Intro Post

< 2005 Semifinal | 2005 Final | 2006 Semifinal >

I worked my ass off reviewing Eurovision 2004 and 2005, as you can tell from the speed at which I’ve been releasing my posts. To compensate, I’m going to pause these posts for a week or so before I start reviewing 2006.

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Introduction

Out of the 25 participants in the semifinal, ten of them got to join the 14 automatic qualifiers for the grand final of Eurovision 2005, hosted in Kyiv, Ukraine. We’ve got quite a lot to look forward in this final: the first ever winner from Greece, fan favorites from Switzerland and Hungary, and a three-time participating band’s debut for Moldova. But this contest also has some unlucky results for longtime participants: the bottom four consisted of Spain, the UK, France, and right at the bottom Germany. Was this proof that the Big Four weren’t trying hard enough, or proof that Europe hates them? We’ll have to see for ourselves.

The voting system for the final was mostly the same as 2004, but with a few differences. Monaco, Andorra, and Moldova didn’t meet the minimum number of televotes and thus had to use backup juries. And instead of alphabetical country code order, the votes were gives first by the non-qualifiers and then by the finalists, all in performance order—exactly the same order in which I’m reviewing these songs. With 39 countries who each announced their one to twelve points in order, the voting sequence was getting notoriously long and thus was shortened the next year.

Once again, Peter Urban’s German commentary will guide us through the contest. I wonder how he’ll react to Germany scoring last place?

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Hungary: Forogj, világ!

Artist: NOX

Language: Hungarian

Key: B minor

I’ve been super excited to get to this song, and now I’m finally here! After six years of skipping the contest, Hungary opened the grand final in 2005 by showing us the right way to do Eurovision.

After the victories of “Every Way That I Can” and “Wild Dances”, tons of countries this year tried replicating their success by sending an ethno-bop with elaborate staging. Hungary was one of few that actually did it well! This song grabs you right at the start with a flute and tap dancing, then the bass drops and we’re treated to some mind-blowing choreography. Unlike so many of the non-qualifiers this year, the staging actually enhances this song! The dance moves are so much fun to watch and add some extra rhythm to this song, especially with all the clapping and tapping before each verse. Plus, it included a dance break before it was cool.

I love everything about this song. I love the flute, the violin, the drum rhythm, the punchy guitar, and the infectious vocal melodies especially in the “hay-na-ne-na-ne-na” part. I love the alternation between harmonic minor in the verses and natural/melodic minor in the chorus. I love that it’s fully in Hungarian and uses it with style. Hungarian isn’t even a language that interests me much, but it sounds so sassy and badass in this song. The whole song fills me with so much joy that I could just explode.

When staging an ethnic or folk song in post-orchestra Eurovision, there are two good ways to do it: focus entirely on the instruments, or entirely on the dancing. If you try to combine both, it usually looks awkward. “Lane moje” last year is an excellent example of instrument-focused staging: since it’s a slow, mysterious-sounding song, it makes sense to emphasize the Balkan instruments on stage. It’s possible to do good instrument-focused staging with faster folk tunes, like “Trenulețul” from 2022, but generally speaking, the fast songs are better suited to dance-oriented staging. This song could have featured a flute and violin on stage, but it fits this song better to focus on the dancing. It wouldn’t have been so fun to watch if two of the five backing dancers were replaced with instrumentalists.

I feel conflicted about the fact that this song came first in the running order. On the one hand, in a televote year this prevented Hungary from scoring better: it reached fifth place when slotted into the middle of the semifinal, but in the final it reached only 12th place, which is too low if you ask me. On the other hand, this is the PERFECT kind of song to begin a Eurovision final. It fills viewers with hype and it puts them in good spirits as they anticipate what’s to come. Hell, even I’m in good spirits as I’m about to review the 23 other songs in this year. We’ll see if I like any of them nearly as much as this one.

United Kingdom: Touch My Fire

Artist: Javine Dionne Hylton

Language: English

Key: E♭ minor

It feels so weird that the UK of all countries jumped on the Middle Eastern dance song bandwagon. I suppose they figured there was no harm in trying this style, but I really don’t get why they thought this would stand out to viewers more than songs of this type from (for example) Greece or Turkey. As with most ethno-dance entries this year, this song has overcomplicated staging and is way too repetitive especially in the chorus. The only way this song exceeds others of its type is her ability to sing in English.

Malta: Angel

Artist: Chiara Siracusa, returning from 1998

Language: English

Key: G major

This is the second and most recent time Malta scored second place in Eurovision. Greece beat them by a margin of 38 points. As with Chiara’s last entry, this is a super sappy ballad and even though she sings very well and hits every note perfectly, these types of ballads just aren’t my thing. I don’t understand why televoters ranked this so much higher than Hungary—were they just hyped about Chiara returning since she came so close to winning last time?

Romania: Let Me Try

Artist: Luminița Anghel and Sistem

Language: English

Key: A minor, B♭ minor

This song is tied with “Playing with Fire” (2010) as Romania’s best ever Eurovision result: both songs scored third place with almost the same number of points (158 and 162 respectively). You could argue that this is Romania’s number one best result, since they scored first place in the 2005 semifinal (25 countries) but fourth place in the 2010 first semifinal (17 countries).

This is basically a dramatic semi-Eurodance song whose staging has a strong focus on drums. It’s decent enough musically, but the shouty singing weighs it down for me and it should not have scored so much higher than Hungary.

Norway: In My Dreams

Artist: Wig Wam

Language: English

Key: E minor, F minor

Now that the orchestra is gone, rock and roll music has become quite common in this era of Eurovision. This song is sort of like a prototypical “Hard Rock Hallelujah”: dramatic 80’s-inspired glam rock with crazy costumes, but not as crazy as Lordi’s. Musical, it’s got the full Nordic rock package: dramatic guitars, a singer who gets shouty in a way that suits the genre, and a few keyboards and synths to spice it up.

It’s a decent effort from Norway and earned a respectful ninth place, but it gets repetitive near the end as they keep singing the chorus and the key changes. Rock entries like this really benefit from a bridge where the instrumental calms down before the final chorus. This song does have a bridge after the guitar solo, but it’s way too short. Plus, it ends abruptly and really could have used a final guitar chord. “Hard Rock Hallelujah” next year would fix all these issues and win the contest. I’m excited to analyze that song and explore what all it does right.

Turkey: Rimi Rimi Ley

Artist: Gülseren Yıldırım

Language: Turkish

Key: B♭ major

This year, Turkey has gone back to sounding extremely Turkish. It’s got a Middle Eastern drum beat, rousing guitars, and extravagant costumes, all things that Europe actually likes now. I would like this song a lot more if her singing wasn’t so low-energy, and if it didn’t repeat the nonsense title so much. Maybe she used up all her singing energy when she screamed at the start. For a Turkish bop to work, it needs a singer who truly gives it her all like the legend herself, Şebnem Paker.

Fun fact: This song has an English and a French version, both with the same title. She sings well in both languages, which is to be expected because she spent most of her childhood in France.

Moldova: Boonika bate doba

Artist: Zdob și Zdub, who would return twice

Language: English and Romanian

Key: A major

I have to admit, my brain always reads this band’s name as “zee-dob shee zee-dub” even though I know that’s nowhere close to its pronunciation. It’s easier for me to pronounce if I pretend the first Z is an S. Their name must be even harder to pronounce for Spanish speakers. Do they call it “esdob si esdub”?

Anyway, welcome aboard Moldova! The country that gave us a folk rock band three times, an awesome ethno-bop that I recently covered, and that one Internet meme. You know when a new character is introduced in a TV show and the very first thing they do establishes their personality? This song is like that, but for a Eurovision country. It’s a hectic punk rock tune with a memorable gimmick and title (grandma beats the drum), and thus a perfect character establishing moment for Moldova. They reached sixth place this year, not bad for a debuting country!

As one of the poorest countries in Europe, one might think Moldova frequently has to skip Eurovision because they struggle to maintain the funds. But in fact, Moldova has had perfect attendance since their debut! I think part of why is because Moldova is a former Soviet country, so they’re eager to show off the modern side of their culture. Another reason is that as a country that debuted in the televote era (1998 to 2008), Moldova’s strategy tends to be televote bait.

Out of Zdob și Zdub’s three Eurovision entries, “Trenulețul” is by far my favorite. The other two (this and So Lucky), while campy and full of personality, are both too hectic for me to regularly come back to. I like the lead singer’s hybrid of rapping and singing and the guitar parts are fun, but overall this is too much of a sensory overload. I also wish the grandma got to participate more in the performance, instead of just hitting the drum when the lyrics tell her to. For a chaotic Eurovision song to work with me, it has to hit that sweet spot between chaos and musical cohesion.

One more random observation: In terms of language, this song and “Trenulețul” are opposites. This song is dominantly in English and has a few repeated phrases in Romanian in the chorus, whereas their third entry is dominantly native language and has a few repeated English phrases. I like the latter style of language mixing a lot more than the former.

Albania: Tomorrow I Go

Artist: Ledina Çelo

Language: English, to my annoyance

Key: G minor

Musically, this is a very typical Albanian entry, and I mean that in a good way. I find it a shame this song was changed to English for Eurovision, because the Albanian version (Nesër shkoj) is so much better! I can see myself coming back to the Albanian version, but not the English version.

Aside from the dramatic female singer (who’s sadly a bit off key on stage), this song has a lovely variety of string instruments set to a drum beat. It features violins and an acoustic Balkan guitar, combined with a rock guitar and bass. It’s a very nice fusion of ethnic instruments and modern rock. You can always win me over with Balkan violin riffs. Even “Euro Neuro”, which is possibly the weirdest song in Eurovision history, includes those!

I’m not a big fan of this song’s staging. As I said when reviewing Hungary’s song, ethnic songs are best staged by either focusing entirely on the instruments, or entirely on dancing. The backing singers alternate between playing instruments and extravagant dancing and it looks rather awkward. The red ribbon wrapping around the performers at the end is just tacky. I think this song would’ve worked best with Ledina front and center (which she is), and maybe two or three backing dancers to give some flair.

Cyprus: Ela Ela (Έλα Έλα)

Artist: Constantinos Christoforou, returning from 1996 and 2002 (as a band member)

Language: English

Key: G minor

Constantinos Christoforou’s previous entry from 1996 was a power ballad typical of the era. I like to think that he wanted to participate in Eurovision again because he regretted not sending something more Greek-sounding.

This song has a strange amount of similarities with Albania’s: it’s in the same key, it has Balkan instrumentation (like string riffs and guitars), and it’s sung in heavily accented English. Most of Contstantinos’ discography is in Greek, but despite the title this song doesn’t have a Greek version as far as I know. The tempo abruptly slows halfway through and then gradually speeds back up, so it kind of feels like two songs strung together. Overall this is far from the best Greek-sounding entry of the 2000’s.

Spain: Brujería

Artist: Son de Sol, a trio of sisters

Language: Spanish

Key: D minor

Spain’s entries this year and next year both relate in some way to the 2002 hit song “Aserejé”. This song had the same songwriter, and the next song had the same performers. It’s easy to tell both songs had the same writer: they have similar fast-paced lyrics, a heavy amount of rhymes (which is good, I love clever rhymes), and a light and mischievous tone.

This song scored the least badly of the Big Four at 21st place with 28 points. I’m sure Spanish fans at the time thought it was because they didn’t have enough bloc voting partners, but I just think it failed to stand out among all the other upbeat dance entries. This song is fun for what it is and I like the ska elements a lot. It absolutely should have scored better, but the singers are too high-pitched for me to love it and there are songs that do the genre better like “Alcohol Is Free”.

Israel: HaSheket SheNish’ar (השקט שנשאר)

Artist: Shiri Maimon

Language: Hebrew and English

Key: F minor

Most songs that scored well this year are upbeat and danceable, but this power ballad is an exception: it scored fourth place. For a 2000’s Eurovision ballad it’s pretty good: it’s full of class and has some nice melancholic piano and guitar chords. She sings in both languages very well, so I don’t mind the transition to English that much. Still, these types of ballads just don’t excite me the same way that the crazy ethnic dance songs do.

Serbia and Montenegro: Zauvijek moja (Заувијек моја)

Artist: No Name

Language: Serbo-Croatian (Montenegrin)

Key: A minor, B♭ minor. The key change is early on.

No Name was only the third Montenegrin act to take part in Eurovision: the first two were the Yugoslav participants in 1983 and 1984. At least Montenegro got to be represented in Eurovision before independence, unlike North Macedonia and Kosovo (the latter of which is still disputed).

During the very few years S+M participated in Eurovision, they were quite a fierce competitor! They scored second place in 2004 and seventh in 2005, but unfortunately their entry was withdrawn in 2006. When the country split up, the fierceness carried into Serbia but not so much in Montenegro.

Last year, North Macedonia made a respectable effort with their Balkan ballad in 7/8 time, but this song totally blows it out of the water. It sounds so epic and cinematic and the guys have great harmonies, even if they don’t sing quite as well as Željko. It’s a real banger of a 2000’s Balkan entry and has pleading romantic lyrics as is typical of the region, but I really wish they featured a violin on stage. The stage includes some big kettle drums to increase the hype of the drum solos, so why didn’t they do the same for the violin solos? Regardless of this nitpick, this is absolutely a song I’ll come back to.

Denmark: Talking to You

Artist: Jakob Svenstrup

Language: English

Key: C major

This year was the first Dansk Melodi Grand Prix to allow songs in English, but it was also the last time a song in Danish won the selection until 2021. The Danish version is called “Tænder på dig” (turned on by you), but for some reason the lyrics about arousal were greatly toned down in the English version. The song in general lost most of its personality when being translated. I do like the piano intro at the start, but the rest is just more of the Danish radio pop we’ve been flooded with. It scored third in the semifinal but ninth in the final.

Sweden: Las Vegas

Artist: Martin Stenmarck

Language: English

Key: E♭ minor

After I wrote a long, positive review of “Den vilda” from 1996, I was told that Nanne Grönvall, one of the singers of that song, almost got to represent Sweden in 2005 with a dramatic rock song called “Håll om mig” (hold me). She won the televote in Melodifestivalen that year, but because the juries felt differently, she lost to Martin Stenmarck by three points. This was one of the most controversial results in Melodifestivalen history. “Håll om mig” is a total banger that would’ve been great representation of Swedish rock, a genre we don’t see much in Eurovision, but these reviews are focused on the songs that made it into the contest.

This song is much more fun to listen to than all the Swedish schlagers of the past few years. It’s got a disco pop vibe and tons of funky basslines, even if it’s weird that he’s singing about an American city. European voters didn’t seem to like this deviation from schlager pop, since this scored only 19th place.

While Sweden scored in the top 10 every year from 1998 to 2004, this year kicked off a darker streak. Sweden scored in the bottom half from 2005 to 2009 (except 2006), then they infamously didn’t qualify in 2010 and reevaluated their approach. It should be interesting to analyze this Swedish mini-dark age. Even though they stuck to the same general style from 2011 onwards, I get the feeling that I’ll have a different opinion on each of their post-2010 entries.

North Macedonia: Make My Day

Artist: Martin Vučić

Language: English

Key: C♯ minor, D minor

North Macedonia joined the club of Balkan instrumentation this year, which is great! They gave this song a stompy Eurodance drum beat (except in the intro and bridge which have kettle drums), which is not as great. It’s not perfect as far as Balkan entries go and I prefer the Macedonian version (“Ti si son”, means “you are a dream”), but it’s fun to listen to and I’m glad it qualified. Most of its points in the semifinal came from fellow Balkans, but it appealed to countries outside the region just enough to bring it to the final. You can’t say the same about Bulgaria and Slovenia.

At the end of the song, Peter Urban said “Wir überlegen immer noch, aus welcher Tankstelle er diese Jacke gefunden haben könnte.” (We’re still wondering which gas station he could have found this jacket from.) His commentary is weird because he does make jokes sometimes, but unlike Terry Wogan or Graham Norton, his tone of voice never sounds like he’s joking. He wasn’t the only one who thought this outfit was bizarre, because North Macedonia got this year’s Barbara Dex award.

Oh yeah: right after I finished writing this post, I realized this was the 1000th song I’ve reviewed in this blog post series! That’s scary as fuck if you ask me.

Ukraine: Razom nas bahato (Разом нас багато)

Artist: GreenJolly

Language: Ukrainian and English, plus phrases in Polish, German, Spanish, Czech, French, and Russian

Key: E minor

Before we dive into this Ukrainian hip-hop song, we need to talk about Mario. Bear with me, OK?

“Did you know that Super Mario Bros. 2 was originally released in Japan as Doki Doki Panic?” I have seen this phrase cited again and again as an example of cliched video game trivia. Every media franchise has at least one “fun fact” about it that was obscure at first, but has been repeated so often that it becomes one of the first things anyone learns about it. The Eurovision equivalent to “Mario 2 was Doki Doki Panic” is that the Portuguese entry from 1974 began a revolution. To me, cliched trivia like this only serves to obscure the much more interesting songs with lesser-known stories behind them.

This entry is much more directly related to a revolution than “E depois do adeus” ever was. It wasn’t just a covert signal to begin a revolution: it was the unofficial anthem of the Orange Revolution. It is a protest song against the original results of the 2004 Ukrainian presidential election. The original version of this song was all in Ukrainian, but it went through a lot of modifications for Eurovision. Two lines in the lyrics were censored to not be outright political, and the first half of each verse was changed to English. Then when the final chorus repeats, the song’s title (together we are many) and related phrases were added in six other languages.

Even though this is one of Ukraine’s lowest scoring entries at 19th place and it’s often regarded as one of their weaker songs, I think this song is a total banger. It’s got a pumping hip-hop beat, some nice guitar and strings parts, a rousing melody in the chorus, and a great flow in the rap sections. They even sing multiple melodies at once in the final chorus, which is a plus for me. In the original Ukrainian version, the final chorus gets very repetitive, but the addition of all those other languages solves the problem beautifully.

When a song has this many different languages in it, it’s bound to have a few trivia points. This is the first Eurovision song to ever feature lyrics in Czech, which is still a rare language in this contest. It’s also the second last time we’ll hear any lyrics in Ukrainian until 2020—we’ll hear a song partly in Ukrainian in 2009, then nothing more for the next ten years. I think it’s partly because of the positive reception of “Shum” and partly because of the war against Russia that Ukraine has been showing off their language so much lately.

Germany: Run & Hide

Artist: Gracia Baur

Language: English

Key: A major, B major

And here we have it: the first of Germany’s last-place results in the 21st century, and one of several German entries that fans like to pick on. This song is mainly remembered for Gracia’s vocal performance which is filled with voice cracks and flat notes. Now, even if she could actually sing, I would still be baffled at the choice of chorus melody. It’s not rousing or catchy at all, it’s just a random melody dumped onto the instrumental without considering whether it matches the chord progression.

This is not a good song at all. It’s just three minutes of random noise that somehow wound up in Eurovision. Songs like this are why I’m so frustrated by how Germany approaches the contest—how could they possibly think this would score well?! Fortunately, the next two German entries are both among my favorites of theirs.

Croatia: Vukovi umiru sami

Artist: Boris Novković featuring members of the LADO dance ensemble

Language: Serbo-Croatian (Croatian)

Key: D minor, E♭ minor, E minor

Before this song, Peter Urban gave the same mini-speech about former Yugoslav bloc voting that he gave in the semifinal. This pretty much confirms my suspicion that he reads from a script, which isn’t inherently a bad thing, but with him it’s easy to tell when he’s scripted. He does have a good point about bloc voting in this region: since these countries show off their own musical styles and languages, it’s natural that they’ll collect points from each other.

I love that this year has been so rich in Balkan instrumentation! These countries spoil me so much with their Balkan ballads that I consider them the best part about 2000’s Eurovision. Croatia gave us a Balkan ballad in triple meter with the kind of dreary lyrics typical of these countries.

The verses sound totally dramatic and epic, and the chorus does a good job mixing minor key with a tinge of major key, but I’m not sure how I feel about the two key changes. The key changes correspond with points of buildup, but I would have preferred for the Balkan ballad buildup (yay for alliteration!) speak for itself. Still, this is exactly the kind of song I was hoping to hear in this era of Eurovision, and Boris is a very good singer who suits this style of Balkan ballad perfectly.

Greece: My Number One (the winner)

Artist: Helena Paparizou, returning from 2001

Language: English

Key: C♯ minor, though one could argue the chorus is in E major

If you’re a Eurovision fan, you probably have at least one song that you didn’t think much of at first, but it when you saw the live performance it totally won you over. For me, the best example is “Sentimentai” from 2022. Although I didn’t watch the contest live that year, when I started using a VPN to watch all the performances I discovered that so many songs from 2016 onwards* were brought to life on stage, and “Sentimentai” is a perfect example. But let’s not get carried away here—I’m here to talk about “My Number One”.

If I was following the contest in 2005 (let’s pretend I was at least 13 years old then, instead of six), “My Number One” would have been this kind of song for me. When you hear the song in isolation, it may seem like just another ethno-pop Eurovision entry. But Helena Paparizou and her crew of backing performers totally brought this song to life! I even sang along to the chorus as I was working on this review, which is how you know this song clicks with me.

So what is this song actually like, and why does it stick with me so much? It is Greece’s answer to “Every Way That I Can” and “Wild Dances”: an upbeat ethnic pop song in English that carefully balances accessible pop elements with a recognizable Greek sound. It indulges the ethnic sound throughout the song, especially with the instruments after each chorus, yet it remains totally accessible throughout. It takes a break from the ethnic sound in the chorus, but slides back into it as soon as the chorus ends.

The lyrics are simplistic and a little cheesy, but that works in this song’s favor because they’re very easy to sing along to. I’d probably find them easy to sing even if I wasn’t a native English speaker. It also contains the archetypical example of a fire/desire rhyme, plus “higher” for good measure.

This song is very well-staged because it focuses on dancing but has some notable extra moments. Helena and the four guys keep the audience engaged with a perfect variety of dance moves that are thoroughly rehearsed and synchronized. There are two particularly memorable scenes near the end: one where a backing dancer lifts Helena up and she bows a set of strings attached to another dancer, and another near the end where the dancers form the number 1 on the floor. Both these moments are cheesy in an iconic Eurovision way, so I can’t help but smile at them.

I was six years old when this song won, so if I was watching the performance live I would’ve thought she really was playing notes on those strings, much like I thought ventriloquist dolls and other such magic tricks were real. I have a specific memory from elementary school, when I was seven or eight years old and saw a lady conversing with a ventriloquist doll called “Uncle Max” or something and I was totally convinced the doll could talk. Even though it’s obviously impossible to play strings this way, I still love the creativity of this little stunt.

I would not say this is one of my favorite Eurovision songs of all time: there are so many other songs that appeal to me far more. But after reviewing it in depth, I’ve decided that I do in fact love this song. The live performance is a joy to watch, it’s got tons of Balkan instruments to keep me hooked, and I can’t help myself from howling to the chorus. I was not expecting my review of this song to be so huge, or so positive!

* Those are the years whose live performances are (mostly) blocked on YouTube in the United States.

Russia: Nobody Hurt No One

Artist: Natalia Podolskaya

Language: English

Key: D minor

Despite reaching the top three with Alsou (2000) and t.A.T.u. (2003), Russia still hadn’t figured out how to consistently score high. This was the country’s worst result in the 21st century so far, 15th place with 57 points. All of this song’s points came from former Soviet countries except for seven from Finland, which also borders Russia. This is more proof that bloc voting alone won’t make a song score well.

Although Greece was a tough act to follow, this is actually really good as a composition. It’s a heavy, moving rock song with lots of guitar parts and instrumental depth, and it has lyrics about the pain of school shootings. The main problem with this song is that Natalia repeats the title too often, and I can’t tell if the double negative is supposed to have a second meaning (“nobody hurt anyone” and “everybody hurt someone”) or not. I’m surprised this song scored so low, but “My Number One” is undeniably a lot more Eurovisiony.

Bosnia and Herzegovina: Call Me

Artist: Feminnem, a girl trio

Language: English

Key: C major, D♭ major, E♭ major, F major

I think the songwriters’ thought process when making this song (or rather, its English lyrics; it won the national final in Serbo-Croatian) went like this: “Is no one going to make a song for the 50th anniversary of Eurovision?! Fine, I guess we will.” The original version was about obsession with a romantic interest, but the English version is a “let’s all celebrate 50 years of nations coming together” song.

Most former Yugoslav countries this year—Slovenia, Croatia, S+M, and North Macedonia—sent a characteristically Balkan-sounding song. But for some reason, Bosnia and Herzegovina decided to be contrarian and sent an ABBA knockoff song instead. It sounds so Swedish even though it wasn’t actually written by Swedes! I suppose that’s not any weirder than all those countries sending Spanish-sounding songs.

This is an upbeat swing pop song by a group of women who take turns singing and then harmonize in the chorus. The key changes of this song are amusing, because the first is at the second verse, the second is right after the bridge, and just a few measures after the bridge ends comes the third key change. This song puts in as many key change tropes from this genre as possible and I don’t find it annoying, more just funny and tacky. I think Bosnia was a few years late with sending this genre—songs like this would’ve scored higher in the late 1990’s.

Switzerland: Cool Vibes

Artist: Vanilla Ninja, who aren’t actually Swiss, or even from a neighboring country

Language: English

Key: D minor (verses), E minor (chorus), F♯ minor (final chorus)

After having a crummy track record in Eurovision starting from 1994, which culminated in zero points in the 2004 semifinal, Switzerland decided they need to take the contest seriously again. It worked well for them this year, since their song scored 8th place! But there was one matter of controversy: Vanilla Ninja isn’t actually Swiss, but Estonian. Their broadcaster argued that Vanilla Ninja had recently become popular in Switzerland and one of this song’s composers was Swiss, but the controversy remained.

I suspect that part of why the Swiss broadcaster chose a band from Estonia was so that they’d get a free twelve points from Estonia, thus saving themselves from the embarrassment of zero points twice in a row. They did indeed get those free twelve points, plus a good amount from Estonia’s bloc voting partners: Finland and the other Baltic states.

This starts with a cinematic intro, then turns into a catchy dramatic rock song in various minor keys, a real glow-up from past Swiss entries. Estonian fans were absolutely pissed that this song wasn’t their entry—I can’t blame them at all, especially knowing the actual Estonian entry—but otherwise this choice of song worked well in the end. It’s a fan favorite to this day, but it would have been controversial if this song actually won.

Latvia: The War Is Not Over

Artist: Walters and Kazha (Valters Frīdenbergs and Kārlis Būmeisters)

Language: English, plus some Latvian Sign Language on stage

Key: C major (verses), F major (chorus)

This is another one of those songs where my enjoyment of it depends on the running order. I didn’t think much of it when it was near the start of the final, but near the end of the semifinal I find it a fairly moving peace ballad. However, “fairly moving” is the most praise I’ll give it. The two guys’ voices are average and I’m peeved that they ditch their guitars so early on while the guitars still play in the backing track. This song scored tenth place in the semifinal and fifth in the final, so it greatly benefited from the running order.

France: Chacun pense à soi

Artist: Ortal (Marie Ortal Malka)

Language: French

Key: F♯ minor

Yep, France is still totally checked out of Eurovision. This is an average 1990’s-sounding pop song with cheesy synths and record scratches and sampled drums and the singer doesn’t sing that well. The staging tries to be like “My Number One”, with a girl in a yellow dress and a bunch of others backing her, but it lacks the charisma and synchronization that made that song work. I miss 1990’s France so much.

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Who’s my favorite? (or my number one, if you will)

This contest has tons of exciting flashy songs clamoring for my attention, but it’s not hard at all choose a favorite. Hungary, Forogj, világ! makes me want to explode in delight, which no other song in this contest has achieved. It’s exactly the song I expected to choose as my favorite when starting this year. Honorable mentions to the hip hop song from Ukraine, and the peak Eurovision winner from Greece.

• Belgium, 2 (1976, 2003)
• Denmark, 3 (1963, 2000, 2001)
• Finland, 3 (1968, 1983, 1989)
• France, 3 (1977, 1990, 1991)
• Germany, 4 (1956, 1979, 1982, 1999)
• Hungary, 1 (2005)
• Iceland, 1 (1992)
• Ireland, 4 (1970, 1980, 1993, 1994)
• Israel, 1 (1987)
• Italy, 1 (1958)
• Latvia, 1 (2002)
• Luxembourg, 4 (1961, 1965, 1972, 1988)
• Netherlands, 7 (1957, 1959, 1964, 1967, 1969, 1975, 1998)
• Norway, 5 (1960, 1966, 1973, 1985, 1995)
• Portugal, 2 (1971, 1984)
• Serbia and Montenegro, 1 (2004)
• Sweden, 2 (1974, 1996)
• Switzerland, 1 (1986)
• Turkey, 2 (1978, 1997)
• United Kingdom, 2 (1962, 1981)
• (20 winners)

Which new country will secure a spot on my list next? It might just be Ukraine, because I highly doubt I will choose someone else as my winner of 2007.

General thoughts:

Holy fuck, what an awesome contest this was. Even though 2004 should logically feel like the first fully modern year of Eurovision, since that year introduced semifinals, this felt like the first fully modern year instead. Not just because it was broadcast in widescreen. The stage was black and full of special effects, the whole presentation felt modern and forward-thinking, and the lineup of songs wasn’t dominated by any one genre like it had been for most of Eurovision history. It has tons of ethno-bops, a decent amount of rock songs, a handful of Eurodance tunes, a smattering of ballads and chansons for the old-school folk, and some of the zany oddball entries that Eurovision wouldn’t be complete without.

Now with that out of the way, let’s discuss what came after the songs. First, the interval act was more of a medley type this time. It featured a percussion ensemble, then an acrobatic body performer set to piano music, then more percussion, then last year’s winner Ruslana with a new song that still feels interval act-y, if that makes any sense. As I had hoped, Ukraine delivered with their interval acts.

The voting was tedious as hell this year. It took just over an hour to get through and the spokespersons really took their sweet time. It cracked me up how many countries gave twelve points to their neighbors. The fact that Greece got so many twelve points from countries far away shows that their song captivated the entire continent, not just their neighbors and Cyprus, much like Ukraine and S+M last year. I already know that next year the voting will be sped up, but it also will feature some particularly infamous spokespersons. I do like that the audience cheered whenever the spokespersons spoke Ukrainian, even if it was just a simple “dobry vechir” or “dyakuyu”. Eurovision has taught me to say good evening in so many languages! God kväll, erev tov, iyi akşamlar, and so much more.

Even though Greece won by a hefty 38 points, they were nowhere close to the lead at first. They climbed up throughout the voting just like Ukraine did last year, and once they did, boy was it a worthy win. The Greeks had waited over thirty years for this moment of triumph and once Helena Paparizou returned to Greece, she was met with an overjoyed crowd. She’s been a national treasure ever since. To answer my question from the start, Peter Urban’s reaction to Germany scoring last was basically “it was a competitive year, let’s hope we do better next time”.

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I loved writing this post, but now that I’ve finished it I really need a break. See you in at least a week four days for a semifinal filled with joke entries.

>> 2006 (Semifinal): Begin the Trio of Jokefest Years