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Cookie Fonster Fondly Recalls Eurovision 2023 (Final): A Duel Between Jury and Televote Bait

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Intro Post

< 2023 Semifinals | 2023 Final | 2024 Semifinals >

With the release of this post, I’ve finished my original goal back when I started this blog post series! But now, I have one more year left to review. Be patient for my 2024 posts, OK?

Introduction

Liverpool, England got to host the final of a special edition of Eurovision, the first to be co-hosted by two countries. The presenters consisted of three women, the same ones who hosted the semifinal, plus one man who joined them for the final. We have British actress and TV host Hannah Waddingham (or as I like to call her, the British Petra Mede), British singer Alesha Dixon, Ukrainian singer Julia Sanina, and for the final, the BBC commentator for Eurovision who’s originally from Ireland: Graham Norton. His presence among the hosts parallels Terry Wogan in 1998, the last time Britain hosted. Terry and Graham both alternated between hosting and commentating, because for the Brits, Eurovision wouldn’t be what it is without a sarcastic Irishman in the commentator booth. While Terry Wogan commentated solo in 1998, Graham Norton alternated with one of the semifinal commentators, Mel Giedroyc. I’ll be watching their commentary for the grand final.

The postcards did something special this year: they showcased three landmarks in Ukraine, the United Kingdom, and the country about to participate that each had something in common, such as universities, opera houses, or botanical gardens. In the third country, we see the contestant performing an activity of their choice, and oh my god they’re so fun to watch. They’re my favorite Eurovision postcards of all time and I’ll discuss further why they’re so great in the general thoughts.

The final results were a battle between two strong competitors: Sweden’s song that was blatantly designed to be popular, and Finland’s song which naturally became an enormous fan favorite. Sweden won the jury vote with 340 points and Finland won the televote with 376 points, but despite Finland’s bigger televote score, Sweden earned their seventh victory. Finland’s fan favorite got second place, and third place was somehow a girl bop from Israel. I won’t even mention which country got last place. It breaks my heart too much.

Ah yes, I remember the opening film and act with its new arrangement of Stefania! The BBC tricked me into thinking every past contest would be as good as this, god dammit. And the early contests with their orchestral reprises of the last winner tricked me into thinking every contest would open with a lovely rearrangement of the past winner.

That was an absolutely perfect flag parade and intro with the hosts—I stayed engaged all the way through. I love the parade alternating between British pop hits and Ukrainian Eurovision entries—an admission that Eurovision is far more influential to the Ukrainian music industry than to the UK’s, but the British music industry is still nothing to scoff at—and I love the 2023 flag parade in general. And the hosts’ opening is perfect too, I love that they tied it in with an announcement that Luxembourg would return next year. Before too long, we get to the first song of the evening, which is…

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Cookie Fonster’s Essay on Eurovision 2014 (Semifinals): An Unconventional Choice of Arena

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Intro Post

< 2013 Final | 2014 Semifinals | 2014 Final >

A few days ago, I got a ticket for the Eurovision 2024 second semifinal itself! Not just a rehearsal, but the actual show. And I’ll be sitting right next to my friend Liv in the arena, which is extra cool. I also have a ticket to the evening rehearsal for semifinal 1, which means I’ll see all 37 songs live in person. I’m really excited about this trip, but I’m also worried about encountering protests related to Israel’s participation. Though the contest would’ve had less drama if Israel skipped out this year, I’ve made peace with the fact that they’re participating.

Anyway, enjoy the third shortest post in my Eurovision blog! The only shorter ones are my reviews of 1957 and 1958.

Introduction

For their third time hosting Eurovision, Denmark once again chose its trusty capital city of Copenhagen, fittingly across the straits of last year’s host city of Malmö. The best option for a building to host turned out to be a former shipyard on what was once an industrial island, which was transformed into “Eurovision Island” for the sake of this contest. Other options included a boxy arena in a small town called Herning, an impromptu tent by the Danish broadcaster’s headquarters, and a former prison. I think if this was a 20th century contest, DR would’ve probably chosen Herning, but these days there are so many tourists that visiting in a small town just can’t work out. Either way, they had no choice but to choose an unusual location! Leave it to the Danes to do something weird and unconventional.

This year featured a lineup of 37 countries: Poland and Portugal returned from last year, whereas Bulgaria, Croatia, Serbia, and surprisingly Cyprus skipped out. Poland was able to return because the EBU abolished the rule that a country could only join if they had broadcast the previous grand final. As they’ve done many years, Bosnia and Herzegovina originally wanted to participate but then changed their mind. This means this will be even shorter than my previous semifinal post, with only 11 songs.

The voting system was mostly the same as 2013, but to prevent the voting scandals that happened that year, all the juries had to agree to have their names and full rankings publicly released, and they could not consist of anyone who was part of the past two years’ juries. In the semifinals, six countries either had their televotes malfunction or not enough votes to be counted as valid, so their results had to be 100% jury. The rest used a hybrid of jury and televote. I should also note that Denmark went back to three hosts this year, this time two men and one woman.

Watching the 2013 final with my friend Liv was so much fun, now I can never go back to watching the contest alone (though I’ll still rewatch the songs alone, to collect my thoughts better). I hope you don’t mind her name popping up a lot! We watched the semifinals with German commentary. I wanted to try British commentary at first, but I don’t really like those semifinal commentators. They’re mostly just talking to each other and they talk over the hosts a lot.

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Cookie Fonster’s Eurovision 2012 Thesis (Final): A Curious Amount of Native Language Jury Bait

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Intro Post

< 2012 Semifinals | 2012 Final | 2013 Semifinals >

Random fact: Everything in this post from Turkey onwards is written on my brand new desktop computer, which runs so much faster than the laptop I had before and is much better for archiving Eurovision content. It’s my first time owning a desktop computer since Christmas 2016 when I got my first laptop.

Introduction

“Now initially, we heard that the Crystal Hall was built specifically for Eurovision. They’re now poo-pooing that idea, even though they did throw it up in seven months and this is the first event in it.” This quote from Graham Norton tells you a lot about Azerbaijan.

On May 27, 2012 when the clock struck midnight in the Baku Crystal Hall, 26 countries battled to determine who would take the prize of Eurovision 2012. In third place came Željko ballad number 4 from Serbia, sung by the man himself. In second place came shameless televote bait from Russia, and the winner was Loreen from Sweden with one of the most famous Eurovision songs of all time: Euphoria. She won by quite a landslide, and we’ll find out together if it was deserved or not.

Unfortunately, this grand final is also known for getting off to a sluggish start. The beginning is filled with slow, understated ballads, and the exciting stuff won’t begin until song number 6, at least if my memory of the final is anything to go by. Luckily this will be the very last Eurovision contest with the songs are in random order, perhaps to prevent something like this from happening again.

The opening act starts off as a showcase of Azerbaijani folk music, then it jarringly transitions to an unmodified “Running Scared”, the extremely un-ethnic winner of last year. I would say I’d prefer to hear “Running Scared” arranged in ethnic style, but that song doesn’t seem as musically malleable as “Satellite”. The song had quite a few revisions and alternate versions during Unser Star für Oslo, it’s actually pretty interesting.

I’m looking at the lineup of songs and all I can say is gulp. Why couldn’t this final start with an upbeat entry like Greece or Russia? Luckily once I finish this year, I’ll be treated to the most beloved host in Eurovision history. In the mean time, I’ll watch this final with one of the most beloved commentators in Eurovision history, the BBC’s Graham Norton.

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