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Cookie Fonster Comes to Terms with Eurovision 2024 (Semifinals): The Best and Worst Year Simultaneously

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Intro Post

< 2023 Final | 2024 Semifinals | 2024 Final >

I’m almost done with this blog post series! I just have the 2024 grand final and then a few bonus posts in mind. Then I don’t know what the hell I’ll do with my time.

Introduction

(The best year of Eurovision was actually 2021, but shh. Let me be dramatic for the sake of this title.)

And so, we’ve finally arrived at the most recent Eurovision contest as of this writing. It was filled with exorbitant amounts of drama, the most drama in… who the hell knows how long? Is it comparable to all the ruckus Italy caused when hosting 1991? The controversies Russia caused hosting 2009, or Azerbaijan in 2012? Or going back further, the quadruple tie of 1969 hosted in Francoist Spain? I’ll save most of my drama ranting for “Hurricane”, the controversial Israeli entry of this year, and try my best to be positive otherwise. Even though one of the biggest fan favorites of the year, “Europapa” from the Netherlands, was disqualified after qualifying from the second semifinal. This didn’t just piss off fans; it also angered the broadcaster AVROTROS who was very excited to share their Eurovision entry and insisted it was unjust to disqualify Joost Klein. And even though Israel insisted on sending a song that they knew would be controversial with zero regard for how other broadcasters or viewers would feel, which caused massive protests and the EBU to bend backwards… I’ll try to be positive anyway.

The usual big three Swedish cities bidded to host Eurovision 2024, plus an outsider: the subarctic city of Örnskoldsvik, which happens to have a nice big arena that has hosted Melodifestivalen heats. The Malmö Arena was the only viable option due to scheduling issues in the other venues, so that’s what SVT went with. It turns out that Malmö was a fitting city to host this year, considering the contest went to the very same arena after the last time Loreen won. It’s also a very modern and polished city that saw tons of growth after the bridge to Copenhagen opened in 1999, and it’s got a really nice network of trains and buses, so it’s well-suited to host Eurovision. But for Israeli fans, Malmö was an unfortunate city to host due to the amount of immigrants who protested against the country’s participation in Eurovision, or for some people, even the country’s existence. This meant that most fans from Israel had to hide all signs of their nationality, including speaking Hebrew, and it’s really sad that they had to do this in the 21st century.

This was the first Eurovision year that I visited in person. It was my first time in Scandinavia and my first time visiting both Denmark and Sweden; lovely countries that I’d be glad to visit again. I wrote a blog post about the trip months ago, but honestly I sugar coated the description a little bit. Not only was I stressed out from all the Eurovision drama, I also got into some really bad personal drama that I won’t elaborate on in public. But… despite everything, I am extremely glad I got to go on this trip. And I promise you this won’t be my last time visiting Eurovision.

Aside from all the drama, Luxembourg came back to Eurovision after last participating in 1993! Romania skipped out, which means this contest had 37 competing countries just like last year. And the semifinals have an exciting change: the Big Five and host country now each perform in the semifinal they can vote in, but still automatically qualify. This is a long overdue change that greatly offsets these countries’ disadvantage, and I’m really happy about it. And after the success of worldwide voting last year, the rest of the world’s voting period was extended to begin 24 hours before each show. I think Australia should have this luxury too.

To twist things up, I will watch the first semifinal with Luxembourgish commentary, then the second with German commentary by Thorsten Schorn, who has a picture of the old commentator in his booth. This will be my first time watching the semis’ TV broadcasts in full, since I watched the first as a rehearsal from the arena, and the second as a live show from the arena. And I will include “Europapa” in this post, not the grand final post.

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Unorganized predictions and hopes for Eurovision 2024 (Volume 4)

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At the time of my previous predictions post, 29 out of 37 songs for Eurovision 2024 were released. Now all 37 have been confirmed, so that means I have eight to comment on.

First off, the elephant in the room: the country that many fans, myself included, think shouldn’t be allowed in Eurovision this year. I’m not a big fan of Israel’s entry (1) as a song, nor the message it gives. It’s just an average ballad full of generic four-chord progressions and overall it feels kind of… artificial, if that makes any sense. Like it’s deliberately designed to make the audience feel sad, rather than the singer expressing her own thoughts on how the war makes her feel.

On a brighter note, let’s talk about Australia (2). My god, their song feels so Australian! It has a different attitude and vibe to all the European entries and overall sounds spacious and cultural. Another internally selected entry that feels very cultural is Greece (3). It’s a return to form for Greece, yet at the same time a totally new direction. It strongly reminds me of “Russian Woman” from 2021, which means it sounds exotic and harsh but intriguing at the same time, and full of ethnic personality.

I would love it so much if in 2025, Germany went the same route as Greece and Australia and internally selected a quality song in German. I think that would suit Germany in Eurovision better than a national final. I mentioned this idea in a long, pessimistic rant about Germany’s approach to Eurovision yesterday, so maybe you could read that and then continue this blog post.

Portugal (4) joined Serbia in sending a slow, sentimental native language song selected by a national final—not far from what I imagined Portugal sending. I love that Portugal still remains true to themselves after all those years. Sweden (5) had the last national final of the year and is sending a song that’s not as unforgettable as the title would imply—a predictable Swedish electronic dance song. Maybe someday, televoters are going to lose interest in these types of entries and then Sweden would need to refresh their approach. Maybe that could mean more Swedish-language or otherwise cultural songs?

Now only the Caucasus countries are left, but first I will discuss the English-language revamp of Albania’s song. It sounded like a predictable Albanian entry when it was in Albanian, but now it’s even more of a predictable Albanian entry and duller.

Now all that’s left is the Caucasus countries, all of which internally selected. For the first time, Azerbaijan (6) is singing in a significant amount of Azerbaijani! If there was any doubt that Germany has ZERO EXCUSE to pretend their language doesn’t exist, then now it’s gone. Their song is a decent enough minor key dramatic song with a handful of ethnic elements. I don’t have strong feelings about it otherwise.

I’ve gained a new appreciation for Armenia’s (7) approach to Eurovision now that I’m reviewing their Eurovision entries. They love their ethno-bops and they love sounding authentically Armenian. This time, they’re sending their second entry fully in Armenian! I wish the lyrics consisted of more Armenian words and less “la lai la”, but it’s super ethnic and super fun. It turns out Armenian is a very cool-sounding language! Fun fact: unlike the other two Caucasus countries’ national languages (Georgian and Azerbaijani), Armenian is an Indo-European language which means it’s distantly related to English.

Finally we arrive at Georgia (8), whose song is less exotic than their usual entries. It’s another dramatic minor key dance song, I’m not sure what I think of it yet. It didn’t leave a strong impression on me the first time I heard it, maybe because songs of this type are abundant in Eurovision. It might be easier to give thoughts on it when we see it live on stage.

Basically, all these entries have confirmed my suspicions that this will be like 2021 and 2022: it feels like pretty much every country is bringing a fiercely competitive song but Germany isn’t. Bitte Deutschland, ein gutes Lied auf Deutsch nächstes Jahr.