Cookie Fonster’s Homestuck Commentary Part 37: I Killed Your Grandpa And I Like You

Introduction 

Part 36 | Part 37 | Part 38 >

Act 5 Act 2, Part 10 of 32

Pages 3048-3074 (MSPA: 4948-4974)

Picking up from where we left off, Jade has an extremely awkward conversation with Tavros.

AT: i SPENT SO LONG SLEEPING AND DREAMING AND PLAYING ON PROSPIT, 
AT: tHAT BEING AWAKE WAS MADE TO FEEL WEIRD, aND i DIDN’T LIKE IT FOR A WHILE, 
GG: yeah i have done a lot of sleeping myself 🙂 
AT: oH, yES, i KNOW, bUT, 
AT: i SAW YOU, yOU WERE AWAKE A LOT TOO, 
AT: aFTER A CERTAIN MOMENT, i SPENT JUST ABOUT EVERY WAKING HOUR BEING ASLEEP, 

just realized something. Breath and blood are thought to be an opposing pair of aspects. Karkat, the trolls’ hero of blood, did not sleep at all during the trolls’ session; Tavros, the trolls’ hero of breath, slept almost the whole time during the trolls’ session after a certain point.

GG: what did you want to talk about? 
AT: i WANTED TO ASK YOU PERMISSION, 
AT: i WOULD HAVE ASKED PERMISSION THE FIRST TIME, 
AT: bUT AT THE TIME YOU WERE NOT ABLE TO GIVE IT, oR TALK OR ANYTHING, 
GG: permission for what? 
AT: tO COMMUNE WITH YOUR LUSUS, 
GG: with bec? 
GG: uh…. 
GG: what do you mean by commune? 
GG: and 
GG: what do you mean the first time! 
GG: you did it before? 
AT: yEAH, 

Tavros is asking if it’s OK for him to commune with Bec, even though he had already did so before, and as we’ll see, it wasn’t any good.

AT: sO THEN i COMMUNED HIM TO USE HIS AMAZING POWERS, tO, 
AT: iNTERVENE, 
AT: aND REROUTE THE PROJECTILE AWAY FROM THE PATH THAT WOULD HAVE HARMED YOU, 
AT: aND ALSO, 
AT: aS A WONDERFUL BONUS AND COINCIDENCE, 
AT: iT HAPPENED THERE WAS A FELON ON YOUR PROPERTY,

Think about that for a second. Tavros, one of the most nonviolent trolls, took an opportunity to remotely kill an old man who he somehow thought was an unwanted felon. Why did he make this assumption? Vriska thought of John’s father as a meddlesome adult human, and Terezi and Equius both recognized Dave’s brother as taking the role of his lusus. This implies that either Tavros is kind of dumb, or Jade’s grandpa left her wandering on her own way too much. Could be both.

AT: iT WAS i THINK SURELY AN AGING ROGUE WHO WAS VERY MUCH KEEN ON INTRUDING BETWEEN YOUR REALLY NICE LOOKING FAMILY, 
AT: aND AS FORTUNE WOULD HAVE IT, 
AT: tHE SMALL MISSILE WAS REDIRECTED INTO THE SENIOR INTERLOPER’S CHEST, 
AT: aND HE DIED, 
AT: }:)

And that’s how Jade’s grandpa died. Tavros of all people remotely killing someone really says something about trolls and their ways.

Also about Grandpa’s death: there are several things that turn out to be a Vriska thing, but Grandpa’s death turns out to be a Tavros thing. This exemplifies how Tavros is trying to imitate what Vriska did.

GG: omg…… 
GG: that wasnt a senior interloper, im pretty sure youre talking about my grandpa!!! 
AT: oH, 
GG: and if im interpreting correctly…. 
GG: youre saying you used bec to make me shoot him??? 
GG: augh thats so awful! 

Turns out Jade didn’t know until now how her grandpa died. Just imagine, little Jade was having an ordinary day outside, but all of a sudden she sees her grandpa dead with a hole in his chest. How traumatizing can you get?? More on that later.

GG: well im not blaming you or anything 
GG: it sounds like you were just trying to help 
GG: and you did save my life 
GG: but…… 
GG: i mean jeeeez 
GG: talk about a misunderstanding 

Jade is being surprisingly polite here to the guy who killed her grandpa out of a fatal misunderstanding.

AT: wELL, 
AT: nOW i FEEL VERY STUPID, 
AT: bUT, 
AT: i DON’T THINK i WILL GIVE INTO BAD SELF ESTEEM THIS TIME ABOUT THIS, 
AT: iT’S IMPORTANT TO STAY CONFIDENT ABOUT STUFF, DON’T YOU AGREE, 
GG: uh 
GG: sure? 
AT: aND i THINK THIS IS A GOOD OPPORTUNITY FOR US TO BOND, aND BECOME CLOSER IN AN EMOTIONAL WAY, 
AT: pROBABLY, 
GG: …. it is? 
AT: oH YES, sEE THE FUNNY THING IS, i ALSO KILLED MY LUSUS BY ACCIDENT, 
AT: i MEAN, mY LUSUS THAT WAS A LITTLE FAIRY BULL, nOT AN OLD MAN WITH A HUGE GUN, 
GG: oh nooo 
GG: how did that happen? 
AT: i MURDERED HIM INAPPROPRIATELY WITH A FOUR WHEEL DEVICE, 
GG: 😐 
GG: ummm what kind of device? 
AT: lIKE, tHE KIND BASICALLY FOR CRIPPLES TO SIT IN, aND ROLL AROUND, 
GG: oh you mean a wheelchair! 
AT: i GUESS, tHAT’S A WAY TO CALL IT, 
GG: how… 
GG: did that happen? 
AT: wELL, 
AT: i WAS SITTING IN IT, bEING CRIPPLED LIKE USUAL, 
AT: aND HE GOT UNDER THE WHEEL IN HIS NAP, 

Here, Tavros is trying to assure Jade that she isn’t alone, relating the story of how his lusus died. It’s not exactly funny though, nor is it that similar to how Jade’s grandpa died.

GG: i didnt realize you were paralyzed 
GG: not that im saying sorry for that! that would be rude i think 
GG: i am just saying sorry for your loss 
AT: oH, iT’S OKAY, oN BOTH THINGS, 
AT: hE CAME BACK TO LIFE FOR A WHILE, aND COULD TALK, AND THAT WAS FUN, 
AT: aND ALSO, 
AT: i’M NOT PARALYZED ANYMORE, }:) 
GG: oh? 
AT: nO, i HAVE ROBOT LEGS, aND i FEEL GREAT, aND i CAN WALK, 
GG: wow nice! 
AT: oH YES, iT IS TRULY NICE, 
AT: i AM A NEW AND DIFFERENT GUY, mOSTLY, 
AT: bEING NOT PHYSICALLY HANDICAPPED IS MOST CERTAINLY THE KEY TO HAVING HIGH SELF ESTEEM, 
GG: um 
GG: that….. 
GG: i dont know if i agree with that! 
AT: oH ABSOLUTELY, tAKE IT FROM ME AS WHAT FACT IS TRUE, 
AT: aND NOW, i FEEL EMBOLDENED TO DO BOLD THINGS THAT HEROES SHOULD DO, 

Tavros is all about weird ideas of gaining self-confidence. There’s not only this segment, but also things like being briefly merged with Vriska and feeling her personality or learning that Rufio is a real person. Tavros’s main role in the story is as a foil to Vriska, and his arc is about overcoming her influence.

GG: i just wish… 
GG: maybe you’d told me what happened when i was younger? 
GG: i spent years wondering about it! 
GG: when i was REALLY young, i was sure the doll sitting across from him did it 
GG: and for a long time i was terrified of the evil blue girl!!! 
GG: she sort of haunted my childhood and i had trouble sleeping for a long time 

That evil blue girl is the same one that almost got prototyped into Jade’s sprite, and would’ve been combined with Grandpa if things went according to plan. That’s weird to imagine when you think about how Grandpa went on a date with that doll, weirder than Grandpa being combined with a female doll in the first place, but not as creepy as Grandpa going on dates with dolls in the first place.

GG: but of course i got older and realized that was silly, but then i just speculated that maybe it was suicide 
GG: which was just a really sad thing to think about!!! 

Jade’s life suddenly seems a lot less fairy tale-like. Is trauma about her grandpa being dead why Jade disturbingly acted as if he was alive? In an Act 3 post I talked about how Jade hides emotions the least of the beta kids, but upon closer inspection of her acting like her grandpa is alive, I’m not sure how true that is. In Acts 1-4 Jade was all about being super chipper and goofy, but the first time we got dialogue from her after her dream self’s death she was way more sour than she ever was, and since then she’s been fairly open about her feelings of contempt and bitterness. Before then, was she too carried away with her magical dreams to let out her inner grouchiness? That kind of makes sense. As I’ve said before, Jade gets a lot of development through the course of Act 5 Act 2 away from the silly dreamy girl, but in Act 6 she hasn’t gotten very much screen time. I’m really looking forward to hearing more from her after Homestuck resumes, getting her back into the spotlight and stuff.

AT: wOW, yEAH, 
AT: i, 
AT: tOTALLY BLEW THAT THEN, 
AT: i GUESS i COULD STILL TELL YOU ABOUT IT IN YOUR PAST, 
GG: buuuut… 
GG: even if you do, i dont remember you doing so! 
AT: oH, 
AT: tHEN i GUESS I WON’T, 
GG: er 
GG: ok :\ 

I’m not sure if it would be much better if Tavros did tell younger Jade how her grandpa died. She probably would think it’s a really awful prank, and she’d hate the trolls more than she already did. Maybe after the whole adventure started and she learned more about the trolls she would’ve thought that maybe Tavros was indeed responsible for her grandpa’s death, and then hate him and the other trolls still more.

AT: bUT YEAH, iRREGARDLESS,
AT: tHIS IS LIKELY TO BE EXACTLY THE KIND OF THING NOT TO STAND IN THE WAY ABOUT GOOD FEELINGS ABOUT MYSELF,
GG: …….
AT: i MEAN, i SAW THAT YOUR LUSUS SAVED YOU ANYWAY, iN ADVANCE,
AT: aND,
AT: i JUST WANTED,
AT: tO MAKE IT POSSIBLE SO THAT i WAS THE ONE INVOLVED WITH BEING THE HERO THERE,
AT: tO SAVE YOU,
AT: lIKE, tO PUT MYSELF IN YOUR STORY, iN A BRAVE CAPACITY, bECAUSE,
AT: tHAT’S WHAT FEELING GOOD AND POSITIVE ABOUT YOURSELF IS ALL ABOUT,

OK, this just screams Vriska. At this point, readers will think, oh my god Tavros, don’t try to imitate Vriska you dumbass. This is EXACTLY what Vriska’s doing, and Tavros talking about doing the very same thing is really painful to read.

GG: woooooow…
GG: you sound really confused to me!
AT: aBSOLUTELY, i AM CONFUSED LIKE A FOX,
AT: tHE KIND THAT HAS HIGH SELF ESTEEM,
GG: heheheh
GG: youre incredibly silly
GG: i cant really tell to what extent youre joking around here! 

Compare this to John’s reaction to Vriska talking about how she’s involving herself with all events. John completely takes Vriska’s claims at face value (not to imply they aren’t true), but Jade isn’t sure if Tavros really means what he’s saying. This is not so much a difference between John and Jade as it is a difference between Tavros and Vriska. Vriska is genuinely all about involving herself in everything, but Tavros is just a confused naive imitator.

AT: i’M PRETENDING THAT BEING FULLY HONEST ABOUT RUFIO’S FAKENESS, AND,
AT: bEING UP FRONT ABOUT HIS GENERAL FRAUDULENCE, tHAT IT WILL ONLY GIVE ME EXTRA CONFIDENCE,
AT: i’M PRETENDING THAT AS HARD AS i CAN, iN THE MOST CONFIDENT WAY,
AT: wHICH MAKES IT PARTIALLY MORE TRUE,
GG: that
GG: sure is a philosophy you have there! 

It’s a philosophy that doesn’t even make sense. So you have an imaginary friend, and you always keep in mind how fake he is, and knowing he’s fake will give you extra confidence?

AT: yES, bEING CONFIDENT IS ALWAYS ABOUT SAYING AND DOING THE THINGS YOU FEEL,
AT: eVEN IF THE AFRAID PART OF YOU SAYS, nO, pLEASE DON’T DO THAT,
AT: lIKE, uHHHHHHH,
AT: hERE IS A THING i’M AFRAID TO SAY TO YOU, jADE,
AT: bUT,
AT: i’M TOO CONFIDENT NOW TO LET MY AFRAIDNESS MAKE ME FEEL TERRIBLE,
GG: oh??
GG: well, what is it?
AT: rEMEMBER, i TALKED TO YOU A LOT WHEN YOU WERE SLEEPING,
GG: yes
AT: uHH, aND,
AT: wE TALKED ABOUT LOTS OF THINGS, aND WE HAD SOME THINGS IN COMMON, aND IT WAS NICE,
GG: sure!
AT: aND i THINK CONSEQUENTLY, tHE EMOTIONAL RESULT IS PROBABLY,
AT: tHAT MAYBE i HAVE SOME POSSIBLE RED FEELINGS FOR YOU, 

Jesus. Fucking. Christ. Now is not the time to hit on Jade, even if you hadn’t just revealed to her that you killed her grandpa. I’ve had several times in my life where I thought I was a new way cooler person than ever before and said some things that I now think were pretty stupid.

As I’ve mentioned before, half of the trolls developed romantic feelings for at least one of the beta kids. What does this say about the trolls? To them, the humans are four kids from the universe they created who they can spy on, and they must all have it in the back of their heads that they could meet the humans in person. Did all the trolls feel that their current friends are all incompatible and that their group is practically a romantic wreck? Is it done to entice shippers? Or is it just because the prospect of aliens hitting on humans via chat clients is funny? The latter explanation is very unlikely, because obviously nothing in Homestuck is just done because it’s funny. (hint hint)

GG: red feelings?
GG: you mean
GG: whoooooaaaaaa
GG: wait
GG: really? 😮
AT: wOW, tHAT SURE WAS A HARD THING TO SAY AND MADE ME INCREDIBLY NERVOUS,
AT: bUT i SAID IT BECAUSE OF MY REMARKABLE LEG-POWERED SELF CONFIDENCE,
AT: aND NOW i THINK ALL THAT’S LEFT IS DEFINITELY YOUR RECIPROCATION ABOUT THAT, pROBABLY,
GG: um……………..
GG: well
GG: i dont think i can reciprocate!
AT: uH OH, 

Jade’s reaction to Tavros hitting on her is pretty similar to John’s reaction to Karkat hitting on him. In both cases, a human converses with a troll he or she has conversed with many times, but the conversation quickly jerks into awkward avenue; the troll goes on to reveal out of nowhere that he has feelings for the human, and the human is caught off guard and turns the troll down. John turned Karkat down because of confusion and incompatible orientation, which makes me wonder, how would John react to Karkat’s advances if one of them was a girl? That’s a pretty good question; I think John would probably just be confused. He wouldn’t be oblivious entirely, given that he recognized what Karkat said to him as black romance stuff.

AT: bUT WHAT ABOUT, 
AT: mY ATTRACTIVE BRAVADO,
AT: aND IGNORING MY INSTINCTUAL COWARDICE HARD ENOUGH TO SAY THAT i LIKE YOU,
AT: iSN’T THAT,
AT: sUPPOSED TO BE VERY ATTRACTIVE, aND ENCOURAGE THE MAJOR HAVING OF FLUSHED FEELINGS IN OTHERS,
AT: i GUESS WHAT i MEAN IS, wHAT ABOUT ALL MY CONFIDENCE,
AT: wHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THAT, 

This is just hilariously wrong. What Tavros is saying is exactly what makes you come off as a fucking creep.

GG: i aaaalso think…
GG: and really this is just polite friendly advice!
GG: that if youre really confident you dont always have to say it all the time
GG: it…
GG: oh man im sorry to say
GG: it just comes of as a little insecure and off putting and kind of defeats the purpose! 

It makes you sound like a little kid who just learned what self confidence is and thinks the best thing to do is to shove how confident he is down everyone’s throats.

Grumpy Jade is back.

This conversation has gotten way off track, and Jade gets it back to the original point: Tavros communing with Becsprite.

AT: yES, oF COURSE,
AT: i WANTED TO GET APPROVAL FROM YOU, tO COMMUNE HIM AGAIN,
AT: nOW THAT HE’S A SPRITE,
AT: tO PERPETRATE ONE OF MY HEROIC IDEAS AGAIN,
GG: uh-ohhh
GG: what is your idea this time?
AT: i WILL SUGGEST TO HIM THAT HE ATTACK YOUR ADVERSARY,
AT: aS WELL AS OURS,
AT: aND MAYBE BEAT HIM, tO SOLVE EVERYBODY’S PROBLEMS,
GG: wow, i dunno about that!
AT: bUT i HAVE GREAT SKILL IN COMMANDING BEASTS TO GLORY IN BATTLE,
AT: aND YOURS IS SURELY THE STRONGEST BEAST I’VE SEEN!
GG: but hes my best friend!!!
GG: and you have already managed to get one of my family members killed 

Although communing with a first guardian to fight enemies might be a good idea in theory—did Vriska ever give thought to Tavros controlling GCat to deal with the threats?—getting a family member killed is a very good reason not to trust someone to do so.

AT: bUT ACCORDING TO MY SELF CONFIDENCE, i THINK i’M PRETTY SURE i CAN USE HIS POWER TO BE SUCCESSFUL,
AT: wHOOPS, PRETEND i DIDN’T MENTION MY SELF CONFIDENCE, oR SAY ANYTHING OFF PUTTING,
GG: but all of our adversaries have inherited his powers!
GG: i would imagine the strongest guy would have all of his powers, and then some!!!
GG: i am really not comfortable with this
AT: oH,
GG: you said you are asking me permission first and i appreciate that
GG: but if you are asking im afraid my answer is no! 

This is one wreck of a conversation. If Tavros didn’t get Jade’s grandpa killed through ignorance alone, then maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. Then again, Jade’s politeness might have deluded Tavros to an extent, thinking that she isn’t really that mad at him. After all, Dave scared Tavros the hell away just by shooting him some disturbing sexual imagery.

AT: oKAY, i RESPECT THAT,
AT: bUT, i WONDER,
GG: what?
AT: i WONDER IF A TRULY SELF CONFIDENT GUY, wITH THE BEST SELF ESTEEM THERE IS, wOULD EVEN NEED TO ASK,
AT: mAYBE THE BEST GUY WOULD JUST KNOW HE WOULD BE SUCCESSFUL, aND WOULD DO IT ANYWAY BECAUSE IT IS FOR YOUR OWN GOOD, aND EVERYONE ELSE’S,
GG: no way!
GG: that would be smug and arrogant and would make you a bully!!!
GG: later if my friends and i want to ask bec for help and decide thats our best hope, then thats our business
GG: until then, just please stop meddling!!!!!! 

Thank GOD Tavros didn’t turn into a mini-Vriska. He was dangerously close to being one but eventually came to realize that it was pretty stupid. Jade could totally tear into Vriska and rip her to shreds if she were to talk to her. It’s a bit disappointing that Vriska only decided to troll John when you think about it. Even here, Jade’s berating Vriska’s ways without even realizing it.

AT: wOW, oK,
AT: yOU’RE RIGHT ABOUT ALL THAT, i’LL RESPECT YOUR WISHES,
AT: oR,
AT: wILL i? };)
GG: nooooooooo dont dont dont dont dont
GG: im serious
GG: uuuuggghh i think my headache is coming back 
AT: i WAS jUST,
AT: mAKING A JOKE,
AT: sORRY, }:( 

Jade was just starting to warm up to the trolls, but now she feels exactly how she did when she woke up. And that’s not because of watching Karkat argue with himself, or Vriska tearing into her for being useless. It’s because of Tavros being a doofus.

Vriska proceeds to laugh at Tavros for having such an embarrassing conversation with Jade and tear the hell into him.

AG: Jade let you down too easy. She’s too nice! Someone’s got to tear into you for that appalling display, and once again, guess who’s shoulders that falls on?
AG: That’s right. Vriska’s, as usual. 

So Vriska’s saying that Tavros must be yelled at for having such an embarrassing conversation, and apparently Jade pretty strongly scolding him wasn’t enough. Seriously, Jade was pretty forthright when she criticized Tavros’s ideas, so this is really just a Vriska excuse for tormenting Tavros. Vriska is all about shitty excuses. For instance, at one point in the trolls’ arc she claimed that she built up his home with stairs to help challenge him and make him stronger.

AT: i THINK SHE HAS THE RIGHT AMOUNT OF NICENESS, pERSONALLY,
AT: aN AMOUNT THAT IS SOME, iNSTEAD OF,
AT: nONE,
AG: Hey, I’m nice when it matters, and where it doesn’t strangul8te the critical development of people I give a shit a8out, ok?
AG: Really I don’t know what you see in her. She is completely useless, like you.
AG: W8, of course!!!!!!!! It makes perfect sense. You and she represent the ideal matespritship, how could I have 8een so 8lind!

What is with Vriska and thinking Jade is super useless? If any of the beta kids at this point isn’t a moron, it’s probably Jade. She actually gets stuff done on her own in a constructive direction. Did her sleeping tendencies make Vriska think otherwise?

AG: When you talk a8out your self confidence, I throw up a little. You don’t know what confidence is. Ro8o-legs don’t give you confidence, that 8n’t no more true than saying my ro8o-arm gave me mine. See what I mean? 

This is a really bad analogy, and I’m sure Hussie intended it that way. I hate bad analogies, like when someone analogizes little bad things people do with eating poop straight out of the toilet or to murdering someone. Vriska presumably got her robot arm soon after having her arm blown off, equating to spending a short period of time one-armed, but Tavros spent four or more years in a wheelchair. It may be true that robot body parts don’t magically give people confidence, but being able to walk for the first time in years would surely give one a sense of jubilation.

AT: oK, i THINK, 
AT: tHIS IS ACTUALLY MAKING ME PRETTY MAD, 
AG: Yeah right!!!!!!!! 
AG: I’ll 8elieve that when I see it, chump. 
AT: i DON’T WANT YOU TO MOCK ME ANYMORE, 
AT: i DON’T KNOW IF MY CONFIDENCE IS REAL, oR WHAT, 
AT: bUT i WOULD LIKE YOU TO STOP SAYING STUFF LIKE THAT TO ME, 
AT: aND TO STOP SAYING BAD THINGS ABOUT MY FRIEND JADE, tOO, 

This is Tavros’s way of being angry. He’s flat out saying, “OK, this is making me pretty mad.” rather than throwing a fit like people would normally do.

AG: Jade is an idiot. 
AG: A useless, 8oring no8ody. What has she done for her party other than fuck up every step of the way? What does she ever do 8ut take naps and get in trou8le? 
AG: She’s awful, and you deserve each other. Oh w8, except she h8tes you!!!!!!!! Ahahahahahahahaha. Even the 8oring pointless girl h8s you, talk a8out a guy who can’t get a 8r8k. 

Why does Vriska think Jade is so stupid? What mistakes has she made that really are straight up her fault? Most of the trolls seem to think Jade made the horrible mistake of prototyping Bec while being air-headed as usual, though Vriska knows very well that she intentionally did it. Plus, the conversation Tavros just had with Jade makes it very clear that she is an all-around more sensible person than he is. But on the other hand, Jade and Tavros do have something in common: Vriska can’t see anything in them other than a useless boring idiot. I wonder if Vriska calling Jade boring has to do with many readers finding Jade to be a dull character? Rereading these parts of Homestuck has actually boosted my opinion on Jade’s character.

AG: Ok, Tavros, I gave her credit for something, so I’ll give you credit for something too. 
AG: Your plan to control her lusus really wasn’t a 8ad idea! 

Vriska is giving Tavros credit for being like her. As I said earlier, Tavros got close to being a mini-Vriska, and she probably would’ve liked that more than anything. That really could’ve theoretically happened, but it did not, because that would be a very unsatisfying way to handle his arc. As far as the story’s concerned, Tavros becoming exactly like Vriska is totally plausible, but for the sake of this being a satisfying story, it doesn’t happen.

AG: Practicing your a8ilities is important, so when it comes down to using them for something that really matters, you know you’re ready for prime time. 
AG: I know this first hand. 
AG: I got lots and lots and LOTS of practice with your little guinea pig friend. ::::D 

Jade’s narcolepsy? That turns out to be a Vriska thing. I never got that in my first read, because it was merely mentioned in a pesterlog and as I said many times I didn’t bother reading those. I think Vriska being behind Jade falling asleep a lot could’ve been made more obvious, maybe with a page showing Vriska putting Jade to sleep over and over again or something, I don’t know. Then again, if I had just read the damn pesterlogs I would’ve understood.

AG: Like I said! Your plan was solid. 
AG: Controlling the guardian to go after Jack was a fine idea. Sure would stir some shit up! 8etter than 8eing an insignificant stuttering piece of trash all the time, I say. 
AG: And you were definitely on to something a8out doing it “irregardless” (lol) of her wishes. 
AG: 8ecause it’s for her own good! That’s what winners do. They do what is right for someone they care a8out even if the other person does nothing 8ut 8itch and moan and act ungr8ful a8out it. 8etter you learned l8 than never. 
AG: In fact, I would go as far as saying that if you went ahead with her plan against her wishes, it MIGHT just earn you a smidgen of respect from me. 
AG: We’ll see. 

As Jade said, the enemies are now on par with Bec so controlling him is very risky. But it’s exactly the kind of thoughtless thing Vriska would do, so of course she’d approve.

AG: There’s really just one catch. 
AT: oH, 
AT: wHAT’S THAT,
AG: The catch is it’s not going to work! 
AT: wHAT ISN’T, 
AG: Are you even listening to me? Man, clear the Rufio wax out of your ears. 
AG: You couldn’t sic the guardian on Noir even if you were inclined. Not even if I were to MAKE you inclined! :::;) 
AT: uHH, 
AT: wHY, 
AG: 8ecause you are dealing with a pro here. I already thought of that. 
AG: I thought of everything!

Vriska’s going to say some messed up stuff about how much stuff she was behind.

AG: The guardian is not going to attack the agents who engineered him in the first place. 
AG: Or who I should say were “encouraged” (lol) to engineer him.

That’s an interesting thought, Bec feeling the same loyalty to the agents who created him that he does to Jade, although Vriska’s claim above can’t be taken as fact, merely as what she presumes.

As for first guardians being created, it’s almost certain the agents would’ve created Bec the same way regardless. In the trolls’ session, I’m pretty sure Derse agents and/or the Black Queen stole the books some of the trolls wrote code in and used them to make Doc Scratch, which we can assume is how first guardians are typically made. In the alpha kids’ session it’s kind of more fuzzy, but I think the Condesce used Jane to do what’s needed to create GCat; it’s unusual, but then again, the alpha session is a very special case. Vriska is pretty much retroactively making herself behind certain events, so this whole stretch of pages exploring how much stuff Vriska is behind almost feels like retconning existing events to make them Vriska things.

AG: Remem8er, I already have a lot of experience getting these simple minded agents to march to my drum 8eat. 
AG: I was exiling them left and right in our session! I’m an expert at this 8y now. 

So was Vriska part of how the Midnight Crew got exiled to Alternia? It’s made pretty clear how Spades Slick got exiled, but the others were all pretty indeterminate. But I never realized that Vriska is suggesting that she may have exiled the other three agents.

To the right there’s a crow. I thought none of the birds in Dave’s house entered the game with him but I guess I was wrong. Would those birds be survivors of Earth’s apocalypse? That would be pretty neat.

AG: Don’t you think this is how it should 8e? Shouldn’t the greatest player leave her fingerprints on every step of the rise to power of her ultim8 nemesis? 
AT: wOW, nO, tHAT’S, 
AT: i DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW TO SAY ALL THE WAYS i THINK THAT IS CRAZY,

Tavros is right on here. Two posts ago I talked about why Vriska thinking she should be behind her nemesis’s creation is dumb, and I wasn’t exactly sure how to say what I wanted to say. This is the case for a lot of what I write in this post series. 

Here’s DD about to kill the doomed Dave whose corpse Dave saw and threw into lava. It’s one thing seeing his body, but it’s another thing seeing him about to be killed, and yet another thing to see that while we learn that it’s a Vriska thing. Knowing that Vriska was involved in this Dave’s death gives new meaning to the narration line when Dave saw his corpse, “Whoever took those books was a pretty cold blooded dude.”

AG: I have every angle covered already. The human session is on full Serket lockdown. Any effort you make to disrupt my plans will 8e laugha8le, just like everything you have ever done in your life. 

Tavros controlling Becsprite seemed like a really bad idea at first, but when you compare it to the vast mass of horseshit Vriska’s been doing it’s not all that bad. Vriska saying her session is on “full Serket lockdown” is legitimately scary, even if it’s coming from Vriska.

AT: oKAY, tHEN, 
AT: aLL OF YOUR USUAL INSULTING THINGS ASIDE, mY TAKE ON THIS IS, 
AT: tHAT YOU CREATED OUR IMPOSSIBLY HARD BAD GUY, wHO WANTS TO KILL US, 
AT: aND BY ASSOCIATION, i GUESS THAT MAKES, 
AT: yOU THE BAD GUY TOO, 
AT: iNSTEAD OF A GOOD GUY WHO’S JUST MEAN, 

That’s pretty much exactly what I reasoned in the paragraph about Vriska two posts ago. Tavros is showing that deep down, he realizes that the self-insertion thing is stupid, especially the way Vriska’s doing it.

AT: aND THAT BEING THE CASE, 
AT: eVEN THOUGH i’M TERRIFIED OF YOU, 
AT: aND nOT AS STRONG, 
AT: oR REAL CONFIDENT, 
AT: oNLY MOSTLY FAKE CONFIDENT, 
AG: Yeeeeeeees? 
AG: Go on. 
AT: i THINK, 
AT: i AM GOING TO HAVE TO STOP YOU, 
AG: Yeah! That’s the spirit. 
AG: Pretty weakslime threat there, 8ut it’s a start. 
AG: Tell you what. 
AG: If you can find me in this la8, you can have at me. 
AG: I’ll even give you a free shot! No funny 8usiness or anything. 
AT: oK, 
AT: tHEN, 
AT: hERE i COME, 
AG: I’ll 8e w8ing. ❤

The worst part of this bit is that Vriska later kills Tavros instead of letting him have a shot. More on that when, well, that actually happens.

Vriska views Jade, who is looking at the fourth wall in her lab, on Trollian, and she somehow mind-controls Hussie’s self-insert as he rides a dragon who barfs on bullies Neverending Story-style, which is a weird random scene that’s mostly there to fulfill a prophecy. When Vriska later saw Hussie around in dream bubbles, I wonder, did she recognize him as the guy she saw through the fourth wall?

This post is getting pretty long so I’ll stop here, even though I only covered half as many pages as I usually would. See you next time as we go through mind-wrenching coinflip timeline stuff that’s still frequently debated about today.

>> Part 38: Ascensions and Failures Thereof

2 thoughts on “Cookie Fonster’s Homestuck Commentary Part 37: I Killed Your Grandpa And I Like You

  1. People debate about the purpose of that doomed timeline, as in why that doomed timeline is there, and what decision it stemmed from. Timeline predestination vs. free will in general is just one of those topics which is recurringly debated, just like Vriska and the retcon and whatnot. The weird thing about the coin flip thing is, if you think about it hard it's pretty mind-wrenching; I get a migraine whenever I think deeply about the whole coin flip thing.

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  2. It's too bad we have to wait so long for Tavros's arc to be resolved. Poor guy.Wait, that coin flip Terezi did to show Dave how God Tiering works is discussed? It always seemed rather straight forward to me. What is there to talk about? Only thing that comes to my mind is the matter of TZ being in the right/wrong for putting Dave in this situation. I guess this topic drowend in Retcon/Vriska/Davekat discussions and thus I missed it.

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