Intro Post

< 2023 Semifinals | 2023 Final | 2024 Semifinals >

With the release of this post, I’ve finished my original goal back when I started this blog post series! But now, I have one more year left to review. Be patient for my 2024 posts, OK?

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Introduction

Liverpool, England got to host the final of a special edition of Eurovision, the first to be co-hosted by two countries. The presenters consisted of three women, the same ones who hosted the semifinal, plus one man who joined them for the final. We have British actress and TV host Hannah Waddingham (or as I like to call her, the British Petra Mede), British singer Alesha Dixon, Ukrainian singer Julia Sanina, and for the final, the BBC commentator for Eurovision who’s originally from Ireland: Graham Norton. His presence among the hosts parallels Terry Wogan in 1998, the last time Britain hosted. Terry and Graham both alternated between hosting and commentating, because for the Brits, Eurovision wouldn’t be what it is without a sarcastic Irishman in the commentator booth. While Terry Wogan commentated solo in 1998, Graham Norton alternated with one of the semifinal commentators, Mel Giedroyc. I’ll be watching their commentary for the grand final.

The postcards did something special this year: they showcased three landmarks in Ukraine, the United Kingdom, and the country about to participate that each had something in common, such as universities, opera houses, or botanical gardens. In the third country, we see the contestant performing an activity of their choice, and oh my god they’re so fun to watch. They’re my favorite Eurovision postcards of all time and I’ll discuss further why they’re so great in the general thoughts.

The final results were a battle between two strong competitors: Sweden’s song that was blatantly designed to be popular, and Finland’s song which naturally became an enormous fan favorite. Sweden won the jury vote with 340 points and Finland won the televote with 376 points, but despite Finland’s bigger televote score, Sweden earned their seventh victory. Finland’s fan favorite got second place, and third place was somehow a girl bop from Israel. I won’t even mention which country got last place. It breaks my heart too much.

Ah yes, I remember the opening film and act with its new arrangement of Stefania! The BBC tricked me into thinking every past contest would be as good as this, god dammit. And the early contests with their orchestral reprises of the last winner tricked me into thinking every contest would open with a lovely rearrangement of the past winner.

That was an absolutely perfect flag parade and intro with the hosts—I stayed engaged all the way through. I love the parade alternating between British pop hits and Ukrainian Eurovision entries—an admission that Eurovision is far more influential to the Ukrainian music industry than to the UK’s, but the British music industry is still nothing to scoff at—and I love the 2023 flag parade in general. And the hosts’ opening is perfect too, I love that they tied it in with an announcement that Luxembourg would return next year. Before too long, we get to the first song of the evening, which is…

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Austria: Who the Hell Is Edgar?

Artist: Teya and Salena

Language: English, plus an interjection in Italian

Key: B minor

You guys should know who the hell Edgar is! He was mentioned in “White and Black Blues” from 1990, come on, everyone knows this. If you don’t know this, then can you really call yourself a Eurovision fan?

Psst, this the first of three songs this year I 8-bit covered! The other two are “Ai coração” and “Cha Cha Cha”. I don’t know if you guys are into this type of music, but I love making it.

I feel like the staging was a bit restrained for this: it should have gone full out Europapa mode with visuals matching every lyric, to match the sassiness and humor of this song. I’m bringing up “Europapa” partly because I want the song to be remembered for how genius it is and NOT just as “the fan favorite that got disqualified”. I better not rant about its disqualification just yet, I’ll get to do so soon enough.

Musically, this song is a boppy bop of boppiness and I absolutely love it—that’s why I made an 8-bit cover of it. When I listen to it, I feel like I should also be focusing on the lyrics which take the piss out of the music industry, but I can’t tune into the lyrics the way I always do with “Calm After the Storm” or “Ein bisschen Frieden”. Maybe because the lyrics sort of tell two stories at once, one about the girls being possessed by the ghost of Edgar Allan Poe, the other about them trying and failing to make money off their song. Or maybe because the ultra-catchy “Poe, Poe, Poe Poe Poe, Edgar Allan Edgar Allan” steals my attention. The drops of each “Poe, Poe, Poe” chorus always wow me: great synth work and production.

The biggest weakness of this song is that Teya and Salena aren’t the strongest or most consistent vocal performers, especially compared to others this year. It may seem weird that a song written for the Internet crowd flopped in the televote, but between the inconsistent vocals and the message not getting through on stage, I can see why the voters didn’t give it many points. I’m surprised the juries gave this song over 100 points, but I can’t say I’m mad about it, because I do think this is a total bop. Teya and Salena should be proud they wrote this.

Portugal: Ai coração

Artist: Mimicat (Marisa Mena)

Language: Portuguese

Key: F♯ minor

Mel Giedroyc commentated during Austria’s postcard, she seems like a pretty cool commentator. Her sense of humor is a bit different from Graham’s, more focused on puns. Graham came back to the commentator booth a bit before this song and spent most of Portugal’s postcard rambling about what it was like being backstage in Eurovision. He’s truly repeating history by alternating between the stage and commentary booth; Terry Wogan would be so proud of him.

As I said in my initial 2023 review, on the Eurovision stage Mimicat had a strategy of keeping her composure throughout the three minutes of the song, then letting out all her emotions and nervousness during the thank-you message. She worked as a realtor for many years and didn’t have much experience performing on stage, but always had a musician deep inside her.

I still remember the first time I ever heard this time: I instantly fell in love with it. It’s bouncy and upbeat and has a traditionally Latin rhythm plus a clear Portuguese cadence to the lyrics. Eurovision has made me good at identifying languages in music (at least European ones), but even if it wasn’t, the quirky little features of Portuguese stick out to me: all the reduced vowels and the ão sounds and the “sh” sounds at the end of words. It’s kind of like “Dança comigo”, the narrow non-qualifier from 2007, but ten times better. I love the guitars and brass lines and even the hip-hop interlude, a part that some fans aren’t as fond of. Songs like this are what I love about Eurovision.

The tempo changes are awesome and really help give it some Romance-language drama. The only bad part about the tempo changes is, they made this one of the toughest songs I’ve ever 8-bit covered, because I like to transcribe the songs as accurately as possible and it’s so tedious to do so with these slowdowns. The instrumentation is very much not electronic, which also made this a challenge to cover, but it was so worth covering this song.

Mimicat deserved so much better than 23rd place, but you know… that’s the death slot for you. And something has to go into the death slot, I guess. (eye twitches)

The staging is rather low-budget, which I don’t mind at all but unfortunately might explain the song’s low result. I’ll blame the other songs for having more ambitious staging. The way this song is staged reminds me of the two modern years without LEDs: 2010 and 2018 (the latter was in Portugal), but I get the feeling it wasn’t minimalist on purpose, unlike (for example) “Mon amour” from 2024.

Switzerland: Watergun

Artist: Remo Forrer

Language: English

Key: G♯ minor

Now we begin a stretch of songs that I’ve never been a big fan of. This has very professional staging, as is typical of Swiss entries of this era, but I agree with my description of the song as “impersonal” last year. It’s a ballad about not wanting to participate in wars, and it just comes off as too manufactured for me. As with their last entry, this did better in the jury and televote, but Switzerland realized from this and their last effort that they needed to make their song more exciting if they wanted to win. That’s what they did in 2024, and I have so much neighborly pride! Props to Switzerland for making sure their constants can sing since 2019.

Poland: Solo

Artist: Blanka Stajkow, or Bejba as the fans call her

Language: English

Key: B minor

Ah my old arch-nemesis, we meet again! Please pour one out for “Gladiator” by Jann, which should have won the Polish national final but nepotism got in the way. It’s a dark synthy banger which does what Serbia tried to do this year but way better. It would have been such a perfect rebirth for Poland in Eurovision.

I used to absolutely hate this song, not because of the national final drama—I didn’t watch any of those in 2023, though I did hear Gladiator then—but because I found it tacky and obnoxious and it sounded like I’ve heard it a million times before. But guess what you guys, I don’t hate this anymore! I probably would still hold a grudge if this was my country’s entry, because I would absolutely not want to be represented by a song like this, but at this point I can laugh with this song, and the meme of calling her Bejba due to the song’s first lyric has grown on me.

I do still think the song is the musical equivalent of fast food, which I know sounds stuck-up and pretentious, but I don’t necessarily mean it in a bad way. I never go out of my way to listen to it, but I don’t mind hearing it anymore. I can turn off my brain to this and laugh with her sassy lyrics about breaking up and bragging that she’s better off without an asshole controlling her life. It’s a very uncreative composition, derivative of American summer radio hits, but you know what? I don’t mind that anymore. It’s silly and fun and doesn’t demand much of the listener. I’ll go narrower and say this is the musical equivalent of French fries, because I used to hate those things.

I formerly thought the dance break was the only tolerable part of this song, but now I find that part totally out of place. Yep that’s right, I’ve betrayed my past self here. As I said when reviewing 2022, the presence of all those dance breaks in 2023 just proves how much of a success “SloMo” was.

Serbia: Samo mi se spava (Само ми се спава)

Artist: Luke Black (Luka Ivanović)

Language: Serbo-Croatian (Serbian) and English, in rapid alternation

Key: E minor with a tinge of major

Ooh, another fun postcard here—I love the showcase of art galleries. The sculpture of a head in Ukraine brings back memories of “Time”, the Ukrainian host entry from 2017.

Sorry to all the fans of this song, but after not knowing how to feel about this song for the longest time, I’ve decided that I really don’t like this. He mumbles through pretty much all of the song and alternates between languages way too much. It’s an attempt at an edgy synth song, but it really comes off like a far more restrained version of songs like “Hatrið mun sigra”, or like an off-brand Nine Inch Nails. I’m not surprised that this landed near the bottom.

I still don’t like when singers start the song lying down, but it’s less bad when he’s lying on a prop. I get that the staging is supposed to represent him waking up from the isolation of COVID-19 and defeating evil robots from video games, but I only know that from reading about the song. If I didn’t know better I’d assume that it was just because he thinks Transformers are cool, which he probably does.

France: Évidemment

Artist: La Zarra (Fatima-Zahra Hafdi)

Language: French

Key: G♯ minor

I know this song has its diehard fans, but personally I can see why it didn’t land as high as fans hoped—only 16th place. It’s very classy and French, and I like most of the lyrics which are about romantic pain that French way, but I’ve always thought the orchestral instruments and disco beat don’t gel that well together. And plus, I don’t like the part where she sings “ai-je réussi à chanter la grande France ?” (did I succeed in singing (for) the great France?) That part of the lyrics is tacked on for the sake of patriotism and makes it too obvious the song was written specifically for Eurovision.

I really don’t like the staging gimmicks of this song. I can’t imagine it’s pleasant for any singer to sing their song atop a huge tower. To me, it distracts my attention away from the actual song, since instead I focus on her massive dress, which made Graham Norton joke that we finally have a woman taller than Hannah Waddingham. Thankfully, France learned their lesson next year and delivered a performance where the song spoke for itself.

Cyprus: Break a Broken Heart

Artist: Andrew Lambrou

Language: English

Key: E♭ minor

“That’s Andrew Lambrou. He’s been here for over a week and obviously run out of laundry, so bravely performing without a shirt on.” –Graham Norton explaining the guy’s outfit

Apparently Cyprus only has two musical genres now: girlbops and male radio pop. This is extremely derivative of Imagine Dragons’ music in the verses, slightly less derivative in the chorus, but still feels like something I’ve heard a lot before. It’s a fine enough song, I just don’t gain anything new from it that I wouldn’t from turning on a regular radio station. Good vocals and fairly impressive high notes, but otherwise this bores me.

I’d have expected this to do way better in the jury and televote, because to me this is a clear jury bait song. But in reality it got 68 points from the jury and 58 from the televote, nearly an even split.

Spain: Eaea

Artist: Blanca Paloma

Language: Spanish

Key: C not exactly major, not exactly minor—just like (shudder) “Quién maneja mi barca”

I was on the fence on whether I like this song for the longest time. On the one hand, it’s a hypnotic flamenco tune with impressive vocal skills. On the other hand, it’s a chore to listen to in full and doesn’t really go anywhere musically. I’ve tried to fall in love with this song, and I almost did a few times, but it never quite hit that threshold. So I’m sorry (or if you hate this song, pleased) to report that I agree with Erica’s opinion: it really is like a modern-day “¿Quién maneja mi barca?” but not quite as bad. In other words, it’s very difficult to listen to.

The televoters agreed with me since they gave this song only five points, but the juries gave it a more respectable 95. The televote points were four from Portugal and one from the rest of the world—perhaps from Latin Americans? It’s got top-notch camera work with tons of gorgeous shots, I’ll give it that.

Sweden: Tattoo (the winner)

Artist: Loreen, the winner of 2012 and first woman to win Eurovision twice

Language: English

Key: E♭ minor

Before I discuss this all too obvious winner, I should mention that I love the way the postcard throws a surprise. It doesn’t show the obvious skyline of Stockholm or Malmö that you’d expect to see in Sweden’s postcard, or one of the nation’s forests and lakes. Instead it shows the tiny island of Enholmen near Gotland, the medium-sized island that is basically the oddball region of Sweden. It’s a far-off location and I’d say it suits Loreen’s introverted personality well.

Look, I am not denying that this is a good song. It most certainly is—it’s got top tier synth work, expressive sentimental vocals, and a really lovely Middle Eastern strings section in the bridge. And Loreen is a thoroughly kind person, so I hold nothing against her for winning this contest. She even said after the show that she appreciated fans’ enthusiasm for the runner-up, which is such a sweet thing to say. But I am still miffed that this song, which was so clearly designed to become ultra-popular, beat “Cha Cha Cha” which naturally became a fan favorite without trying.

This song was my honest prediction for who would win Eurovision 2023. I say “honest prediction” because I didn’t want it to win—so many other options were way more interesting. But this is one of those songs you just know is going to beat the more interesting alternatives. It’s the last of the three winners that I can’t listen to without thinking about how much better the runner-up is: the others are “Fångad av en stormvind” (1991) and “Rise Like a Phoenix” (2014). All three are good songs for sure, but I am far more passionate about those years’ runners-up: “C’est le dernier qui a parlé qui a raison” (1991), “Calm After the Storm” (2014), and “Cha Cha Cha” (2023). It was just way too obvious that this would win 2023.

I don’t want to spend this whole review being salty, so let’s talk about the song itself. I prefer this over “Euphoria”, Loreen’s previous winner. This one completely outdoes her last entry in synth production and I’m surprised more people don’t think so. It is expertly and professionally crafted and does a lot of cool things with its synths. This kind of EDM with octave pianos, cinematic noise effects, and dancey percussion has always been the first thing to come to mind when I think of Swedish music. It doesn’t excite me the way other entries this year do, but for what it’s worth, I think the aforementioned strings section is gorgeous, the highlight of the song for sure.

At the same time, this was the absolute most unexciting winner possible this year, which made the voting sequence a drag to watch live. I like it better when the winner of Eurovision isn’t How to Write a Eurovision Winner: The Song.

Albania: Duje

Artist: Albina and the rest of the Kelmendi family

Language: Albanian

Key: D minor

If you can forgive that this is exactly the same genre as most of Albania’s last few entries, you’ll realize that this is actually pretty great. It has a waily intro reminiscent of my beloved “Hora din Moldova” and then admittedly takes a bit of time to get going, since the verses are very much “how to write an Albanian entry”. Once the chorus drops, god damn! This is Albanian drama done right, with perfect vocals and great harmonies, and then it leads into an ethnic instrumental interlude much like “My Number One” or “Karma”.

The main way this differs from other Albanian entries is the lyrics: they’re about a family recovering from a conflict and holding together. Personally I can’t imagine a mom, dad, and four siblings preparing to perform in Eurovision without having any petty arguments, so props to them for somehow pulling it off on stage. I don’t speak Albanian so I don’t know how true this is, but I’m told the lyrics could be interpreted as anti-divorce because they encourage a couple to stay married for the sake of their children, which makes the song a bit controversial for some. Musically it’s a banger either way: not as good as “Karma” but still great. The one problem is that the song ends abruptly, ah well.

I find it curious that this got so many points from the rest of the world: twelve in the semifinal and six in the final. Could it be because the other three Albanian-speaking countries (Kosovo, Montenegro, and North Macedonia; co-official in the latter two) weren’t participating this year?

Italy: Due vite

Artist: Marco Mengoni, returning from 2013

Language: Italian

Key: D major

I was very surprised that this got fourth place because I’ve never liked it all that much. Italian male ballads just aren’t my thing and this is the fifth of them since their comeback of 2011, but clearly other fans love them. I agree with Erica’s review once again: it’s more Italian than pizza, but unfortunately I find it very dull. The verses have a piano and drum beat that feels like corporate trailer music, and the chorus is just plain ballady. It’s basically a regular old ballad set apart from others just due to the Italian lyrical rhythm. He can sing, there’s no denying that, but this has never been my cup of tea.

I will give credit where it’s due, this song has a mixed French and Italian version called “La dernière chanson” and it actually works pretty well in French too. And it’s intriguing to see how similar the lyrics are between the two languages.

Estonia: Bridges

Artist: Alika Milova

Language: English

Key: C minor

Ooh, more snow in this postcard! All the snow in postcards brings me back to the earliest postcards of Eurovision, which were back in 1970—back when the contest was in March instead of May.

Estonia brings some class into the competition this year! I think this song qualifying is a significant moment, because it proves that jury bait can appeal to televoters too, which quelled the worries that fans had about televote-only semifinals. Many fans were worried that this song wouldn’t qualify, but it made it through after all. Only tenth place in the semifinal, sure, but it was by quite a big margin.

Alika is a very pretty girl and her dress is a lovely light blue, but I don’t like all the dangly bits in it. Her song is the first of two therapy ballads this year—that’s what I call the style of ballads with lyrics about the singer improving their life. Therapy ballads aren’t my cup of tea and this is no exception. But this is undeniably well composed and sung, so it deserved its top ten result. It landed in eighth place, mostly thanks to the juries. It’s a rare modern Eurovision song not to have percussion, instead using the piano and orchestral instrumentation to make the song sound full. And the ghost piano gimmick is pretty cool too—I love how the piano has “ESTONIA” inscribed on it.

Finland: Cha Cha Cha

Artist: Käärijä (Jere Pöyhönen)

Language: Finnish

Key: E minor

“Now, if you wondered how loud seven thousand people in an arena can be, you’re about to find out.” –Graham Norton

Let’s go, you guys. Let’s FUCKING go. We’re finally at what might be the biggest fan favorite entry of the entire 2020’s. This should have won Eurovision 2023 and you will never convince me otherwise. Like sure, I guess I can see why the juries shafted it a bit, but come on, this got more televote points than Sweden got jury points! Fans loved this more than the juries loved even “Tattoo”, which is really saying something. It lost to Sweden by a fairly narrow margin, 526 points to 583.

This got an absolutely jaw-dropping 376 points from the televote, tied for “Amar pelos dois” as the second highest televote score in history; the highest was “Stefania” getting 439 points. I love how the top three televote results as of this writing are all native-language songs, I think that’s beautiful. Especially because two of them are from countries that the juries did dirty throughout the 20th century: Portugal and Finland. And especially because this is in Finnish, a language unrelated to most others in Europe.

The first time I ever heard this song, which was two and a half months before the show… I would say I was blown away, but in reality, my brain broke. It simply had never occurred to me that this type of music in Finnish existed! Like sure, I knew about hectic rap bangers in English or in Korean (well, really only songs by PSY), but it had never occurred to me that a song this great would exist in Finnish of all languages! It does check out, because Finnish has a consonant-vowel rhythm that reminds me a little bit of those East Asian languages. But still, before I heard this song, I had never thought too hard about what Finnish-language music was like, and assumed that no one outside of Finland really cared about it. In fact, that was largely the case till Käärijä sent this masterpiece to Eurovision. His entry became a worldwide hit and might be the most successful Finnish-language song in the history of the world.

After a few listens where I let myself process that this type of music exists, I became absolutely obsessed with the song and still am. This song is essentially Gangnam Style in Finnish and I’m all for it. In the months after the contest, I started singing the song on runs for fun while holding out my phone with the lyrics, until I gradually memorized all the words by heart. It’s a great song to sing while running because it makes my legs go super fast and I don’t even realize it till it ends. The lyrics are easy to pronounce because Finnish doesn’t do any weird nonsense with pronunciation: what you see is what you get.

In case you don’t know what this song is about: it tells the story of a man who got home from an exhausting work week and now wants to wash away his sorrows with the power of alcohol, which in turn awakens his inner party animal. The composition and staging both tie into the song so brilliantly. The first half is a hectic rap song with a tense driving beat, and the second half turns into a dance party song with a melody and chord progression. The story from the instrumental comes off to me as follows: Käärijä gets home and starts drinking alcohol, he gets wilder and dizzier, and then he breaks out of his shell when the singing section begins. He dances and parties for the rest of the night, but then the stripped-down section (cha cha cha, toinen silmä jo karsastaa […] tänään oon se mies) is a look into his remaining inner doubts, matched both by the composition and lyrics. After the quiet section ends, he throws aside his fears as he cha-cha-chas for the rest of the night. The lyrics are so incredibly goddamn Finnish, it’s unreal. It has that perfect style of taking everything seriously with a pinch of whimsy.

The staging tells a story that matches the music really well. Käärijä starts locked inside a box, breaks a few parts of it as he starts drinking, then climbs up and looks like the king of the world with that gigantic shadow. The start of the second verse introduces those awesome backing dancers tied to ribbons, who dress in pink to complement the lead singer’s bright green. This is a rare case where dressing in pink actually works since it matches a different color. Then when the singing begins, he starts smiling and dancing with the backing crew who take off their ribbons. And finally at the end, he shouts his catchphrase “it’s crazy, it’s party!” which still makes me laugh.

As I mentioned when reviewing “Tattoo”, there are three runners-up in Eurovision history that in my heart are the real winners: “C’est le dernier qui a parlé qui a raison” (1991), “Calm After the Storm” (2014), and “Cha Cha Cha” (2023). Out of the three, “Cha Cha Cha” is actually the one I’m least salty about, because let’s be real here: it was always going to be an enormous fan favorite. By this point, it’s safely become one of the starter kit Eurovision songs, much like “You Are the Only One” or “Dancing Lasha Tumbai” which also didn’t win. I’m not sure which of the other two runners-up I’m more salty about, because I love both of them with all my goddamn heart and they deserve to be starter kit Eurovision songs but sadly aren’t.

And when you think about it, it’s absolutely fucking amazing that a song in Finnish became one of the Eurovision songs. It’s easy to take it for granted given the song is so popular, but it really is crazy when you think about it that this entry made fans cheer louder than anything else this year. I cannot even begin to imagine how proud the Finns must have been that their country sent this song.

Honestly the juries did this song way too dirty—it was only their fourth place! Sure, maybe his vocals aren’t quite as good as Loreen’s, but the only shaky part is the stripped down section at the end and I can happily forgive that. And come on, how did Israel and Italy get more jury points than him??? Sweden I get, since it’s just as much jury bait as this song is televote bait. But you cannot tell me the juries are this repulsed to having fun. The televoters aren’t even this repulsed to jury bait—Sweden was their second place! Though it’s worth noting that no country’s televote gave Sweden twelve points. Finnish televoters even gave Sweden zero points, whereas Swedish televoters gave Finland twelve. You can tell which country wanted to win more badly.

My god, this song is so fucking insanely good. It completely deserves to be such a massive Eurovision icon. I can’t decide if this or “Hard Rock Hallelujah” will remain Finland’s most iconic entry in the long run. Right now I think both are tied.

Czechia: My Sister’s Crown

Artist: Vesna

Language: English, Ukranian, Czech, and Bulgarian

Key: E minor

This is the first time the Czech Republic is competing under the name Czechia, just so you know. It’s also worth noting that Vesna is a band consisting of six women from different Slavic countries who all speak Czech among each other. The members of the group during this song were three Czechs, one Slovak, one Russian, and one Bulgarian who had left but temporarily rejoined for Eurovision.

Finland began of the best part of this grand final: the strong stretch that lasts up to Belgium. This song is a real feast for the ears, especially to a language lover like me. It’s one of those mixed-language songs that actually works because the different parts are designed around different languages, much like “Saudade, saudade” last year. Each language has a distinct role to play in this song: Czech is used in the intro and one line near the end, Ukrainian in the harmonic chorus, Bulgarian in the rapped second verse, and English in everything else.

The song starts with a gripping harmonic intro in Czech, a language we’ve seldom heard in Eurovision: one song that didn’t do well in 2007, and cameos in 2005 (the Ukrainian entry) and 2021. I don’t know much about Czech-language music, but if the white voice songs in Eurovision are anything to go by, Slavic folk music tends to have a blocky even rhythm, and that’s very much reflected in the Czech intro. I like how the stage shows the Czech lyrics during the intro; great way to acknowledge that non-English languages are cool too.

Then comes the meat of the song, the verses with a rhythm clearly designed for English. That’s the kind of English insertion that I actually like, as I’m sure you know. The pre-chorus in English is next, starting with “you can take our hands back”—I consider it a pre-chorus instead of a second verse because the exact same lyrics play before the second chorus.

Then comes that beautiful harmonic chorus in Ukrainian—so irresistible to sing along to! It’s a full love letter to Ukrainians for their perseverance: “My beautiful sister / You are so strong / Brave and the only one / The crown is yours”, plus an English section to end the chorus: “My sister’s crown / Don’t take it down” twice.

I admit, the Bulgarian rap section doesn’t come off all that well on stage; it sounds so much better in the studio version. But I do like this bit of oddball language representation. Must have been a pleasant surprise to the Bulgarians! First time their language has ever been sung outside a Bulgarian entry. Then comes the pre-chorus and second chorus as usual.

The bridge section sadly is a little weak on stage, but screw it, it sounds and looks gorgeous anyway with the ladies forming a circle of hands. Then comes the good type of stripped-down final chorus, which is the percussion disappearing so that the vocals and backing synths can shine. Oh, there’s something I forgot to mention—the instrumental is an awesome mix of ethno-bop and modern accessible pop. Not a full-out ethno-bop, but still has a ton of folksy flourishes to give it life. The chorus ends with Ukrainian and English (which sounds lovely), a line in Czech, and one last line in English.

The song’s lyrics have a clever dual meaning about women standing up for their rights, and Slavic countries (even anti-war Russians) standing together to support Ukraine. For instance, “we are not your dolls” both refers to women not being men’s dolls, and European nations not being Putin’s dolls. You could say the same about nobody having the right to take down their sister’s crown—the sister in question being any woman they care about, or the nation of Ukraine.

They’re not the most professional vocalists on stage and I’m not sure how I feel about their all-pink outfits. I get what the outfits were going for with the unity theme, but I’m a much bigger fan of their colorful outfits in the carpet parade and postcards. At least they’re not dressed in ultra-bright pink. That shade belongs only on Käärijä’s backing dancers, otherwise it’s unacceptable. I get the feeling the staging and outfits were changed a bunch of times till the people in charge of the staging settled upon something these ladies could manage. Still, this song is an absolute treat all around. And despite the holes in the live performance, it landed a respectable tenth place in the end. Surprisingly enough, that’s mostly thanks to the juries.

Australia: Promise

Artist: Voyager

Language: English

Key: G minor

This song is the only Australian entry that deserved the great result that “Sound of Slience” got in 2016. What the juries and televoters saw in “Sound of Slience”, I see in this amazing song. This scored ninth place which is a pretty good result, but you can’t tell me that Israel and Italy deserved to score higher.

Voyager had entered the Australian national final in 2022 with the song “Dreamer” and achieved second place—considering a sadboy ballad won, I imagine that was a divisive victory. Australia couldn’t afford a national final this year, so it’s really smart of them to internally select Voyager. “Dreamer” and “Promise” are similarly styled songs with some of the same musical ideas, very much like some artists’ Eurovision entries in 2020 and 2021, but this song is far superior.

It turns out that this year, we have two rock bands where the frontman is from Hamburg and happens to be the most lovely guy. Personally I think this song gets better the more times you listen to it. It’s full-out prog rock that starts with a simple but catchy synth line and gradually builds into an exciting rock chorus. And then the second verse, I don’t know how to describe all the musical tropes, it’s just plain awesome. Then it has that really sick guitar breakdown in the bridge—a trope reused from “Dreamer”—plus the soaring bridge where the instrumentation strips down with a gorgeous piano and some bitcrushed synths. And finally the final chorus swaps out some of the minor key chords with major key, together with awesome guitar and synth solos, and my mind is blown. It has the perfect blend of rock instrumentation and juicy synths that sounds natural all the way through. Oh, and the clear Australian accent in the singing is a great touch.

I’m baffled that this got first place (149 points) in the semifinal but only got 21 televote points in the grand final. The high result in the semifinal makes sense because it was placed at the end, but the televoters did this SO dirty! I’m guessing the voters were just biased against Australia because it’s far off from all the other countries. Or maybe Finland ate up all the rock votes, but given Slovenia’s worse rock song did better in the televote I’m not convinced. Well OK, to be fair, I forgot to vote for it in the final too.

Graham Norton said this entry could be the sleeper hit of Eurovision 2023, since fans had only recently been giving it this much hype. I think the song landing ninth place proves his point, unless he meant this song would be a global hit like “Snap”, which didn’t seem to happen. He also said at the end of this song that experience means everything: this band has been around since 1999, so they know how to work a crowd. He’s very much right about this. These guys display no hesitation or awkwardness on stage, they rock out all the way through.

This truly feels like the output of Australians and isn’t just another generic pop song. Ninth place for this song was too low, god dammit! I know Eurovision has a few incomprehensible results each year, but 2023 is on another level.

Belgium: Because of You

Artist: Gustaph (Stef Caers)

Language: English

Key: C minor

Now this song, I am more than happy with seventh place! Some fans were opposed to this song due to national final salt, but who cares when it’s this much fun? It’s a 1990’s style club banger with jazzy chords, a positive atmosphere, a singer who’s just the absolute sweetest guy (and loves hats), and a nice message about his husband helping him accept himself for who he is. I can even happily accept his half-pink outfit, because he so obviously finds it cool, so who am I to argue? I’ve always had the feeling that he’s true to himself when performing this song. He just beams with so much positivity. It’s one of a few entries this year that wowed me ever since I first heard it, and it hasn’t stopped wowing me since. I’m so glad I voted for this, both in the semifinal and grand final.

This song is proof that starting from 2018, Dutch-speaking Belgium finally became better at Eurovision than French-speaking Belgium. All the recent VRT entries (2016, 2018, 2020-21, 2023) have been exciting bangers, whereas the last few RTBF entries (2019, 2022, 2024) really haven’t been great. 2024 had a lot of potential, but god dammit, he really couldn’t sing on stage. If Belgium ever gets their second victory, I’m expecting it to be from VRT, just as the last one came from RTBF.

Armenia: Future Lover

Artist: Brunette (Elen Yeremyan)

Language: English, plus Armenian in the final chorus

Key: D minor

Before this song begins, we have the obligatory annual introduction of the Eurovision DVD and oh my god, the BBC did it in the absolute funniest way! Alesha and Julia check in on Graham Norton, who turns out to be busy watching his DVD, and they make it snappy and genuinely funny. And then for viewers on BBC One, he apologized for this skit right after.

Another song that I’ve never been sure how to feel about, I have a clear opinion on it now: it’s good, but not great. It’s a power ballad with a few elements to like about it, such as the theme of Brunette’s wishes for her future lover, which you know is personal to her because she composed it all on her own, or the portion where she sings in a rhythm more typical of rap. The ending in Armenian is a nice touch, I like how the language is featured in the climax instead of the song’s “epilogue” so to speak, which was the case in “Aijā”. I view the ending as foreshadowing their incredible next entry, which is sung entirely in Armenian.

But on the other hand, this is too much of a ballad for me to come back to it much, and again I don’t like that she starts the song lying down. I’m not a fan of the dance break either, but it’s less out of place than that of Poland. On the plus side, she has a great dress made of stitched together elements and delivers a killer performance.

Moldova: Soarele și luna

Artist: Pasha Parfeni, returning from 2012

Language: Romanian

Key: C minor

Fun fact: Eurovision 2023 is the only Eurovision year so far to feature two songs in Romanian, the national language of both Romania and Moldova. If you wondered why these two countries give each other twelve points so often, now you know!

At the time of Eurovision 2023, this was actually Erica’s number one favorite (second was Finland), although since then she’s told me Finland easily surpassed it. Maybe she’s like me in that sense, because “Cha Cha Cha” wasn’t always my landslide winner either. I suspect that the main reason she loves this so much is due to the prominent percussion.

It’s a nice dark ethnic song with awesome folklore staging (love the short guy with the flute!), and I most certainly like it, but I’ve always found it a bit too repetitive to truly adore it. The flute part in particular, I remember watching someone on YouTube contrast it with the flute part of “Shum”, since “Shum” has a flute part that explores all sorts of melodies, while the flute in this is just the same two measures looped, and I have to agree with that criticism. Still, this is Moldovan fun and I’d happily come back to it whenever I feel like.

Ukraine: Heart of Steel

Artist: Tvorchi

Language: English, plus a few lines in Ukrainian

Key: C♯ minor

Ooh, I love the street art theme of this postcard. I’ve always had a fondness for street art, it really helps bring a city to life. And that the guys from Tvorchi paint their own street art, a heart with the Ukrainian flag colors. I wonder if this art is still up today? I mean, it’s only been a year.

Fun fact: Since the introduction of random order in 2013, this is the only year where the running order for two entries was chosen randomly, instead of just one. Normally the host entry and previous winner’s entry are one and the same, but since they’re two different countries this year, Ukraine and the UK both got random slots: 19 and 26 respectively. And both of those countries automatically qualified.

The lyrics are basically “we’re still fighting for our country a year into this war”, predictable for Ukraine, but a little indirect because this is Eurovision. The musical style is totally different from what I expected from the title back then, some kind of rhythm and blues. And yet, somehow this genre actually suits the song! I think it’s down to the visual effects on stage, which really complement the instrumental that sounds like people pushing through a force trying to attack them. And let’s not forget those black outfits with the hearts of steel and sunglasses, they’re the most badass outfits of the year. The portion in Ukrainian is short but actually feels highlighted, much unlike the tiny Czech line in “Omaga”.

Admittedly this isn’t really my kind of genre; it’s more the kind of song I respect than the kind I love. But I can see why it landed a respectable sixth place. These two guys put on a good show and engaged with the audience.

Norway: Queen of Kings

Artist: Alessandra Mele

Language: English, plus the intro in Italian

Key: E minor

Oh hi there Alessandra!!! Honestly I have a bit of a crush on her, or at least maybe a friend crush. From both the Eurovision stage and the postcard, she looks like loads of fun to be around. Just look at her bright smile and bouncy energy as she rides a scooter in the snow. How can you not love her?

Erica is right: this girl is the Queen of the Boppy Bops. It’s just so easy to like this song and anyone who doesn’t like it should be ashamed of themselves! It’s got an awesome 12/8 rhythm and a kickass drum beat that I can’t do anything but bop my head to. Simple as this song may be, I actually like it more the more I listen to it. It’s got some Scandinavian storytelling musical details, especially the violins in the bridge, and god I love that high note. She missed one or two notes in the semifinal, but her singing voice is so rich and expressive that I can happily forgive her. Her stage presence is awesome and so is her outfit. Second most badass ensemble behind the Ukrainian guys.

It may be clichéd to open up the first semifinal with a girlbop, but this was honestly the perfect opener to get the audience in the right mood. I’m so glad she was rewarded with fifth place, even though the juries snubbed her, which I’ve heard was due to missing the high note in her jury rehearsal. Be sure to check out the Italian version, it’s great too. It’s called, uh… “Queen of Kings (Italian Version)”. I’m surprised it isn’t called “Regina del re”, which is in the lyrics.

Germany: Blood & Glitter

Artist: Lord of the Lost

Language: English, but I’ll forgive them

Key: A minor

Hey Europe. We need to talk.

FUCK YOU FOR GIVING THIS SONG LAST PLACE.

That was angry and petty, I know. But this is my country we’re talking about, and it hurts that the first year in forever where we dared to send something other than beige radio pop or weird twee shit, we were fucking PUNISHED FOR IT. And then Germany went back to boring-ass radio pop the very next year and probably will keep doing so. I am still extremely fucking angry that this got last place. How did this get only three points from the jury, the same score that “I Don’t Feel Hate” got in 2021, which was a way worse song in a more competitive year? And how did this get fewer televote points than anyone except the UK and Spain? I am still absolutely fucking baffled and extremely pissed off about this. No matter which reasoning you might throw at me, you will never convince me it makes sense that this wonderful song landed at the bottom.

And plus… Lord of the Lost are a very nice group of people who love this contest and understand what makes a Eurovision entry succeed. They had wanted to compete in Eurovision for many years, but NDR was resistant to letting their music into the national finals until 2023. I actually saw them live at a bar in Malmö during Eurovision 2024 and didn’t stick around for the whole thing because it was very loud and getting late, but I did get to see them cover Eurovision songs live with a good sense of humor then perform their hard metal songs. Chris Harms (the lead singer) is a little bumbling but also passionate when talking about music, and he’s honest about what he wishes Germany did differently in Eurovision, as he’s discussed in several interviews. He all around seems like such a thoroughly nice man. He even said during the 2024 German national final (which had an awfully boring lineup of songs) that his band lost nothing and won everything from Eurovision—I admire his positivity so much. He’s the polar opposite of Eurovision’s sore losers like Cliff Richard, Anggun, or Natalia Barbu. Graham Norton did mention these guys have quite a big fanbase in Germany, so it makes sense that participating ultimately benefitted them.

The low televote score (16 points) I kind of get, because they barely gave Australia any more, and I can assume the rock lovers all flocked towards Finland. It’s still too low, but it’s kind of explicable. (Well OK, it’s actually still ridiculous because this had a good running order spot and came right before a slow song.) But why did the juries save Australia and not save Germany? In the words of Udo Jürgens: warum nur, warum? This is the only German bottom two finish that I think was undeserved, which says a lot about how shit their approach to Eurovision is.

It’s so unreal to have a German entry that actually feels like my country is being represented! And it feels unreal to cheer for this song and feel like these are fitting German entrants—I didn’t realize it, but I am SO used to German entries being those random-ass radio pop songs that do not feel German at all. This song is exactly the kind of industrial hard rock that everyone and their mom associates with Germany. It’s got a pumping beat, theatrical deep vocals, killer 80’s synths and rhythm guitars, and is just everything I want a German entry to be. Well OK, everything aside from the German language, but I’ll forgive them for this.

I still love this, honestly, and I can’t help but bop my head to this. I’m a little biased of course, but tell me you wouldn’t be biased if this was your country. And I actually did vote for this, as a rest of the world voter! This song is a glimpse into an alternate timeline where Germany’s approach to Eurovision is good instead of bad, and let’s hope that timeline someday becomes reality. Bitte Deutschland, bitte? It turns out that having a Eurovision entry that I can feel patriotic about is good, actually! It’s a strange feeling, but a good feeling. The only other entry of ours after Lena that makes me feel patriotic is “You Let Me Walk Alone” from 2018, and even then, that’s mainly because it got such a good result. It did deserve the top five finish, don’t get me wrong.

Lithuania: Stay

Artist: Monika Linkytė, returning from 2015 but now a soloist

Language: English, plus a repeated chant in Lithuanian

Key: G♯ minor

Now, why the hell did THIS finish so much better than Germany? A respectable 11th place, are you nuts? Why must my country be withheld from this great result? I actually somewhat like this song, don’t get me wrong. But coming right after Germany, I can’t help but twitch my eye.

OK, I’ll talk about this song for what it is. It’s another therapy ballad much like Estonia and isn’t that bad musically. It gets off to a slow start in the verses, but the chorus with the harmonized “čiūto tūto” (a phrase from Lithuanian folklore) is actually pretty moving. But I’m not a fan of Monika’s new hairstyle (a short bowl cut) or her orange dress, and she looks overly excited to be back in Eurovision, which breaks the immersion from what should be an emotional song. On the plus side, props to this song for using real live singers for the harmonies, and they do sound good live. I’m not a fan of her long notes near the end though.

Israel: Unicorn

Artist: Noa Kirel

Language: English, plus two lines in Hebrew

Key: F♯ minor

I still don’t get how this landed third place. It got second place with the jury and fifth place with the televote, earning 177 and 185 points respectively. Even though I don’t think this song is all that great: just yet another Israeli dancey song that switches style every 20 seconds.

I mean OK, it has good professional choreography, but as Erica said, it’s really not as good as it thinks it is. I do love watching the dance break at the end, but to me that’s not enough reason to vote for it. To me the vocals are the best thing about this, and otherwise it’s really all over the place. It just feels like too many different musical ideas stitched together, so I never have enough time to get comfortable in each one. I just don’t get why to so many voters, this seemed to be the biggest (or second biggest?) highlight of the show.

Also, I’m still scratching my head about what the hell these lyrics are about. Her singing about how great she is? Her fantasy of being a unicorn? No wait, apparently according to Wikipedia it’s supposed to be patriotic about Israel, but dear god those lyrics are weird and cryptic. Israel’s gonna do the exact same thing next year, of course.

Slovenia: Carpe Diem

Artist: Joker Out

Language: Slovenian

Key: F♯ minor

This song actually used to be my number one of 2023 before the show, but a month before the show Finland surpassed it, and this in my old rankings went down to fourth. Here’s my old pre-show rankings of 2023 with brief thoughts, if you’re curious.*

Honestly I don’t love this song anywhere near as much as I used to. It has its good moments and Bojan has a great voice and stage presence—also, props to him for speaking so many different languages! But it’s a little middle-of-the-road compared to other rock entries, especially Australia and Germany which hype me up more. I still have a nostalgic soft spot for it and I like the rebellious twangy sound… actually, I very much still like this. I’m just not as obsessed with it as I once was. I’ve always liked that Slovenia was so willing to indulge in their language this year, in a genre I wouldn’t have imagined it in.

The best part of this song is the ending: in the era of modern Eurovision where so many songs end like “OK, that’s it”, this song has an absolutely perfect conclusion. The instrumental reaches a climax with snazzy repeated guitar chords (sprejeli, da smo večni samo), then goes into a slow outro with exploratory guitar chords and ends on a lovely major chord. I like that the chord it ends with is A major, which is the same key signature as the song’s F♯ minor. Ending in F♯ major (the chord with the same root note) would be a fairly common trope, but it would also sound unnatural in this song.

* I actually rated Poland as “Fuck no”, but Pastebin apparently doesn’t allow profanity, so I changed it to “Hell no” and the site allowed it. I prefer censoring profanity by replacing it with a different word instead of using asterisks, censor bleeps, or (god forbid) omitting the word.

Croatia: Mama ŠČ!

Artist: Let 3

Language: Serbo-Croatian (Croatian), though in reality it consists mainly of internationalisms

Key: C major

“Now they promised if they win, they’d perform the reprise of their song in the nude. Part of me wants them to win, for them of course, but quite a lot of me hopes that they don’t.” –Mel Giedoryc, who filled in for Graham starting here

This song has great staging that you’d never see anywhere except in Eurovision, and the ŠČ sound really does crack me up, but as a song… I’m sorry, but this is godawful. I know the song is intended to take the piss out of Putin and Lukashenko, and in that it succeeds, but why couldn’t it have also been good musically? I admire these guys for committing so hard to their Balkan sense of humor, I really do. And I’m glad Croatia qualified and then sent their Eurovision magnum opus next year, but this song is just an utterly chaotic mess with too much going on. I guess it’s supposed to be a blend of grunge rock and opera, or something.

I do find it interesting that this song’s lyrics have so many internationalisms, words that exist in many different languages: the words mama, tractor, armageddon, moron, psychopath, and crocodile are all recognizable, and those get down the essence of the song. It’s designed to be easy to understand for speakers of all Slavic languages, kind of like the opposite of “Probka” which I’m told is near incomprehensible even for native Russian speakers.

United Kingdom: I Wrote a Song

Artist: Mae Muller

Language: English

Key: A minor

Musically this song is actually pretty great, one of the best UK entries of the 21st century. Boppy instrumental, humorous sassy lyrics about a woman who discovered her boyfriend cheated on her and was tempted to respond with rage, but instead wrote it as a song. I think I’d like to pretend that live performance never happened, because my god, her vocals were a trainwreck. And her ad-lib singing near the end really didn’t work live. I’m surprised she landed second last place in the end, instead of last place. Which is a shame because the lyrics are so well written and it’s fun to sing along to. I’m curious about the line “my mother would be so proud”; is this a reference to her parents getting separated, which happened when she was six?

I don’t get why the UK keeps sending contestants who can’t sing. Did they learn nothing from Sam Ryder? Maybe they should take some notes from Switzerland; they internally select too and their latest singer won Eurovision!

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Who’s my favorite?

Is that even a question? Obviously it’s Finland, Cha Cha Cha. No other entry this year even comes close to hyping me up this much. It is just such a “me” kind of song. Yes, I know it’s a Eurovision fan favorite, but anyone who knows me personally will know  that this is the type of song I become obsessed with.

• Belgium, 2 (1976, 2003)
• Bosnia and Herzegovina, 1 (2006)
• Denmark, 3 (1963, 2000, 2001)
• Estonia, 1 (2009)
• Finland, 4 (1968, 1983, 1989, 2023)
• France, 4 (1977, 1990, 1991, 1997)
• Germany, 4 (1956, 1979, 1982, 1999)
• Greece, 1 (2013)
• Hungary, 2 (2005, 2019)
• Iceland, 1 (1992)
• Ireland, 4 (1970, 1980, 1993, 1994)
• Israel, 1 (1987)
• Italy, 1 (1958)
• Latvia, 1 (2002)
• Lithuania, 1 (2022)
• Luxembourg, 4 (1961, 1965, 1972, 1988)
• Montenegro, 1 (2015)
• Netherlands, 8 (1957, 1959, 1964, 1967, 1969, 1975, 1998, 2014)
• Norway, 5 (1960, 1966, 1973, 1985, 1995)
• Portugal, 4 (1971, 1984, 2008, 2017)
• Russia, 1 (2020)
• Serbia, 3 (2004, 2011, 2012)
• Sweden, 3 (1974, 1996, 2018)
• Switzerland, 2 (1986, 2021)
• Turkey, 2 (1978, 2010)
• Ukraine, 2 (2007, 2016)
• United Kingdom, 2 (1962, 1981)
• (22 winners)

As a bonus, here is my ranking of 2023! On the right is my old ranking that I linked to in Slovenia’s review, for comparison.

In short: 10 means the song is a masterpiece that always blows me away. 9, I really love it. 8, I love it. 7, I like it. 6, I kind of like it. 5, I don’t like or hate it. 4, I don’t like it very much. 3, I dislike it. 2, I hate it. And a 1 is absolute torture to listen to, even for just ten seconds. Fortunately there are no 1’s this year!

General thoughts:

Show as a whole:

Eurovision 2023 will always hold a special place in my heart. In pretty much every other 21st-century contest I’ve watched, one thought ran through my head throughout: the BBC hosted the show so much better. The British fans deserve to be so proud their country hosted such a fabulous show! It has qualified hosts who are genuinely funny and beam with love for Eurovision, particularly the absolute queen named Hannah Waddingham. The other three are great too, give them all a round of applause. Graham and Hannah have the best banter, it reminds me of Terry and Ulrika from 1998.

They have good banter and humor and overall make the show feel so welcoming. The contest had such an amazing positive atmosphere, both to TV viewers and those who visited Liverpool. I hope the same positive atmosphere can bloom in Basel next year, since Malmö 2024 had so many dark clouds over it.

And the postcards, oh my god, the amazing fucking postcards. Those are the absolute perfect Eurovision postcards. Each postcard showcases three countries at once by pointing out something they have in common, then show us each contestant’s personality and interests. Some contestants look like loads of fun to be around, while others are more of the “yeah… dude…” type. And they all look like they’re having fun in their postcards! These little films tie in perfectly to the slogan “United by Music”, which is such a good Eurovision slogan that I perfectly understand its permanent adoption. They show us that the United Kingdom and Ukraine, two countries from opposing halves of Europe, have a lot more in common than you might think, and they all have something in common with each participating country. The British portions showcase every corner of the country—five in Wales, three each in Scotland and Northern Ireland, and the rest in England—whereas the Ukrainian parts focus mainly on Kyiv and Lviv and avoid the eastern portions due to the war.

Let’s not forget about the visual design: it looks simple, to the point, and attractive. And I’d like to give props to the BBC for bringing back the tradition of Eurovision using a different theme font every year! 2013 to 2022 all used Gotham as their font, which got tiring after a while. That’s just one of many ways Sweden did too good a job hosting in 2013: now all the other countries wanted to copy them. The BBC didn’t copy Sweden’s hosting style, but rather made it into their own distinctly British-Ukrainian show. The font they used is called Penny Lane, and it’s inspired by traditional street signs in Liverpool.

Now as for the song lineup… as you can see from my rankings, it wasn’t nearly as strong as 2021 or 2022, but almost every country had something interesting to offer. There weren’t too many songs of any one genre, it was a perfect celebration of musical diversity. And there was one clear most widely appealing song of all, but the juries snubbed it in favor of Sweden. It is what it is: Finland was always going to become a Eurovision icon either way. And it makes me feel better to remind myself that other non-winners are absolute icons too, like “Fuego”, “Dancing Lasha Tumbai”, or even “Volare” back in 1958.

Interval acts:

The first interval act is Sam Ryder performing his new single “Mountain” set to various backing dancers and percussionists. It’s not as good as “Space Man”, but still rousing and inspiring and British-sounding, and god damn can he sing. Why doesn’t the UK send people who can sing this well every year, seriously?! It also featured Roger Taylor from Queen on the drums.

Then came Graham Norton interviewing 1982 presenter Jan Leeming, which was sweet and fun. I completely forgot this happened, probably because after all the songs in the grand final finish, I’m busy taking in all the hype of what I just watched. I also forgot that the arena contained a special section dedicated to displaced Ukrainians, where Julia Sanina got to spend some time and gave a speech in Ukrainian.

Now the Liverpool Songbook, that is a perfect British interval act. It’s a series of hits by artists from Liverpool, covered by Eurovision artists in styles that suit their voices. This is the type of interval act featuring prior Eurovision contestants I actually like, because it isn’t just a storm of callbacks and lets British music get the spotlight. It’s also sweet that so many Eurovision artists seem to take up any opportunity to perform again. I’m so happy Daði Freyr finally got to sing on stage in this act after missing 2020 and 2021. He looks so happy to be on stage as he covers “Whole Again” by Atomic Kitten. And I love how he has a whole crew of backing dancers with those pixel art outfits. Near the end we got Sonia, who is herself from Liverpool, performing her 1993 Eurovision entry “Better the Devil You Know”—still a 1990’s classic, and a real throwback to hear again. I’m a tinge emotional hearing this, and nostalgic for the time I reviewed Eurovision 1993. Boy was that a fun year—I loved seeing the first few new countries and experiencing RTÉ’s spectacular hosting.

I loved rewatching this entire contest, I never got bored when doing so, not even during the most blatant time filler or the recaps! That’s how you know Britain were amazing hosts. During the third recap I sang along to every song to the best of my ability, and excitedly belted out “nyt lähden tanssimaan niinku cha cha cha”.

The voting:

Ah yes, I remember that voting sequence: it’s basically just “our twelve points go to Sweden” over and over again while Germany stays at the bottom which is so fucking unfair. Every single time a jury didn’t give Sweden 1 to 10 points, I already knew Sweden would be their twelve—no suspense at all. So much more boring than the voting usually is. Here are some spokesperson moments regardless:

• S10 from the Netherlands said she hopes everyone is doing well, especially the girls and the gays. Who is presenting all the votes right now? A girl and a gay! Hannah and Graham shared a laugh.
• If you need any proof that Hannah Waddingham is a champ, after San Marino gave Italy a predictable twelve points, she told the audience not to boo. And they actually listened to her! The BBC couldn’t have picked a better host for this year.
• The Icelandic spokesperson, Einar from Hatari, was the best of them all. He gradually took off his mask bit by bit as Hannah played along and asked him to hurry up. Then he said in a deep muffled voice, Australia. Made me laugh so hard.
• After Norway gave twelve points to Finland, the audience made it very clear who their favorite was. I don’t think I’ve ever seen them this excited about a Eurovision entry. Proof that Sweden wasn’t the right winner this year. They chanted for Finland more and more near the end.

I only realized near the end that the hosts didn’t repeat “X, douze points”, or “X, twelve points”, which proves that this tradition isn’t really needed. But Sweden brought back the pattern next year.

Now for the televote sequence:

• Ugh, I had totally expected the televoters would redeem Germany’s poor jury result. But they fucking didn’t. Why couldn’t we have gotten at least 50 points instead of a measly 15? Is it because of bias against the Big Five? I still don’t understand. It’s really unfair that some way worse songs got so much more points from the televote, like Croatia. And plenty of songs that I thought would only have niche appeal, like Albania.
• Hannah calmed down the audience when they booed the UK getting only 9 televotes. Who needs anti-booing technology when you have Hannah Waddingham?
• Norway’s 216 points is where I really woke up. It’s always the first three-digit score where I think, “shit just got real”. They were fairly low in the jury, I’m told because of her missing notes in the rehearsal. After that came the usual mix of happiness and heartbreak, though my feelings on Germany and Finland overshadow the rest.
• Finland’s 376 points is an iconic moment—Hannah Waddingham’s voice announcing the score was drilled into my head, but it turns out my memory was wrong: Graham announced it instead. Still, Finland got more televotes than Sweden got jury votes! It should’ve been the winner, come on! But as we all know, Sweden got enough televote points to take the prize.

Additional reflection:

It’s so abundantly clear who the audience’s number one favorite was. This is a year where one song got fans excited far beyond the rest, and it’s “Cha Cha Cha”. It’s like “Fairytale” getting by far the most hype in 2009, and everyone’s attention in 2006 being set on “Hard Rock Hallelujah”. It’s just not right that Sweden won instead! “Cha Cha Cha” is a Eurovision icon despite this, but still, it’s just not right. I’m reminded of the audience cheering like crazy for Britain’s Cliff Richard back in 1968, only for Spain to swoop the prize instead. Thankfully, Käärijä wasn’t as much of a sore loser as Cliff Richard. He was a little sore at first, but in a self-aware and honest way.

If you can speak German, I’ll show you this video from Peter Urban where he discusses the results from 2023. To summarize, he said he had an amazing evening on his last year commentating Eurovision and even had to cry a little, until the results happened. He massively disagreed with Sweden winning over Finland and said the result was simply wrong, because “Cha Cha Cha” was so widely appealing to viewers of all ages. He also disagreed with Austria getting so few televote points, and Germany landing last, then suggested a change to the voting where everyone’s first through 26th places get points. He sums up how many of us were feeling about the results of 2023.

Oh, and to think voting results that people don’t agree with were the most controversial part about Eurovision 2023. The next year is a very different story.

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See you next time for the first Eurovision year I visited in person, and the most controversial year since 1991. But not just yet—before then, I’d like to make a silly little side post ranking each year’s postcards. (EDIT: here it is)

>> 2024 (Semifinals): The Best and Worst Year Simultaneously