Cookie Fonster’s Wall of Text on Eurovision 2017 (Final): All New Countries in the Top Three

Intro Post

< 2017 Semifinals | 2017 Final | 2018 Semifinals >


Introduction

Hosted in Kyiv, Ukraine, the usual 26 countries battled to see who would be the winner of Eurovision 2017. We start with an opening film showcasing life in Ukraine, then a flag parade that sadly didn’t have physical flags, but instead stylized flags projected onto the LED screen. The flag parade did something unusual reminiscent of the Olympics: Ukraine, the host country, was put last, for the only ever time as far as I’m aware. The Olympics’ flag parades always start with Greece, so I think if we’re going this route, the Eurovision flag parades could start with Switzerland. But then again, that would mean Switzerland would have to qualify every year, and it makes more sense to list the countries in running order anyway.

The top three this year consisted entirely of countries who had never achieved podium places before. Moldova scored third place with a sequel to their Internet meme entry, “Run Away”. Bulgaria scored second place with X Factor jury bait, and most specially of all, 53 years after their first time participating in Eurovision, Portugal FINALLY won the contest with an old-fashioned jazz waltz. Their previous best (and still second highest) result was a sixth place in 1996.

The postcards this year are similar to those of 2016: the contestants performing various activities they like, but not necessarily in their home countries. I like that they all start with the contestants pretending to be still, then they burst into life at the end. I watched the final together with Liv with a mix of Swedish and Norwegian commentary, then by myself with German commentary. Somehow I’m just in a Peter Urban mood this time.

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Cookie Fonster’s Wall of Text on Eurovision 2017 (Semifinals): The Return of Baffling Non-Qualifiers

Intro Post

< 2016 Final | 2017 Semifinals | 2017 Final >

Greetings from Pittsburgh! I wrote this post at home but reread it at my hotel to do finishing touches. I’m staying in this city for a weekend to meet with a couple friends I know due to Homestuck.


Introduction

Jamala’s victory gave Ukraine their second opportunity to host Eurovision, and they naturally had to choose a city. Although Kyiv was clearly by far the best option, five other Ukrainian cities sent bids to host and this caused delays in announcing the host city and venue. In September 2016, UA:PBC finally decided to host Eurovision 2017 in the International Exhibition Centre in Kyiv. The city was better prepared regarding hotels than it was last time it hosted in 2005, but this was still one of the tougher contests for fans to find accommodation.

This contest featured 42 countries, the same number as 2016 but with two swapped. Portugal, who had withdrawn due to a lack of funds, returned to the contest while Bosnia withdrew due to a lack of funds. Romania, who had withdrawn in April after having a song ready, returned to the contest while Russia withdrew in April after having a song ready. That’s right, this year and next year Russia would put the EBU through some of the most annoying bullshit it’s ever suffered.

Eurovision 2017 is notably one of two years hosted entirely by men; the other was Eurovision 1956, with a single male host. This year was hosted by Timur Miroshnychenko (the Ukrainian Eurovision commentator since 2007) and two other dudes who are probably TV hosts or something. I was kind of hoping Timur would seem like the leader of these hosts, but instead he was relegated to the green room for most of the show. I would’ve thought this was because he commentated this year, but this year had substitute Ukrainian commentators.

Bad news: this year has only six native-language songs (actually five native-language songs and one native-language mistake), not counting the songs from English-speaking countries. Good news: all of the native-language songs not from the Big Five qualified this year. Bad news: this post will consist entirely of English-language songs. Good news: this means the final will have a relatively good amount of linguistic diversity, by mid-2010’s standards. I watched the semifinals together with Liv with Swedish commentary (featuring Edward af Sillén and Måns Zelmerlöw), then by myself with German commentary (the usual Peter Urban) as I wrote this post.

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