Disclaimer: I seldom use any sort of AI chatbots for any purpose and I really miss the era when every text that you could find anywhere was actually written by humans. But I was bored as fuck today so I decided, why not?

First question: “who is cookiefonster’s favorite homestuck character”

Based on his extensive blog series “Cookie Fonster Dissects Homestuck” and subsequent reflections, Cookie Fonster has expressed a strong affinity for several characters, often noting their specific contributions to the narrative. While he doesn’t explicitly name a single “absolute favorite” across all posts, his commentary highlights several top contenders:

• Dave Strider: Cookie Fonster has explicitly called Dave the “best character” and frequently praises his arc, particularly his relationship with his brother and his “ironic” humor.
• Jasprosesprite^2: He describes her as a “really fun character” and notes that her lengthy conversations are a “complete laugh riot,” bringing much-needed energy to the story’s later stages.
• Caliborn: In his deeper dissections, he admits to loving the way Caliborn “works around his subpar intelligence to accomplish anything he wants to,” often finding his chaotic presence entertaining.
• Roxy Lalonde: He notes her importance as a “fan favorite” and discusses her “ambiguous flirting” and strong friendships with the other kids in a highly positive light. 

Throughout his “commentary” and “reflections” series, he also frequently focuses on Karkat Vantas and Rose Lalonde, often celebrating their complex emotional beats and leadership struggles. Are you looking for his thoughts on a specific part of the comic, like Act 6 or the Epilogues?

I mean, okay… this is a decent enough analysis but Google is kinda wild guessing here. I find it a bit odd that there’s no mention of John Egbert, a character I’ve often mentioned in my blog posts I particularly love. As for me calling Dave the best character in Homestuck, I guess I did going by a search on my blog, but that’s also kind of misleading. Here are all my Homestuck posts with the phrase “best character”:

• Part 70: I mention the “best character” in Homestuck at the end, implicitly referring to Caliborn.
• Part 71: I explicitly use the phrase in bold: “Caliborn is the best character in Homestuck.” How did Google miss that?
• Part 81: I again refer to Caliborn as the best character.
• Mini-post about Caliborn and Dirk: Ditto.
• Part 4 rewritten: I refer to John as the best character other than Caliborn. Then I say “Dave uses Blogger just like me, which is why he’s the best character.” which a human reader could probably tell was meant in jest. But Google decided for some reason this proved that Dave is my favorite character in the comic.
• Part 83: Yet again I explicitly refer to Caliborn as the best character. Google gave a reasonably accurate summary for why I like to call him the best character.
• Part 7 rewritten: Ditto, but you’d only know the “best character” refers to Caliborn if you’ve read my other posts.
• Part 84: Ditto.
• Analysis of vfromhomestuck’s tweets: Uh, ditto?

I will give Google this: it was right that I love many different characters in Homestuck for many reasons. That’s true for every work of media I love, really. I don’t know if I can choose just one favorite character, but I’m rather surprised Google mentioned Jasprosesprite^2 and not John.

Second question: “what is cookiefonster’s favorite eurovision song ever”

Cookie Fonster has identified several songs as top contenders for his favorite, often shifting his top pick based on when he is writing or which era of the contest he is reviewing. 

As of his most recent “all-time” updates in 2024 and 2025, his primary favorites include:

• “Dancing Lasha Tumbai” (Ukraine 2007): In April 2024, he explicitly stated that, “At the moment, I’d say my all-time favorite Eurovision song is ‘Dancing Lasha Tumbai’”.
• “Ding-a-Dong” (Netherlands 1975): He has frequently called this his potential “favorite Eurovision song of all time”. He describes it as the song that truly “hooked” him on the contest and says he is “unreasonably obsessed” with it.
• “Poupée de cire, poupée de son” (Luxembourg 1965): He refers to this as one of his “all-time favorite Eurovision songs” and a significant influence on the contest’s shift toward pop music.
• “Europapa” (Netherlands 2024): While he hesitated to name it #1 immediately due to “recency bias,” he admitted to being “extremely addicted” to it and noted it might eventually take the top spot. 

In his deep dives into specific countries, he has also highlighted “La dolce vita” (Finland 1989) as his favorite entry of the 1980s and “C’est le dernier qui a parlé qui a raison” (France 1991) as a “masterpiece”. 

Are you interested in his rankings for a specific decade, such as his favorite entries from the 1970s?

This, on the other hand, is spot-on. I don’t love “Ding-a-Dong” quite as much as I used to but yes, it was indeed my gateway drug to early Eurovision. Well done, Google!

Third question: “is cookiefonster gay”

Cookie Fonster has described his sexual orientation in varying ways over the years, reflecting a personal journey of self-discovery:

• Aromantic (Formerly): In 2019, he stated that he was “firmly convinced” he was aromantic.
• “Not Aromantic” / “Picky”: By 2024, he updated his stance, explicitly saying, “I am not actually aromantic. I’m just picky”.
• Privacy: When asked for further elaboration on his identity in late 2024, he replied that he “would rather not elaborate on this publicly”. 

While he frequently discusses LGBTQ+ themes in his Eurovision reviews—identifying “undercover gay anthems” or critiquing “surprise gay kiss” gimmicks—he generally focuses on the music and performance rather than his own personal identity. 

It is important to note that he is a distinct person from other public figures with similar names, such as Sawyer Hemsley (co-founder of Crumbl Cookies), who publicly came out as gay in August 2025. 

Would you like to see his reviews of Eurovision songs with LGBTQ+ themes, like his analysis of “Marry Me” or “This Is My Life”?

I probably mentioned somewhere on my blog that I am heterosexual which is still true. Even during the time I claimed to be aromantic, I still considered myself straight. The bullet points about me updating my stance are from this Homestuck post.

So it’s weird that Google didn’t give a straight (no pun intended) answer to my question. Also, the bullet point about privacy is a nonsensical AI hallucination. In reality, when I said on my blog that “I would rather not elaborate on this publicly”, I was replying to a commenter asking why I had a falling out with someone I went to Eurovision 2024 with, because I like to keep that sort of stuff private. Nothing to do with my identity.

Also, who the fuck is Sawyer Hemsley and why is he relevant to this answer? And since when was there anything LGBT-related in the two Eurovision songs titled “This Is My Life”? (“Marry Me” is the one with the lesbian kiss at the end, so yeah, that one is pretty gay.)