Monthly Archives: April 2024

Cookie Fonster’s Essay on Eurovision 2014 (Final): Facial Hair on the Top and Bottom

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Intro Post

< 2014 Semifinals | 2014 Final | 2015 Semifinals >

This is my last blog post before I leave for my Eurovision trip on May 4 to 12. Although my Twitter account is inactive, I’ll revive it for the week to post pictures from my trip, so keep an eye out! And if anyone’s reading this who will go to Eurovision 2024, feel free to contact me on Discord (username: cookiefonster).

EDIT: I also made a blog post about my Eurovision trip. Check it out if you haven’t!

Introduction

The grand final of Eurovision 2014 starts with an opening film taking place in Copenhagen, set to a lovely reinterpretation of “Dansevise”, the Danish winner from 1963. All the countries were welcomed in a flag parade where their names were announced in English, French, and the country’s own language. For example: Armenia, L’Arménie, Hayastan. For Switzerland, they used English, French, and Swiss German.

At the extremes of the scoreboard, we find two songs relating to facial hair. A bearded drag queen named Conchita Wurst gave Austria their first win since 1966, the longest gap between a country’s two wins in Eurovision history. And right at the bottom came France with a song about mustaches—we’ll see if it was deserved or not. The Netherlands scored second place with an absolutely beautiful country song, their best result since 1975. In third place came Sweden with a swedo-pop ballad that I’m not nearly as jazzed about.

The voting was meant to be half jury and televote, but Albania and San Marino’s votes came entirely from juries, whereas Georgia came entirely from televoters because the Georgian jury votes were disqualified. Otherwise, the voting avoided the drama it ran into last year. I watched the final with British commentary by trusty Graham Norton, together with my friend and fellow Eurovision nerd named Liv.

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Cookie Fonster’s Essay on Eurovision 2014 (Semifinals): An Unconventional Choice of Arena

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Intro Post

< 2013 Final | 2014 Semifinals | 2014 Final >

A few days ago, I got a ticket for the Eurovision 2024 second semifinal itself! Not just a rehearsal, but the actual show. And I’ll be sitting right next to my friend Liv in the arena, which is extra cool. I also have a ticket to the evening rehearsal for semifinal 1, which means I’ll see all 37 songs live in person. I’m really excited about this trip, but I’m also worried about encountering protests related to Israel’s participation. Though the contest would’ve had less drama if Israel skipped out this year, I’ve made peace with the fact that they’re participating.

Anyway, enjoy the third shortest post in my Eurovision blog! The only shorter ones are my reviews of 1957 and 1958.

Introduction

For their third time hosting Eurovision, Denmark once again chose its trusty capital city of Copenhagen, fittingly across the straits of last year’s host city of Malmö. The best option for a building to host turned out to be a former shipyard on what was once an industrial island, which was transformed into “Eurovision Island” for the sake of this contest. Other options included a boxy arena in a small town called Herning, an impromptu tent by the Danish broadcaster’s headquarters, and a former prison. I think if this was a 20th century contest, DR would’ve probably chosen Herning, but these days there are so many tourists that visiting in a small town just can’t work out. Either way, they had no choice but to choose an unusual location! Leave it to the Danes to do something weird and unconventional.

This year featured a lineup of 37 countries: Poland and Portugal returned from last year, whereas Bulgaria, Croatia, Serbia, and surprisingly Cyprus skipped out. Poland was able to return because the EBU abolished the rule that a country could only join if they had broadcast the previous grand final. As they’ve done many years, Bosnia and Herzegovina originally wanted to participate but then changed their mind. This means this will be even shorter than my previous semifinal post, with only 11 songs.

The voting system was mostly the same as 2013, but to prevent the voting scandals that happened that year, all the juries had to agree to have their names and full rankings publicly released, and they could not consist of anyone who was part of the past two years’ juries. In the semifinals, six countries either had their televotes malfunction or not enough votes to be counted as valid, so their results had to be 100% jury. The rest used a hybrid of jury and televote. I should also note that Denmark went back to three hosts this year, this time two men and one woman.

Watching the 2013 final with my friend Liv was so much fun, now I can never go back to watching the contest alone (though I’ll still rewatch the songs alone, to collect my thoughts better). I hope you don’t mind her name popping up a lot! We watched the semifinals with German commentary. I wanted to try British commentary at first, but I don’t really like those semifinal commentators. They’re mostly just talking to each other and they talk over the hosts a lot.

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Cookie Fonster Gets to Know Eurovision 2013 (Final): The Year of Gratuitous Dubstep Drops

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Intro Post

< 2013 Semifinals | 2013 Final | 2014 Semifinals >

Introduction

“Good evening, my name is Petra Mede. And we just—”

crowd cheers

If you need proof SVT picked the perfect host for 2013, here it is. The fans absolutely adore her.

The final of Eurovision 2013 opened with the contest’s first ever flag parade. Set to a choir number composed by Avicii (rest in peace) and Björn and Benny, all 26 finalists walk across a bridge meant to represent the Öresund bridge that connects Copenhagen with the contest’s host city: Malmö. I’ll be crossing that bridge many times next month. The parade feels rather solemn compared to the flag parades of later years, a bit too much like that of a sports event rather than a zany song contest. Still, this grand final has an admirably efficient introduction, especially compared to some years.

Just like last time Eurovision was hosted in Sweden, Denmark won with a radio pop song, more specifically one that I’d argue is a good radio pop song. Now the second place and third place… this hurts because Greece should’ve been AT LEAST top three, but I’ll list them anyway. In second place came Azerbaijan with some pop song much worse than “Alcohol Is Free”, and in third place came Ukraine with another pop song that doesn’t hold a candle to “Alcohol Is Free”.

To alleviate my dread of going through all these radio pop songs, I’ll take a different approach when reviewing this final. I decided to watch all the songs with my Swedish friend Liv, the watch-through broken into three parts. She’s the same friend I mentioned a few times in my last post, and we’re both going to Malmö for Eurovision 2024. I took notes on our opinions on each song, so that it’ll be easy to transform those into proper reviews. We watched the show together with German commentary, then I watched it alone with British commentary.

One more fact worth noting: The full points from the jury and televote (both in the semifinals and final) aren’t publicly known this year. The reason why is simple: Azerbaijan cheated and the EBU added new anti-fraud rules the next year. The best we have is each country’s average rank, which is a bit annoying but we’ll make do with it.

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Cookie Fonster Gets to Know Eurovision 2013 (Semifinals): Introducing the Queen of Hosts

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Intro Post

< 2012 Final | 2013 Semifinals | 2013 Final >

Introduction

Whenever Sweden hosts Eurovision, it never takes long for them to decide on an arena. The big three cities (Stockholm, Gothenburg, and Malmö) all compete to host, a few other cities sometimes throw their hat in but never stand a serious chance, and most of the arenas are eliminated due to sports schedule conflicts. For Eurovision 2013, the winning building was a place I will be inside in less than a month: the Malmö Arena.

Inside the arena, we find 39 countries competing for the grand prize, directed by the most beloved host in Eurovision history. Say hello to our lord and savior Petra Mede (be sure to roll the R). That’s right: after all those three-host years, Sweden picked the first solo presenter since 1995. I could not be more thankful. Petra is the absolute perfect Eurovision host and I can see why she was brought back for 2016 and 2024. If she was a My Little Pony character, her cutie mark* would be the Eurovision trophy. She shares the honor of hosting multiple Eurovision contests with two other hosts: Katie Boyle (1960, 1963, 1968, 1974) and Jacqueline Joubert (1959, 1961).

Armenia returned to Eurovision after skipping 2012, while four countries chose not to return: Bosnia and Herzegovina, Portugal, Slovakia, and Turkey. Portugal came back the next year, but we won’t see any more of the other three countries, except one last Bosnian entry in 2016. Eurovision came damn close to featuring a complete map of Europe, but for the foreseeable future that ship has sailed.

One change this year that I am very happy about is that the running order is no longer random! As I’ve mentioned way too many times, randomized song order will inevitably lead to strange coincidences and annoyances, like too many dance pop songs in a row or a ballad unfittingly placed at the start, so this is a very welcome change. Also, this is the first year where viewers could vote using the Eurovision mobile app.

I watched the first semifinal with Swedish commentary, and the second with Norwegian commentary. That’s because a friend of mine provided both videos in HD. This will be an adorably tiny post, covering only 13 songs.

* Colloquially known as a “butt tattoo”. It indicates a pony’s special talent.

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Cookie Fonster’s Eurovision 2012 Thesis (Final): A Curious Amount of Native Language Jury Bait

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Intro Post

< 2012 Semifinals | 2012 Final | 2013 Semifinals >

Random fact: Everything in this post from Turkey onwards is written on my brand new desktop computer, which runs so much faster than the laptop I had before and is much better for archiving Eurovision content. It’s my first time owning a desktop computer since Christmas 2016 when I got my first laptop.

Introduction

“Now initially, we heard that the Crystal Hall was built specifically for Eurovision. They’re now poo-pooing that idea, even though they did throw it up in seven months and this is the first event in it.” This quote from Graham Norton tells you a lot about Azerbaijan.

On May 27, 2012 when the clock struck midnight in the Baku Crystal Hall, 26 countries battled to determine who would take the prize of Eurovision 2012. In third place came Željko ballad number 4 from Serbia, sung by the man himself. In second place came shameless televote bait from Russia, and the winner was Loreen from Sweden with one of the most famous Eurovision songs of all time: Euphoria. She won by quite a landslide, and we’ll find out together if it was deserved or not.

Unfortunately, this grand final is also known for getting off to a sluggish start. The beginning is filled with slow, understated ballads, and the exciting stuff won’t begin until song number 6, at least if my memory of the final is anything to go by. Luckily this will be the very last Eurovision contest with the songs are in random order, perhaps to prevent something like this from happening again.

The opening act starts off as a showcase of Azerbaijani folk music, then it jarringly transitions to an unmodified “Running Scared”, the extremely un-ethnic winner of last year. I would say I’d prefer to hear “Running Scared” arranged in ethnic style, but that song doesn’t seem as musically malleable as “Satellite”. The song had quite a few revisions and alternate versions during Unser Star für Oslo, it’s actually pretty interesting.

I’m looking at the lineup of songs and all I can say is gulp. Why couldn’t this final start with an upbeat entry like Greece or Russia? Luckily once I finish this year, I’ll be treated to the most beloved host in Eurovision history. In the mean time, I’ll watch this final with one of the most beloved commentators in Eurovision history, the BBC’s Graham Norton.

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Cookie Fonster’s Eurovision 2012 Thesis (Semifinals): A Barrage of Electronic Dance Soup

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Intro Post

< 2011 Final | 2012 Semifinals | 2012 Final >

In exactly one month, I leave on my first flight for my Eurovision trip. I was already excited for it, but now I’m way more excited because I’ll be meeting a friend there.

Introduction

For Eurovision 2012, Azerbaijan brought the contest to the easternmost place it’s ever been: its capital city of Baku. The semifinals and final began at the usual 9 PM in Central European Summer Time, which was midnight in Azerbaijan.* One thing I’ve learned about Azerbaijan is that the country is obsessed with showing off its sports arenas. Baku frequently hosts Formula One races and football/soccer championships, and they even bidded to host the 2016 and 2020 Summer Olympics. Knowing this, it’s no surprise Azerbaijan wanted to win Eurovision so badly—it was a perfect opportunity for the country to show itself off.

Although Baku had several arenas available to host the contest, Azerbaijan chose to build a new one for Eurovision called the Baku Crystal Hall. This came with controversy because local authorities demolished homes and evicted citizens to make way for the arena. While Azerbaijan used Eurovision to show itself off, some fans, TV hosts, and even contestants used it to draw attention to the country’s human rights controversies, particularly involving LGBT citizens and Armenians. On the flip side, Iran directly to the south condemned Azerbaijan for hosting an LGBT-related event, which Iran considered “anti-Islamic behavior”.

The EBU had hoped this contest could provide a glimmer of peace between Azerbaijan and Armenia, but it unfortunately didn’t work out. Azerbaijan temporarily lifted their ban on Armenian citizens for this contest and Armenia originally was going to participate, but they withdrew on March 7 (the contest was from May 22 to 26). Poland also withdrew due to financial troubles, whereas Montenegro returned after last participating in 2009, making for a total of 42 participants.

After Eurovision 2010 and 2011 opened up voting right when the songs began, this contest reverted to the usual 15-minute voting time window, although the 2010-11 system will return with some extra liberties for the rest of the world in Eurovision 2024. I watched both semifinals with German commentary.

* Azerbaijan is three hours east of Central European Time. They used daylight saving time from 1997 to 2016, so after that the contest started in Azerbaijan at 11 PM.

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