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Cookie Fonster Makes Sense of Eurovision 2025 (Final): My New Favorite Year

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Intro Post

< 2025 Semifinals | 2025 Final

Almost two weeks after the grand final, and my review of Eurovision 2025 is finished! Warning: it’s long as hell.

Introduction

My new favorite year, you say? Yes, indeed so. The song lineup of Eurovision 2025 is nothing short of spectacular: out of 37 songs, there are ten that I’ve given a 9/10 or higher, 17 that I’ve scored an eight or higher, and 23 that are at least a seven. Only eight songs this year are below a five (songs I neither like nor dislike). As is usual in Eurovision, most but not all of the right songs qualified, and thankfully the Big Five and host all sent honest efforts, which makes this an exceptionally good grand final. The one problem: the results of the grand final absloutely fucking sucked.

I usually list the top three in the intro of my Eurovision final posts, but this time it’ll make me feel better to list the top five. The fifth place was predictable enough: Italy with yet another male ballad, but it was more likable than their usual ballads for reasons I’ll discuss later. Now in fourth place came the song I wanted to win: “Bara bada bastu” by KAJ, the first Swedish Eurovision entry to actually be sung in Swedish since 1998. Fourth place would normally be a good result, but it’s a cruel joke when you look at the actual top three.

The third place is incomprehensible to me: a joke entry from Estonia with as little musical merit as “Irelande Douze Pointe” or “Flying the Flag (for You)”. Israel sent a sequel to last year’s “Hurricane” and ran another massive ad campaign, which got them a terrifyingly close second place and even a televote win. I will rant about them exploiting Eurovision soon enough. And as for the winner, the juries think that opera vocals automatically make a song good, so they boosted “Wasted Love” of all fucking songs to the top and gave Austria their third victory. That song winning was a nightmare scenario for me already, but the other top three made for a worse nightmare than I could possibly conceive of.

Now the good news is, aside from the top three, almost every entry in the grand final has something to like about it. In fact, there are so goddamn many songs worth swooning over, I’m not prepared and neither are you. And plus, I am absolutely over the moon about my country’s entry: Germany finally sent a song in German for the first time since 2007, and a great one at that! That might end up being the longest review in the post, but we’ll see soon enough.

And now to discuss the opening of the show, which I watched live in the St. Jakob-Park football stadium for a public viewing, seated next to my mom and her friend. My mother only joined me for Eurovision on the day of the final, just so you know. The show begins with a hilarious video skit where the three presenters realize the trophy hasn’t arrived yet and debate over what to do. As the most comedic of the hosts, Hazel offers to make a trophy from her water bottle and aluminum foil, then drops it and says “at least it doesn’t break”. I love this little jab at Nemo breaking the Eurovision trophy last year so much. Then the trophy goes on an epic journey to the Eurovision stage, soon to be delivered by Nemo themself in the hopes it doesn’t get broken. The entire opening film is humorous, yet it amazes me with the production at the same time.

The opening act is your usual abridged rehash of “The Code” (sure, why not). Then comes the flag parade, set to a medley of dancey Swiss hits and some kickass percussionists. Everyone in the parade is carrying just one or two big flags, but they’re all having fun doing it and many of their personalities shine through. The goofy brothers from Iceland, proud and confident Erika from Finland, the classy guitarists from Italy, modest Zoë from Switzerland, it goes on. And finally enter not two, but three hosts: Hazel Brugger and Sandra Studer from the semifinals, now joined by Michelle Hunziker. No Swiss-hosted contest is complete without a quick introduction in all of Switzerland’s languages, so the hosts do that and then present us the second audience in the football stadium.

For this blog post, I watched the grand final with German commentary done by Thorsten Schorn. My German grandma said she found the commentary on the grand final hilarious, so let’s hope she’s right!

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Cookie Fonster’s Verdicts on Eurovision 2022 (Semifinals): Two Completely Undeserved Last Places

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Intro Post

< 2021 Final | 2022 Semifinals | 2022 Final >

Introduction

The third most recent Eurovision Song Contest as of this writing was Italy’s chance to redeem themselves after their infamously bad hosting of 1991, but spoiler alert: their hosting efforts are mediocre at best. During the host city selection, RAI already ran into tons of troubles. Seventeen cities expressed interest in bidding, eleven cities bidded to host, five were shortlisted, and it was not until October 8, 2021 that Turin was chosen as the host city. That is far too late if you ask me. The host city was supposed to be revealed by the end of August, but I’m willing to bet RAI procrastinated on making the final choice.

This year had 40 countries participating, a number that I really hope Eurovision reaches again. Armenia and Montenegro returned after skipping 2021, and all the 2021 participant countries were going to return at first… until February 24, 2022, when Russia began their invasion of Ukraine. The EBU was originally going to keep Russia in the contest, but after multiple broadcasters threatened to leave the contest, Russia was banned the next day. On February 26, Channel One and VGTRK—the two Russian broadcasters who took turns picking their Eurovision entry—both left the EBU. Russia has been banned from Eurovision, and many other international competitions, ever since.

This contest had a few returns to normalcy we didn’t see in Eurovision 2021: the arena had full capacity and standing seats were available again. No contestants had to stay home, but all countries did record live on tape performances as backup; they also did that in 2021, which is what Australia had to use then. Unlike Eurovision 2021, the audience had to wear face masks at all times, but that wasn’t enforced too heavily. This makes me wonder what Eurovision 2021 would’ve looked like if Italy had hosted. Would a live audience have been possible there? I doubt it, considering Italy was one of the countries hit hardest by COVID.

I’ve already heard all the entries of 2022 (since about a year ago I believe), so it’ll feel a bit strange to review these without hearing anything unfamiliar. I’ve never seen the contest in full before, and as usual, I’ll watch the semifinals with German commentary.

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Cookie Fonster Gushes About Eurovision 2009 (Final): A Spectacular Year Hard to Surpass

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Intro Post

< 2009 Semifinals | 2009 Final | 2010 Semifinals >

Eurovision season is really shaping up. We’ve now heard almost all the participating songs—only Azerbaijan is left, and their song will be out tomorrow. And an exciting change is coming to the semifinals: now the Big Five and host country will each perform in the semifinal they vote in, interspersed amidst the competitors. That should alleviate the disadvantage that the audience only hears their songs once.

Introduction

“Good evening and welcome to the Eurovision Song Contest 2009, coming to you live from Moscow. I’m Graham Norton… I, I miss Terry too. I’m sorry, he’s not here.” These are the first ever words from our new friend, the legendary Graham Norton. Well, not the first words he spoke after coming out of his mom’s belly, but the first words he spoke as a British Eurovision commentator. Like Terry Wogan, he’s originally from Ireland and has a famously snarky sense of humor. He makes an active effort to replicate Terry Wogan’s humor, but while Terry always had a love-hate relationship with Eurovision, beneath Graham Norton’s sarcastic jokes lies a genuine love for the contest.

The opening act blew my mind in so many ways: first a grandiose performance from Cirque de Soleil, then a reprise of “Believe” (the winner of 2008) with zipline stunts and crashing through walls. It continues to amaze me that Russia went all out with hosting Eurovision.

I’m not sure why Russia saved the actually good hosts for the final though. They’re so much more competent than the previous hosts and are much better with their English and French. One of the hosts is Ivan Urgant, a Russian TV host who ran a talk show that was canceled in 2022 because he spoke out against the war in Ukraine. The other host is Alsou, who sang for Russia in 2000 when she was only 16 years old and scored second place. She’s such a confident presenter, oh my god! These two should have hosted the entire show, not just the semifinal.

In third place came Azerbaijan, who debuted only a year prior and frequently sent songs intended to win, very much like Russia. Iceland scored second place for the second and latest time with a ballad that I have a surprising amount of thoughts on. Neither of those countries stood the slightest chance against Alexander Rybak from Norway, who won with a whopping 387 points. He broke the eight-year streak of countries winning for the first time; the only other first-time winners after this year have been Azerbaijan (2011) and Portugal (2017). I don’t know about you, but I think it’s about time someone new takes the crown.

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Cookie Fonster Chronicles Eurovision 2006 (Semifinal): Begin the Trio of Jokefest Years

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Intro Post

< 2005 Final | 2006 Semifinal | 2006 Final >

Germany selected their Eurovision entry for 2024 yesterday and I don’t like it at all. I wrote my thoughts on that entry here and I would say more about the new native-language entries here, but it’s better to save that for a separate post.

For now, just know that all those semifinal posts are very quick to write. Makes sense because they’re always about 10 to 15 songs, like all the early Eurovision contests. Then I always get a big burst of motivation to write about the grand final and the cycle continues.

Introduction

It’s fitting that the title of this post uses a word of Greek origin (chronicles), because Eurovision 2006 took place in Athens, Greece. Some politicians argued that since Athens got to host the 2004 Olympics, a different Greek city deserved to host Eurovision, but the new infrastructure and stadiums built for the Olympics meant Athens was perfect for the job.

Three countries who participated in 2005 withdrew this year: Austria because their broadcaster was pissed, Hungary due to financial issues, and S+M (Serbia and Montenegro) after having a song ready due to a storm of political drama, though strangely enough S+M was still allowed to vote this year. This means that until 2023 introduced rest of the world voting, this was the only year where a non-participating country could vote in the contest. Serbia and Montenegro became two separate countries just a month after this contest. Armenia made their debut this year, which began the Caucasus trio and continued the 2003-2008 streak of years with newcomer countries. I’ll also continue my streak of watching German commentary this year.

To present the contest, the broadcaster ERT picked a Greek singer named Sakis Rouvas (who competed in Eurovision 2004 and 2009), and a Greek-American TV host named Maria Menounos. If you’re an American fan (like me) and feel weird about being this obsessed with Eurovision, just remember that your country is home to one winner (Katrina Leskanich) and two hosts (the other is Daniela Ruah). If you’re wondering whether Maria Menounous can speak Greek, she can! Can one of my Greek commenters tell me how well she speaks the language?

I wondered why the opening film for this semifinal was so short, then I got my answer. As an opening act, Greece showed the world how happy they were to win the contest with an extravagant medley of iconic Eurovision songs (which included Dschinghis Khan) performed by people dressed as Greek gods. This over-the-top campy presentation style is still what pops into most people’s minds when you say “Eurovision”, but I’d argue the contest has evolved in personality since then—more polished and professional, but thoroughly camp when a song demands it.

This time the semifinal had 23 songs, so we have one reject and 13 non-qualifiers to get through.

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Cookie Fonster’s Eurovision 2003 Deep Dive: An Ultra-Narrow Three-Way Battle

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Intro Post

< 2002 Review | 2003 Review | 2004 Semifinal >

Remember: every Eurovision contest from 2004 onwards will get two posts: one about the non-qualifies from the semifinal(s), and one about the final. Except for 2020, which I’ll split between the two cancelled semifinals.

Introduction

After winning last year, Latvia was put to the task of hosting Eurovision 2003. It seemed like a tall order and many people doubted it was possible, but just like Estonia, this little Baltic country managed to pull through. Predictably, Latvia chose to host in its capital city of Riga.

For presenters, LTV picked two of Latvia’s previous contestants: Marie N (2002) and Renārs Kaupers (2000). I’m surprised at this decision, because the last time a country picked two former contestants to host, it was so disastrous that some fans wanted Italy to never host again. Let’s hope the Latvian hosts do a better job!

This was the first Eurovision contest to feature 26 countries, which is today the standard number of countries in the grand final. Denmark, Finland, Lithuania, North Macedonia, and Switzerland were relegated. Iceland, Ireland, the Netherlands, Norway, Poland, and Portugal returned from 2001. Ukraine made their debut at long last, and would prove themselves a power player starting next year.

Turkey won this contest for the first time with an ethno-pop song, a genre that commonly won in the 2000’s. They won with 167 points, but two other countries came incredibly close. Belgium got 165 points with an imaginary language song, and Russia sent their famous girl duo t.A.T.u. and earned 164 points. Predictably, the Russians were not happy about losing to Turkey, but will I be happy about it? We’ll just have to see for ourselves. Terry Wogan’s commentary will once again guide us.

This contest is the end of three eras: it was the last one copyrighted by the host broadcaster instead of the EBU, the last one with a unique yearly logo, and the last one to take place over one evening. 2004 to 2007 had one semifinal, and 2008 onwards have two semifinals. This is good news for all the gaps in the map of Europe, because far more slots were now open. But it’s also the start of an era: this is the first contest where the scoreboard sorted automatically, which made the voting a hell of a lot more exciting.

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Cookie Fonster’s Feelings Over Eurovision 1982: Germany’s Time to Shine!

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Intro Post

< 1981 Review | 1982 Review | 1983 Review >

In a post about a contest that Germany won, there’s no better time to mention that I’ll be in Germany from September 9 to 18! I’m extremely excited about this trip and might write a bit about it on my blog.

Introduction

In the months leading to Eurovision 1982, it seemed like the contest was declining in popularity and prestige. Italy was absent just like last year, and France skipped because their broadcaster TF1 considered Eurovision a “monument to insanity”. This era was rough for Greece too. They withdrew from 1982 and 1986 with a song ready, and 1984 without a song ready, with no transparency or forewarning from their broadcaster. If you’re a pretentious fan who says things like “back in (insert decade before 2000 here), Eurovision was about REAL music”, plenty of people were just as dismissive about the era that you romanticize. You’re just blinded by nostalgia. (Thankfully, France returned in 1983 with a new broadcaster and hasn’t missed a contest since.)

In this sense, you may consider Eurovision 1982 like a party where the two most awaited guests couldn’t make it, and thus the others have to make do without them. It’s also like a party where your friends chose a bizarre location: the small spa town of Harrogate, England. The broadcast of this contest embraced the bizarrity of this choice by putting a “Where is Harrogate?” sketch at the start.

This year was most famous for Germany’s first victory, which was by a landslide. This meant Belgium would be the last of the original seven participants to take the crown. Since this was 17 years before I was born, I would say “I can only imagine what it was like to be German and see your country finally win”, but I actually have a story to tell about it. I’ll tell it when I review Germany’s entry, at the end of this contest.

I wanted to watch this contest with German commentary, but I’m sorry, Ado Schlier’s style of commentary (1980 to 1986) is so boring. So instead, I watched it with Luxembourg’s commentary from a woman named Marylène Bergmann, who was almost 25 years old. Her younger age should provide a fresh perspective on this competition, as well as train my French listening skills. From 1987 to 1991, Germany had a different commentator every year, and that should be more interesting.

Dear god… all this commentator talk made me realize that eventually, there will be a Eurovision commentator younger than me. That’s assuming there isn’t already one, but I didn’t find any from a Wikipedia search. Being 24 years old is weird, guys.

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Cookie Fonster Recounts Eurovision 1973: A Breath of Linguistic Freedom

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Intro Post

< 1972 Review | 1973 Review | 1974 Review >

Introduction

The 1973 edition of Eurovision was hosted once more in Luxembourg City, this time in the Grand Théâtre de Luxembourg. Unlike other Eurovision contests, the orchestra performers surrounded the singers this year, seated in vertical rows. That, together with the bold 1970’s style font, gave this contest a uniquely charming presentation. This contest had 17 participating countries, since Austria and Malta left from last year and a new country joined. It was the first Eurovision participant outside of Europe (but inside the European Broadcasting Union): Israel.

There’s no two ways about it—Israel is a highly controversial country. I don’t consider myself qualified to talk about political issues, but there are several instances of Israel-related drama in Eurovision that it’ll be hard to avoid discussing. In all my blog posts, I try to keep a neutral tone when discussing controversial topics, and the same will hold for Eurovision drama. Still, with four victories and many other iconic entries, Israel has become an integral part of the contest’s history.

The most notable change from prior contests is that for the first time, the language rule was lifted. Countries could sing in any language they chose for the next four years. Sweden and Finland jumped at the opportunity to sing in English, but Norway went the extra mile and sent a song using almost every participating country’s language. I feel like this change was made for the sake of the Nordic countries, which had a strong English-language music scene. When more non-Nordic countries started singing in English in 1976, the rule was reinstated the next year.

It’s unusually hard to find commentary on this contest because Belgium’s performance is blocked on YouTube everywhere except Belgium. With a VPN, the best I could find was an upload with British commentary, marred with lots of white noise. I watched that in alternation with an uncommentated archive on Mega. This was the first of many Eurovisions commentated on TV by Terry Wogan, who was famous for his deadpan humor. That’s why I wanted to access this contest’s British commentary so badly. I had never even used a VPN before writing this post!

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