the current population of Shanghai, but it isn’t easy to precisely determine what number you’re talking about. It’s kind of a physical quantity in that it counts a value in the physical world (technically human world, but it’s about the same thing), and since it’s hard to precisely determine the exact values of physical quantities, you should stray from giving those as examples of huge numbers. Besides, they aren’t that great; almost all physical quantities would be easily topped by a googolplex, which isn’t that big in the scope of large numbers, and every one of them, under any stretch of the term “physical quantity”, would fall well under a decker (10 tetrated to 10 = 10^10^10^10^10^10^10^10^10^10), which isn’t that hard of a number to think up if you’re reasonably clever.

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Cookie Fonster Critiques Homestuck Part 14: A Slick in Time Kills Nine

Introduction

< Part 13 | Part 14 | Part 15 >

Intermission, Part 2 of 2

Pages 1265-1357 (MSPA: 3165-3257)

Link to rewritten version

HUGE BITCH
BLUH BLUH

Continuing from where we left off, Spades Slick jumps to a timeline where Crowbar, the Felt’s least stupid guy, is alive. His subordinates are battling three Felt members. Then Snowman (8) makes her debut in the intermission’s only sound page. She teleports to Slick and stabs him in the eye, talking onscreen as she does that, the most incredible ability of any character in this intermission so far. We learn that if you kill her you destroy the universe (reference to the 8-ball in pool), which is why everyone stops shooting their guns when she’s around. There’s a few interesting things about Snowman’s debut flash. First, she is shown to be a somewhat mystical lady, being able to teleport by phasing through existence. I think we are to assume Doc Scratch gave her that ability, given that he made it so that if you kill her you destroy the universe, but it seems a little weird for him to just give her abilities like that. Carapacians generally aren’t able to teleport around like that. Also, Slick lets Snowman stab his eye like that. What’s that about?

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Cookie Fonster Critiques Homestuck Part 13: Convoluted Mobster Battle Station

Introduction

< Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 14 >

Intermission, Part 1 of 2

Pages 1154-1264 (MSPA: 3054-3164)

Link to rewritten version

Your name is SPADES SLICK.

I’ve gone through the first three acts of Homestuck, now it’s time for the intermission. Before I read Homestuck, I already knew that it had an intermission, because someone on an online forum gave me a rundown of how long each act is, and said that the intermission is his favorite part because it’s so badass. But I sure as hell wasn’t expecting it to be about a completely different cast of characters. And that’s exactly why so many readers skip the intermission, something considered heresy in the Homestuck fandom. For similar reasons, it’s not unheard of for readers to either skip over the trolls’ arc or to skip straight to the trolls’ arc. Just about every fan of Homestuck knows that these are all bad ideas. I didn’t skip any act (the intermission or otherwise) on my first read through, though I’m almost certain that I did accidentally skip over some pages throughout Homestuck when finding the page number I was on. For example, I believe I accidentally skipped the important flash [S] Jade: Enter, but I didn’t understand much of the story anyway because I skimmed everything on my first read. It’s well-known that the intermission first doesn’t seem important to the plot but actually is important, which is the main reason why it’s bad to skip it. It’s really entertaining and action-packed anyway. I’ve seen readers comment that they like how the Midnight Crew gets straight to business and kills a bunch of green morons rather than four teenagers dragging ass on their adventure.

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Cookie Fonster Critiques Homestuck Part 12: Where Making This Transpire

Introduction

< Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 >

Act 3, Part 4 of 4

Pages 1052-1153 (MSPA: 2952-3053)

Link to rewritten version part 1 / part 2

It’s like fucking Christmas up in here.

Last time, we literally examined the world of Jade’s dreams. This time, we’re going to round out act 3 of Homestuck with lots of stuff falling into place. First off, John alchemizes a bunch of things out of his possessions, a pattern that happens with all the kids, and which Jade doesn’t subvert. I’ll list the most notable things he makes: a green Wise Guy suit, Spy Kids-style computer glasses, several hammer weapons, ghost arms to lift bigger objects at long range, and a Cosbytop. I really like the alchemizing system, and how weird combinations can make awesome things; my favorite combination is fake arm + Nanna’s ectoplasm + Dad’s PDA = the remote ghost gauntlet (the arm which he can control from afar). I should also note that we don’t actually go through John first using each of the alchemy devices in order with captchalogue cards and cruxite dowels and all that nonsense; rather, he’s just repeatedly commanded to combine a few items and bam, he does so. Unlike in Act 1, at this point we take much less time to dwell on John using the captchalogue mechanics. I think the main point of the captchalogue stuff may have been to put readers in the right mindset to feel comfortable with the regular usage of the Sburb interface.

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Cookie Fonster Critiques Homestuck Part 11: Magical Dreams and Clown Therapy

Introduction

< Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 >

Pages 952-1051 (MSPA: 2852-2951)

Act 3, Part 3 of 4

Link to rewritten version

Who’s this guy?

At the curb of act 3’s halfway point, we meet the main villain of the first half of Homestuck. He looks like the Problem Sleuth extra Spades Slick, but he is actually Derse’s archagent, Jack Noir. He has great trouble dealing with John’s extra-strong father, and his fourth wall was stolen some time ago. We learn parts of what’s been going on at the kingdom: after Mr. Egbert was kidnapped, the queen made everyone dress like clowns, and Jack Noir can’t stand that. Is there any specific reason for him hating clowns like there is for all Dersites having an intense aversion to frogs? It really doesn’t look like it, though it does become extremely relevant to the plot when Jack flips out and fucks shit up. Maybe it’s like John’s hatred of Betty Crocker—hating it for no good reason. A lot of stuff in real life looks to me like hating stuff for no good reason—I often hear people talking about how much they hate things I know about but don’t really have an opinion about.

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Cookie Fonster Critiques Homestuck Part 10: Scene Hops and Father Revelations

Introduction

< Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 >

Pages 836-951 (MSPA: 2736-2851)

Act 3, Part 2 of 4

Link to rewritten version

Pictured above: why Dave is so damn angsty about his upbringing.

Last time we got a partial tour of Jade’s bizarre house. This time, we switch perspective to Dave battling his brother. I practically lost my breath watching that flash in which Dave strifes his brother, this time around. The guy teleports around at lightning speed like a ninja using Lil’ Cal to fuck with Dave, and the flash ends with a loop of Lil’ Cal slobbering over Dave while his guardian’s elusive silhouette flashes around. In my first two reads through I didn’t have this reaction. Maybe it had to do with the recent update in which Dave vented out all his frustration to Dirk about his upbringing? But yeah. Dave has pretty much the most fucked up guardian ever.

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Cookie Fonster Critiques Homestuck Part 9: Harley in Technoland

Introduction

< Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 >

Pages 759-835 (MSPA: 2659-2735)

Act 3, Part 1 of 4

Link to rewritten version

A silly girl naps by her flowers…

Two acts down, lots to go. Technically four acts, but acts 5 and 6 are both very long and have many subdivisions. So where are we now? In a brief interlude between acts 2 and 3, we get to read a note to John from his grandmother inside the Colonel Sassacre book. In it, there is very much written about the game he and his friends will play. You may wonder, how does Nanna know all this? One might surmise that she has some sort of foresight like Jade. However, it’s later revealed that she wrote the note after the became a sprite, and the book got sent through time. Nanna introduces several terms before we learn what they mean, and more significantly, it has the first hints of the class/aspect title system which fans love to theorize about. She mentions the four kids’ god tier titles without saying which one is which; typically, readers will guess that the Heir of Breath is John, the Seer of Light is Jade, the Knight of Time is Dave, and the Witch of Space is Rose. As it turns out, Rose’s and Jade’s titles are the other way around. Nanna also says that the book will travel through time somehow, marking the comic’s first mention of time travel. On to the start of Act 3 proper.

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