Intro Post

< 2024 Semifinals | 2024 Final | 2025 Semifinals >

This is it, everyone—the grand finale of my Eurovision blog post series. Till May 2025 anyway, but that’s a matter for another time. I hope you enjoy reading this post, but I’m not done just yet—I still have a few bonus posts to write!

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Introduction

“It’s been quite an eventful Eurovision this year, but hopefully tonight, we’ll bring you the usual beauty, mayhem, madness, and of course male nudity.” Never change, Graham Norton. Never change.

After Joost Klein from the Netherlands got disqualified and the protests against Israel’s participation continued, the final of Eurovision 2024 felt like it could collapse any minute. In the dress rehearsals, some of the contestants (like Ireland’s Bambie Thug) refused to show up, others (like Norway’s Gåte) almost withdrew from the contest, and Slimane from France paused amidst his song to give a speech pleading for peace. This was not a normal Eurovision year at all, but let me tell you… I flew across the ocean to Malmö for Eurovision, so as salty as I was, I did not let the Eurovision drama or my personal drama dent my excitement. I went to a bar in Malmö to watch the grand final with a few friends and really did have a great time there. It was also nice to watch it in the warm indoors, since I had underestimated how much warm clothing I needed to pack.

We should all be very fortunate that this year had such talented hosts to keep fans’ spirits afloat: the queen of Eurovision hosts Petra Mede, and the Swedish-Canadian actress Malin Åkerman. It was the first time a pair of women hosted Eurovision, and the third time Petra was one of the hosts. Another thing that belies this year’s hectic drama are the postcards, which are simplistic in contrast to 2023: they show a map of where each country is, clips from two of each country’s prior Eurovision songs, footage of each participant in their country filmed on cell phones, and finally a dramatized shot of the artist. I feel like this is a very SVT style of doing postcards, since they love their efficiency and minimalism.

In spite of all the protests, Israel’s controversial entry landed fifth place thanks to televoters, and fans don’t agree on how it managed that. France achieved an excellent fourth place with a ballad by a man who sings his heart out, Ukraine landed third place singing in the language they used to be afraid to sing in, then the top two are both particularly special songs. The massive fan favorite “Rim Tim Tagi Dim” earned Croatia their best result in history, a second place. Switzerland won for the first time since 1988 with “The Code”, sung by Nemo Mettler, the first non-binary artist to win Eurovision. In this post, you better get ready for me defending Switzerland’s victory, though I would’ve been equally happy with Croatia taking the prize.

The grand final starts with Sweden’s twice Eurovision contestant Björn Hwifs… sorry, I mean Björn Skifs. Damn sj-sound, I’m still not over how many different spellings it has. Anyway, he performs his famous cover of “Hooked on a Feeling” to open up the contest, then comes the flag parade set to a medley of Swedish international hits in English. It has a more restrained feeling than the flag parade of the last two years, perhaps due to the nasty drama of this year, or perhaps because the contestants, audience, and production crew were all unusually cautious this year.

I should mention that as was the case in 2010 and 2011, viewers were allowed to vote since the first song started. Given Israel’s voting campaign I’m not sure it was a good idea this year, but I’ll get to that later. For now, let’s begin this unusually controversial grand final.

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Sweden: Unforgettable

Artist: Marcus and Martinus, the Norwegian twins who look like they’re twelve

Language: English, because svenskspråkig musik finns inte

Key: C minor

Ah, thank you Graham Norton for telling me the last time the host country performed first—turns out it was in 1970! Sweden’s running order slot was chosen randomly, as is usual for the host entry. I should note that the running order this year is less random than in previous years because songs now can get a producer’s choice draw, which means the producers can give it any slot they desire. To me, this makes the running order only a shade less random than in previous years so I don’t find it to make a huge difference. And besides, even though the producers are obsessed with pushing favorites based on the betting odds, I still am averse to putting songs in random order so this is very much preferable.

Also, in the postcard “Främling” from 1983 is exactly the type of song a Swede would put in—as I mentioned in my last post, Sweden’s commentator Edward af Sillén chose which songs to include in the postcards. It’s one of those old schlagers that every Swede knows, just as “Zwei kleine Italiener” and “Ein bisschen Frieden” are for Germans.

Anyway, about the song… as with Sweden’s last two host entries, I’m really not a fan of this. This feels like Sweden is going, “you already know what kind of song we’ll send, so let’s get it out of the way”. It’s just your usual dancey overstaged swedo-pop that’s not as good as it thinks it is, despite the admittedly catchy synth riff. Plus, the lyrics irritate me. I’ve started to hate lyrics that go “derp yes I will do anything a sexy woman tells me to because I have the brain of an animal”, because I find them really demeaning to men. I have advice to men reading this: if a woman you like is being an asshole to you, you don’t have to do everything she says! It’s okay to stand up for yourself and show some self-respect.

Annoyingly enough, this song is yet another Swedish entry where the producers can’t decide what key it’s in. When I was in Malmö, I sometimes heard the song played from speakers in C♯ minor which drove me crazy, but if you don’t have perfect pitch you won’t know my pain.

EDIT (April 27, 2025): It took me almost a year, but this song has now grown on me enough for me to add it to my Spotify playlist. It has a really good buildup from a calm start to a dramatic ending, and the synth riff really ties it together. The lyrics are still fairly annoying though.

Ukraine: Teresa & Maria

Artist: Alyona Alyona and Jerry Heil

Language: Ukrainian, plus two lines in English

Key: G minor

I wish Graham Norton could see into the future, so that he could tell me “this is the first time a song in the death slot scored in the top three since year X”. Unfortunately he can’t, so I had to look it up manually; it was in 2002, when the UK scored third place. That was a year with a reverse recap, so maybe it doesn’t count; the last time a song in the death slot got top 3 before then was Turkey in 1997, with the fan favorite “Dinle”. This year actually has its third recap reversed, but I don’t think that’s the only reason this did so well; also because it’s the kind of song that speaks to fans easily, and because viewers love voting for Ukraine. This song is proof that you can put a fan favorite into the death slot and it won’t suffer!

Unfortunately I can’t say this ever did much for me. This has some good musical ideas that remind me a little bit of “1944”, a little bit of “Stefania”, but I find it inferior to both. It has some nice harmonized melodies especially in the chorus, but the main thing weighing it down is the repetitive progression of four chords, which doesn’t do the song favors; it makes the song sound like a neverending chorus. Alyona has impressive rap skills but I find her rapping section drags on too long. I’m completely unsurprised it did so well and I like that Ukraine is scoring well in their own language (are you hearing this, Germany?), but for me it’s one of Ukraine’s weaker entries, sorry to say.

Germany: Always on the Run

Artist: Isaak Guderian

Language: English, because deutschsprächige Musik gibt’s auch nicht

Key: B♭ minor

I’m still really disappointed that this was the kind of song my country chose for Eurovision 2024. Less that this won our national final, and more that the national final consisted entirely of beige radio songs like this, plus two safe and restrained entries sung in German. For my thoughts on the national final read this post. I mean, this did get Germany out of the bottom and landed us twelfth place, but I wish Germany achieved that with a different type of song. Like what we sent last year, perhaps?

This song does not sound like a new piece of music, and I’ve thought this ever since I heard a snippet in a video compiling the entries for Germany’s national final. It feels like a song I had heard hundreds of times before, one of those radio songs that fills up time because no one feels a need to turn it off. It’s not bad or anything, but it’s filled to the brim with all the clichéd radio pop song tropes. And of course it’s still not sung in German, after seventeen goddamn years.

When my mom watched the grand final, she was surprised that this got points at all. She was unimpressed with this and felt this didn’t sound like a German song, rather a run-of-the-mill American radio pop song, and was sure no one would vote for this, which I also thought. But if you think about it, it makes sense that this did well with the juries, because they love this type of dramatic X Factor-style singing. He is a good singer on stage and puts passion into his vocals, I’ll give him that. And the staging does a good job highlighting his singing ability, which this song did right and UK did wrong.

That said, I can’t feel even a trace of patriotism for this song, because I am incredibly sick and tired of Germany sending this type of song to Eurovision. I don’t want Eurovision fans to associate Germany with radio pop in English, but NDR will probably send the same type of song next year, ugh. Also, I really don’t like that he omits the profanity from “no one gives a shit about what’s soon to come”. This type of lazy censorship drives me crazy. The “run-na-na-hey” chorus has always bugged me too, I can’t explain why.

Luxembourg: Fighter

Artist: Tail Golergant

Language: French and English, in a way that works

Key: F♯ minor

Amidst a sea of sour songs near the start, this song really cheers me up. Luxembourg has rejoined Eurovision after 31 years, so I wish them a warm welcome back, bon retour, wilkommen zurück, and wëlkomm zréck. Also I wish Tali a bienvenida de nuevo and ברוכה השבה (brukha hashava), because she can speak those languages too! (Yes, I made sure to use forms specific to women.)

See, unlike Sweden and Germany’s songs, this song has a clear distinctive personality, and is the type of music I wouldn’t be likely to hear outside of Eurovision. This grips me at the start with a guitar riff in a bouncy unusual rhythm, then Tali starts singing in French—the very same language Luxembourgish did so well with in the old days. I agree with Erica, it really does bring me back to the old days when Francophone music dominated Eurovision. She sings this song with flawless control over her voice, and perfect confidence to do Luxembourg proud. She switches to English for the chorus, and it actually works here because the rhythm is different between the two languages. In the French parts, the lines generally emphasize the last syllable, whereas the English parts emphasize the first syllable, which matches the stress patterns of the two languages. It’s not a Francophone song diluted with evil English, it’s a properly bilingual composition.

A section that tickles me is when she sings “j’avoue, j’avoue, je sais pas”. In this part she sings a descending harmonic minor scale, which is interesting enough in itself, but it’s even more interesting that she starts and ends the scale not on the root note, but a perfect fifth above the note. I also love that the instrumental plays the scale at the same time as she sings.

I wasn’t sure how to feel about the slowed-down section in the revamp at first, but now I think it really adds to the song. It creates some tension and lets viewers appreciate her singing skills over the instrumental. She sounds emotional in this part, which works both with the lyrics encouraging people to fight for what they value, and how emotional it is for her to have the honor of representing Luxembourg. And it ends with a lovely “et voilà”, which to me shows that her country is ready to keep slaying at Eurovision. This ultimately landed at 13th place, which is a respectable result for modern Eurovision: two-thirds of the way from the bottom to the top! I’ve always found this song a real delight and I’m a bit sad I didn’t vote for it, but this year has too many good options anyway.

Luxembourg’s comeback entry got a respectable 83 points from the jury, and just 20 from the televote which for a country that hadn’t participated in 31 years is decent enough. This song’s televote results are quite interesting, most easy to explain. The twelve from Israel must be because she’s of Israeli descent and can speak Hebrew; in fact, she also got twelve points from the Israeli jury. The Belgians and French, who gave her one and three points respectively, no doubt appreciated her singing in French. Her four points from the rest of the world, I find curious. Was it Latin American viewers, since her father is a Peruvian Jew? French-speaking countries outside Europe? Or is it just a coincidence that the rest of the world liked this?

Now before we go on to the most controversial entry this evening, please pour one out for “Europapa” which was originally going to be in slot five. I fucking love that song so much.

Israel: Hurricane

Artist: Eden Golan

Language: English, plus a few lines in Hebrew at the end

Key: E minor

Oh boy, now I’ve arrived at the most controversial song in Eurovision 2024. I’ll be brave and give my honest thoughts on this song as well as the drama surrounding it, because by this point I trust all my dear readers to respect my opinions.

As a song, this is an alright enough ballad. It’s not as good as it thinks it is, both in music and lyrics, and it’s full of clichéd “traumatic ballad” chord progressions. But it has some well-written melodies at least, and I can see why it would move people who like this type of song. Eden Golan has a good singing voice and delivers the song well, especially considering all the booing and protests she faced, and I have no doubt that she means all the lyrics that she sings. But the thing is… I never willfully listen to this song. Both because it’s not my kind of music, and because for me it’s attached to all the nasty drama that stained what should have been a happy peaceful Eurovision year.

I am still extremely unhappy with the way Israel’s broadcaster and delegation behaved during Eurovision 2024. First off, they were intent on sending a song that they knew would be controversial with no regard for how fans or other broadcasters would feel. This song was originally titled “October Rain” and was rejected when submitted to Eurovision, due to having political lyrics. But then the president of Israel intervened and pressured Kan to modify the song’s lyrics till the EBU would accept it, which the EBU shouldn’t have allowed. Part of the EBU’s rationale for letting Israel participate in Eurovision 2024 is that Kan is independent from the Israeli government, but when their government meddled so heavily in this entry, that reasoning is negated. More than that, the Israeli Ministry of Foreign Affairs ran an ad campaign where Eden Golan asked viewers in many different languages to vote for her song, which also shouldn’t have been allowed.

And after all this ad campaigning, after all the protests against this song… for Israeli politicians to claim that this song’s absurdly high televote score proves the majority of Europeans unconditionally support Israel, that is just “it’s all about me” mentality. Especially because they purposely made this song serve as sympathy vote bait and ran all those goddamn advertisements, which I believe attracted people with no interest in Eurovision to vote for this. The only countries that didn’t give any televote points to this are Ukraine—because of Eden Golan’s rumored connections with Russian musicians, and because the Israeli commentators made an insensitive joke about Europe no longer caring about the war in Ukraine (not true in the slightest)—and Croatia, because they sent a massive fan favorite and really wanted to win, just as Finland gave no televotes to Sweden last year.

This song should not have been allowed in the contest, so thank goodness at least it didn’t win. Second place in the televote was far too high for what I think is just an average ballad, and I’m thankful the juries didn’t rank it very high. Else we would’ve had an absolute catastrophe. Eurovision 2024 wouldn’t have been such a trainwreck if this hadn’t been let in.

Lithuania: Luktelk

Artist: Silvester Belt

Language: Lithuanian

Key: E minor

Lithuania is one of many countries I’m jealous of this year. They’ve sent another sick-ass song in their own language just two years after their last one. Why do the Germans have to be robbed out of this?

Anyway, this is a dancey club bop in a language that most viewers outside of Lithuania probably know nothing about, exactly the kind of song I love to see in Eurovision. The staging and composition aren’t meant to tell a story or hint at the song’s meaning, they’re just meant to get the audience dancing, and in that it succeeds! I’m really happy so many countries went for the native-language banger approach, which I’m sure was inspired by the success of “Cha Cha Cha”. Very nice synth work and pumping beat, cool “boom boom” parts on the fourth beat of one measure and the first beat of the next, slight harmonies to give this flavor, I got nothing to complain about in this. The bridge section where the instrumental gains a tinge of strings is great too. It’s definitely not my favorite native-language banger of this year, but that’s because the year has so damn many.

I actually did give this a few votes in the final; I admit, that was mostly out of appreciation to some Lithuanian friends I made who took me to a bar to watch the final. But I wouldn’t have done it if I didn’t also like the song. That’s the magic of going to Eurovision: you’re going to come away with at least a few new friends.

Spain: Zorra

Artist: Nebulossa, a married couple in their fifties

Language: Spanish

Key: A minor

Before this song, we got a video interview with the first ever Swedish host of Eurovision, Karin Falck, who was by this point 92 years old. It was really sweet and put a warm smile on my face.

Can you think of a song title tougher for French speakers to pronounce than “Zorra”? I sure can’t. It contains the double whammy of a “th” sound and a rolled R. Spanish is a language where the R’s aren’t always rolled, but if they are rolled (for example when written as “rr”), you have to roll them. There’s no getting away with a lazy simple tap.

This song is most notable for the controversy it caused among Spanish viewers. The lyrics are about women reclaiming a misogynistic insult, a Spanish word that means “female fox” but colloquially means “slut” or “whore”, which some fans loved and others hated. As a piece of music, I like it but don’t love it; Erica was right to describe this as a bunch of people trying to relive their 80’s youth. It has a nice pumping beat and synths and was a fun experience in the arena, but I’m not overwhelmed by this. There have been better retro songs than this, I have to say. And there’s a way better retro dance song later in this grand final!

Also, this year has way too many butts on stage and half-naked outfits. I get that this is Eurovision and almost anything goes, and I get that the butts fit with this song’s theme, but there are still just too many.

Estonia: (Nendest) narkootikumidest ei tea me (küll) midagi

Artist: 5miinust (a hip-hop quartet) and Puuluup (a nu-folk duo)

Language: Estonian. The last time they sang in this language was also in the Malmö Arena!

Key: D minor

Now we have ANOTHER country that gets a cool native-language banger that features recognizable elements from its country and cultural references in the lyrics, while mine fucking doesn’t. It’s also got a mouthful of a title which is delightful to watch people try to pronounce. Graham Norton unfortunately chickened out on it, just as Terry Wogan no doubt would have. Thorsten Schorn, the German commentator, got almost the whole thing right in the semifinal and clearly rehearsed it, but got the last letter wrong. After the song ended, he pronounced the whole thing correctly.

It’s surprisingly rare for Estonian entries to feature elements of their own folk music—the only other one if I’m not mistaken is “Tii” from 2004, and I don’t like it much.* All the Baltic states in Eurovision prefer to send modern-sounding entries over folk entries, which matches with Estonia and Latvia’s styles of hosting in the 2000’s. Both these countries when they hosted worked their hardest to present themselves as modern and forward-thinking. This means it’s a fun surprise on the occasion a Baltic country goes for something more traditional. Knowing all this, perhaps it’s fitting that the postcard features the more rugged side of Estonia—abandoned Soviet-looking buildings covered in graffiti, as these guys play their folk instruments.

This song is like a hybrid of “Tii” and “Cha Cha Cha”, which means it has a mix of rap and folk instruments, and also means it’s somewhere between them in terms of quality. 5miinust put in a dance beat and hip hop singing, whereas the guys from Puuluup contribute deep string instruments which sound pretty cool if I say so myself, and folk singing that reminds me a tiny bit of Go_A. The studio version is actually growing on me, it throws a bunch of musical ideas in my face in a good way. It’s too bad these guys aren’t very good singers live—at least they’re better in the final than the semifinal. Their dance is great and I love their black suits and sunglasses.

Did we hear a “dank je wel” (Dutch for thank you) at the end of the song, or is that just me? Help me out, you guys!

* I just relistened to the song and yep, the abrupt ending still annoys me.

Ireland: Doomsday Blue

Artist: Bambie Thug

Language: English

Key: B minor

If there’s any country other than Germany (my own) that I hope scores well in 2024, it’s Ireland. The country totally has the potential to do well in Eurovision, but they aren’t putting in the effort to realize it. If a quality act winds up in their national final, that could change everything. —Me when reviewing Eurovision 1994, Ireland’s third victory in a row. Turns out that my hopes came true this year!

Welcome back to the grand final, Ireland! Haven’t seen you here since 2018. And more than that, welcome back into the top ten!!! This is their first time reaching the top 10 since 2011 with Jedward, and it’s tied with “Millennium of Love” from 2000 as their best ranking of the 21st century: an impressive sixth place. I’d say this is already Ireland’s most iconic entry of the century, surpassing “Lipstick” by Jedward, and most certainly soaring beyond the joke entry “Irelande Douze Pointe”.

In my post about my trip to Eurovision 2024, I had mentioned I met a group of Irish fans in a pub not far from the Malmö Arena, on the day before semifinal 1. They had varying opinions on their country’s mixed bag of entries but all agreed on two things: they took pride in Ireland’s strong record in 20th century Eurovision and ability to host every single time they won, and they knew in their hearts that this year would be their country’s Eurovision renaissance. They were also super welcoming to me, a humble little fan from Ohio. I was skeptical that Ireland would be able to reach the grand final this year, but once it happened, it quickly made sense why. And it makes even more sense now that I’ve heard all the boring-ass entries Ireland had sent in the past decade.

Basically what Ireland did this year is, they pulled a “Hard Rock Hallelujah”. After all those years of poor results, they decided “fuck it, we’ll never qualify with something normal” and decided to go waaaaaay out there. Enough with boring radio pop and corporate music, and especially no more Irish ballads! This is a full-out hectic electro-metal song with screaming and rising-falling singing and witchcraft-themed staging, which earned a three-digit score in both the jury and televote: 142 and 136 respectively. The parallels with Finland’s first ever victory are clear to me: both countries’ reputations in Eurovision were so low that no one bothered to vote for them anymore, so the only way these countries could leave their slump was to send something Europe couldn’t possibly ignore.

What do I think of this song, you may ask? I’m in two minds, personally. I love the interplay between the loud screamy sections and the quiet melodious sections with a bouncy beat, and the rise-and-fall singing is really cool, but the screaming and noise dominate the song and are way too much for me. I can love songs that alternate between shouting and singing (e.g. Hatrið mun sigra), and I think I like this overall, but I’d never dare to put a song like this in the background. It’s a real spectacle to watch this while hearing the song, I’ll give it that. This was another one of my mom’s biggest favorites of the night because it’s so crazy—I think she loves aggressive music in general. She was so surprised when I told her that before this year, Ireland normally sent boring ballads to Eurovision.

When I get to Greece, I’ll rant about this year’s overuse of widescreen aspect ratios. For now, know that this song uses a narrow aspect ratio like the old years of Eurovision—4:3 specifically—and I actually find that really cool. This aspect ratio helps the performance stand out as indie and retro.

Latvia: Hollow

Artist: Dons (Artūrs Šingirejs)

Language: English

Key: C♯ minor

Unfortunately Latvia didn’t complete the trio of Baltic states singing in their own languages, although this song does have a Latvian version called… gulp… “Lauzto šķēpu karaļvalsts”. I think this is a harder title to pronounce than “(Nendest) narkootikumidest ei tea me (küll) midagi”, but maybe that’s just because the Latvian title has scarier letters. Apparently the title means “Kingdom of Broken Spears”. The rhythm of the lyrics is a tiny bit different in the Latvian version, and I actually find that pretty cool.

I still find it crazy that this song actually made it to the grand final. On the one hand, why couldn’t it have been “Aijā” last year? That song is so much better. On the other hand, it’s easy to guess why Dons made it through: out of the two male ballads in the second semifinal, Dons sang it perfectly while Mustii flubbed it badly. To me this is a super ballady power ballad which happens to have a good voice, but I learned after the contest that this song had an undercover fanbase this entire time. People tend to admire the message about the singer staying true to his own beliefs and refusing to sell out to appeal the masses. And fans of this song also admire his good control over his voice, which I don’t dispute at all.

I find it weird that this ballad got Latvia back into the grand final after eight years and landed them a respectable 16th place, but I’m really happy for Latvian fans this year, and this man can most certainly sing. Personally I wish their non-qualification streak had been broken with my beloved “Funny Girl” from 2018, a song that I’ve become more and more obsessed with every day. But you know… I should be glad “The Moon Is Rising” from 2021 didn’t break the streak. You just never know, sometimes the most baffling songs make it through!

Greece: Zári (Ζάρι)

Artist: Marina Satti

Language: Greek, plus two phrases in English

Key: E minor

Welcome back to the grand final of Eurovision, the lovely Greek language! The last song in Greek we got in the grand final was also performed in the Malmö Arena: my beloved “Alcohol Is Free” which is the REAL winner of 2013, don’t let the haters tell you otherwise.

Before I go positive mode, let me discuss two things about this entry that drive me crazy. First off, Marina wore two lovely dresses that perfectly fit an oriental Mediterranean beat like this in her postcard, as well as a third great dress in the red carpet video clips we saw in semifinal 2, and she chose to wear this thing on stage?! I mean, I’m sure she thinks her outfit looks cool, but to me it looks bafflingly weird. Why wear a white shirt with a hole in it plus a bin bag skirt?

The second thing that drives me crazy is after the intro which is filmed in portrait mode as an homage to social media (I’m only half Erica’s age and I also don’t get why), the entire rest of the song (including the record-breakingly long continuous shot) is filmed in that “oh so cinematic” 2.35:1 aspect ratio, which for whatever reason is the default aspect ratio of this year. With some entries (e.g. Norway, Cyprus, Switzerland), the cinematic aspect ratio works perfectly, but for others, particularly this, the widescreen style doesn’t suit the song at all which drives me crazy. Props to Ukraine, the Netherlands, the UK, and France for sticking to the good old 16:9 aspect ratio, and Ireland for using the narrower 4:3 which as I mentioned before I find really cool. Croatia used a mix of 16:9 and 2.35:1, which I’m also OK with because it’s clearly deliberate which ratio is used where.

Complaint time is over now! After their disappointingly un-Greek songs the last few years, I’m over the moon that Greece brought back their language this year and sent a song that sounds unmistakably Greek in a fresh way. Given what I’ve heard from Greek fans, Greece couldn’t have chosen a better artist to exemplify Greek-language music of the 2020’s. She’s popular in Greece and her style of music represents what the youth over there like to listen to.

This is an intriguing interpretation of trap and hip-hop made entirely of Greek ethnic beats that doesn’t water down its style for accessibility at all, or put up a stereotypical image of Greece. Instead, Marina Satti is demonstrating to Europe what Greek music is really like. It took me a few listens to get used to this song, but once it snapped into place with me, I became obsessed. Not as obsessed as I am with “Europapa”, but I returned to it a ton pre-season. Perhaps I overdosed on it back then, since I haven’t come back as much since, but I did like it enough to vote for it and I still love listening to this now.

I get similar vibes to this song from “Russian Woman”; it has an unusual beat, sassy lyrics that are fun to read translations of, and a mix of rapping and melodious singing. She mixes proper rapping with singing in a rap rhythm, and I have to say it really works. The lyrics tell the story of a troublesome relationship where Marina feels like all she can do is roll dice and hope it works, or at least that’s what I get from translations. She landed 11th place in the end, which many Greek viewers thought was far too low, although my Greek commenter Ellie Z. told me that she found this a great result, especially for such a competitive year.

United Kingdom: Dizzy

Artist: Olly Alexander

Language: English

Key: C minor

Haha, Olly Alexander’s Union Jack swimtrunks in the postcard are adorable. Graham Norton said this had the best staging of any UK entry to date, and well… I can see why he said that. It’s certainly the most ambitious. But good staging? I don’t think so.

This is yet another instance of the UK flubbing a song that had great potential with staging that doesn’t work. There are many things wrong with this song’s staging. First and most importantly, it’s so obvious that Olly Alexander is paying more attention to the choreography than the singing, which really drags his vocals down. Second, the staging is meant to be extremely gay, and when I saw it live I thought “hm, it’s probably sexy but I’m outside its target audience”, but every gay male fan I’ve talked to has said they don’t think the staging is even remotely sexy. Third, I find it uncanny that amidst the other contestants’ outfits that have been deliberately chosen to fit each song, Olly Alexander went for a gym outfit. I suspect that he intentionally had his outfit torn a little to look tattered, which makes it look incredibly weird. Fourth, I don’t get nor like the whole locker room aesthetic.

Fifth, unless they were sitting in front of the stage, audience members in the Malmö Arena only got to see the side of a box on stage for most of the song, which is really annoying. I know this because I watched the semifinal 1 rehearsal from a high side seat in the arena, and this was the one song where I couldn’t see what was going on unless I looked at the TV screens. But why does this matter, you may ask? Aren’t the Eurovision performances supposed to prioritize the TV audience? Well yes, that’s what the producers like to say, but I firmly believe they should make a good in-person experience too. Luckily almost all other entries made for a great experience live on stage, even the songs I don’t personally like. And especially Croatia, Armenia, Switzerland, and the Netherlands, which happen to be my four big favorites. At least we got to see Olly and company outside the box in the final chorus; I think the entire song’s staging should have been more like the ending.

It’s really unfortunate that the UK got zero points from the televote after their entry was so hyped up, especially since the entrant was well known for his band Years & Years and a lot of fans were excited to see him in Eurovision. But at the same, I can’t blame the televoters for not giving this points. At least it got 46 points from the jury, I assume because they liked the music in this song, which is good because I like the studio version too. Without Olly Alexander dragged down by his vocals, you get a great dancey pop song about Olly feeling dizzy from a romantic relationship, which has a really cool chord progression spinning across the circle of fifths from C minor to C major—fitting for a song about dizziness. Also matching the song’s scene are the rising and falling synths.

If you want an actually good performance of this song, I’ve got you covered—thanks to Famicom Guy for sending it to me! This is a performance where he looks stylish instead of weird and lets his vocals shine while providing plenty of cool background vocals.

Norway: Ulveham

Artist: Gåte

Language: Norwegian, for the first time since 2006

Key: B minor

I’m in two minds about this song landing last place. On the one hand, oh my god this was SO fucking undeserved, how the hell did almost no one vote for this masterwork of Scandinavian rock, not even the other Nordics? On the other hand, I’m relieved that for the first time in forever, the last place isn’t a Big Five or host entry, which proves that their addition to the semifinals worked wonders, and thus part of me views this as more of a last place and more of a 26th place. Then again, I am not Norwegian and if I was, my anger at “Blood & Glitter” getting last place would go here instead.

OK fine. Even though I’m glad it wasn’t an automatic qualifier that got last place, this doesn’t change that Norway was done dirty!!! I mean seriously, 12 points from the jury and 4 from the televote? Were they watching the same show I was? Are the juries and televoters gonna arbitrarily pick one rock song every year to do dirty?

Let me tell you, the nyckelharpa is one of the most badass sounding instruments in the world—you may remember it from “Nocturne” so it’s lovely to see it return for this song. I also love the interplay between the mysterious verses and hard rock chorus, and how the chorus alternates between turning the drum beat on and off. Like sure, maybe this isn’t the most mind-blowing folk rock song of all time, and maybe Ireland and Croatia (other entries with rock elements) captured the audience’s attention more, but this is still really lovely and shouldn’t have landed in the bottom.

This is so insanely Scandinavian in the fiercest way, with the violins and fairytale lyrics and twang of the Norwegian language. I swear, every Norwegian-language song I’ve heard pronounces the language in a slightly different way, especially the R’s and the vowels, and I think that’s really cool. The language doesn’t have one dialect that dominates their TV and music, unlike most other European languages, just as it doesn’t have one standardized writing system. I don’t get why the other Nordic televoters gave this almost no points. Finland has the double whammy of being Nordic AND rock lovers, and their voters gave this only one point.

Italy: La noia

Artist: Angelina Mango

Language: Italian

Key: D minor

Italy has sent their first female solo artist since 2016 and the first female Sanremo winner since… wait for it… 1964. This isn’t to say she’s the first woman to win the Sanremo Festival in 60 years, but rather that she’s the first in 60 years to do so and go to Eurovision.

Somehow I never thought of it till I read Erica’s first impressions, but “SloMo in Italian” is the perfect description of this song. It’s an ultra-Italian girlbop with Mediterranean instruments and an elaborately Italian lyrical rhythm, which is great for me because I’m deathly tired of all those pretentious Italian male ballads. It also has a great push and pull between stripped down and fast sections, much like “SloMo”. Italy knows how to have fun, you guys! And they maintain their Italian classiness in the process. It was my dream come true for Italy to send something upbeat this year, and my god I’m so jealous that so many countries sent my dream entries whereas mine sent exactly what I wanted us not to send.

I’ll forgive Angelina for lying on the floor at the start because this is such a goddamn bop. I’m not sure if this is my favorite Italian entry of the 21st century, or if it’s “Zitti e buoni”. I’m happy enough with this landing seventh place; it continues their top 10 streak they’ve maintained every year since 2017.

I wonder why she and her backing dancers abandoned their plant-themed outfits they had in the semifinal for the grand final. I think I like their simpler outfits in the grand final better, especially because Angelina looks so sparkly here. I never knew how much I liked dark sparkly clothes before, but apparently I do!

Serbia: Ramonda (Рамонда)

Artist: Teya Dora (Teodora Pavlovska), who reminds me of Lily from Duolingo

Language: Serbo-Croatian (Serbian)

Key: A minor

I want to like this more than I do—normally I love gloomy dramatic entries sung in Balkan languages. But I’m afraid this is a miss for me. It starts off really lovely with a mournful Balkan melody, a refreshing contrast against Serbia’s un-melodious song last year. And I like the story this tells related to the lilac ramonda flower, a national symbol of Serbia that represents the nation surviving World War I, since the flower is able to recover from extreme droughts and bloom once more—kudos to Graham Norton for explaining this story!

Starting from the first chorus, this gains more and more of a generic ballad beat, and thus I like it less and less. Then I’m left at the end feeling underwhelmed. I’m trying to think… what could be changed about this song so that I like it more? Maybe it needs some Željko-style Balkan instrumentation, because that man is my goddamn hero. Or it could’ve used some live backing vocalists, instead of pre-recorded harmonies.

Now are you ready for the final countdown? There are ten songs left after this, the first of which is…

Finland: No Rules!

Artist: Windows95man (Teemu Keisteri) featuring Henri Piispanen

Language: English

Key: B minor, C♯ minor. The only song with a key change this year!

“Now I would normally find a song like this quite resistible, but I have to say, when I was in the arena at the semifinal the other night, I really liked the silly. I just really embraced the silly and it was joyful and lovely and distracting and great.” I couldn’t agree with you more, Graham Norton.

Finland had big shoes to fill this year after sending a huge fan favorite that almost won. Did they succeed in filling those shoes with this satirical Eurodance song by a guy pretending to be naked? In terms of result, not really—this got 31 televote points and just 7 from the jury. But the more I listened to this song, the more I started to genuinely love it.

What makes this song shine is Henri Piispanen singing the chorus—the guy who actually sings in the song, he can really sing. Teemu Keisteri needed to hire someone to sing the chorus, which is difficult due to its wide vocal range. He got the song’s co-composer Henri Piispanen to record a demo, but couldn’t find anyone better to sing it than Henri himself. He delivers the chorus so effortlessly, especially the high notes in “that’s how I live my life”, and it’s a total spectacle to watch. He deserved at least a little respect from the juries for that, come on. And his singing abilities make for a great complement to Teemu’s goofy deep talk-singing. I’ve said before that I love when dance songs alternate between rapping and singing; take the example of “We Got the Moves” by Electric Callboy.

What’s more is, the staging is genuinely hilarious. First Teemu hatches from an egg covered in denim, then pretends to be naked with a bunch of props concealing his genitals at exactly the right time. In reality, he’s wearing skin-colored underpants; the illusion falls apart for the live audience, but it’s funny enough that I’ll forgive this song. Then near the end, a pair of cranes come from above to deliver him shorts, and he puts them on then runs around like crazy playing with pyrotechnics. I also love the humor of his Windows 95 logo being censored through pixelation. With this song, he intended to contradict the stereotype that Finns are stone-cold serious—in his own words, “all Finns are a bit looney-tunes deep inside”. In that sense, it really does work as a successor to “Cha Cha Cha”, which told viewers that the Finns unlock their inner party animal by getting drunk.

And finally, I’ve grown to love the instrumental as well. It’s a fun upbeat Eurodance song with 1990’s instrumentation and 2020’s production, and it happens to use a lot of musical tropes I like, which is unusual for Eurodance. It twists up the chord progression between the verse and chorus, it adds some extra musical elements to the second verse and pre-chorus, and it strips down the instrumentation for the final chorus in exactly the way I like: by removing the drum beat and adding in some synth chords and then bass, so that the hype can resume for the final chorus. I’m even cool with the key change; since those have fallen out of fashion in post-COVID Eurovision, it really works to make this song feel retro.

Oh, and I love his exuberant “THIS. IS. FINLAND! TACK, SVERIGE!” at the very end. It’s an assertion that he’s showing the inner side of Finns, and a personal thank you to their Nordic neighbor.

Portugal: Grito

Artist: Iolanda Costa

Language: Portuguese

Key: B♭ minor

I’m stoked that this song landed on the left side of the scoreboard, at tenth place. It’s way better than I thought this would get, and I’m especially surprised that three juries gave it twelve points. This proves that Portugal is no longer a Eurovision underdog and are finally getting all the respect they deserved all this time!

This got 139 points from the jury and just 13 from the televote, which I suppose is fair—the televoters were fixated on a small handful of songs. Doesn’t help that the televote was largely a battle between fans who wanted Israel to win, and fans who wanted to stop Israel from winning. The latter category voted for either the songs that they felt had the most change of winning (Croatia and Switzerland) or the really irresistible songs (like Armenia), and this is sadly neither. I’ll revisit this topic in the general thoughts.

Anyway, about this as a song… it’s not quite as good as their last two entries, but I still love listening to it. It’s a moody melancholy ballad in 6/8 rhythm that starts with guitar instrumentation and gradually gets more focused on bassy synths and strings. She’s a great singer, the bass synths in the second verse are yummy, and overall I have nothing to complain about here. Well, I am a little bit peeved that the parts in a square aspect ratio have black bars on all four sides, but that’s got nothing to do with the song.

I’m just so pleased that Portugal found an approach to Eurovision that works while remaining true to themselves. At this point, they’re much like Italy in this sense. Other countries could learn a thing or two from the Portuguese!

Armenia: Jako (Ժակո)

Artist: Ladaniva

Language: Armenian

Key: D major with a tinge of minor, let’s say

As of this writing, this is the only entry from 2024 that I 8-bit covered. I’m thinking of also doing “The Code” at some point, as well as a handful of songs from older years.

See, Armenia absolutely fucking NAILED it this year. They had the confidence to sing entirely in their own language and outdid all the other ethno-bops this year. It’s the first Eurovision song fully in Armenian to reach the grand final; “Qami” from 2018 is also in Armenian, but I find it to be a forgettable shouty ballad. This, on the other hand, is a WAY better introduction to the Armenian language. She sings loud and clear and shows us what the language sounds like: distantly related to most other languages of Europe, and heavy in guttural sounds and aspiration like most of its neighbor Middle Eastern languages.

This song is just so irresistible and got the entire arena jumping and singing along. Jaklin Baghdasaryan, the lead singer of the song, has an absolutely insane amount of energy on stage and knows how to work a crowd just as well as Verka Serduchka or Sam Ryder. I also know this because I had the honor of watching Jaklin and Louis (the duo comprising Ladaniva) plus their backing band perform their song live on the rooftop of the Emporia Mall in Malmö, and it’s impossible not to sing along, especially in the section that alternates between her and the audience. They followed with a gorgeous guitar tune in French called “La Montagne” and their entire performance is one of my favorite memories of the trip. Those two songs alone are a perfect demonstration of their diverse musical style.

This song has an awesome triple meter rhythm, delightful ethnic instrumentation, an oriental beat that stands out among the other songs, and really delightful everything. I love the colorful square set that all the instrumentalists stand on too, which I assume is based on Armenian folk art. My mom loved this when she watched the show, I loved it when watching in the arena, and I knew my fellow Eurovision reviewer Erica would love it too because it’s exactly her favorite type of Eurovision song. The juries gave this 101 points and the televote gave it 82 and thus landed in eighth place. In a year where the juries and televoters both flocked towards a small handful of songs, I’m more than happy with this result. I also love that this got five points from the rest of the world, because it means my votes were a part of this song’s score!

The lyrics have a simple message that’s easy to explain to anyone who doesn’t speak Armenian, like me: Jaklin (childhood nickname Jako) tells the story of how everyone told would always tell her to behave and stay quiet but not too quiet, but she’s a free girl and will do whatever she wants to, and then invites all the others to sing with her. It’s a very effective “embrace your crazy inner self” song and that’s conveyed perfectly through the song.

Cyprus: Liar

Artist: Silia Kapsis

Language: English

Key: B♭ minor

Cyprus brought their usual girlbop this year, and predictably it was put at the start of the first semifinal. As I said when reviewing Malta, I really don’t like that all the recent girlbops are all trying too outdo each other. This song is no exception, but at least I find it a better girlbop than “Loop”, because it has more musical wow factor and more effective staging. Still, I’d say this song is the musical equivalent of overseasoned food: I taste all of the seasoning and none of the food.

The youngest entrant of this year, Silia Kapsis looks absolutely stoked to be in Eurovision, and I gotta admit she delivers this song well, even if I don’t really like her combination of sparkly sports bra and sweatpants. I kind of like this song due to the bouncy swing beat, and it makes sense that this qualified and Malta didn’t, but my god it’s so insanely overproduced.

Switzerland: The Code (the winner)

Artist: Nemo Mettler

Language: English

Key: F minor

In this absolute mess of a Eurovision year, one positive side is that for the first time since 2017, I truly, fully believe that the right song won this year. For one thing, I am absolutely stoked that the Swiss got their first win of the 21st century, since most of their entries from 1994 to 2018 (their drought era) are utterly forgettable, and they had come close to winning in 2021—not to mention I have a bit of neighborly bias. And plus, I think the winner of Eurovision should always be both innovative and well-performed, and this is both those things to perfection.

For most of the leadup to Eurovision 2024, I had no idea who would win the contest—could be Ukraine, Italy, Switzerland, Croatia, or maybe even the Netherlands (sob). But after I saw Nemo give such an incredible performance in the Malmö Arena, I predicted that Switzerland was going to win. I knew this because Nemo has absolutely perfect vocals on stage and gave a very jury-friendly performance, and because there were lots of fans outside the arena (especially Switzerland) wearing outfits themed upon their contestant, which means the song would get loads of televote support too.

“But what about Croatia?” I hear you say. Well don’t get me wrong, I absolutely adore “Rim Tim Tagi Dim”, and it would have made just as good of a winner as this. But some people give this song unneeded shit for winning over Croatia, because they’re salty that the jury favorite beat the televote favorite two years in a row. And I’m here to tell you why Switzerland was the right winner this year.

As I’ve said before, 2019 is the year Switzerland started trying to win Eurovision. Starting that year, they internally selected songs with professional choreography and male voices, ranging from dancey bops to cinematic ballads to more subdued ballads. One thing these songs all had in common is, Switzerland always made sure their contestant was a good singer. And this year, they sent someone whose vocal skills are just as good as Gjon’s Tears if not better. They went for a male voice once again, but the singer has been publicly non-binary since 2023 and sent a song about their realization of not identifying as a man or a woman. This isn’t a topic I can personally understand or connect to, unlike songs like “Europapa” and “Rim Tim Tagi Dim”, but who cares when the song is this awesome?

I can’t overstate just how much Switzerland avoided all the problems that internally selected entries run into. Some internally selected artists have a great music video that fans love, but aren’t able to replicate the music video on stage and thus fans feel let down; a good example is “Who the Hell Is Edgar?” from last year. Switzerland didn’t try to replicate the music video with Nemo going on a train from Zürich to Malmö, but rather went for a simple, eye-catching staging with the singer and a rotating disk. The spinning circular platform is a perfect, abstract way to capture the intensity of the song and showcase all of Nemo’s vocal skills. It’s so minimalist and so brilliant, eye-catching to both the live audience and TV viewers (my mom is a case in point, she loved this one). Graham Norton describes the prop as “a lazy Susan, except by the end it’s sort of an overworked Susan, an exhausted Susan”.

Now as for the composition, this song mixes together all the different styles Switzerland scored well with into one masterpiece. This starts with a gripping pizzicato string riff and Nemo singing “whoa, oh, oh”. Those three notes alone already show that this singer is a force to be reckoned with, which is further proven when Nemo starts singing the lyrics, the plucked strings continue, and an awesome drum and bass beat kicks in. I’ve mentioned a few times before in this blog that I love these hectic D&B beats, and this song is heavy in those. I especially like when drum beats have the pattern “K – S – – K S -”, where K is a kick and S is a snare. “Power” from 2023 heavily used this beat too.

Then comes a the part with the punchy choir notes where Nemo effortlessly reaches high notes, then huffs and pants to match the song’s intensity, plus a little opera melody reminiscent of Mozart’s “Die Zauberflöte”. It’s a perfect way to prepare listeners for the intense second chorus, but not before the first chorus where Nemo sings first over a piano part, then the piano plus strings and buildup drums.

The second verse is where the song kicks into action and the D&B beat goes full force. I still can’t get over the rapping in this part, Nemo delivers the lyrics so effortlessly and makes it looks so easily! Alyona from Ukraine, THIS is how you do it. Then Nemo climbs onto the platform during the second choir note section. The second chorus is absolutely godlike, with the perfect mix of cinematic strings, a modern drumbeat, and a singalong melody. I feel like a badass when singing along to the second chorus, but not half as much of a badass as Nemo.

Next up comes the bridge with slower singing over mournful piano chords that reminds me of Gjon’s entries, “Répondez-moi” and “Tout l’univers”. This section of respite does a very similar trope to “Tout l’univers”: it holds in the tension so that it’s released in the final chorus. Nemo’s vocal skills while spinning on the platform are nothing short of godlike. I love how Nemo sings along with the high string notes and makes it seem so easy! I also love the majestic brass notes in this section. I’m reminded of the high notes Jamala hits in “1944”, or Eden Alene’s high notes in “Set Me Free”, although here the high notes aren’t a gimmick but a perfectly natural part of the song. Then Nemo sings the words of the chorus one last time, and my god… this singer really is an absolute badass.

It feels strange to be completely happy with a Eurovision winner for once. The last time I felt this way in my blog was when reviewing 2017, when Portugal won for the first time. I’m really happy this year had such a great winner, because it redeems my sourness about all the drama this year. It’s hard to decide if I prefer this over “Tout l’univers”—I think Gjon clicks with me just a hair more, but I adore this too. It’s even harder to decide whether I prefer this or “Europapa”, but I’ll make my choice soon enough.

Slovenia: Veronika

Artist: Raiven (Sara Briški Cirman)

Language: Slovenian, for the third year in a row

Key: F minor

Something annoying the producers did this year is, they made the last six songs alternate between massive fan favorites and songs that didn’t stand much of a chance, which really dented the chances of Slovenia, Georgia, and Austria—they landed 23rd, 21st, and 24th respectively. It would make so much more sense to space out the fan favorites instead of putting these three in their buttcracks. It just isn’t fair to Raiven fans, Nutsa enthusiasts, or Kaleen admirers.

I wasn’t a big fan of this song when it was first selected for Eurovision—I always found it too slow and trying too hard to be dramatic. But it’s grown on me since then and now I somewhat like this. I agree with Erica that I’m not a fan of Raiven’s bodysuit this year, if only because flowing dresses are prettier. But I’ve gradually come to appreciate the cinematic soundscape of this, and I think the high notes at the end really add to the song. She hits them really well like Jamala did and doesn’t absurdly overemote them.

OK, in all fairness, I don’t think this would have scored all too highly even if it weren’t for the running order. It’s exactly the kind of entry that qualifies but lands low in the end. I’m gradually liking it the more I listen to it, but nowhere near as much as others this year. And props to Slovenia for sending something cultural—a song that teaches viewers a little about their country’s history. If they actually bother to research the song that is, which is easy to do these days.

Croatia: Rim Tim Tagi Dim

Artist: Baby Lasagna (Marko Purišić)

Language: English

Key: E minor

We’re almost done, you guys—now we’ve reached the runner-up and biggest fan favorite of Eurovision 2024! Many entries tried to be the “Cha Cha Cha” of 2024, a fun and hectic song that appeals to viewers of all ages from all countries and ends the contest making its entire country proud. To me, “Europapa” is the “Cha Cha Cha” of this year, but even though I love Joost’s song with all my heart, I know that it’s not quite as universally appealing: as you can see in the comments on my previous post, a good amount of fans find “Europapa” way too corny and kitschy. Whereas “Cha Cha Cha” and “Rim Tim Tagi Dim” are both some of the most widely beloved entries in Eurovision history. Even if the Netherlands hadn’t been disqualified, I think Croatia would’ve gotten more televote points… and I hope they would’ve still been the televote winner, instead of Israel. I am very happy that Croatia came at the top of the televote this year, but Israel should NOT have come so close to being the televote winner.

Crazy enough, in Croatia’s national final this year, Baby Lasagna was originally going to be a reserve competitor in case one of the contestants dropped out, a decision that Croatia’s broadcaster got heavily criticized for. One of the national final contenders gave up her slot without saying why, so Baby Lasagna got to perform in the selection and won by a landslide. And not long after this song was selected, it became clear this year was Croatia’s time to shine. This country went off to a strong start for their first decade in Eurovision; they scored fourth place in 1996 and 1999 and had plenty of other top 10 finishes. But their results worsened and then they had to endure a non-qualification streak from 2010 to 2013, didn’t participate at all the next two years, then had another non-qualification streak from 2018 to 2022. In 2023 they landed 13th place with a divisive entry, but then in 2024 they achieved their best result ever: a second place with 547 points.

It’s easy to see why fans love this song so much: everything about it is complete and utter genius. It’s the kind of song where I can’t help but turn up the volume on my headphones and bop my head like crazy while howling along. When I was in the arena during the semifinal 1 rehearsal, I sang along at the top of my lungs till I ran out of breath. And when I was in a bar during the grand final, this song got the loudest cheers and applause and everyone sang along to the “whoa-oh”. I can’t even begin to fathom the level of patriotism the Croatians must have felt then. Then again, I’ve only been a Eurovision fan for two years, so maybe someday I’ll get to experience this feeling from a German entry. You just never know!

Anyway, let’s dissect this song in further detail! It starts by introducing the “rim tim tagi dim” hook on guitar, and after only a few seconds the bass drops. The song pulls no nonsense, it dives into the meat right away. I love the alternation between his rapping (or rather, one-note singing) and the “rim tim tagi dim” riff, and I love the alternation between THAT and the rousing chorus. I love it in general when songs alternate between hectic rap and melodic singing. Yes, I know I mentioned that in two previous songs already, but I’m saying it again for the readers who skipped to Croatia. As much as I like to read Eurovision year reviews in full, if I’m not in the mood for full-length reading I’ll skip to my favorite song then read the rest a few hours later. During the chorus I’m intimidated by how loudly the audience sings “whoa-oh”.

Then comes a bridge where the “rim tim tagi dim” melody plays first on guitar over a drum beat, then on synths over a dance beat like the interlude of “Europapa”; both fantastic sections that get me hyped up for the ending of the song. He sings over a stripped down instrumental as the audience fills in the “whoa-oh”s like crazy, then the chorus comes one last time and the song ends where it started: with one last “rim tim tagi-digi-dim”. Perhaps it symbolizes him doing his fictional folk dance one last time before leaving his farm.

I haven’t even talked about the lyrics yet. They tell the story of a man who is ready to leave his homeland for a more technologically advanced country and have the perfect mix of humor and honesty to suit Eurovision to a T. I love the two lines where he talks about his cat: “gonna miss you all, but mostly the cat” and the memetic “meow cat, please meow back”. Indeed, when you move away it’s super hard to say goodbye to the pets, because while you can still talk to your family on the phone, the whole point of having pets is that you can pet them in person. “They’re all so pretty and so advanced / Maybe they also know our dance” is another great line; I’m told it hits hardest for people in the Balkan region of Europe, since they tend to feel an inferiority complex to countries further west like Germany, Italy, or the Netherlands. His song is written from the perspective of an everyman, which is why it’s so damn relatable for Eurovision viewers.

The chorus goes “There’s no going back / My presence fades to black / There’s no going back / My anxiety attacks”, which matches the song’s coming of age story really well. Indeed, when you leave your parents’ roof for the first time, it’s common to feel like your old life will be forever behind you and never thought of again. In reality, people’s relations with their parents and loved ones persist long after moving out, but it’s so easy to feel they won’t.

This song was clearly the biggest fan favorite, exactly like “Cha Cha Cha” was last year. I’m lucky I love “The Code” this much, else I’d be as salty as I was last year. Even though I voted for this and not Switzerland during the contest, I think I like Switzerland more now, but I would’ve been just as happy with Croatia as a winner.

Georgia: Firefighter

Artist: Nutsa Buzaladze

Language: English

Key: E minor

Third last song, you guys. Third last song, until Eurovision 2025 comes along of course, but let’s not think about that yet, shall we?

Nutsa Buzaladze seems like a really cool person—I know because I saw an interview with her on the rooftop of the Emporia Mall, and she was so positive and stoked to be a part of Eurovision. She explained the meaning of the song’s lyrics, which are about putting out fires and bringing peace to the world, which was also eye-opening. But after being unsure how to feel about this for the longest time, I’ve decided I’m not a big fan of this song. I’ve noticed that 2024 has way fewer songs that I’m unsure how to feel about than last year did, which is good!

I feel like Georgia decided that to get back into the grand final, they couldn’t send something too weird, so they went with the uplifting girlbop formula and it worked. I kind of like the melodies of this, and it’s got good staging for sure, but it’s too much of a by-the-numbers Eurovision anthem for me.

France: Mon amour

Artist: Slimane Nebchi, usually just known as Slimane

Language: French

Key: B minor

France got it right once again this year—after two disappointing results, this year they sent one of their best, most capable singers and got rewarded with fourth place! What I like about this song’s performance is that unlike their absurd tower shenanigans this year, France went minimalist and let their romantic ballad speak for itself. I think the camera work was designed too much for TV viewers instead of the live audience, because it was a bit weird at times seeing Slimane with a cameraman so close to him. But still, this song deserved its great result.

My opinion on the song is pretty much the same as my mom’s, which in turn is similar to her opinion on “Ein bisschen Frieden”: it’s kitschy and tacky, but also truly heartfelt and it’s impossible not to be moved by this. She also said that when Slimane sings, she believes every word he’s singing, and I very much agree. He comes across as though he really is in love with whoever he’s singing about, and it pains him that he doesn’t know whether his love interest likes him back. He gets more emotional the more he sings, and when he steps away from the microphone to fill the arena with nothing but his voice, it feels like his romantic pain has reached such a huge climax, all he can do is sing his heart out. I just can’t help myself, his performance really does get me emotional.

Although I’m annoyed that Switzerland and Croatia got shoved so close to each other to the end, I’m OK with this getting the second-last slot (or as I like to call it, the life slot) because it really is a show-stopper. And finally, we have…

Austria: We Will Rave

Artist: Kaleen (Marie-Sophie Kreissl)

Language: English

Key: G minor

… the last Eurovision song I have to review before I am done with this crazy project! Some of my commenters are embarking on the very same journey as me, and I wish them the best of luck getting to the end.

In the postcard, “Rise Like a Phoenix” from 2014 got featured because of course it did, but we didn’t get to see “Calm After the Storm” in the Netherlands’ postcard, that’s no fair! I’m so peeved that no one who organizes Eurovision seems to see “Calm After the Storm” as a Eurovision icon that deserves to be called back to.

As with Switzerland, Austria seemed to internally select with the mindset of what would hype up the audience most, but they didn’t care about the singer’s live vocal skills. The studio version is a fun dancey song with awesome synths that’s easy to bop to, but unfortunately it fell apart on the stage. By this point I’m sick of all the overly sexy outfits, because I honestly think people look prettier when they’re wearing a nice flowing dress (like Iolanda from Portugal) or a snazzy suit (like Ukraine’s Tvorchi last year). And Kaleen’s vocals are way too shaky—again, too much focus on dancing, not enough on singing. Olly Alexander ran into the exact same problem. I don’t like the fake ending either, because after that the song doesn’t do anything special, it just repeats the chorus one last time.

The producers didn’t seem to think much of this either, since the final slot tends to go to something simple that viewers can turn off their brains to. But whatever, I can still happily jam to the studio version and I’m glad this at least qualified.

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Who’s my favorite?

I have four big favorites of Eurovision 2024: the Netherlands’ Eurovisiony banger of Eurovisioniness, Switzerland’s professional cinematic song, Croatia’s hard rock song, and Armenia’s ethno-bop. In my heart, two of these songs clamor for my attention the most: the Netherlands and Switzerland. Watching Switzerland’s performance fills me with awe, whereas the Netherlands’ song fills me with an even greater amount of joy. Even though Joost’s vocals are extremely shaky, he’s so full of joy and stoked to be living out his dream that I love his performance anyway. This is why my most recent personal winner as of this writing is Netherlands, Europapa. I doubt any of you are surprised by this.

• Belgium, 2 (1976, 2003)
• Bosnia and Herzegovina, 1 (2006)
• Denmark, 3 (1963, 2000, 2001)
• Estonia, 1 (2009)
• Finland, 4 (1968, 1983, 1989, 2023)
• France, 4 (1977, 1990, 1991, 1997)
• Germany, 4 (1956, 1979, 1982, 1999)
• Greece, 1 (2013)
• Hungary, 2 (2005, 2019)
• Iceland, 1 (1992)
• Ireland, 4 (1970, 1980, 1993, 1994)
• Israel, 1 (1987)
• Italy, 1 (1958)
• Latvia, 1 (2002)
• Lithuania, 1 (2022)
• Luxembourg, 4 (1961, 1965, 1972, 1988)
• Montenegro, 1 (2015)
• Netherlands, 9 (1957, 1959, 1964, 1967, 1969, 1975, 1998, 2014, 2024)
• Norway, 5 (1960, 1966, 1973, 1985, 1995)
• Portugal, 4 (1971, 1984, 2008, 2017)
• Russia, 1 (2020)
• Serbia, 3 (2004, 2011, 2012)
• Sweden, 3 (1974, 1996, 2018)
• Switzerland, 2 (1986, 2021)
• Turkey, 2 (1978, 2010)
• Ukraine, 2 (2007, 2016)
• United Kingdom, 2 (1962, 1981)
• (22 winners)

And this is what my final personal winners list looks like. This list is subject to change of course; some of them I’ve retconned over the years, and most of the early years’ winners are interchangeable with two or three others. Congratulations to the Netherlands for having more winners of mine than any other country! That’s mostly because of the grayscale years, but still, they’ve sent quite a few entries that are near and dear to my heart. And it turns out that I agree with approximately a third of all Eurovision winners.

Fun fact: “Az én apám” from 2019 is the only personal winner of mine that didn’t qualify for the grand final. Two other non-qualifiers are almost my personal winner: “Työlki ellää” from 2010 and “Funny Girl” from 2018.

General thoughts:

My god… this grand final was so bittersweet to rewatch. In the flag parade I simply thought about Joost Klein’s disqualification and how much less exuberant everyone looks than in the last two years. But then Petra and Malin came, and their jokes once again brightened up my mood. The audience seems to agree with me. They weren’t cheering that loudly in the parade; I swear even their cheering at Croatia wasn’t as loud as when Käärijä burst onto the Liverpool stage with the Finnish flag. But they chanted “Petra! Petra! Petra!” once the hosts came in.

As with in 2013 and 2016, SVT filled the time between the last song and voting with a bunch of musical acts and skits—the disco band Alcatraz (introduced by a hilarious skit), three previous Eurovision winners whose names start with C performing “Waterloo”, Loreen performing a new artistic dance song (which is actually pretty good) which transitions into a rearrangement of “Tattoo”. I’m not too big a fan of the interval acts in this final, whereas I am delighted that they brought back the reverse recap this year. At this point we always have three recaps per final, and this year the last one was in reverse. I hope 2025 does the same, I think reverse recaps are cool! The most memorable part of the interval skits is without a doubt Petra’s postcard, I absolutely love it.

And then for the voting… oh my god, Martin Österdahl got booed like CRAZY. A perfect demonstration of how fans felt about Joost Klein getting disqualified. His song is still with us in our hearts. Petra sounded stilted when she did the obligatory sequence with Martin, but then resumed her joy when she delivered the voting. She loves repeating the point values in English and French, doesn’t she.

What surprised me the most in the voting was Germany getting so many jury points, because I don’t like our entry at all and am sick of us sending radio filler songs in English, but I’m relieved the bottom two streak has been broken. I have to ask, why the fuck didn’t we get all those points last year?! It was also a pleasant surprise to see Ireland and Portugal get so many jury points, and while Nemo deserved getting so many twelve points, it did get tiring after a while and I wish other countries had more of a chance to win. Other notes:

• The British spokesperson said that no one hosts Eurovision better than the Swedes, and she’s wrong. The Brits are the best hosts.
• I love Luxembourg’s choice of Desirée Nosbusch as their spokesperson, because she was the presenter last time Luxembourg hosted and also presented the Luxembourg Song Contest. This lady is a legend in every country whose language she can speak. She spoke a bit of Luxembourgish and Swedish here! I’m pretty sure she said “thanks for an incredible evening” in Swedish—I’ve learned quite a bit of the language from all those Swedish commentators.
• It seems like the production crew forgot the anti-booing technology during Israel’s spokesperson, which is a glimpse at how fans really felt about the drama. I don’t agree with booing a spokesperson who probably had nothing to do with the Israel drama, but I do agree with booing Martin again during the Dutch votes. The Netherlands was originally going to have Nikkie de Jager as their spokesperson.
• I’m obligated to mention Alessandra Mele and Käärijä were originally going to deliver the votes for Norway and Finland respectively, but they dropped out after Joost’s disqualification and were replaced with TV hosts. It especially makes sense with Käärijä because he became friends with Joost this year.
• It looks like Greece has been cheating on Cyprus this year—they and Switzerland gave twelve points to each other! Cyprus gave 12 points to Croatia this year, as if to say “well fuck you too, Greece”.
• She may have dragged out time, but I actually liked when Mimicat from Portugal gave a speech asking for viewers to look for love and peace within themselves. She really wanted to cheer up this bitter crowd.
• Ireland finished their three-year streak of their winners of 1992 to 1994 giving their votes, and they couldn’t have picked a better year to end it with, considering their entry did so well!

The televote sequence had fewer happy moments than the last few years—there weren’t many moments where a country with few jury points skyrockets. Finland got only 31 televote points, far less than Graham expected, and honestly they deserved more in retrospect. The UK’s zero points shocked me while I watched, but as I said in my review it made sense in retrospect. Israel got way too many televote points and I’m convinced a large portion came from people who don’t actually care about the show. Either that, or it proves sympathy vote bait is an easy way to the top ten. Armenia got 82 and Ireland got 136, both very happy moments for the countries. Croatia getting 337 is a joyful moment of course, as is France’s 227 plus Switzerland earning their first victory in 36 years, but I can’t help feeling sour throughout this voting sequence. Please tell me we’ll have a normal contest next year, please. Nemo was in tears about winning Eurovision and seemed to not expect it, but delivered a perfect performance once more for the winner’s reprise, this time without the spinning disc. I sang along to the chorus, but definitely not the rap part, oh no that’d be hard. So at least this contest had a happy ending.

I laughed out loud when Nemo broke the trophy at the end, I totally missed that when watching live on TV. What a perfectly symbolic moment of this absolute trainwreck.

Overall, I feel very much conflicted about Eurovision 2024. The song lineup is fantastic, the production is top-notch in every way, but it’s just so hard to ignore the drama surrounding the Netherlands being disqualified, and especially the drama caused by Israel’s participation. The fear that “Hurricane” might win the contest, which would be incredibly damaging for the reputation of Eurovision, took away all the fun from voting this year. People are supposed to vote for whichever song their heart wants to win, not have to try their hardest to prevent one song from winning! And the fact that my favorite song of the contest was fucking disqualified… I am still pissed off about it, but writing this post has helped me come to terms with the drama.

To look on the bright side, we have a winner that properly feels like the winner of a song contest (for once), and a runner-up that’s a truly worthy second place. All four of my big favorites—the Netherlands, Armenia, Switzerland, and Croatia—knocked it out of the park, each in their own special way. I’m delighted by the huge amount of native-language songs; particularly the countries I didn’t expect to use their own languages, like Armenia, Estonia, and Lithuania. The hosts had a perfect sense of humor—Petra still knows how to make fans laugh, and Malin helped maintain a positive atmosphere and deserves praise too. I think she was in better spirits than Petra throughout the voting, honestly. The show was so insanely well put together and wowed viewers, and I will always cherish the memories I made meeting all those fans and friends in Malmö. Especially the two hours I spent in the Malmö Arena during semifinal 2—that was my favorite part of the entire trip. I won’t cherish the personal drama I went through on the trip, but I’m slowly recovering from that too, and I’m prepared to have an even better time in Basel next year.

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And so, I can now finally say I’ve reviewed every single Eurovision song in history. All 1700+ of them. Thank you all so much for reading this blog post series. I’m not quite done yet; next up is my conclusion post! I will list some of the greatest hidden gems in Eurovision history, and I have a few other surprises in store, just you wait.

>> 2025 (Semifinals): Calm After the (Shit)storm

Also: Conclusion Post