Cookie Fonster’s Homestuck Commentary Part 31: Shipping Grids and Massive Walkarounds


Part 30 | Part 31 | Part 32 >

Act 5 Act 2, Part 4 of 32

Pages 2784-2792 (MSPA: 4684-4692)

Pictured above: why this post covers only nine pages.

Welcome to post 31 of this whole big project. Honestly this is just filler text to make the gap between the title picture and the following picture less weird.

I wonder if this picture was deliberately meant to give an M.C. Escher vibe or if it’s just weirdness arising from visual callbacks (in this case calling back to the view up from Terezi’s hive).
Also, we can infer from John’s lack of panic sitting up here that he doesn’t have any fear of heights. Come to think of it, pretty much nobody in Homestuck seems to have fear of heights.

— ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering arachnidsGrip [AG] — 

EB: hey vriska!
EB: ok, i still cannot find my nanna up here, so now i am just installing this game.
EB: what are you up to?
AG: John! What the hell. There are so many things wrong with what you just said.
AG: First of all, who told you you could just hassle me without warning like this? That’s not how this works!
EB: why not? you guys do it all the time.
AG: Yes, 8ecause we are trolling you! Those are the rules. We get to 8ug you any time we feel like, and you have to sit there and t8ke it like a chump.
EB: bluh…
AG: I am too 8usy to 8e fielding your nonsense at the drop of one of your a8surd human hats. I have a ridiculous num8er of irons in the fire. You will speak to me only when I am ready to contact you, is that clear????????
EB: that’s dumb. i’m going to talk to you whenever i want! 

Here, John is giving Vriska a status update out of his own will. I thought up some reasons last post as to why John feels the need to keep in touch with Vriska, and it’s still pretty interesting, especially because John is contacting Vriska rather than the other way around.

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Cookie Fonster’s Homestuck Commentary Part 30: Coolkid Phenomination Station


Part 29 | Part 30 | Part 31 >

Act 5 Act 2, Part 3 of 32

Pages 2733-2783 (MSPA: 4633-4683)

The pages I’m covering today don’t actually start with this picture, but I’ve decided to start doing what I’ll call “title pictures” for these posts. So here’s a picture of Dave in some building in a baseball shirt or something. I’ve seen drawings of the beta kids where Dave is inexplicably wearing this outfit while the rest are in their starting clothes.

Last time Rose did a bunch of stuff and so did Kanaya. Now it’s time for Dave to do a bunch of stuff. OK, not quite. First John and Vriska have to do stuff. Man, why do characters do stuff so much?

Where were we? John just emptied his sylladex.

AG: This is the most ridiculous pile of useless crap I have ever seen.
AG: Why did you pick up all this junk???????? Rocks, mushrooms, shoes…….. 

AG: Jegus, John.
EB: jegus?
AG: Yes. Jegus!
EB: how do you know about jegus? do you even know what that is?
AG: I have no idea! It’s something Terezi has 8een saying non stop for some reason.
AG: It is weirdly infectious.
AG: What is it, some sort of human profanity?
EB: no. well, yeah kind of.
EB: it is a misspelling of an adult male bearded human, who was magic. 

I remember reading this bit in my first read-through. Now think of the fact that I’m taking note of this. That’s how much I skimmed stuff in my first read-through. John’s last line is of particular note because it sounds like something a troll would say.

Also, this right here is proof against the misconception that Jegus is a troll word. For some reason it’s really popular among fans to make all the trolls Jegus-spewing machines. Dave is technically the one who came up with the term through a misspelling in a conversation with Terezi and the other trolls started using it as well. Let it sink in. Dave coined the word so many fans think is a troll catchphrase.

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Cookie Fonster’s Homestuck Commentary Part 29: Crazy Destruction and Laptop Reunions


< Part 28 | Part 29 | Part 30 >

Act 5 Act 2, Part 2 of 32

Pages 2684-2731 (MSPA: 4584-4631)

NOTE: I said my blog hiatus would probably last longer than this, but I’ve finished all homework and I have some spare time now, so I figured, why not release a post right now? Next post will probably be 1-2 weeks from now.

Background turtles are sweating like there’s no tomorrow.

We see what Rose is up to, and what’s the first thing she does? She destroys a turtle temple, which is kind of a character establishing moment, except that we already were introduced to her long ago so maybe it’s more of a mission establishing moment? I don’t know, it still has the same feel as a character establishing moment. But it reveals a new trait in Rose, her exceptional perseverance and desire for relevance. Dave once said that she did this crazy destruction stuff “because shes rose”.

This is the first time a character is represented in an alert bubble by a symbol against a non-white background; this gradually becomes more and more common as the story progresses.*

* As Homestuck went on, alert bubbles have progressed like so: (1) bubbles with “…” in them -> (2) bubbles with their character’s face -> (3) characters’ symbols against a white background -> (4) characters’ symbols as they appear on the shirt (this includes aspect symbols). That progression is pretty gradual, with each slowly overtaking its predecessor.

GA: Okay This Will Probably Strike You As An Odd Moment For Me To Mention This 
GA: But Actually 
GA: There Are Not Many Moments Ive Observed On Your Timeline Which Wouldnt Qualify As Odd 
GA: And Somehow 
GA: Your Idle Moments Seem To Invite Interruption The Least 
GA: And This Is A Difficult Topic For Me To Broach 
GA: For Reasons That You Probably Wont Understand 
TT: You’re rambling again, Kanaya. 

Rose’s line here is a definite indicator of a friendship going on between them.

GA: Okay Sorry 
GA: Ive Just Been Meaning To Say 
GA: That I Read Your Instructional Guide

Why didn’t she mention this sooner? That should logically be the first thing she tells her, but I guess she was too occupied with finding the deal with her or something.

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Cookie Fonster’s Homestuck Commentary Part 28: The Egbert-Serket Chronicles


Part 27 | Part 28Part 29 >

Act 5 Act 2, Part 1 of 32

Pages 2626-2682 (MSPA: 4526-4582)

NOTE: I’m starting a new posting style where I do more commenting as I go and quoting everything I have to say something about rather than these wordy paragraphs and occasional quotes. I also renamed the blog post series to a somewhat more fitting title.

You finally found him. After hours of searching.
SWEEPS of searching.

The opening flash of Act 5 Act 2 is absolutely brilliant. We just got done learning all about how incredibly messed up troll civilization is, and now we go back to the kids’ universe, recapping John’s life, and it seems so magical and beautiful. The scenes with John and his father are so adorably heartwarming, especially baby John riding his pogo and bruising his leg, and his dad walking over to him. He learns to cook and play piano, is taught the ways of pranking, talks to Jade for the first time, gets a green slime shirt, and then starts playing Sburb and goes through some stuff we already saw, until we see where we last saw waking John, riding a rocket board through the Veil. Karkat falls in hate with him, thinking he’s his true destined kismesis (note the spade shirt), which I didn’t realize until now is special for him because he said a little while ago that his standards are too high to have a worthy black partner, barring himself.

Note the early sneak peek of the god tier outfit.

We get to see Karkat’s first time speaking to a human in their famous “first conversation”. I find it interesting how their first conversation is not shown near the end of the kids’ arc, rather at the start of the kids’ portion of Act 5. Maybe this is done for dramatic irony, because John says multiple times that he thinks his first conversation with Karkat will be legendary, but we know how it really goes.

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Cookie Fonster Critiques Homestuck Part 27: Memo Madness and Universe Failure


Part 26 | Part 27 | Part 28 >

Act 5 Act 1, Part 7 of 7

Pages 2543-2625 (MSPA: 4443-4525)

Supposed to be serious one-person business but ended up becoming a barrel of laughs.

This last part of the trolls’ arc kicks off with Karkat starting a memo system for the trolls to read, but not respond to. He rambles about the stupidity of time travel, but the other trolls from the past and future respond anyway to talk about how stupid the his memos are. Even Equius, who never laughs, remarks this:

CCT: D –> Do you realize that here in the future, this bulletin has come to be regarded as something of a joke 
CCT: D –> A lengthy piece of comedy, often quoted amongst ourselves in private moments of levity

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Cookie Fonster Critiques Homestuck Part 26: Seadwweller Drama and Meta Madness


Part 25 | Part 26 | Part 27 >

Act 5 Act 1, Part 6 of 7

Pages 2407-2542 (MSPA: 4307-4442)

NOTE: I recently updated some of my old posts. Mostly some little tweaks, adding some extra information and opinions of stuff, and adding more labels to the posts.

NOTE 2: Going on vacation, so no posts next week. Next post will be Friday around noon, and next post will be either next Sunday or Wednesday depending on when I get back.

(excessively long evil gloat omitted)

Rule of thumb: if it doesn’t say the scene will abruptly switch, it will switch.
If it says it might abruptly switch, it won’t.
Same goes for any recurring gag.

Time to meet the last two trolls in a 2x transition combo. Both have their names given to us, then have a character establishing moment. First Eridan kills someone’s giant whale lusus with his harpoon gun, riding his seahorse lusus like a boss. Then Feferi catches the dead lusus with her net and feeds it to her giant tentacle monster lusus, Gl’bgolyb. Feferi’s moment is establishing because it’s her response to being asked to do something adorable; I think that may establish her odd view of the world, where everything is a lot more positive in her mind than it really is. I love the way that monster is given a sense of scale, with a giant whale lusus dwarfing the size of a troll, which itself is DWARFED by Glb’golyb (am I the only one who reads the name phonetically rather than as “glub glub”?) which I’ve seen estimated to be about 20-30 miles in length. Then we learn the interests of each of those trolls, and that’s where I’ll say stuff about both of them.

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Cookie Fonster Critiques Homestuck Part 25: March of the Quadrants


< Part 24 | Part 25 | Part 26 >

Act 5 Act 1, Part 5 of 7

Pages 2323-2406 (MSPA: 4223-4306)

Why was her introduction delayed so long?

Nine trolls down, three to go. After a fair amount of time getting to know some lunatic trolls we’ve never heard from before, we finally get to know the one who has a thing for Rose.

Kanaya Maryam is strongly emphasized in her introduction page to be an unusual troll in many ways. She enjoys the rays of the sun, has a taste in fashion, has a rare blood caste, has an exceptionally rare mother grub lusus, enjoys odd literature just like Rose, and also has knowledge of stuff through dreams just like Jade. Going by her introduction page—which uses the phrase “you are one of the few of your kind” five times—she’s essentially a combination of the two human girls (while Karkat might be thought of as a combination of the two boys). It’s worth noting that her introduction is much later than that of each of the other trolls we heard from in Acts 3 and 4. I think this might have been done to establish her as a troll who is very much unlike most of the others. Her status as such is interesting because while at this point it’s very heavily emphasized, I’m not sure how relevant it is to her role in the story. The big thing about her is her affiliation with motherhood, tying directly in with her role as a space player, and her supposed role in reviving the troll race. She also gets a distinctive honor of being part of one of very few pairings (Kanaya/Rose) that has stayed sturdy for a long time and continues to be that way; it seems like nobody can stay mad at the fact that those two are together. That relationship is noted for its strength, how it stays in place through hardships and through retcons. Also, I said two posts ago that she’s portrayed as one of the few sensible trolls as shown in a conversation with Vriska, not to mention humorous in her own subtly scornful way. Overall, she’s definitely one of the more likable trolls.

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Cookie Fonster Critiques Homestuck Part 24: Robot Kisses and Blood Alliances


Part 23 | Part 24 | Part 25 >

Act 5 Act 1, Part 4 of 7

Pages 2238-2322 (MSPA: 4138-4222)

I usually think “ew” at kissy scenes, but this one’s hilarity given its context is so much of a redeeming factor that I’ll use it as a title picture. Also, it’s a very infamous scene.

This picture doesn’t correspond with the very beginning of the post.
But Doc Scratch standing here character introduction-style fits pretty well for starting one of these posts.
EDIT: Now I have another panel as a title picture but I’ll still stick with having this as the first non-title one.

This post opens with another flashback. First, Aradia and Terezi discuss what happened to Tavros, and how they’re all done with gaming and putting up with Vriska. Terezi advises Aradia not to do anything in retaliation because it’ll end badly, but her voices urge her otherwise. She summons ghosts to haunt Vriska, who proceeds to talk to Doc Scratch. It’s amusing how easily Scratch gets her to do stuff. He outright tells her, “Aren’t you going to kill her?” Scratch reveals more about himself: how he oversees events and nudges them in the right direction, and how he’s almost omniscient but has gaps in his knowledge existing by design. Vriska does what she is asked and kills Aradia in the most fucked up way imaginable: mind-controlling her boyfriend into eating some mind honey and blasting her to death (though the scene cuts before her death is shown). I’ve seen some people argue that Vriska probably didn’t mean it when she referred to Sollux as Aradia’s boyfriend, but I doubt it. I think it’s more likely that Hussie decided to make Aradia’s own boyfriend be the one controlled into killing her, in order to make the scene sting extra hard, twofold (wink wink). Twofold because it’s Sollux—a guy who beats himself up about a lot of stuff—who killed her against his will.

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Cookie Fonster Critiques Homestuck Part 23: Unpleasant Blueblood Avenue


< Part 22 | Part 23 | Part 24 >

Act 5 Act 1, Part 3 of 7

Pages 2155-2237 (MSPA: 4055-4137)

I used to read this troll’s name as /nuh-peeta/.
Then I watched all these YouTube videos and for some reason NOBODY said her name like that.

Six trolls down, six to go. Next in line for us to meet is the trolls’ furry. Nepeta Leijon is somewhat infamous among the trolls because of her general irrelevance to the storyline. Fans love to joke about her because of that, throwing around theories with various degrees of facetiousness regarding potential connections between her and Lord English or whatever else. I think she gets the least screen time and least plot relevance of the trolls. I would have stopped here to give a summary of what she’s like if not for recent updates in which Jasprosesprite^2 noted her irrelevance in-story and brought her back as a sprite, which simultaneously backfired and, uh, “forwardfired”, when she combined with Davesprite to create a giddy androgynous being who believes themselves (themself?) to be the perfect thing to take on Lord English. Although Nepeta’s introduction pages emphasize her hunting prowess with her cave walls depicting paintings in blood, most fans remember her for her affiliation with cats and her zeal for shipping, which of course are all her dancestor Meulin cares about. Cats are understandable because she pretty much is a cat, but shipping is a little weirder; it’s something towards which people are naturally inclined because the purpose of life is to reproduce and shipping characters transparently relates to that.

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Cookie Fonster Critiques Homestuck Part 21: Down the Chitinous Windhole


Part 20 | Part 21 | Part 22 >

Act 5 Act 1, Part 1 of 7

Pages 1989-2070 (MSPA: 3889-3970)

Elsewhere in paradox space, we examine another planet, forgotten by time.

After nearly two thousand pages mostly covering the adventures of our quartet of nerdy teenagers, we pause our adventure for a stretch of about 600 pages dedicated to thoroughly getting to know what Homestuck is best known for: the trolls. This part of Homestuck is sometimes called the troll intermission, because like the Midnight Crew intermission, it focuses on an entirely different cast of characters from those four kids. Like I said in my first intermission post, some people skip the trolls’ arc, or skip all the way to the trolls’ arc, which, needless to say, are both bad ideas.

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