Hey guys, here’s a blog post I’ve been meaning to write for probably a few years now! What motivated me to write it was discussions with Homestuck fans about the trainwreck that is Homestuck: Beyond Canon. Everyone who’s not happy with the direction of Beyond Canon has a different reason why they don’t like it, and for me it’s that every single character is written incorrectly. The writing is so inaccurate to the original that it’s extremely difficult for me to read through any of it, it just pisses me off.

My second biggest problem is that Beyond Canon retcons and/or contradicts the epilogues again and again and again, and reverts so much of the characters’ development from the epilogues, but that’s outside the scope of this post. Point is, the authors of Beyond Canon have zero understanding what made Homestuck good. A cool thing about the epilogues is that they embraced having a format different from the original Homestuck: text only, lots of time skips, and a narration style very different from Hussie’s. Beyond Canon, on the other hand, tries too hard to replicate Homestuck, and fails at that miserably.

Okay, back on topic. In this post, I will be telling you guys the right way to write each Homestuck character, so that you can write fanfics that are actually good and accurate to the original comic. Not literally every character, but most of the important ones.

General tips

If you’re writing a Homestuck character for the first time, I strongly suggest you reread some of their chatlogs in Homestuck itself. I like to use readmspa.org to search for Homestuck conversations because it includes not just the pesterlogs, but also walkarounds and all the text contained in images. Also, when you’re writing fanfiction or anything at all, you should read it over and over again to iron out mistakes and make sure the whole thing flows smoothly. That’s what I always do when I write my blog posts. I obsessively reread them as I write them.

And as for narration, I find that in fanventures, it’s best if the narration imitates Hussie’s snarky adventure game style, whereas in text-only fanfics, it’s cooler if the narration uses the author’s own style. That way, the fic has the existing Homestuck characters written accurately to the original comic, but the style of narration will help make it feel like yours.

John Egbert

For me, John Egbert is easy as shit to write. I can basically just write him saying something I would say, and people say “oh my god this is so John”. An example from a fic I wrote (I’ve only written a small amount of Homestuck fanfic, so this post won’t be too self-indulgent):

(John and Jake Watch Con Air)

This is a perfect example of John saying something I would say if I were in his shoes, and it happens to fit in his voice perfectly. If you don’t relate to John as much as I do, you may have a little trouble writing him, so here are some traits of his that people may misunderstand or overlook.

For one thing: yes, John can be naive a lot of the time, and there are many instances where he can’t put two and two together, but he’s not an idiot. He’s actually quite observant and able to pick up on subtleties regarding his friends. Example:

(Homestuck, Act 6 Act 6 Intermission 5)

Pay attention to the line about bogus idolization. This is something John knew about Dave all along because he can pick up on such details regarding his friends. On the other hand, he’s notably slow to pick up on who has crushes on whom, especially when someone is attracted to him.

John is also a huge nerd who memorizes niche details about his favorite works of media, as well as the plot of Homestuck itself. He frequently goes on tangents about his favorite movies, just as I do with works of media I like, e.g. Homestuck itself. So if the story of Homestuck (or whichever spinoff media you’re writing a fic of) is firmly ingrained in your head, that gives you an advantage in writing John. Remember, in the scene where he meets Roxy for the first time, John recaps the entire comic from his perspective which the story transcribes primarily as “blah blah blah”. One of my favorite examples of his movie tangents:

(Homestuck, Act 5 Act 2; one of the funniest pesterlogs in the comic)

John tends to remember how things happened with greater precision than others do; he remembers the exact sequence of events, while other characters instead remember how the event made them feel. An example is this passage from one of my favorite Homestuck fics, Through Shadowed Eyes, where John quotes a past conversation from the fic:

(Through Shadowed Eyes, chapter 17)

and after a long time skip, when he finally admits to Roxy he had been secretly conversing with Terezi:

(Through Shadowed Eyes, chapter 25)

A lot of fanfic writers overdo John’s habit of spacing compound words, as if it’s a troll typing quirk or something. He only spaces out compound words if they don’t look too wrong as two words instead of one, and you really don’t need to be consistent about it or space compound words at every opportunity. Just doing it on occasion is enough, else it looks distracting.

JOHN: basically, all you need to do to write john is put yourself in the shoes of a friendly and goofy nerd. it’s pretty easy to write him, i promise! at least i think it is.
JOHN: heh, sorry if this section was too long.
JOHN: i’m just a really passionate john egbert fan, that’s all.

Wait, one last thing. John does not use :B emotes. Stop thinking he does.

Rose Lalonde

Two words. Dry humor.

I cannot possibly overstate how integral dry humor is to writing Rose. Here are a few good examples:

(Homestuck, Act 1)

(Homestuck, Act 5 Act 2)

(Homestuck, Act 6 Intermission 2)

As I’ve grown older, I have started to find Rose one of the absolute funniest characters in Homestuck. She’s normally a serious and stuffy girl, but later in the comic she loosens up when around Kanaya or Roxy, and she especially loosens up when drunk. If you know someone who regularly uses esoteric vocabulary even when having a conversation online, then imitating them will help you write Rose.

One aspect of Rose’s character I wish more fanfic authors would lean into is the way she tears into those she considers foolish. Take this example from Through Shadowed Eyes:

(Through Shadowed Eyes, chapter 27; one of my favorites because of how Rose is written)

Here we have Rose be as brutal as she could possibly be, which is a side of her character I nearly forgot existed until I read that chapter. She’s genuinely a kind person deep down, she just doesn’t always show it.

It takes a lot of writing skill to write a good Rose Lalonde, but a well-written Rose will elevate an entire fanfic. That’s because if the fic writes Rose correctly, I can trust its author to do justice to any Homestuck character, especially those who talk as formally as she does.

Dave Strider

A lot of Homestuck fanfic authors use Dave as a mouthpiece for what’s on their mind, and I suppose I can’t blame them for doing that because Hussie has always done the exact same, like whenever Dave discusses clichéd tropes in movies or his relationship with homosexuality, but it’s important to make Dave feel like Dave and not just a mouthpiece. Here’s a good example of Dave analyzing movie tropes:

(Homestuck, Act 2; conversation with John)

I think most fans know the gist of how to write Dave: he’s sarcastic as fuck and likes to critique tropes of the world he lives in. He tends to be a doomer when something bad happens and will have an attitude like “it figures, reality never lets us have things our way”. He likes to needle John for being naive, who likes to needle Dave in return for being so stuck up; that’s just what childhood friends do. His interactions with Rose are famously hilarious and those with Jade have always been a tad flirty especially on her end. As Homestuck progresses, he gradually becomes more sincere and open, but his flippant humor always remains.

Davesprite

Similar to Dave, but more cranky and bitter, and more blunt when something upsets him. A perfect example from shortly after he is created:

He’s basically like a Dave who became less stuffy and more honest with himself due to spending four months in a doomed timeline where everyone else except Rose was dead. I wonder if their guardians also died in this timeline? Did John’s dad stay alive all those months and never find out what happened to his son? Damn, that’s depressing to think about.

Jade Harley

Jade’s writing in the epilogues is already godawful and inaccurate to what she’s supposed to be like; she’s turned into a creep who harasses her friends constantly and has zero concept of boundaries. So naturally, Beyond Canon butchers her character even fucking more. The authors reverted Vriska’s renaming to (Vriska) but won’t revert Jade’s character assassination. I see how it is.

Jade’s primary trait is NOT that she has no concept of social boundaries. She can show eccentricity from having spent her entire childhood on an island, but despite that she’s a surprisingly level-headed and friendly girl. She’s a huge nerd about science and furry fandom, so she’s a lot easier to write if you’re into one or both of those things. I’m sure that the Homestuck fans who relate to Jade find her just as easy to write as I do John.

Jade is one of those people whose happiness, affection, and frustration all come across easily even though just words on a computer screen. She has a simple and straightforward way of talking and never hesitates to tell us what’s on her mind. She uses a heavy amount of emoticons, both horizontal ones (e.g. :D, :|, or <3) and vertical ones (e.g. ._. or >_>;). Come to think of it, she shares her abundant use of emoticons with Calliope and Roxy. Don’t forget to use long streams of exclamation points sometimes!!!!!!!!! Or question marks?????????

Oh yeah, I should probably provide an example of Jade’s way of talking from the comic. Here’s an example of her playfulness near the end:

(Homestuck, Act 6 Act 6 Intermission 5)

Jane Crocker

A good way to describe Jane’s way of talking is “playfully formal”. More formal than John, but less than (for example) Rose or Calliope. She’s normally upbeat and polite when she talks, but when she has a crashout she becomes extremely petty and volatile. Unlike John, she actually does use :B emotes, both as Jane Crocker and Jane Egbert. She likes to refer to her friends as Mr. or Ms. (last name)—well, okay, she technically never does the latter, but you can still write her doing it if you want.

As for profanity usage, Jane is an interesting case. Jane doesn’t cuss at all when she’s in a good mood, whereas she swear occasionally when she’s feeling sour (e.g. she says “Get this shit out of my face.” after that notorious pesterlog when she fails to confess her feelings for Jake). And when she loses her temper, she becomes as much of a sailor mouth as Karkat. Look at this comparison between normal Jane and crashout Jane:

(Homestuck, Act 6 Act 1; note that “needn’t” is a good example of a mildly formal word Jane would use)

(Homestuck, Act 6 Act 5)

Jake English

This dude is the corniest cornball in the history of corny cornballs. Use lots of old man speak if you can—words like “gee whillikers”, “ripsnorter”, “fancy” as a verb, “hootenanny”, “dickens”, “dadblasted”, and so much more—but also be sure to mix in some normal profanity as well for that extra Jake factor. You can steal old man words from his conversations within Homestuck if you wish. His other personality traits are just as crucial to writing him. He’s optimistic even in situations where John would have a mental breakdown, which means he’s genuinely encouraging to his friends when he wants to be. And he’s often horrifically bad at reading the room. Even when he feels like absolute shit, he still talks like a goofball, and here’s a good example:

(Homestuck, Act 6 Act 5)

I actually did write a fic where Jake talks once, and the trickiest part of it for me was not the old man speak, but writing sentences that flowed well without using any punctuation or capital letters amidst the sentence (unless emphasizing a word). That’s a very crucial part of writing an accurate Jake for me. If he uses even one comma or apostrophe amidst a sentence, his writing immediately feels off to me.

Roxy Lalonde

ROXY: omg you guys i could go on 4 EVAAAAAAAR about the right way to write roxy
ROXY: a lotta ppl try to write her but they just dont make her funny enough!
ROXY: u gotta not care 2 much abt how words are spelled even when shes sober and fill her speech with tons of made-up wordonyms
ROXY: i actually did try writin a fic with roxy once and i found her fun as fuck to write but i never finished it
ROXY: cuz it kinda turned into a recap of events in homestuck and like
ROXY: what kinda fuckin dork would wanna read THAT
ROXY: i should totes finish it some day but i have so much other shit on my plate like god DAAAAAMN
ROXY: please batterwitch can u make me sick for a day so im forced to finish that thing :(

The main reason Roxy is so fun to write is because she goes on tangents a lot and thus has a sort of stream of consciousness way of talking. That, and because she’s just fucking awesome in general. In the epilogues, Roxy’s writing unfortunately is really weak for the most part, except in the prologue which was written by Hussie himself, and in Candy 38 (the grand John/Roxy reconciliation) which is my favorite part of the epilogues hands down, like holy shit. I have mixed feelings on the epilogues as a whole, but pure love and respect for that single chapter. And of course Beyond Canon cannot follow up on that in a way that is even 1% as intelligently written. Instead we get some cringeworthy exchanges on Terezi’s age because that is what the writers of Beyond Canon care about.

I don’t know how to put it, but to write Roxy you kind of just have to feel her character. She has a big heart and unlike the rest of the Strilondes isn’t afraid to show it. Take this passage from her monologue after the alpha kids all entered Sburb:

(Homestuck, Act 6 Intermission 4)

or her summing up how the alpha kids’ session went in her iconic (to me at least) first conversation with John:

(Homestuck, Act 6 Act 6 Intermission 1)

Also, note the phrases like “moon jammies”, “XTREME STRIDER BULLSHIT”, and “sploded” in the screenshots I posted. Those are examples of the informal spins on standard English words that Roxy likes to use.

Dirk Strider

To round off the humans, it’s now time for Dirk, AKA Mr. Emotional Issues. The TV Tropes page “Sophisticated as Hell” is a good way to describe how he talks. He combines Rose’s massive vocabulary with Dave’s slang and profanity in a way that’s very similar to how the real-life Hussie talks. He has a tangled web of emotional issues and always makes everything into an uber-complex scheme, but the regular plain old Dirk is deep down a good dude, at least in Homestuck itself. Here’s a passage that shows the pretentious schemer Dirk is usually like:

(Homestuck, Act 6 Act 1)

And now, take this absolutely hardcore line from the post-trickster split screen arc, one of my favorite parts of the comic:

(Homestuck, Act 6 Act 5)

Lil’ Hal

If I’m gonna include the most prominent alternate Dave, then I’ll throw in the most prominent alternate Dirk as well. He talks like Dirk but buried under even more sarcasm and inscrutable irony, and mentally frozen in the state of 13-year-old Dirk, which is why he’s more attracted to Jake than his human counterpart is. Only in the most extreme circumstances (when Dirk almost kills him) does Hal’s ironic act break.

Brain Ghost Dirk

Yep, I have one more Dirk to go through before I move on to the trolls. If you’re writing a fic where Brain Ghost DIrk appears, make up your own shit about how he works because why not? Who’s to say he can’t appear in the other alpha kids’ or Dave’s brains, instead of just Jake’s? Maybe he does have more connection to regular Dirk’s soul than he lets on?

Trolls in general

Troll terminology, troll terminology, troll terminology! Use lots and lots of troll terminology! The MSPA wiki has a handy glossary of troll words that you can use; use them as much as you like for household appliances, body parts, and animals, and make your own troll words if you please. And honestly, you should disregard the running gag (if you can even call it that) that highbloods use human terminology. That joke is a failed attempt to be funny and the comic doesn’t even really follow it. If they did, wouldn’t Eridan and Feferi use the words “boyfriend/girlfriend” instead of “matesprit”? Ha, I bet Hussie never thought of that.

Aradia Megido

Pre-death: normal upbeat friendly girl, the kind that Hussie doesn’t like writing but plenty of fanfic writers do. Fairly similar to Jade in that sense.

Ghost and robot: hollow and vaguely melancholy, unable to express emotions but wishes she could. Has a badass poetic way of phrasing things. This version of Aradia I feel carries the trolls’ arc for big chunks of it, because her conversations are fascinating to read and play a big part moving the plot along.

God tier: friendly and upbeat once again, but in a more reserved and mysterious way. Knows what life is like on the other side and has a good sense of humor about it, but can also creep people out, especially if they’re nerdy blue boys looking for just one girl who isn’t insane.

Tavros Nitram

If you’re writing a fic featuring Tavros, make sure he phrases his sentences in the most roundabout and clunky way possible. Take this quote for example:

(Homestuck, Act 5 Act 2)

In the last line, pay special attention to where he places the word “basically”. That demonstrates an interesting quirk of the way Tavros talks: he puts adverbs and filler words in unusual places to make his sentences sound long and clunky. Basically, think of the exact type of person who Vriska would think is the lamest goober ever. That’s how you write Tavros.

Sollux Captor

Honestly, if you’re writing Sollux in a fic, you can probably get away with using Dave’s voice but in Sollux’s typing quirk, because that’s essentially what Hussie did with writing him in the trolls’ arc. Main differences are troll terminology (duh) and that Sollux is more cranky and prone to mood swings. After his blinding, Sollux is not nearly as cranky but still fairly sensitive and prefers to keep to himself.

Karkat Vantas

I think any guide for how to write Karkat will tell you that he uses colorful language to express his emotions, especially anger. A classic example is his line from his first conversation with John, “YOU ARE SUCH AN IGNORAMUS I COULD SHIT MILES OF RAGE SNAKE TO CHOKE YOU TO DEATH.” But I’d like to focus a little more on his general here.

Karkat tends to be condescending and sensitive at the same time when talking to pretty much anyone, even those he’s really close with. The only person who he never acts condescending to is Kanaya; he’s more even-tempered when talking to her. Here are some passages from Summerteen Romance (the best official Homestuck media that is not written by Hussie) that demonstrate his condescending attitude:

(Summerteen Romance, pages 5 and 12)

Seriously people, Summerteen Romance absolutely NAILS Karkat’s character in all the write ways.

Also, when Karkat is scared or his friends are in danger, he absolutely freaks the fuck out and goes down worst-case scenario spirals. An example right after Gamzee becomes evil:

(Homestuck, Act 5 Act 2)

Nepeta Leijon

She’s playful and upbeat, likes to roleplay and make cat puns. She’s quite the romantic as well, as shown by her deep crush on Karkat. Since she doesn’t get a lot of screen time, I feel you have a lot of leeway writing her. One trait I like to imagine she has is that she’s unusually unfazed by insults. Take this exchange with Karkat, which has the notorious “autistic girl in a cave” line:

(Homestuck, Act 5 Act 1)

Note that Nepeta is completely unfazed by Karkat calling her autistic as an insult. I feel like she’s so absorbed in her own world of hunting and shipping her friends that she’s hardly ever bothered when people insult her in this way. Or maybe this is me imagining Nepeta having a trait of my own, since I’m also hardly ever bothered by those types of insults. Still, this is what I mean about Nepeta: if you write a fic with her, you can explore her personality much deeper than Homestuck ever did.

Kanaya Maryam

KANAYA: Forgive Me If You Find Text Where Every Word Is Capitalized Irritating to Your Ganderbulbs But I Find Kanayas Speech Mannerisms Easier To Explain With A Brief Live Demonstration Handy
KANAYA: In Particular Because The Authors Of Beyond Canon Persistently Struggle To Capture Her Personality To Any Degree Even Slightly Resembling Satisfaction
KANAYA: I Am Not Quite Sure Im Replicating Her Voice Faithfully But I Am Making A Valiant Effort
KANAYA: Many Authors Tend To Overdo Her Characteristic Dry Humor Which Is Known To Some As And I Quote Human Sarcasm
KANAYA: One Must Be Careful To Insert Profanity Or Slang Into Kanayas Dialogue Only If The Scenario Irrefutably Demands It
KANAYA: It May Be Best In Some Cases To Forgo Such Dry Humor Entirely If It Means Kanaya Is Written More Faithfully
KANAYA: Just As Crucial If Not More So Is Her Extensive Level Of Vocabulary
KANAYA: To My Recollection I Have Never Once Perused A Fanfic Where I Thought Kanayas Lexicon Was Too Elaborate

OK, I’ll cut out the act. The authors of Homestuck: Beyond Canon get pretty much every character wrong, but they especially suck at writing Kanaya and it pisses me the fuck off. Her manner of talking revolves around two things: dry humor and a strong vocabulary. And by dry humor, I mean really dry. Drier than even Rose’s, and more occasional. A good example is this passage:

(Homestuck, Act 6 Act 6 Intermission 1)

Since Kanaya’s dialogue is void of all punctuation (with very rare exceptions), it can be slightly challenging to phrase her lines so that they read smoothly without punctuation. I encountered similar challenges the one time I wrote a fic featuring Jake.

Now about vocabulary: use big words a lot! If you write her and notice her using a small word, by all means feel free to substitute it with something more lexically advanced. I really don’t think there’s much of a limit to the obscurity of the words it would make sense for Kanaya to say.

Terezi Pyrope

I’ll start with an example from the epilogues, because Terezi is a character they consistently write well:

(The Homestuck Epilogues, Candy 2)

This line demonstrates the essence of Terezi’s character: bossy in a playful way. She’s like this towards John, Karkat, Dave, Roxy, and pretty much any of her troll friends. Snooty and flirty, always thinks a step or two ahead of everyone else. At heart, she often has trouble sincerely expressing her emotions, which is a problem that so many Homestuck characters face.

When you think about it, Terezi is a pretty typical example of Hussie’s female characters. She’s a deadly badass who has romantic tension with girls who whose morality is more dubious than hers. Hussie’s female characters tend to be morally complex badass girls, whereas his male characters tend to be impressionable dorks, as proven by Psycholonials.

Vriska Serket

Oh boy, this character is a doozy. Pretty much every Homestuck fanfic ever (which includes any official Homestuck media not written by Hussie himself) softens Vriska’s character at least a little bit compared to what she’s like in the comic itself. I can’t entirely blame fanfic writers for doing that, but it’s still annoying when writers forget she’s supposed to be a morally dubious asshole girl with a big “it’s all about me” mindset. YouTuber Casey Jarmes said in I think it was this video (What Killed Homestuck?) that whenever he rereads the trolls’ arc, he is surprised by how much of a horrible person Vriska is. And I’m sure that is exactly what Hussie intended when devising this character; he’s made it clear many times that Vriska was deliberately designed to stir up controversy.

Basically, Vriska is bossy and full of herself most of her time, but on occasion she’s willing to open up about her moral insecurities and doubts about herself. To write a good Vriska you need to be very careful to balance those two sides of her character. I can tell that Hussie really enjoyed writing conversations between her and John, and I don’t blame him one bit. A domineering girl and an impressionable good-hearted boy invariably make for an interesting and testy dynamic. And just to refresh you on what their dynamic is like, here’s a snippet from one of their first pesterlogs:

(Homestuck, Act 5 Act 2)

This passage has everything that defines Vriska’s attitude: needling on others for not realizing the obvious, believing that the only point of anything is to win, and boasting about her own accomplishments.

Aranea Serket

I’m not doing all the Beforus trolls here, just the two main ones. Aranea is as two-faced as a character can get: one side of her is a mild-mannered exposition girl who recounts everything in mechanical narrative terms, the other side of her is fucking evil. If you’re clever when writing Aranea, while you’re writing one side of her you should let just a teeny bit of the other side slip through. I think that deep down, Aranea has always felt that she could never be wrong about anything, even back in the Beforus session. She just never did anything all that nefarious until she got a hold of the Ring of Life.

Alright, now back to the Alternian trolls.

Equius Zahhak

In his first speaking scene, Nepeta herself provides some excellent advice for how to write Equius:

Same goes with words containing “ool”, or using the percent sign to replace “sk” or “ksh” sounds. Because of his goofy-ass typing quirk, I actually thought the word “lewd” was spelled as “lood” for quite a while. And normally I’m quite good at spelling words correctly! Thanks, Homestuck.

Basically, Equius is formal, stuffy, and difficult to reason with because of his obsession with other blood castes bossing him around. It’s hard to think of a single character in Homestuck who’s more stuffy and uptight than him. But everyone knows that he really does care about his friends, Nepeta in particular. He’s a whimsical guy without realizing it, especially because of the way he shoehorns words that make use of his typing quirk.

Gamzee Makara

To write Gamzee, all you need to do is think of the stupidest thing anyone could possibly say, then write it. If you write a scene with Gamzee and feel as though you’ve just lost a few brain cells, then congratulations, you’ve successfully written Gamzee.

Eridan Ampora

Eridan is an asshole, and I mean a huge asshole. He thinks he’s better and smarter than anyone else, views everyone lower on the hemospectrum as a lowly inferior (except when he needs something from them), and he refuses to listen when others try to talk sense into him. If you forgot just how thick-headed this guy is, in this post from 2016 I provided some pretty decent analysis of him.

Feferi Peixes

Feferi is friendly and upbeat even in the worst of times, and boy has she seen the worst of times—Eridan’s asshole buffoonery, the deaths of so many of her friends even if temporary, the end of the society she was due to inherit. She hardly complains about any of it, in contrast to Eridan who complains about every little thing. She also has a peculiar tic where she will insult someone’s intelligence if they don’t know something she considers obvious, which I think of as her way of being playful.

Feferi also likes to use words with stretched out ––––––––E (lots of hyphens)* if she’s really excited or wants to be emphatic. I like to read such words in a singsong tone of voice. Also. Fish puns! She doesn’t use them quite as much as Meenah does, but they come quite naturally to her.

* I actually wrote them as en dashes because WordPress converts double hyphens into em dashes, which I am okay with because em dashes are cool. Also, PLEASE STOP FUCKING CALLING EM DASHES “CHATGPT HYPHENS”. It’s such a demeaning name for a wonderful and useful punctuation mark.

Meenah Peixes

For starters, Meenah is absolutely fucking OBSESSED with fish puns. If you’re writing her, there is no such thing as too much fish puns. Buoy, conch, anemone, krill, tuna, clam, and frond are just among the few words she likes to make fish puns out of. She has a very informal and blunt way of talking that puts even Dave to shame.

A quirk of Meenah’s voice that I don’t see a lot of people bring up is that she usually doesn’t refer to people by their names, but rather invents nicknames based on them. Sometimes those nicknames are based on their actual names (e.g. fishska for Vriska, meu for Meulin). Other times, especially when she’s talking to a human, her nickname is something she invents on the spot, like “extra talky human” for Rose, “blue buoy” for John, or “sleepy fishbait” for Roxy. A good example of her love of impromptu nicknames is as follows:

(Homestuck, Act 6 Act 3)

The line “why couldnt whats his shit be more like nubs mcshouty” encapsulates Meenah’s way of talking perfectly. Her referring to Kankri as “whats his shit” shows what little she thinks of him and conveniently avoids spoiling his name.

Calliope

If you want to write a fic featuring Calliope, it helps to be a huge Homestuck nerd. By that, I don’t just mean someone obsessed with Homestuck in general, but someone who’s well-versed in fan theories. Admittedly, this is a bit of a weak spot for me, since I’ve always preferred to reread Homestuck over and over again and draw my own conclusions rather than subscribe to particular fan theories, but then again I’ve never actually written a fic with her before. A good alternative may be to invent your own theories about the world of Homestuck and have Calliope recite them. An example of Calliope discussing fan theories is as follows:

(Through Shadowed Eyes, Chapter 1)

In a lot of works of media I like, I remember there being one particular funny moment early on that got me hooked on it. Calliope’s rant about inversion theory was this for Through Shadowed Eyes—it was immediate proof that the author is just as much of a Homestuck head as I am, if not more.

In general, Calliope is an analytical person who tries to make sense of her world in clear-cut formulaic terms. So to write her, you should try getting in the shoes of a fan theorist who freely extrapolates upon the world of Homestuck to her own wills. She also has a rather formal way of talking, so a lot of the same tips apply to her as those for Rose and Kanaya.

Also, don’t forget to use lots of U-themed emotes when writing her! The big ones are ^u^, u_u, and :U (capitalization of the U’s may vary).

God tier Calliope

She talks as poetically as regular Calliope, but is more serious and dignified of course. This means writing god tier Calliope is an opportunity to showcase her poetic style of storytelling. She still does think of her world in mechanical formulaic terms, I would say.

Also, one of few things Calliope and Caliborn agree on is that the trickster lollipop juju is the most wonderful thing to ever exist. Going by the epilogues, god tier Calliope feels the exact same.

Caliborn

I swear to god, I have never once seen a Homestuck fan complain about how much they hate Act 6 without also going off about how Caliborn is the greatest character in all of fiction. Since Caliborn’s first speaking scene is in Act 6 Act 2, this is proof that Hussie REALLY did something right when devising this character. It certainly helps that Caliborn represents the portion of Homestuck fans that complain about everything the comic does especially in the later half, but deep down still love the fuck out of it. From his first speaking scene:

(Homestuck, Act 6 Act 2)

Caliborn just has to be the most lovable villain any author has ever devised. He’s a huge asshole who wants to murder and destroy everything he touches, but with his ability to face seemingly impossible challenges and his arc of improving his skills as an artist, it’s just impossible not to root for the guy. I mean, just look at this quote from him, which might just be my favorite line in all of Homestuck:

(Homestuck, Act 6 Act 6 Act 1)

Seriously. How can anyone not love this guy? Beyond Canon is so fucking boring without him around, but on the other hand, that also means the authors don’t get to butcher my beautiful fiendish cherub boy.

As for Caliborn’s way of talking, it’s the opposite of Calliope’s in some ways. He uses lots of short sentence fragments, is extremely vulgar especially when talking about bitches, and uses simple words to express concepts he doesn’t know the name of. I’ve always felt he talks a lot like Papyrus from Undertale: both have an ego through the roof, and both speak in a way that’s self-aggrandizing and naive at the same time. The main difference is that Papyrus is a good guy of course, but I still do feel they talk quite similarly.

A tendency with Caliborn is that he doesn’t understand a lot of things about how the world works; for example, he has no clue how humans reproduce and thinks the hottest things they can do are eat cake and hold hands. But he insists that it’s not a problem at all when he doesn’t understand how something works, and he powers through every obstacle in his way. I say again, how can anyone not love Caliborn?

Closing thoughts

Whew, that was long post, a lot longer than I expected it to be. I probably left out a lot more helpful tips on how to write characters, but I still hope it was a good read!

The last thing I’ll say is that if a Homestuck fanfic (even a really short one) has a really good and powerful message to share, I’ll be able to forgive slight inaccuracies in how the characters are written. So if you ever write a Homestuck fanfic, make it accurate to the comic of course, but more importantly, make it actually good!