Intro Post

< 2015 Semifinals | 2015 Final | 2016 Semifinals >

Sorry this post took so long! My work schedule got abruptly changed and that threw me off for a good few days as I had to reshuffle my daily schedule. But boy is it worth finishing this post. Even if this isn’t the most exciting year, I think you guys will enjoy it!

---

Introduction

Vienna, Austria had the honor of hosting the largest Eurovision final in history, with a whopping 27 countries—just one less than the 2007 semifinal. The final featured the ten qualifiers from the respective semifinals, the usual Big Five and host, and as a 60th anniversary guest, Australia automatically qualified. Australian fans had the special right to vote in both semifinals this year, just as rest of the world voters have since 2023. Australia’s presence in Eurovision is really funny because fans at first thought it was stupid that the EBU let Australia keep participating, but now they happily welcome the land down under.

Aside from the usual France, Spain, Italy, and Portugal, only three countries didn’t sing in English: Finland, Montenegro, and Romania. Finland didn’t qualify, which means that Montenegro had the only song in the final not in English or a Romance language. I won’t like this lack of linguistic diversity the next few years, but the good news is, 2018 onwards will be refreshing.

The top three this year were reliable power players: Italy third with a characteristic Italian tune, Russia second with a controversial peace anthem, and at the top came Sweden with a name that some Eurovision fans are tired of seeing all the time: Måns Zelmerlöw. The bottom four were all automatic qualifiers: the UK, France, and sharing zero points, Austria and Germany. Knowing these results, I’m surprised the EBU didn’t let the Big Five perform in the semifinals sooner; we saw in 2024 that it benefits them so much. As usual, we’ll see for ourselves whether these poor results are deserved.

I feel like ORF (the host broadcaster) decided to include every single idea of theirs in the opening act this year, which is why it takes a whopping 20 minutes till the first song begins. That is way too long in my opinion. I watched the grand final with British commentary, together with my friend Liv.

---

Slovenia: Here for You

Artist: Maraaya (Marjetka and Aleš Vovk), a married couple

Language: English, as with almost everything this year

Key: B minor

I should probably describe the postcards this year: they feature each of the contestants getting an invitation to somewhere in Austria, then they perform an activity in there. Graham Norton snarked that the producers ran out of postcard ideas fast, and I have to agree with him. But it’s nice that the postcards showcase the contestants, as postcards should always do.

Fun fact about the postcards that I learned from Liv: the addresses on the boxes are the headquarters of each country’s broadcaster. Another fun fact that I learned from Liv: if you’re wondering why Marjetka is wearing headphones on stage, it was a method to combat her stage fright and make her feel like she was in the studio. This is why it’s so much more fun to watch Eurovision with a friend. You’ll get to teach each other all sorts of trivia.

This has a slow ballady start, but it once it gets going, I actually quite like it. The singer is a bit nasal, but I really like the dramatic punchy instrumental. It’s got a good drum beat and violin solos, almost sounds like a boss battle theme from a video game, or a fight song from an anime. It’s a pretty good opener, but Israel two songs later would’ve been an even better opener.

France: N’oubliez pas

Artist: Lisa Angell

Language: French

Key: A minor

I’m not quite sure what city is featured in the postcard. I want to say it’s Paris, but I can never quite remember where the Eiffel Tower is. Maybe that glass pyramid could give me a clue?

I think it’s completely unfair to put a Big Five country in the death slot before 2024. These countries were crippled enough by not getting to perform in the semifinals, so putting them in the least desirable slot is extra brutal.

Sadly, I find it easy to forget how this sounds, even though it’s melancholy and French in a nice way, and has some touching background visuals. I don’t really like that it becomes more of a power ballad near the end, and I’m especially not sold on the triplet drums. “It’s for You” also includes triplet drums in the chorus and that doesn’t do it for me either. Still, I entirely blame the death slot for this scoring just four points.

Israel: Golden Boy

Artist: Nadav Guedj, who I refuse to believe was only 16 years old

Language: English

Key: G♯ minor, A minor

After not qualifying four years in a row, Israel decided to reinvent their Eurovision style this year. They revamped their national final so that it now focuses on selecting the most capable singer, then a song, and they finally dropped using the Hebrew language every year. The winner of their national final starts as a slow pop song, but then it turns into a catchy boy bop that varies styles a lot but has an overall Middle Eastern dance sound.

This song was a massive change of fortunes for Israel: it scored ninth place, their first top ten finish since 2008. I can see why this style dominated Israel’s entries for the next decade. They even won with this genre in 2018. If a country scores their best result in many years with a brand new style, that often means they’ll stick to that style in many contests to come. Does that mean Ireland’s future entries are all going to be hectic sorcery songs? I’d rather have that than ballads, frankly.

Estonia: Goodbye to Yesterday

Artist: Elina Born and Stig Rästa

Language: English

Key: G minor

This is one of the biggest fan favorites of 2015, so I feel like I should like it a little more than I do. It’s a duet song about a romantic breakup and has a nice mellow instrumental, as well as good-looking staging, but the singers don’t seem to have that much chemistry on stage. I’m not sure if they feel the lyrics as much as the duo who sang “Calm After the Storm”, so that makes it a bit hard to pay attention to the words. And this is one of the many entries this year where the lyrics are essential to the experience.

United Kingdom: Still in Love with You

Artist: Electro Velvet

Language: English

Key: C major

No two ways about it, electro-swing annoys the fuck out of me. I can’t explain why I find the genre so annoying, but I just do. I like that the UK tried bringing something different, but the mishmash of old-timey jazz with a stompy electric drum beat will never appeal to me. I’m not at all surprised this scored so low. To be fair, maybe if electro-swing was more common in Eurovision, I could discover a song in that genre that does appeal to me, as occasionally happens with power ballads and Eurodance.

Armenia: Don’t Deny (officially called Face the Shadow)

Artist: Genealogy

Language: English

Key: D major (verses), G minor (chorus), A minor (second and final chorus), C♯ minor (bridge). Roughly speaking, anyway. This one was hard.

Since Eurovision 2015 is over, there’s no reason to pretend this song is called “Face the Shadow”. Its real name is “Don’t Deny”. It was renamed only because the artists had to pretend this song wasn’t about the Armenian genocide, and the lyrics weren’t even changed. The Eurovision website said the song was about universal values and people united in happiness, and all I can do is roll my eyes. You aren’t fooling anyone.

This song features six Armenians from different parts of the world: one living in Armenia (part of the duo who sang “Jan Jan” in 2009), and five each representing the Armenian diaspora from different continents. Each of them stands on a map representing their places of birth near the end, which is actually pretty cool. The song is blatantly intended to get people educated on the history of Armenia and I can confirm it works. I had to pull myself away from a Wikipedia spiral about Armenia to finish writing this review.

I can always respect a Eurovision song with a good message, and in this case I really do. But as a song, this isn’t for me. The verses are an ensemble song where everyone gets a turn to sing, another musical trope that inexplicably annoys me, and the chorus is a rock power ballad that repeats the title too much. Plus, their voices don’t fit all that well together.

It’s not a bad song at all, it’s just not as good as the singers seem to think. But the song did make Armenia very proud. All five of the diaspora singers were rewarded Armenian passports by the president of Armenia.

Lithuania: This Time

Artist: Monika Linkytė and Vaidas Baumila

Language: English

Key: E♭ major

Oh hey there Monika, I remember you from Eurovision 2023! That was the first Eurovision I followed live and a way more peaceful year than 2024. She looks so much cuter with this haircut than with her bowl cut eight years later. I’m not a fan of either of her dresses though. This one looks too flowery, and her other dress is a garish orange. If I had to choose which of Monika’s dresses I like better, it’s probably her first one. There’s another Lithuanian singer named Monika involved in this song: Monika Liu from 2022 wrote the lyrics. I never knew that until I wrote this post, and I was so surprised!

Against all odds, I somewhat like this sappy love duet. Maybe because it’s properly upbeat, maybe because E♭ major is a very warm-sounding key. Don’t ask me why it sounds warm, I don’t understand why different key signatures have different emotions to me. By all logical means, key signature should make no difference in how I see a song, even considering that I have perfect pitch. In any case, this song is twee for sure, but in a more pleasant way than other twee songs. Another plus is that Liv told me it’s very fun to sing harmonies to, and she’s 100% right.

This song also pulls off the “surprise gay kiss” gimmick so much better than “Marry Me” two years prior. Monika and Vaidas pause to kiss when they sing “one kiss”, and the backing singers each kiss in pairs. They’re initially paired as men and women, but when they kiss they switch into same-sex pairs. The reason these gay kisses work better for me is because the song draws more attention to the kisses, and because the kisses look more sincere. The gay kisses didn’t cause any big controversy this time. Krista Siegfrids must have weeded out everyone who’s scared of gay people.

Serbia: Beauty Never Lies

Artist: Bojana Stamenov

Language: English, a first for Serbia

Key: B♭ minor

This year has many entries that rely too much on their lyrics for my tastes, but this one takes the cake. It has a good message about body positivity, but as a song it’s just an average dance anthem that gets too party-sounding in the second half. It was probably inspired by “Rise Like a Phoenix” in message, but it doesn’t live up to last year’s winner musically.

This song won its national final in its Serbian version, called “Ceo svet je moj” (the whole world is mine). You might think that it was localized to English to get the Serbian version’s message across to a larger audience, but only the English version is an outright protest against fat shaming. The other three versions—French, German, and Spanish—are all titled something like “the world is mine” and their lyrics are basically just “I am free, no one can stop me”.

Norway: A Monster Like Me

Artist: Kjeti Mørland and Debrah Scarlett

Language: English

Key: C♯ minor

This is a duet ballad about romantic troubles, which Liv described as a hybrid of “Silent Storm” and “Calm After the Storm” (Calm After the Silent Storm, you could say), except nowhere near as good as the either of those songs, and I agree with her. It’s decent enough for a ballad, but near the end it gets too generic and ballady for me.

Sweden: Heroes (the winner)

Artist: Måns Zelmerlöw, who against all odds wasn’t in Eurovision 2024. Or was he?

Language: English

Key: G♯ minor

Before we discuss the song itself, I have a rant about key signatures coming up. As someone with perfect pitch, it annoys the shit out of me when a Eurovision song has a different key in the studio version from its live version. To me, the real key of any Eurovision song is the key it’s performed in on stage, so this song’s key to me is G♯ minor. “Sognu” might be an exception, because changing its key ruined his performance.

When I was in Malmö during this year’s Eurovision week, I heard a lot of Eurovision songs old and new coming out of speakers, most often in the building right across from the Malmö Arena: the Emporia Mall.* It’s a fun building to explore and has lots of nice restaurants inside, but my god is it tough to navigate. Anyway, every time I heard “Heroes” in the Emporia Mall, I almost didn’t recognize it because it was in a different key. I can’t overstate how much it threw me off to hear “Heroes” in A minor. And the worst part is, most people can never know how annoying it is to hear a song in the wrong key, because most people don’t have perfect pitch. If it’s someone else’s cover of a song, then I could understand them changing the key to fit their voice better, but the same song should always be performed and recorded in the same key signature. If you have perfect pitch, then I hope you can relate to this rant; if you don’t, then I hope you have a better idea of what perfect pitch is like.

Anyway, this song. The lyrics are inane and vaguely inspirational at best, but when a song hypes me up this much, does it really matter? It has sticky memorable melodies sung by Måns, some soaring string notes in the chorus, and a pumping drum beat to tie it all together. I especially enjoy the bridge where the melody of the verse is sung over the chords of the chorus; they create a bit of friction but in a good way. Erica wonders if the song won due to his pretty boy charm, and I think that’s part of it: he has the looks and charm to sell this song well. The staging is an absolute joy to watch. I love his interactions with the animations in the background and little connections to the lyrics. It keeps my eyes on the screen and I’m not alone in feeling that, since it got so many votes.

I think this is the most obvious winner Eurovision has had in a long time. Since most of this year is accessible pop, a clever staging is all that’s needed to elevate this song. And unlike so many previous years, I have no gripes with this song’s victory. It really does feel like the right winner to me. But is it my winner of this year? We’ll find out after 17 more songs.

* Remember “My Heart Goes Boom”, the old Norwegian entry that I said sounded like a rip-off of “Walking on Sunshine”? I heard it when I had dinner with Liv, and she really did think it was “Walking on Sunshine” at first.

Cyprus: One Thing I Should Have Done

Artist: John Karagiannis

Language: English

Key: E♭ major

One good thing I can say about Eurovision 2015 is pretty much all the right songs qualified this year. That doesn’t mean all the songs in the final are exciting and mind-blowing—certainly not this one—but they’re all at least pleasant to listen to. This is a regular romantic guitar song that doesn’t sound Greek or Cypriot in the slightest. It’s easy to see why in the pre-Fuego era, Cypriot fans cared more about the Greek entries than their own.

Australia: Tonight Again

Artist: Guy Sebastian

Language: English

Key: C minor

Even though I became a Eurovision fan long after Australia entered the contest, it still feels hilariously weird that I am now reviewing an Australian song in Eurovision. I should be grateful Australia is in Eurovision, because an Australian guy is responsible for me getting into this rabbit hole. Or at least, I pinpoint the blame on him out of convenience. I find it adorable that Australians love being in Eurovision this much, as was clear to me when I met some of them in Malmö. They were genuinely sad when their cultural song didn’t reach the final this year. But not all Australians are fond of their country’s presence. The guy who I blame for my Eurovision obsession preferred it when his country didn’t have a horse in the race.

I’m told that Guy Sebastian was originally going to submit a ballad to Eurovision, but decided there were too many ballads this year so he switched to an upbeat pop song. If he thought Eurovision 2015 was heavy in ballads, wait till he hears about the 1980’s and 90’s! It’s for the best that he didn’t send a ballad, because we already have Irish ballads, Spanish ballads, German ballads, Italian ballads, and so much more. We didn’t need an Australian ballad to add to the pile.

As a piece of music, this is a funky pop song featuring saxophone and piano. It’s happy and upbeat, one of the better songs of the evening, but it doesn’t stand out much in the long run. It landed in an impressive fifth place, perhaps because fans were so excited about Australia’s participation. I’m glad Australia got a happy debut, unlike countries like Morocco or (dear god) Lithuania with their zero points.

Belgium: Rhythm Inside

Artist: Loïc Nottet

Language: English

Key: A minor

I feel like most of the biggest fan favorites this year are only so well-regarded because they’re surrounded by unremarkable pop. Not to say they’re bad songs, I do quite like this one. But I don’t think it would’ve stood out in a stronger era of the contest, like 2005-2010 or 2021-2024.

Anyway, this is a minimalist funky dance song with simple black and white staging that I find suits it well. I’m happy it got a good fourth place and it’s catchy especially in the “rap pa pap” section, but it’s not quite something I want to come back to. Still, I find this to be minimalism done right.

Austria: I Am Yours

Artist: The Makemakes, whose name is four syllables, not two. Five syllables if you include “the”.

Language: English

Key: A♭ major

This entry is unfortunately known for several feats involving zero points: the first song to score no points in the final since 2003, the first host entry to score zero points, and the first year with two nul-pointers since 1997. I’ll discuss more about zero points when I discuss the other zero-point entry from Germany. For now, just know that this actually got 40 points from the jury and none from the televote.

This is a decent melancholic blues ballad, performed by a trio of a pianist, guitarist, and drummer. I feel bad that it got zero points, but at least I can see why it would slip through the voters’ cracks. Now 40 and 0 averaging to 0, that is pretty bizarre, but I never liked the mixed jury/televote system anyway.

Greece: One Last Breath

Artist: Maria Elena Kyriakou

Language: English

Key: D minor, E minor

If Serbia was inspired by “Rise Like a Phoenix” in message, then Greece was inspired by it in composition. I couldn’t hum this song from memory, but I remembered its key off the top of my head because when a song reminds me of another, it’s usually in part because they’re in the same key. I totally forgot it had a key change though.

Anyway, this is another overly breathy power ballad that I’m sure tried to replicate the success of last year’s winner. It has some nice buildup, but it doesn’t have the rousing brass riffs and melody that lifted “Rise Like a Phoenix” so high above.

Montenegro: Adio (Адио)

Artist: Knez (Nenad Knežević)

Language: Serbo-Croatian (Montenegrin)

Key: F♯ minor, G♯ minor, C minor

Finally, the first song not in English since France! Montenegro continued a streak of years with at least one song n Serbo-Croatian that began in 1986, but would be broken in 2017.

Say hi to the last of five entries composed by my hero Željko Joksimović. This is his lowest result at 13th place, but also Montenegro’s best result (not counting 7th place as S+M in 2005, or 4th place as Yugoslavia in 1983). It’s also the second and last time Montenegro made it to the grand final.

This song has all the classical tropes of Željko’s that I’ve come to love. It starts with a violin playing the melody of the chorus, then dives into the first verse which is interspersed with some of his trademark violin and accordion riffs. The chorus is unusual because even though it keeps the 4/4 time signature, the measures are grouped into threes so it could arguably be classified as 12/4.

The song changes key at the second verse, and as always, Željko is wise enough to accompany the key change with proper buildup. And after the second chorus comes a climax that the audience claps to—should I classify it as a bridge? Who knows? Knez absolutely nails the last key change, which is from G♯ minor four semitones (two whole steps) up to C minor. It doesn’t even sound like an abrupt jump in key, because the keys seamlessly transition and the final verse almost sounds like F minor at first.

I’m not sure I love this as much as Željko’s other entries, because it gets rather stompy in the second half, but I do think it’s one of the best songs of the evening. I’m glad he graced Eurovision with his musical genius and made so many fan favorite entries. I wonder what other genres he likes to compose? Surely his music isn’t at all Balkan ballads? It could be that he’s to Balkan ballads as Scott Joplin is to ragtime, which is to say he’s best known for Balkan ballads and people don’t give his other music enough credit.

It turns out that this song has English and French versions (both called Adio), and they’re heavily accented* so I’m glad this was kept in its original language. When you’re as good a composer as Željko Joksimović, you can make any language sound beautiful. Props to Knez for not only doing an English version though!

* I originally had a typo and said “heavenly accented”. I want to preserve this hilarious error here.

Germany: Black Smoke

Artist: Ann-Sophie Dürmeyer

Language: English

Key: B♭ minor

Germany won five years ago, hm… let’s see how their national finals are doing, shall we? Eight singers were selected with two songs each, then the final round was a voting battle between Ann-Sophie with “Black Smoke” and Andreas Kümmert with “Heart of Stone”. Andreas won the final round with 78.7% of the votes, only for him to decline the offer. And since it was only two contenders in the end, the final voting round was pointless. See for yourself, Ann-Sophie’s reaction is priceless. Why on earth did Andreas sign up for this national final if he didn’t actually want to participate in Eurovision?

And now we have the second zero-pointer of the evening. I’ll talk about the song itself, then its disappointing result. But first I’ll mention that as a German speaker, I wish the hashtag for Germany was #DEU instead of #GER.

If Germany is really hell-bent on pretending German-language music doesn’t exist, then the least they can do is send songs that sound a little quirky and indie, which is exactly what they did in 2015. I actually really enjoy this song and Liv does even more. It’s both her favorite of 2015 and her favorite German entry of all time (mine is Dschinghis Khan). This has a nice piano and bassline, rousing melancholic melodies, and surprisingly good lyrics. The text describes a romantic relationship where the flames have quit burning, and all that’s left is smoke, which I find to be a clever analogy.

I don’t like when she shouts “let me hear you, Vienna”, because I hate when a song gets interrupted by the crowd cheering. I could’ve sworn this song had an overly long thank you message in German, but after some research, it turns out she only said that in the national final. She said, “I love you all, thank you!” then the announcer said “Ann-Sophie with Black Smoke! Yes, she would’ve never expected that.”

Technically it’s the only Eurovision song to land 27th place, but the only reason it ranked below Austria is because of running order. Some people might claim this got zero points because her performance was off, and even though it was a little bit, this actually got 24 points from the juries and 5 from the televote—not a bad result at all. The jury and televoting ranks from each country just averaged so that this song wasn’t in any country’s top ten.

I can tell the Germans weren’t happy with this result, because the very next year, Eurovision revamped its voting system to add the jury and televoting points together. This is the second of three times a poor German result influenced the EBU to change the voting rules. The first was in 1996, when “Planet of Blue” infamously didn’t clear the qualifying round, so televoting was introduced the next year. The second was in 2023, when “Blood & Glitter” got a tragic last place, and thus the EBU gave the Big Five and host the opportunity to perform in the finals. At least, I think it’s likely that Germany’s disappointing result that year influenced this decision. This is the biggest role Germany has in Eurovision: since they contribute so much money to keep the contest running, if they aren’t happy with its rules, they can easily push the EBU to change them.

That’s why I’m not too heartbroken about this song’s zero points: it very obviously influenced the EBU to change the rules, it was before I became a Eurovision fan anyway, and the country with the lowest sum of jury and televote points was actually the UK at just 19. But if I was watching the contest live in 2015, I would’ve been fuming with anger at Germany’s result. Then after a few months of salt, all that remained in my heart would be black smoke.

Poland: In the Name of Love

Artist: Monika Kuszyńska, if we weren’t dizzy enough from all these Monikas

Language: English

Key: B♭ minor

For a ballad this song is pretty respectable, except for the barely comprehensible lyrics. I think she’s singing “bridge”, but it sounds so much like “breach”. I’m also not sure why the stage includes videos of Monika before her legs were paralyzed, because this song has nothing to do with her disability. But this has a nice piano and I’m generally more respectful to ballads in minor key.

Latvia: Love Injected

Artist: Aminata Savadogo

Language: English

Key: G minor

I must admit, it feels weird including a Latvian entry in a grand final post. We’ll get to do that again in my 2016 review, but then not again until 2024. This is the first time Latvia reached the top ten since 2005, and the last time as of this writing.

Every time I hear this song, my experience goes something like this: “it’s a ballad I guess”, “oh hey the synths are pretty good”, “actually this is kind of repetitive”, and I forget how it sounds the next day. It’s another fan favorite entry this year that I feel is only highly regarded in comparison to the others. Out of the two minimalist songs this year that fans seem to love, I prefer Belgium over this.

Romania: De la capăt

Artist: Voltaj, a band dating back to 1982

Language: Romanian, plus English at the end

Key: E major

The final chorus being in heavily accented English brings back memories of early 2000’s Eurovision, when this type of language mixing was trendy. I’m glad this trend has died down, and I’ll be even gladder when fully native-language songs become fashionable again. I like the message about children whose parents left them behind and the staging presents it well, but the instrumental is too much of drab pop rock for me. I find it odd that even one of the non-English songs this year relies too much on its message.

Spain: Amanecer

Artist: Edurne García Almagro

Language: Spanish

Key: E♭ minor

I miss when Spain sent properly Spanish-sounding party bops, because these Spanish power ballads really aren’t doing it for me. Where are the rousing guitars and catchy trumpets, or the bouncy Spanish drum beats? Why is Spain defined by piano, strings, and cinematic percussion now? I think I’m starting to hate Spanish power ballads, because they sound like Spanish covers of Melodifestivalen entries that aren’t as good as Thomas G:son seems to think they are. Yep, this is the third Spanish entry he composed. And luckily the last. This song in particular is pretentious as fuck. It thinks it’s better and more sophisticated than a fun danceable party bop, but it fucking ISN’T. Maybe if we taught Edurne to dance the chiki-chiki, this song could be more fun.

Oh yeah, this year begins a streak of Spain scoring below 20th place. It was thankfully broken in 2022 by the ultimate Spanish party bop.

Hungary: Wars for Nothing

Artist: Boggie (Boglárka Csemer)

Language: English

Key: D major

The opening guitar riff reminds both me and Liv of “Kinek mondjam el vétkeimet”, Hungary’s debut entry, me especially because both songs are in D major. Liv was able to tell both songs were in the same key even though she doesn’t have perfect pitch—ask her how that’s possible, because I don’t have a clue. For a peace anthem this is pretty good and I like the harmonies, but the singer doesn’t sell this song all too well. And plus, I wish I could hear what it would sound like in Hungarian. I do like that the instrumentation remains simple and it doesn’t gain a ballady beat, again like Hungary’s debut entry.

Georgia: Warrior

Artist: Nina Sublatti

Language: English

Key: F minor

Now for the second entry this year called “Warrior”: the other is from Malta and didn’t qualify. This is one of those songs that gets me fairly hyped when I watch its performance, but I forget how it sounds after it ends. I’m sure I would’ve been filled with hype watching the performance live, despite the smoke malfunction in the grand final. I know this because I got to watch Eurovision entries live from the Malmö Arena in 2024 and I think every fan deserves this opportunity. I have problems with sensory overload, but for me the excitement of seeing these songs and stunning visual effects outweighs the overload problems, so long as I get to unwind for the rest of the day.

Awesome visuals aside, this is basically just another “it’s dramatic I guess?” song with janky lyrics. Not even that dramatic, it kind of bores me when I put it in the background. Georgia always either sent the weirdest shit or hired Thomas G:son; next year they would do both.

Azerbaijan: Hour of the Wolf

Artist: Elnur Hüseynov

Language: English

Key: B minor, C minor

This is a predictable 2010’s Azerbaijani entry in all the worst ways. Professionally produced ballad by four Swedish songwriters, attractive performance that doesn’t tell any genuine story, what more could you ask for? The one thing it doesn’t have is an obnoxiously high result; it only got 12th place. Which is still pretty high, left side of the scoreboard.

Russia: A Million Voices

Artist: Polina Gagarina

Language: English

Key: G major

“As I’m sure you’ve noticed, Ukraine isn’t taking part in Eurovision this year. Anyway, here’s Russia with a song about peace.” —Edward af Sillén, translated to English (thanks Liv!)

I don’t think I have ever felt this conflicted about a Eurovision song before. It’s an absolutely fantastic composition that hypes up the audience so perfectly. When I listen to the song and watch its performance, I never fail to be blown away by the buildup, the explosive string riffs and synth work, and the stunning visuals. But when I think about the song otherwise, I get a sour taste in my mouth. I should stress that this is not because Polina is a propagandist for the Russian invasion of Ukraine, as terrible as that is, but because I know damn well what her song intended to do at the time. The song was blatantly designed to make viewers sympathize with a country attacking its neighbor.

My opinions on songs aren’t affected by nasty facts about the singer, but they do get affected by knowing the song’s intended message. Because to me, a song is never only a piece of music, especially not in Eurovision. A song is also a story told in musical form. To me, the best types of songs tell a clear story through the lyrics and composition, which can sometimes even be understood even if you don’t speak the language. But the story told in this song is “hey let’s all hold hands and be friends”, and its identity revolves around being the Russian entry for a song contest one year after the country invaded Crimea.

Even if this were a different country’s entry, I don’t think I could fully click with the song because the lyrics are so hollow of meaning. If it was the Ukrainian entry I’d find it strangely optimistic, and if it was the British entry I’d be impressed they sent a composition this good but would find it overly sappy. It doesn’t tell any kind of sincere story about how the singer feels about this conflict. I can barely even remember how the lyrics go: to me it’s just “something something hear voices, something something anymore, oh oh, a million voices”.

This is exactly what I mean by the bad type of activist entry in Eurovision. It’s not even a real activist entry, which is why it’s the bad type. The two best examples of the good type are “There Must Be Another Way” from Israel, and “Russian Woman” which happens to be the last Russian entry, and which I view as the opposite of “A Million Voices”. Those entries are so much more fun to analyze than something as inauthentic as this.

Albania: I’m Alive

Artist: Elhaida Dani

Language: English

Key: A minor

Me: You look kind of discomforted by this song.

Liv: I am incredibly discomforted.

Liv hates this song with a burning passion and my notes even say she said “my poor ears”, whereas I don’t hate it but rather find it forgettable and the crying singing moderately annoying, certainly not as annoying as Ireland. It’s one of Albania’s weaker entries for sure, but I don’t care about it that much. For some reason, it’s rare for me to find a fellow Eurovision fan who hates a song exactly as much as I do. Which is a shame, because it’s so much fun to bond with someone about how horrendous a song is, like me and Erica do with “Quién maneja mi barca”.

Italy: Grande amore

Artist: Il Volo, a vocal trio

Language: Italian

Key: F minor

The third place of this year, this is the final fan favorite entry that I think is only well-regarded in comparison to the rest. I like the rousing chorus and harmonies as well as the general Italian sound, but power ballads just aren’t my thing and the chorus has a very ballady drum beat. Popular Italian entries have always had a bad habit of not clicking with me, but fortunately there are some exceptions, like “Zitti e buoni” and “La noia”.

I should mention that against all odds, this got twelve points from Greece: both in the jury and televote, as well as overall. My guess is that the Greeks found the Cypriot entry boring this year and the singer isn’t very well-known in Greece, so they flocked towards a fan favorite instead, thereby cheating on their beloved Cyprus.

---

Who’s my favorite?

This is a tough one because unlike 2013 and 2014, there’s no song I am head over heels for and will staunchly defend at every cost. The two best competitors are Sweden and Montenegro, which have the most wow factor. I was originally set on choosing Sweden, but after thinking about it I realized something important about Željko ballads: they have a hell of a lot of staying power. The more I listen to an entry he composed, the more I notice all the lovely composition details and appreciate the vocal work. I don’t see myself gaining the same deep musical appreciation for Sweden’s winner. That’s why I’ll choose an unexpected country as my winner this year: Montenegro, Adio.

Congratulations Željko, four of your five entries made it to my list of winners! And the other came close.

• Belgium, 2 (1976, 2003)
• Bosnia and Herzegovina, 1 (2006)
• Denmark, 3 (1963, 2000, 2001)
• Estonia, 1 (2009)
• Finland, 3 (1968, 1983, 1989)
• France, 4 (1977, 1990, 1991, 1997)
• Germany, 4 (1956, 1979, 1982, 1999)
• Greece, 1 (2013)
• Hungary, 1 (2005)
• Iceland, 1 (1992)
• Ireland, 4 (1970, 1980, 1993, 1994)
• Israel, 1 (1987)
• Italy, 1 (1958)
• Latvia, 1 (2002)
• Luxembourg, 4 (1961, 1965, 1972, 1988)
• Montenegro, 1 (2015)
• Netherlands, 8 (1957, 1959, 1964, 1967, 1969, 1975, 1998, 2014)
• Norway, 5 (1960, 1966, 1973, 1985, 1995)
• Portugal, 3 (1971, 1984, 2008)
• Serbia, 3 (2004, 2011, 2012)
• Sweden, 2 (1974, 1996)
• Switzerland, 1 (1986)
• Turkey, 2 (1978, 1997, 2010)
• Ukraine, 1 (2007)
• United Kingdom, 2 (1962, 1981)
• (20 winners)

Oh yeah, I retconned a winner in my list! Turkey was originally my winner of 1997, but France, Sentiments songes is a sneaky grower and my heart screamed at me to retcon it, so I did. I wish my review of that song was longer. It’s so intriguing and mellow and I adore it the more I listen to it. The guitar, the electric piano, the expressive voice, the bassline, just everything about it.

General thoughts:

I’m not overly impressed with Austria’s hosting job this year. Nice visual design and postcards, but the show’s recurring theme was that it dragged on too long, which Graham Norton never failed to snark about. Three hosts plus a separate green room host is once again too many. They alternated between saying lines that could’ve easily been said by one host, and Conchita’s voice in the interviews grated on me fast (though her cheering up Polina was sweet). Lise Rønne as a green room host last year was so much better, she had a quirky all-knowing personality. And the song lineup is rather middling too—no songs I love even half as much as “Alcohol Is Free” or “Calm After the Storm”.

But let’s focus on some positives. This year has a good winner and all the right songs qualified. For once, the semifinals didn’t murder a gem like my darling “Työlki ellää”. And maybe I feel a bit sour about the grand final because most of the good stuff is in the first half, instead of the second like usual.

The first interval act (during the voting time window) is the old-school type, alternating between a percussion ensemble and a choir. I love the percussion ensemble parts, the choir parts a little less so. The best part is the last few minutes which would make for absolutely perfect opening music. I’m annoyed that orchestral piece wasn’t put at the start, because it would’ve been SO perfect to follow it with “GOOD EVENING, EUROPE!”

The second interval act (before the voting sequence) is more of the new-school bathroom break type, which is Conchita Wurst singing a bunch of average pop songs. It’s exactly the type where I would’ve gone to the bathroom if I was watching it in a bar with friends, which I did when watching the 2024 final in Malmö.

The voting sequence had three interesting facts worth noting. First, I love that the map shows Vienna spelled in each voting country’s native language: it has a surprising amount of different names. Second, this is the only year where the spokespersons’ names are written onscreen. Why don’t they do that every year? And finally, three countries ran into technical difficulties when the hosts reached out to them and had to be saved for the end, which is rather unprofessional but I don’t know if it’s ORF’s fault.

And to close things off, here is round two of cookiefonster showcasing his translation skills. Here’s everything that the spokespersons said in German (beyond brief phrases):

• Romania: Cheers, Vienna! You all truly put on an amazing show on the stage. For this, we congratulate and thank you.* Do you want to know who the Romanians voted for? So…
• Czechia: Hello from the golden city of Prague. Hello, we greet all of you.
• United Kingdom: Good evening Vienna, that was amazing, many thanks.
• Cyprus: Good evening from Cyprus. Vienna, I’m sure that tonight in this song contest, the world wants to unified by your bridges.

* She actually said “we congratulate and thank us”, but I corrected her slip of the tongue.

Liv showed me an interview in Swedish right after the contest ended, between Sanna Nielsen (last year’s Swedish entrant) and Måns Zelmerlöw. He came across as very genuine and modest, and said it feels insane to have finally won Eurovision after so many attempts to represent Sweden. After seeing Russia and Italy’s songs for the first time, he thought for sure one of them would win. I’ll better get used to Måns Zelmerlöw, since he’ll be Petra’s sidekick next year!

---

See you next time as we reunite with our queen Petra Mede and her loyal assistant.

>> 2016 (Semifinals): A Quartet of Nordic Flops