Category Archives: Eurovision Posts

Cookie Fonster’s Wall of Text on Eurovision 2017 (Semifinals): The Return of Baffling Non-Qualifiers

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Intro Post

< 2016 Final | 2017 Semifinals | 2017 Final >

Greetings from Pittsburgh! I wrote this post at home but reread it at my hotel to do finishing touches. I’m staying in this city for a weekend to meet with a couple friends I know due to Homestuck.

Introduction

Jamala’s victory gave Ukraine their second opportunity to host Eurovision, and they naturally had to choose a city. Although Kyiv was clearly by far the best option, five other Ukrainian cities sent bids to host and this caused delays in announcing the host city and venue. In September 2016, UA:PBC finally decided to host Eurovision 2017 in the International Exhibition Centre in Kyiv. The city was better prepared regarding hotels than it was last time it hosted in 2005, but this was still one of the tougher contests for fans to find accommodation.

This contest featured 42 countries, the same number as 2016 but with two swapped. Portugal, who had withdrawn due to a lack of funds, returned to the contest while Bosnia withdrew due to a lack of funds. Romania, who had withdrawn in April after having a song ready, returned to the contest while Russia withdrew in April after having a song ready. That’s right, this year and next year Russia would put the EBU through some of the most annoying bullshit it’s ever suffered.

Eurovision 2017 is notably one of two years hosted entirely by men; the other was Eurovision 1956, with a single male host. This year was hosted by Timur Miroshnychenko (the Ukrainian Eurovision commentator since 2007) and two other dudes who are probably TV hosts or something. I was kind of hoping Timur would seem like the leader of these hosts, but instead he was relegated to the green room for most of the show. I would’ve thought this was because he commentated this year, but this year had substitute Ukrainian commentators.

Bad news: this year has only six native-language songs (actually five native-language songs and one native-language mistake), not counting the songs from English-speaking countries. Good news: all of the native-language songs not from the Big Five qualified this year. Bad news: this post will consist entirely of English-language songs. Good news: this means the final will have a relatively good amount of linguistic diversity, by mid-2010’s standards. I watched the semifinals together with Liv with Swedish commentary (featuring Edward af Sillén and Måns Zelmerlöw), then by myself with German commentary (the usual Peter Urban) as I wrote this post.

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Cookie Fonster Reacts to Eurovision 2016 (Final): A Controversial but Rightful Winner

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Intro Post

< 2016 Semifinals | 2016 Final | 2017 Semifinals >

I’ve planned out a schedule for when to watch the 2017 semifinals. If all goes well, I should be able to release the post no later than the morning of July 6, before I leave for a weekend trip to Pittsburgh.

Introduction

Välkommen till Globen i Stockholm, the arena where 26 countries would fight for the prize of the 61st Eurovision Song Contest, hosted by the iconic duo of Petra Mede (audience explodes into cheering and chants her name)

… and Måns Zelmerlöw. (audience cheers, but not quite as loudly)

To start off the final, we got a flag parade set to a medley of EDM songs by Avicii, Swedish House Mafia, and a few other artists, easy to bop your head to and build hype in the audience. The contestants don’t hold physical flags, but instead the colors of each flag are projected onto white outfits worn by background performers. A bit too avant-garde if you ask me, but otherwise a lovely opening.

The postcards this year are simple and ungimmicky. As with 2013, they’re just the contestants doing activities in their home countries. As much as I wish the recent SVT contests showcased Sweden in their postcards, and as disconcerting as the zoom-ins to standing contestants are, it’s good that they stuck to the roots of Eurovision postcards and didn’t do tourism ads or Bible animations. And in any case, I can pretend Hungary’s train station is the Malmö Centralstation if I squint hard enough. But my favorite type of postcards will always be flag-themed.

Russia sent a song blatantly designed to win and it won the televote but only got third place overall. Australia sent a song I would have never expected to do well that won the jury vote, but got only second place over all. The runner-up of both the jury and televote is an absolute masterpiece of a song called “1944”, composed and performed by Jamala from Ukraine, who gave her country its second victory.

The voting was totally revamped from Eurovision 2015. For the first time in Eurovision history, the votes were determined not by a mix of jury and televote, but by the sum of the two. The jury spokespersons announced each country’s 12 points only, and then the hosts revealed the points each country got from the televote one by one. For the first three years of this combined system, the televote points were announced in order from lowest to highest, in a “last man standing” type of system.

I watched the grand final together with Liv with Swedish commentary (not Edward af Sillén this time, but a female radio host who later got fired for sexual harassment), then by myself with British commentary (the usual Graham Norton).

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Cookie Fonster Reacts to Eurovision 2016 (Semifinals): A Quartet of Nordic Flops

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Intro Post

< 2015 Final | 2016 Semifinals | 2016 Final >

I’d like to ask my readers to be patient with my next few Eurovision reviews. My real life has been a bit turbulent lately, especially due to my new work schedule. Don’t worry, I am completely intent on finishing this project!

Introduction

Now that Stockholm had hosted Eurovision twice and Malmö twice, surely it was Gothenburg’s time to get their second turn? Nope, Sweden decided to host in the exact same building as 2000: the Globe Arena (or Globen as the Swedes call it) in Stockholm. It never takes long for Sweden to narrow down the options, because sports get in the way of most of the promising choices. The Tele2 Arena* looks like SUCH a perfect option, but noooo, those stupid goddamn football teams decide their games are more important than Eurovision. (You can tell I’ve been spending too much time around Swedes.)

An impressive 42 countries participated this year: four returned after skipping 2015, Portugal skipped the contest to consider how to revitalize Festival da Canção, and Romania was almost going to participate but financial drama happened—just one of many controversies this year. The returning countries were Bulgaria, Croatia, Ukraine, and for the last time as of this writing, the financially troubled Bosnia and Herzegovina. This contest had 16 non-qualifiers, but I will cover 17 songs in this post because Romania had an entry ready.

To host the contest, SVT picked one of the most iconic duos in Eurovision history: Petra Mede who was the solo host of 2013, and Måns Zelmerlöw who was the winner of 2015. They’re just as charismatic and humorous as Petra is alone! And you can tell from their dynamic on stage that they really are good friends. Plus, Måns gets my stamp of approval for speaking German. I kind of wish I was obsessed with Eurovision back in 2016 so I could have as many interesting stories to tell as the friend I am watching this contest with, none other than Liv. We watched the semifinals with Norwegian commentary since not much else was available. She told me that as a Swede, she understands this commentary perfectly.

* Pronounced teletvå, like “tele-tvaw” in British English.

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Cookie Fonster Documents Eurovision 2015 (Final): Songs Overly Reliant on Their Messages

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Intro Post

< 2015 Semifinals | 2015 Final | 2016 Semifinals >

Sorry this post took so long! My work schedule got abruptly changed and that threw me off for a good few days as I had to reshuffle my daily schedule. But boy is it worth finishing this post. Even if this isn’t the most exciting year, I think you guys will enjoy it!

Introduction

Vienna, Austria had the honor of hosting the largest Eurovision final in history, with a whopping 27 countries—just one less than the 2007 semifinal. The final featured the ten qualifiers from the respective semifinals, the usual Big Five and host, and as a 60th anniversary guest, Australia automatically qualified. Australian fans had the special right to vote in both semifinals this year, just as rest of the world voters have since 2023. Australia’s presence in Eurovision is really funny because fans at first thought it was stupid that the EBU let Australia keep participating, but now they happily welcome the land down under.

Aside from the usual France, Spain, Italy, and Portugal, only three countries didn’t sing in English: Finland, Montenegro, and Romania. Finland didn’t qualify, which means that Montenegro had the only song in the final not in English or a Romance language. I won’t like this lack of linguistic diversity the next few years, but the good news is, 2018 onwards will be refreshing.

The top three this year were reliable power players: Italy third with a characteristic Italian tune, Russia second with a controversial peace anthem, and at the top came Sweden with a name that some Eurovision fans are tired of seeing all the time: Måns Zelmerlöw. The bottom four were all automatic qualifiers: the UK, France, and sharing zero points, Austria and Germany. Knowing these results, I’m surprised the EBU didn’t let the Big Five perform in the semifinals sooner; we saw in 2024 that it benefits them so much. As usual, we’ll see for ourselves whether these poor results are deserved.

I feel like ORF (the host broadcaster) decided to include every single idea of theirs in the opening act this year, which is why it takes a whopping 20 minutes till the first song begins. That is way too long in my opinion. I watched the grand final with British commentary, together with my friend Liv.

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Cookie Fonster Documents Eurovision 2015 (Semifinals): The Nadir of Linguistic Diversity

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Intro Post

< 2014 Final | 2015 Semifinals | 2015 Final >

Here is my first Eurovision post after coming back home from Eurovision 2024! And here’s my post about my Eurovision trip in case you missed it.

Introduction

Just like last time Austria hosted Eurovision, which was way back in 1967, Eurovision 2015 took place in Vienna. Five other Austrian cities were in the running to host, but they had only one potential venue each whereas Vienna had seven. It makes sense that after almost 50 years without hosting Eurovision, Austria once more went for its capital.

Three countries returned this year, one skipped, and one made its debut, adding up to 40 participants. Cyprus and Serbia returned after skipping 2014, the Czech Republic returned for the first time since 2009, and Ukraine skipped out due to the war in Crimea. Four other countries that would later return were absent this year: Bosnia, Bulgaria, Croatia, and Luxembourg. Most notably, after years of foreshadowing, the newest addition to the family entered Eurovision: none other than Australia. Since Australia qualified directly to the finals this year, I’ll talk more about their presence in the next post. For now, in case you didn’t know, Australia was originally intended to be a one-time guest for the contest’s 60th edition.

Austria went for an all-female trio of presenters with hard-to-spell names: Mirjam Weichselbraun, Alice Tumler, and Arabella Kiesbauer. The previous winner Conchita Wurst served as the green room host. 2014 to 2017 are the “almost everyone sings in English” years—are you ready for the second of them? I’m kind of not, but at least the language diversity ramps up in 2018. We begin with the 13 non-qualifiers, all but two of which are in English.

This is the first year to feature interviews with the automatically qualifying contestants during the semifinals, an attempt at redeeming the Big Five’s disadvantage that didn’t work very well. The contest implemented a much better solution in 2024, by having the Big Five and host perform in the semifinals.

I watched the semifinals by myself with German commentary. Not Austrian German, as fitting as that would’ve been.

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Eurovision Song Contest Malmö 2024: What was it like going in person?

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From May 4 to 12, 2024, I went on my big trip of the year: a trip to Sweden and Denmark to watch the Eurovision Song Contest 2024 in person, hosted in Malmö on the southern tip of Sweden. It was my first time going to both countries, my first time going to the contest, and my second time following it live. As an American, I naturally got tons of questions as to how I got interested in Eurovision. The long answer is rather complicated (I explained it in this post, skip to Dancing Lasha Tumbai), so the short answer is “an Australian friend got me into it” and that’s good enough for most people.

Before the show started (May 4-6)

I was originally going to visit two cities on this trip: Copenhagen (where I’d be staying) and Malmö (where the contest took place). But after arriving at the Copenhagen airport on May 5, I added a third city in the trip: Gothenburg, where I met up with my Swedish friend Liv. She’s exactly as nerdy about Eurovision as me and this was also her first time visiting Eurovision, but unlike me she’s a lifelong fan. After arriving in the Gothenburg train station, I hugged Liv and we had a long excited conversation about what all we’d do together, then we explored some of her favorite places in the city. I wish I had taken more pictures of Gothenburg: it’s a delightful homely city and I’d love to visit again sometime.

Liv and me by Scandinavium, the building in Gothenburg that hosted Eurovision 1985.
We hummed the postcard music from that year while passing by that building. Every postcard that year had the same damn background music.

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Cookie Fonster’s Essay on Eurovision 2014 (Final): Facial Hair on the Top and Bottom

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Intro Post

< 2014 Semifinals | 2014 Final | 2015 Semifinals >

This is my last blog post before I leave for my Eurovision trip on May 4 to 12. Although my Twitter account is inactive, I’ll revive it for the week to post pictures from my trip, so keep an eye out! And if anyone’s reading this who will go to Eurovision 2024, feel free to contact me on Discord (username: cookiefonster).

EDIT: I also made a blog post about my Eurovision trip. Check it out if you haven’t!

Introduction

The grand final of Eurovision 2014 starts with an opening film taking place in Copenhagen, set to a lovely reinterpretation of “Dansevise”, the Danish winner from 1963. All the countries were welcomed in a flag parade where their names were announced in English, French, and the country’s own language. For example: Armenia, L’Arménie, Hayastan. For Switzerland, they used English, French, and Swiss German.

At the extremes of the scoreboard, we find two songs relating to facial hair. A bearded drag queen named Conchita Wurst gave Austria their first win since 1966, the longest gap between a country’s two wins in Eurovision history. And right at the bottom came France with a song about mustaches—we’ll see if it was deserved or not. The Netherlands scored second place with an absolutely beautiful country song, their best result since 1975. In third place came Sweden with a swedo-pop ballad that I’m not nearly as jazzed about.

The voting was meant to be half jury and televote, but Albania and San Marino’s votes came entirely from juries, whereas Georgia came entirely from televoters because the Georgian jury votes were disqualified. Otherwise, the voting avoided the drama it ran into last year. I watched the final with British commentary by trusty Graham Norton, together with my friend and fellow Eurovision nerd named Liv.

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Cookie Fonster’s Essay on Eurovision 2014 (Semifinals): An Unconventional Choice of Arena

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Intro Post

< 2013 Final | 2014 Semifinals | 2014 Final >

A few days ago, I got a ticket for the Eurovision 2024 second semifinal itself! Not just a rehearsal, but the actual show. And I’ll be sitting right next to my friend Liv in the arena, which is extra cool. I also have a ticket to the evening rehearsal for semifinal 1, which means I’ll see all 37 songs live in person. I’m really excited about this trip, but I’m also worried about encountering protests related to Israel’s participation. Though the contest would’ve had less drama if Israel skipped out this year, I’ve made peace with the fact that they’re participating.

Anyway, enjoy the third shortest post in my Eurovision blog! The only shorter ones are my reviews of 1957 and 1958.

Introduction

For their third time hosting Eurovision, Denmark once again chose its trusty capital city of Copenhagen, fittingly across the straits of last year’s host city of Malmö. The best option for a building to host turned out to be a former shipyard on what was once an industrial island, which was transformed into “Eurovision Island” for the sake of this contest. Other options included a boxy arena in a small town called Herning, an impromptu tent by the Danish broadcaster’s headquarters, and a former prison. I think if this was a 20th century contest, DR would’ve probably chosen Herning, but these days there are so many tourists that visiting in a small town just can’t work out. Either way, they had no choice but to choose an unusual location! Leave it to the Danes to do something weird and unconventional.

This year featured a lineup of 37 countries: Poland and Portugal returned from last year, whereas Bulgaria, Croatia, Serbia, and surprisingly Cyprus skipped out. Poland was able to return because the EBU abolished the rule that a country could only join if they had broadcast the previous grand final. As they’ve done many years, Bosnia and Herzegovina originally wanted to participate but then changed their mind. This means this will be even shorter than my previous semifinal post, with only 11 songs.

The voting system was mostly the same as 2013, but to prevent the voting scandals that happened that year, all the juries had to agree to have their names and full rankings publicly released, and they could not consist of anyone who was part of the past two years’ juries. In the semifinals, six countries either had their televotes malfunction or not enough votes to be counted as valid, so their results had to be 100% jury. The rest used a hybrid of jury and televote. I should also note that Denmark went back to three hosts this year, this time two men and one woman.

Watching the 2013 final with my friend Liv was so much fun, now I can never go back to watching the contest alone (though I’ll still rewatch the songs alone, to collect my thoughts better). I hope you don’t mind her name popping up a lot! We watched the semifinals with German commentary. I wanted to try British commentary at first, but I don’t really like those semifinal commentators. They’re mostly just talking to each other and they talk over the hosts a lot.

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Cookie Fonster Gets to Know Eurovision 2013 (Final): The Year of Gratuitous Dubstep Drops

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Intro Post

< 2013 Semifinals | 2013 Final | 2014 Semifinals >

Introduction

“Good evening, my name is Petra Mede. And we just—”

crowd cheers

If you need proof SVT picked the perfect host for 2013, here it is. The fans absolutely adore her.

The final of Eurovision 2013 opened with the contest’s first ever flag parade. Set to a choir number composed by Avicii (rest in peace) and Björn and Benny, all 26 finalists walk across a bridge meant to represent the Öresund bridge that connects Copenhagen with the contest’s host city: Malmö. I’ll be crossing that bridge many times next month. The parade feels rather solemn compared to the flag parades of later years, a bit too much like that of a sports event rather than a zany song contest. Still, this grand final has an admirably efficient introduction, especially compared to some years.

Just like last time Eurovision was hosted in Sweden, Denmark won with a radio pop song, more specifically one that I’d argue is a good radio pop song. Now the second place and third place… this hurts because Greece should’ve been AT LEAST top three, but I’ll list them anyway. In second place came Azerbaijan with some pop song much worse than “Alcohol Is Free”, and in third place came Ukraine with another pop song that doesn’t hold a candle to “Alcohol Is Free”.

To alleviate my dread of going through all these radio pop songs, I’ll take a different approach when reviewing this final. I decided to watch all the songs with my Swedish friend Liv, the watch-through broken into three parts. She’s the same friend I mentioned a few times in my last post, and we’re both going to Malmö for Eurovision 2024. I took notes on our opinions on each song, so that it’ll be easy to transform those into proper reviews. We watched the show together with German commentary, then I watched it alone with British commentary.

One more fact worth noting: The full points from the jury and televote (both in the semifinals and final) aren’t publicly known this year. The reason why is simple: Azerbaijan cheated and the EBU added new anti-fraud rules the next year. The best we have is each country’s average rank, which is a bit annoying but we’ll make do with it.

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Cookie Fonster Gets to Know Eurovision 2013 (Semifinals): Introducing the Queen of Hosts

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Intro Post

< 2012 Final | 2013 Semifinals | 2013 Final >

Introduction

Whenever Sweden hosts Eurovision, it never takes long for them to decide on an arena. The big three cities (Stockholm, Gothenburg, and Malmö) all compete to host, a few other cities sometimes throw their hat in but never stand a serious chance, and most of the arenas are eliminated due to sports schedule conflicts. For Eurovision 2013, the winning building was a place I will be inside in less than a month: the Malmö Arena.

Inside the arena, we find 39 countries competing for the grand prize, directed by the most beloved host in Eurovision history. Say hello to our lord and savior Petra Mede (be sure to roll the R). That’s right: after all those three-host years, Sweden picked the first solo presenter since 1995. I could not be more thankful. Petra is the absolute perfect Eurovision host and I can see why she was brought back for 2016 and 2024. If she was a My Little Pony character, her cutie mark* would be the Eurovision trophy. She shares the honor of hosting multiple Eurovision contests with two other hosts: Katie Boyle (1960, 1963, 1968, 1974) and Jacqueline Joubert (1959, 1961).

Armenia returned to Eurovision after skipping 2012, while four countries chose not to return: Bosnia and Herzegovina, Portugal, Slovakia, and Turkey. Portugal came back the next year, but we won’t see any more of the other three countries, except one last Bosnian entry in 2016. Eurovision came damn close to featuring a complete map of Europe, but for the foreseeable future that ship has sailed.

One change this year that I am very happy about is that the running order is no longer random! As I’ve mentioned way too many times, randomized song order will inevitably lead to strange coincidences and annoyances, like too many dance pop songs in a row or a ballad unfittingly placed at the start, so this is a very welcome change. Also, this is the first year where viewers could vote using the Eurovision mobile app.

I watched the first semifinal with Swedish commentary, and the second with Norwegian commentary. That’s because a friend of mine provided both videos in HD. This will be an adorably tiny post, covering only 13 songs.

* Colloquially known as a “butt tattoo”. It indicates a pony’s special talent.

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