Intro Post

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Starting from this post, my Eurovision blog schedule will speed up a lot! That’s because I now have a more efficient schedule for when to watch the shows with Liv and when to write the posts.

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Introduction

If I had written this post before visiting Gothenburg, Malmö, and Copenhagen for Eurovision 2024, then Eurovision 2018 would be first contest since 1983 to take place in a city I’ve been to: Lisbon, Portugal, a beautiful city that I visited in 2014. I have a huge soft spot for Portugal as a country. It’s a little rustic and less modernized than other western European countries, which gives the country a lot of charm, though Lisbon is very much a modern city deep down. I particularly remember exploring an elaborate network of underground malls there with my dad and sister, and we were all blown away.

But I’m not here to talk about my vacations from a decade ago, I’m here to discuss Eurovision! RTP had waited over 50 years for this opportunity, and I’m blown away by how good of a show they put on. Most of the first-time host broadcasters in the 21st century ranged from “a respectable first attempt” to “ugh, these hosts are stilted and the show is too self-indulgent”. I’d say Finland’s Yle was the best newbie host broadcaster in the 21st century, until Portugal came along. They made their show feel as Portuguese-themed as can be while still passing perfectly as a modern Eurovision year. Hiring four hosts (all women, I can’t remember which is which) is a bit excessive, but they’re enthusiastic and professional exactly as hosts should be. It was one of only two contests in the 21st century (along with 2010) to do away with LED monitors, but this time the stage doesn’t feel any less modern than the last few years.

This contest featured the same lineup as 2017, except Russia came back and for the only time in Eurovision history (unless you count 1996) failed to qualify. This means this year is close to having a complete map of Europe: the most noticeable gaps are Turkey, Slovakia, Bosnia, and Luxembourg. It features an impressive 43 countries, equaling 2008 and 2011 as the years with the most participants.

As with last year, I watched the semifinals together with Liv with Swedish commentary, then alone with German commentary.

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Azerbaijan: X My Heart

Artist: Aysel Mammadova

Language: English

Key: C minor

To start this post off, 2018 is the year of three countries breaking their perfect qualification records: the first is the heretofore invincible Azerbaijan. I think the problem with this entry is that this doesn’t have the surface level (or occasionally deeper) wow factor that most Azeri entries have. It’s just a regular dance synth pop thing with somewhat interesting shapes on stage. I’m more OK than usual with her lying down, because she lies on one of the pyramid shapes instead of on the floor and gets up after just a few seconds.

The lyrics don’t make sense and I’m not alone to think that; I’m told that Edward af Sillén remarked that firewalls are the one kind of wall it doesn’t make sense to tear down. Peter Urban wasn’t too big on this song either: he said that despite the eye-catching staging, the song itself is “nicht richtig spannend” (not particularly exciting).

Iceland: Our Choice

Artist: Ari Ólafsson

Language: English

Key: B major

If there’s any Icelandic entry that pretty much all fans agree is a dud, it would have to be this one. It’s a completely boring stereotypical piano ballad that makes me want to sleep, the complete opposite of their entry next year which I’m way more excited to review. It’s the only entry in this semifinal that I would call a dud.

Belgium: A Matter of Time

Artist: Sennek (Laura Groeseneken)

Language: English

Key: C minor

The first song to truly keep me engaged in this semifinal came from Belgium, who’s been on a real strong streak since 2015! This starts with a simple piano intro, then grips my ears with an enticing mellow drum beat, then introduces a funky bassline, and SO MANY groovy piano chords! The last two points in particular, those are easy ways to win me over. I love basslines and funky chords.

Her dress is awful, but come on, this country gave birth to the Barbara Dex Award, so you can’t be too hard on it. I was so surprised listening to this because I never heard it once before, which I thought meant Belgium’s entry would probably be boring. The mellow groovy vibe feels like a prototypical version of “Sentimentai” perhaps, a little darker and moodier. It’s a real joy to listen to and captivating experience, despite her hideous dress and microphone bumps.

I was so fucking shocked when Liv told me at the end of the song that this didn’t qualify. She then said she regretted spoiling me and tried her best to keep me unspoiled for the rest of the show. It was the goddamn televoters who snubbed this song, and I hate to admit it but I can kind of see why. This is the kind of entry that can tragically slip through the cracks because it’s early on and doesn’t have the most memorable melody.

Belarus: Forever

Artist: Alekseev (Mykyta Volodymyrovych Alieksieiev), who is actually Ukrainian

Language: English

Key: A minor

This song was originally written in Russian and called “Navsegda” (Навсегда), then localized to English and shortened to three minutes. This song isn’t that interesting so I wasn’t originally inclined to listen to the Russian version, but there aren’t many Eurovision songs in Russian so I checked it out. Going by a translation, for once the lyrics are faithful and not massively downgraded when localized to English, but musically this sounds better in Russian.

This is really just a regular electronic pop ballad regardless of what language it’s in, and he sounds slurred and looks shaky. I get a good laugh out of the overdramatic shenanigans with the rose, but listening to the song just bores me. And the roses that look to be bleeding out of his back are creepy.

North Macedonia: Lost and Found

Artist: Eye Cue

Language: English

Key: C minor

I never like these songs that flip back and forth between two unrelated genres, in this case decent swing reggae in the verses, and totally boring dance guitar pop in the chorus. The verses are pretty fun, but the chorus is awfully boring. I’m trying to think, is there any Eurovision entry that flips between two genres that I actually enjoy? I feel like there has to be, but I can’t think of one.

Croatia: Crazy

Artist: Franka Batelić

Language: English

Key: A minor

We’re now in Croatia’s flop era, where they tried sending a bunch of relatively safe songs and failed to qualify each time. Weird to think this is the same country that sent a divisive bonkers entry in 2023, then their number one most iconic entry in 2024. I know it’s been only two months since “Rim Tim Tagi Dim” got second place, but I think it’ll safely remain more iconic than anything Croatia sent before.

This is an alright 6/8 ballad with a few decent musical ideas like blues guitars and a rap interlude, plus muted trumpets near the end, but it’s just not special enough that fans would vote for it, and the accented singing bugs me. It’s basically a filler entry that doesn’t weigh my mood down too much but obviously won’t qualify, and I get the feeling most of Croatia’s next few entries will be like this. Liv says the song is close to good and has all the right pieces but they’re not put together well, and that’s a perfect way to put it.

Greece: Óniró mou (Όνειρό μου)

Artist: Yianna Terzi

Language: Greek

Key: C♯ minor

I thought this whole time that Greek words could only have one acute accent, but apparently two accents are allowed in rare cases. Who would have guessed? Well, other than actual Greeks.

Here’s the second most recent Greek entry sung in Greek! I have a bias towards songs in this wonderful language, and I think it’s a good effort though not as good as “Opa” or “Alcohol Is Free”. The studio version is a very nice piece of Greek drama with some subtle ethnic flair, a little reminiscent of the 1990’s Greek entries. The title means “My dream” and the lyrics colorfully describe her interest in her crush in a very Greek way. Unfortunately, the live performance fails to sell this song. When performed on stage, the instrumental makes me think no more than “it’s dramatic I guess”, which is a real shame.

If I was writing this review before 2024, I might have said that I hope that next time we hear a song in Greek, it would sound more indulgently Greek, and fortunately that’s exactly what we got in 2024. “Zari” will be a real fun song to review!

Armenia: Qami (Քամի)

Artist: Sevak Khanagyan

Language: Armenian, in full for the first time

Key: D minor

I suspect that Portugal’s victory inspired Georgia and Armenia to introduce Europe to their own languages this year. Both countries have previously sent entries partly in their own languages, but never completely until now.

The video broadcast of this performance has these really annoying pointless black bars on the top and bottom of the screen, which Liv pointed out and now I can’t unnoticed them. Some entries this year put on a widescreen aspect ratio in a way that works (like Sweden), but in this song it’s completely unnecessary and cuts off part of his face. The black bars will become more and more common in later years, to the point where most entries in 2024 have those black bars.

Anyway, about the song, this has a few good musical ideas like the guitar parts and dark drum beat, but it’s mostly just an uninteresting minor key ballad, so not a good introduction to the Armenian language. At least the climax near the end and guitar solo raise the song into “it’s dramatic I guess”, which is better than a regular ballad. The second entry in Armenian from 2024 is infinitely better.

Switzerland: Stones

Artist: Zibbz, a duo of siblings

Language: English

Key: A minor

This is the last entry of Switzerland’s flop era, which is followed by their six-year era of attempting a third victory. This isn’t bad at all and has a nice swing beat that reminds me of some Twentty One Pilots songs, plus a few nice brass and piano parts, but sadly I can see why most viewers wouldn’t spare some votes for this. And I’m not convinced her shouty singing works on stage. I do like that she climbs onto the bridge midway through; I hadn’t mentioned yet that I love the bridges on stage.

Semifinal 1 thoughts:

RTP knocked it out of the park with their first ever time hosting Eurovision—the Portuguese should be proud they put on such a good show! It has an attractive stage and lovely maritime visual design, and tons of nice little details like Portuguese-themed background music when the hosts give the voting info, and a honk when the songs are about to begin. The hosts’ skits are a little cheesy, but their charisma carries them through all of it.

The one disappointment about these semifinals is that RTP went for interval skits instead of interval acts, since only Sweden makes good interval skits. This year’s interval video skits are godawful, I’m sorry to say. I guess you can count the 2017 group contestants’ pre-recorded cover of “Amar pelos dois” as an interval act? I love hearing all the contestants’ attempts at pronouncing Portuguese, since they all completely butcher a word or two (or Iceland, every word) but their efforts make me smile.

Now for the qualifier reveals… I should mention that Sanna Nielsen (the guest commentator for Sweden) absolutely loved Estonia’s song and burst with joy when it qualified, which means there is something I don’t have in common with her: a love of opera singing. I’m surprised Lithuania and Bulgaria made it, almost as surprised as I am that Belgium didn’t. I’m a bit sad that Greece didn’t make it, but at least I can see why they flopped. For Belgium, the only excuse is the dress.

The qualifier reveals that made me happiest are the recently unlucky countries: Czechia (who are about to score their best result ever) and Ireland (who won’t qualify again until 2024). I can’t help but smile at the real-life top two qualifying, Israel and Cyprus. Peter Urban was joyed that Austria qualified and thought of the Austrian commentator Andi Knoll—it’s always sweet when he mentions his fellow commentators. He was in a good mood throughout the qualifier reveals and said that when Israel qualified, he’s confident this will be an exciting Saturday. Clearly I’m not alone in finding this year a breath of fresh air! But he was sad about the ones that didn’t make it through, especially Belgium which surprised him.

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Romania: Goodbye

Artist: The Humans

Language: English

Key: E major

Romania is the second of three countries to break their perfect qualification records this year. Unfortunately, starting from this year their track record would get much worse; their only forthcoming qualification is in 2022. I suddenly wish I had a Romanian commenter so they could explain to me whether Romania went through broadcaster drama, or got a worse head of delegation, or if it was just bad luck.

This is starts off as a dreary pop ballad for the first minute, then turns into major key rock which is more pleasant but the song took too long for the buildup, so there’s not much time to get into it. And annoyingly, it ends abruptly. The song intersects in my head with “De la capăt”, another song I’m not too big a fan of, and it doesn’t help that they’re in the same key.

San Marino: Who We Are

Artist: Jessika Muskat and Jenifer Brening, the latter of whom was 63 years old

Language: English

Key: C♯ minor in the verses, let’s say F♯ minor in the chorus but it’s just three chords so it’s hard to say

Honestly, this song is interchangeable with those last few Sammarinese disco pop entries that Ralph Siegel composed. It might have been composed by Alf Igel, the same mysterious mastermind who composed “Guildo hat euch lieb!” The robot holding a sign labeled “sometimes” on one side and “size doesn’t matter” on the other is charming. The rap section isn’t nearly as charming, and there’s no compositional cohesion between the verses and chorus.

The chorus sounds vaguely similar to “Heroes” (but not as rousing), as both the Swedish commentators had pointed out; Edward af Sillén joked that it has the same songwriters as “Heroes”.

Russia: I Won’t Break

Artist: Julia Samoylova

Language: English

Key: G minor

I love the aquarium that Julia explores in this postcard, but everything else about this song is pure ugh.

The last of three countries to break their qualification streak was Russia, and those fucking bastards did it on purpose all because they were mad at Ukraine. Channel One Russia selected a singer who genuinely dreamed of participating in Eurovision, and last year they used her as a puppet intending to make Ukraine look bad. This year they sent her to Eurovision for real, except they totally half-assed the entry and her team outright told her they’re not in it to win.

This Wiwibloggs article translates a post-show interview with Julia Samoylova into English and it’s a fascinating read. She’s totally aware her broadcaster used her as a chew toy, and why wouldn’t she be? She’s a totally normal adult who happens to have loved Eurovision, and this is how it went down for her. I watched some the hour-long interview with her with auto-translated captions which are probably full of inaccuracies. But regardless of what language she’s speaking, I can sense that she feels morally conflicted about this situation. Sometimes she laughs at the stupid shit her delegation said and made her do, other times she sounds like she’s holding back tears.

OK, enough ranting about Russia, what’s the song like? It’s a terrible “circumstances won’t get me down” ballad with only four different chords (and not enough rhythmic variance to make up for it), and even without having heard any of Julia Samoylova’s songs other than this and “Flame Is Burning”, I get the feeling this song doesn’t suit her style at all.* The staging puts no focus on her and all on the weird zany backup (frontup?) dancers. She sings with zero passion because she’s so exhausted about the drama she was put through.

This whole song is so below Russia’s usual standard of Eurovision quality and if this were any other country, I would be baffled as to why. If this were any other country, I’m sure this would have scored last place, but Russia still managed to rack up 65 points and score 15th, because of the usual former Soviet bloc votes. It even got twelve points from Latvian televoters.

* Later as I wrote this review, I discovered a MUCH better Russian-sounding dark pop song of hers called “Без одежд”.

Georgia: For You

Artist: Ethno-Jazz Band Iriao

Language: Georgian, for the first time!

Key: G major

Man, it feels weird to see Eurovision lyrics in a script I can’t read. I know the Greek and Cyrillic alphabets quite well, and I gradually memorized the Hebrew alphabet but I’m bad at guessing how words are pronounced, whereas the Georgian and Armenian scripts are still enigmatic to me. But if I learn them properly, they’d be way easier to read than Hebrew.

This is the first of two Eurovision entries fully in Georgian; the other is from 2019, and both have English titles. I’ve never heard the second one, so I’ll see for myself which is a better introduction to their language. This song does get listeners acquainted with the unusual phonology of Georgian, which is filled with consonant clusters and guttural sounds. It even has the same sound as the French R, but it’s Romanized as “gh” instead of “r”.

Liv told me that she considers this one of the most obvious non-qualifiers in Eurovision history, because it’s the definition of “good but not engaging”, and I couldn’t agree more. It gives similar vibes to “Mižerja” from 2013, but more of a jazzy choir than traditionally Balkan. I somewhat like the jazzy chords and harmonies, but it doesn’t speak to the listener or engage with them. That’s not at all because of the exotic language; some songs in languages inaccessible to most Europeans manage to attract the entire continent, like “Jako” from 2024. I might revisit this one sometimes and it could grow on me, and I always admire Georgia for doing whatever they want.

Poland: Light Me Up

Artist: Gromee (Andrzej Gromala) featuring Lukas Meijer

Language: English

Key: B minor

Fun fact: Meijer is the name of an American big-box store chain (also known as hypermarket) that’s commonly found in Michigan and a few neighboring states, like my home state of Ohio. For non-Americans reading this, one of the biggest things that sets apart regions of the United States is which grocery store and restaurant chains can be found where. For instance, the fast food chain Culver’s is a source of stately pride for Wisconsin, and one of the most distinguishing features of North Carolina is the huge amount of Food Lion stores.

This song has great synth work in a few parts, but it also has a really boring standard four-chord progression throughout the entire song. Kind of a good party club song, but it’s way too repetitive for me. They sing “light me up” and “tell me where to go” too many times.

Malta: Taboo

Artist: Christabelle Berg

Language: English

Key: B minor (verses), E minor (chorus)

The stage features a bit of Java code for some reason and has a bunch of elaborate effects with LED walls and a heart. I kind of like the mysterious sound of the verses, but the chorus changes the key and has a much more generic chord progression. Basically this is just another installment of the average dance soup, though at least the dubstep parts feel fresh.

After this song ended, Peter Urban said that Thomas G:son has written better songs before. I hadn’t realized that Thomas G:son was involved in this song, but now I agree with him.

Latvia: Funny Girl

Artist: Laura Rizzotto

Language: English

Key: D minor

Latvia was fucking robbed, you guys! I originally thought Belgium was the most undeserved non-qualifier, but after relistening to both, I decide this song does more for me. It helps that Laura has an actually good dress, unlike Sennek’s abomination.

Everyone knows that this song is about Marie N, the winner of Eurovision 2002 and female host of 2003. Remember, Renãrs Kaupers is a cute guy and she’s a funny girl. All jokes aside, this song fits well with the Latvian hosts’ quips back then. The singer thinks of her love interest as a cute guy, but he thinks of her as only a funny girl.

Lyrically this song is quite interesting: It’s about a relationship where one is in love and the other only wants to be friends. The twist is that the woman is the one in love, instead of the man, which makes the story way more interesting. I’d dare to say this song has some of the most intriguing lyrics in Eurovision history. Musically this aims for a minimalist dark sound somewhat like “Love Injected” but honestly WAY better, plus a bit of blues. The song tells a really good story and she expresses the lyrics so well that I believe every word she sings. This is actually growing on me, I think I might even love this. It’s a big shame it didn’t qualify. This scored 12th place in the semifinal, just five points below Hungary who barely qualified.

Montenegro: Inje (Иње)

Artist: Vanja Radovanović

Language: Serbo-Croatian (Montenegrin)

Key: F♯ minor, G minor

It’s ultra-easy to see what Montenegro was thinking this year. The only two times they qualified to the final, it was with a Balkan ballad, so they clearly thought they could repeat that success here. I’m glad I love Balkan ballads this much, because if I didn’t I would think this is as generic as all those Irish ballads. It’s derivative of Željko’s composition style, but I think it’s actually a good impression of his work. The only problem is that this song’s melody is hard for me to remember, which is extremely unlike Željko. This just proves that no one else does Balkan ballads like him. Regardless, I like this song enough to be sad it didn’t qualify, and I admire Vanja for being a Željko copycat—he composed the song all by himself.

I find it endearing that Serbia and Montenegro (the two countries that used to be Serbia and Montenegro) both went for a Balkan ballad this year. Montenegro’s Balkan ballad is conservative, while Serbia’s is more innovative and that paid off way more.

Semifinal 2 thoughts:

I would say both semifinals this year are about equally good. Part of me wants to say that the first semifinal was stronger, but I think I was just in good spirits after having to sit through the bland shit of 2017, then I got used to the songs being actually good. This feels like the start of the insanely good modern era of Eurovision!

This semifinal has some semblance of an interval act when the hosts dance to various songs in Eurovision history set to narration, but I’ll choose to think of this as the second year without interval acts in the semifinals. The first is 2015, since I’m retroactively not counting the skit with pets exploring Vienna as an interval act. As I said, I prefer when Eurovision contests have interval acts over skits, and I hope RTP gives us some good interval acts in the final amidst the inevitable skits.

Michael Schulte’s green room interview made me smile, because he seemed friendly and earnest, his entry is Germany’s strongest in years, and he sang a damn good guitar cover of “Fly on the Wings of Love” that accurately captures the original song’s spirit. It’s been so long, I had forgotten what it’s like to feel national pride in a German entry! I think this is going to be a very happy year for me; I just wish I could have followed it live in 2018.

Every single qualifier in this final deserved to make it through in my opinion, except for Australia. This means I was inevitably going to be sad about a few that didn’t make it. This year has three non-qualifiers that I think were undeserved: in descending order, Latvia, Belgium, and Montenegro. Funny enough, all three non-qualifiers would have qualified under the jury, which is proof that I should be a jury member. I’ll probably forget this in the final review, so I’ll just say Peter Urban burst out laughing when Hungary qualified and said he didn’t expect it.

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See you next time as I gush over the wonderful musical variety of the 2018 final.

>> 2018 (Final): Elaborate Props and Tight Voting