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Cookie Fonster’s Eurovision 2012 Thesis (Final): A Curious Amount of Native Language Jury Bait

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Intro Post

< 2012 Semifinals | 2012 Final | 2013 Semifinals >

Random fact: Everything in this post from Turkey onwards is written on my brand new desktop computer, which runs so much faster than the laptop I had before and is much better for archiving Eurovision content. It’s my first time owning a desktop computer since Christmas 2016 when I got my first laptop.

Introduction

“Now initially, we heard that the Crystal Hall was built specifically for Eurovision. They’re now poo-pooing that idea, even though they did throw it up in seven months and this is the first event in it.” This quote from Graham Norton tells you a lot about Azerbaijan.

On May 27, 2012 when the clock struck midnight in the Baku Crystal Hall, 26 countries battled to determine who would take the prize of Eurovision 2012. In third place came Željko ballad number 4 from Serbia, sung by the man himself. In second place came shameless televote bait from Russia, and the winner was Loreen from Sweden with one of the most famous Eurovision songs of all time: Euphoria. She won by quite a landslide, and we’ll find out together if it was deserved or not.

Unfortunately, this grand final is also known for getting off to a sluggish start. The beginning is filled with slow, understated ballads, and the exciting stuff won’t begin until song number 6, at least if my memory of the final is anything to go by. Luckily this will be the very last Eurovision contest with the songs are in random order, perhaps to prevent something like this from happening again.

The opening act starts off as a showcase of Azerbaijani folk music, then it jarringly transitions to an unmodified “Running Scared”, the extremely un-ethnic winner of last year. I would say I’d prefer to hear “Running Scared” arranged in ethnic style, but that song doesn’t seem as musically malleable as “Satellite”. The song had quite a few revisions and alternate versions during Unser Star für Oslo, it’s actually pretty interesting.

I’m looking at the lineup of songs and all I can say is gulp. Why couldn’t this final start with an upbeat entry like Greece or Russia? Luckily once I finish this year, I’ll be treated to the most beloved host in Eurovision history. In the mean time, I’ll watch this final with one of the most beloved commentators in Eurovision history, the BBC’s Graham Norton.

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Cookie Fonster Rants About Eurovision 2008 (Final): A Headache of Joke Entries

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Intro Post

< 2008 Semifinals | 2008 Final | 2009 Semifinals >

Introduction

The grand final of Eurovision 2008 consisted of 25 countries: the Big Four, the host country of Serbia, and the 20 qualifiers from each semifinal. Since I extensively discussed the voting system in the introduction to the semifinal, I’ll discuss the hosts and stage design here.

You might think a year this filled with joke entries would have hosts that made exaggerated jokes at every opportunity, like those of 2000 and 2001, but the hosts this year have been professional and charismatic. One of them is the musical genius named Željko Joksimović. He composed a total of five Eurovision entries, the third of which is the Serbian entry this year. The other is a Serbian TV host named Jovana Janković. The two hosts entered a romantic relationship a few months after the contest and got married in 2012.

The stage design was based on the Danube and Sava rivers, which merge in Belgrade. That was the inspiration for this year’s theme, which is “Confluence of Sound”—nice to have a theme that relates to the host country. I think RTÉ is partly to thank for the pattern of annual stage designs, because whenever they hosted Eurovision in a building more than once, they made sure it looked different every time.

Greece and Ukraine continued their strong streaks this year, scoring third and second place this year. Russia won the contest for the first and only time with Dima Bilan, who scored second place in 2006. I firmly believe Russia won only because of bloc voting and when I review their song, I’ll explain why that is.

Marija Šerifović must have thought it’d be boring to perform “Molitva” unmodified at the start, so instead she started with a Eurodance version! I’m not a Eurodance fan, but this is a fun reimagination and so much more interesting than the usual reprises. Then she sings a rock ballad in English, which is clearly more of her typical style.

Since Eurovision 2008 is such a pain in the ass with copyright, I’ll continue watching with Norwegian commentary on the NRK website. I can’t speak Norwegian but I can pick up on words here and there, since I’ve read so many translations of songs in the Scandinavian languages. Plus, the commentator I’ve been watching (Hanne Hoftun) has a cute voice.

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Cookie Fonster Chronicles Eurovision 2006 (Final): The Victory of Halloween Costumes

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Intro Post

< 2006 Semifinal | 2006 Final | 2007 Semifinal >

Introduction

As with the last two years, the grand final of Eurovision 2006 (in Athens, Greece) featured 24 songs, ten of which had qualified from the semifinal. Overall the semifinal qualifiers scored much better than the finalists: ten of the top twelve (all but 4th and 9th place) had to get through the semifinal first. This was an early hint that the one-semifinal system needed an adjustment.

This year featured two changes to the voting. First, the countries voted in randomized order, which had only been previously done in 1974 and would be done every year up to 2010. Second, to speed up the voting sequence, the spokespersons announced only their eight, ten, and twelve points. Unfortunately, some spokespersons still were keen on hogging up their time in the spotlight, so this shortened the contest’s runtime only by 23 minutes. In all fairness, a lot of time was taken up by the extravagant opening acts. Greece did not hold back with those!

Finland scored their first ever victory this year with the iconic “Hard Rock Hallelujah”. In second place came Russian’s Dima Bilan, who would win two years later. And in third place was a Balkan ballad from Bosnia and Herzegovina, their highest result to this day. This is the second of four years in a row where all Big Four countries scored in the bottom half: the highest was Germany at 14th place. Although at least one Big Four/Five country has reached the top ten since 2009, these countries still have a less than great reputation in Eurovision (except Italy).

I couldn’t find the German commentary for this year, so I went back to Terry Wogan’s British commentary. I expect him to go extra-snarky once the voting begins. One more random fact: this was the first year in which the host country used the euro as their currency.

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Cookie Fonster Retells Eurovision 2004 (Final): Ethno-Bops, Balkan Ballads, and Future Hosts

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Intro Post

< 2004 Semifinal | 2004 Final | 2005 Semifinal >

Introduction

The grand final of Eurovision 2004 featured 24 countries that can be split into three groups: the Big Four, the top ten non-Big Four countries from 2003, and the top ten countries from the 2004 semifinal. The running order of the first two groups was determined before the semifinal, so the qualifiers were slotted into the remaining spots.

All 36 countries that participated in the contest televoted in this year’s final, even Monaco which used a backup jury in the semifinal. It was the only grand final in Eurovision history where all the points came from televoters. Ukraine won the contest for the first of three times, Serbia and Montenegro (S+M) made a strong debut with second place, and Greece scored third place for the second time. The top three countries all came from the semifinal, and the bottom three were all automatic qualifiers. This makes sense because the semifinal filtered out the less popular songs while the automatic qualifiers had no such filter.

As an opening act, Sertab Erener performed the reliable combo of last year’s winner and her latest single. I still far prefer the orchestral rearrangements of the previous winner, but this opening act reminds us that Sertab’s career has shined bright since winning the contest.

I won’t lie, I’ve started to warm up to Peter Urban’s commentary. He still sounds like he’s reading from a script at times, but he does what he needs to as a commentator and provides plenty of trivia and side remarks. Maybe that’s why he stuck around as the German commentator for so long. I already discussed the history behind this contest in my semifinal post, so there’s not much else to say—let’s get on with the songs!

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