Intro Post

< 2014 Semifinals | 2014 Final | 2015 Semifinals >

This is my last blog post before I leave for my Eurovision trip on May 4 to 12. Although my Twitter account is inactive, I’ll revive it for the week to post pictures from my trip, so keep an eye out! And if anyone’s reading this who will go to Eurovision 2024, feel free to contact me on Discord (username: cookiefonster).

EDIT: I also made a blog post about my Eurovision trip. Check it out if you haven’t!

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Introduction

The grand final of Eurovision 2014 starts with an opening film taking place in Copenhagen, set to a lovely reinterpretation of “Dansevise”, the Danish winner from 1963. All the countries were welcomed in a flag parade where their names were announced in English, French, and the country’s own language. For example: Armenia, L’Arménie, Hayastan. For Switzerland, they used English, French, and Swiss German.

At the extremes of the scoreboard, we find two songs relating to facial hair. A bearded drag queen named Conchita Wurst gave Austria their first win since 1966, the longest gap between a country’s two wins in Eurovision history. And right at the bottom came France with a song about mustaches—we’ll see if it was deserved or not. The Netherlands scored second place with an absolutely beautiful country song, their best result since 1975. In third place came Sweden with a swedo-pop ballad that I’m not nearly as jazzed about.

The voting was meant to be half jury and televote, but Albania and San Marino’s votes came entirely from juries, whereas Georgia came entirely from televoters because the Georgian jury votes were disqualified. Otherwise, the voting avoided the drama it ran into last year. I watched the final with British commentary by trusty Graham Norton, together with my friend and fellow Eurovision nerd named Liv.

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Ukraine: Tick Tock

Artist: Mariya Yamenchuk

Language: English

Key: F♯ minor

A very typical Ukrainian entry, this sounds a little like something Philipp Kirkorov would write and has an inventive staging gimmick: some dude on a hamster wheel that Mariya interacts with a few times. She miraculously doesn’t get her dress caught. It’s one of those Eastern European entries that predictably scores well and is fun to listen to, but not quite something I’d want to keep.

Belarus: Cheesecake

Artist: Teo (Yuriy Alexeyevich Vashchuk)

Language: English

Key: C♯ minor

Hey, this is the first Belarusian entry that doesn’t sound like a stereotypical Belarusian entry! And also their best entry so far. It isn’t cheesy dance with janky lyrics, more of a bluesy guitar song with diminished chords. I quite like it, even if the accented singing is a little distracting. The one thing I’m not sure about is his girlfriend supposedly calling him “cheesecake”—I’m pretty sure no one in the history of the world uses it as a term of endearment. But now I am a tiny bit hungry for cheesecake.

Azerbaijan: Start a Fire

Artist: Dilara Kazimova

Language: English

Key: B minor

Of course the postcard features the trio of towers in Baku, because those are to Azerbaijan as the Eiffel Tower is to France. I wonder if Azerbaijanis are sick of seeing those towers every time their country is mentioned?

“This performance features a trapeze. Why? Because it’s Eurovision.” Graham Norton summed it up perfectly. Aside from the stage gimmick, it’s pretty nice as far as ballads go. It remains understated throughout and has some nice violins and slight ethnic instruments. I’m more receptive to the modern Eurovision style of ballad than the older styles. It’s a shame this only got 22nd place; it seems Europe wasn’t interested in slow songs this year. Also, props to this song for resisting the urge to rhyme “fire” with “desire”!

Iceland: No Prejudice

Artist: Pollapönk

Language: English

Key: D major (verses), C major (chorus), D major (final chorus)

I love the guys’ colorful suits and the visual design on stage. It’s appealing to watch and instantly sticks in your head as that one goofy song with the rainbow suits. I feel bad for the guy wearing the pink suit, not because pink is an “unmanly” color, that’s bullshit. Men should be allowed to wear whatever color they want. Just because Erica’s reviews have made me realize I don’t like the look of pink outfits either, regardless of gender. But for all I know, this guy could adore dressing in pink, and if he does I’m happy for him.

As a song, I only kind of like this and Liv feels the same. It’s a punk rock song with tense Green Day-esque verses and a more relaxed chorus, plus a short disco section that is by far my favorite part. I think it’s just too disjointed for me. I’ve come to realize I usually don’t like it when the verse and chorus are in a different key, because it makes a song sound disjointed.

This performance has a few really fun details. When they sing “or perhaps you’re thinner, or one who loves his dinner” (an amazingly clever rhyme!), the guy in blue makes hand gestures representing a thin or fat person. And you can’t forget about the guys forming “LOVE” with their arms at the end.

Norway: Silent Storm

Artist: Carl Epsen

Language: English

Key: F♯ minor

Damn, Norway has a handsome flag. I love the postcard where he assembles it out of wood, glass, and paint, it’s so artistic!

Anyway, this is a full-out power ballad, one that lots of fans hold dear to them. I like the message about men having difficulty expressing sadness—that’s why the song is called “Silent Storm”. And I like the aesthetic of a tough-looking guy singing a sensitive ballad. But this simply isn’t my kind of song and I hope you can respect that.

Romania: Miracle

Artist: Paula Seling and Ovi (Ovidu Cernăuțeanu), returning from 2010

Language: English

Key: A major, B♭ major

The duo that scored third place in 2010 sent a much worse song this time. It’s just a regular Eurodance anthem and not a very good one, with an obviously fake circular piano. I’m also annoyed by the way the instruments all play the same rhythm as the lyrics at “all the things I see”. Sometimes I like when a song does that, but it doesn’t work here.

Armenia: Not Alone

Artist: Aram Mp3 (Aram Avetiki Sargsyan)

Language: English

Key: C minor

When all the songs were revealed for Eurovision 2014, this was initially the biggest fan favorite, but in the end it scored fourth place. Fans still hold it in high regard. It’s tied with “Qélé, Qélé” from 2008 as Armenia’s best result.

When I first heard this song at the start of semifinal 1, I felt that it took too long to build up, and I still think it does. That’s simply because power ballads aren’t my thing; if they were I’d be more OK with the buildup. But once that bass drops, god DAMN is this good! It mixes dubstep elements into the power ballad style to just the right degree to make for an enchanting composition. Liv describes it as Eurovision dubstep done right and I very much agree.

Montenegro: Moj svijet

Artist: Sergej Ćetković

Language: Serbo-Croatian (Montenegrin). The only Serbo-Croatian song this year, continuing a streak since 1986.

Key: C minor, D minor

This is Montenegro’s first of two times reaching the grand final! Naturally enough, they did so with a Balkan ballad. I find it inspiring that Montenegro qualified without any help from former Yugoslavia. Montenegro in Eurovision is like the sidekick character in a movie whose tougher friends normally bail him out of everything, but when his friends are captured and unable to help, he gets a grand shining moment.

This ballad is a little Željko-inspired—deep rich male voice, piano and flute instrumentation, gradual buildup throughout—but is set apart from his works by the tinges of major key. Unfortunately it doesn’t quite have the magic of his compositions, but it’s still a good effort.

Poland: My Słowianie – We Are Slavic

Artist: Donatan (Witold Marek Czamara) and Cleo (Joanna Krystyna Klepko)

Language: Polish and English

Key: A minor

If there’s any Eurovision song that absolutely screams Poland, it would be this. It indulges their Slavic language with all the w’s and sz’s, it blends Polish rap with polka folk music, and it has a satirical sense of humor that feels very Polish. The Poles absolutely love making fun of themselves.

As a song, I don’t know… I think I love and hate this at the same time. It’s shouty and in your face, but it has a good beat and a truly lovely accordion interlude. It has a highly sexualized performance that is controversial to some (and was definitely meant to attract votes), but I think it works as a parody of the stereotypical perception of Slavic women.

Something about the language mixing sounds off to me: the first half is in Polish and the second in English. Liv suggested that a better way to mix languages would be if the verses were in Polish and the chorus in English, and I agree, that would be better. But it would be best if Poland fully embraced their language.

Crazy enough, this is the highest-scoring native language song this year at 14th place. Technically Spain scored 10th place this year, but come on, their song is barely in Spanish.

Greece: Rise Up

Artist: Freaky Fortune (an EDM duo) featuring Riskykidd (Shane Schuller)

Language: English

Key: C minor

You know when a country sends one of your absolute all-time favorite Eurovision songs one year, then the next year they try sending something equally good and exciting, but it just doesn’t click as much? That’s how I feel about this song.

I want these guys to stop shouting “make some noise”. This is an interesting attempt at a Greek-sounding hip hop song, but it’s repetitive and it just doesn’t work as well as “Alcohol Is Free”, and plus it isn’t in Greek. I do like the trampoline gimmick on stage though—it must be so hard to sing in the midst of it!

Austria: Rise Like a Phoenix (the winner)

Artist: Conchita Wurst, drag persona of Thomas Neuwirth

Language: English

Key: D minor

Up until 2014, Austrian fans of Eurovision must have felt very left out. Not the casual viewers, but the passionate fans who wished their country would send something iconic. So many other countries around them had huge influences on Eurovision history. Ireland and the UK hosted tons of high-quality professional shows, France gave some of the most beloved 1970’s and 1990’s entries, Italy is a powerhouse of fan favorites, and Germany has the economic power to influence the show’s decisions. Not even to speak of the massively influential songs to come out of Scandinavia. Austria had never brought much to the Eurovision table, other than an early win in 1966. After that year, they best they had ever scored was fifth place. And there were quite a few years they deliberately skipped, even as late as 2008 to 2010.

With all this in mind, imagine how surprised Europe must have been when Austria came out with one of the most defining songs of Eurovision history. And more than that, imagine how amazed Austrian fans were! This was their great moment to shine, and even though there’s another song I selfishly wish won, I’ll be a good neighbor and congratulate Austria. What other year were they going to win? Now Conchita Wurst is one of the first names to come to anyone’s mind when someone mentions Eurovision.

Conchita Wurst had infamously scored second place in the 2012 Austrian national final, behind Trackshittaz by a margin of 49 to 51 percent. Austria must have seen potential with Conchita, because they internally selected her in September 2013. During the months leading to Eurovision, Conchita got a lot of backlash from fans and politicians, particularly in the less LGBT-friendly countries. But this had the reverse effect of making fans rally behind the song, which propelled it to victory. Graham Norton, for one, loved this song and hoped it would massively impact Eurovision history. It rose up in the betting odds and won the jury by a margin of 23 points, and the televote by 89 points.

Now in isolation, this is an awesome song and absolutely a worthy winner. It’s a dramatic power ballad, but not just any old power ballad. It has a distinctive burly, cinematic sound and is often compared to James Bond music. It starts calm and simple, but builds up the more it progresses. It gains more instruments in the second verse: drums, bassline, sharp string riffs, and dramatic chords leading to the chorus. Then an extra tense bridge and a final chorus that resolves on a snazzy badass chord. It’s fantastically sung and performed and has the perfect buildup-oriented structure to make me like a ballad.

But why did I say this is an awesome song in isolation? Because the Netherlands’ song this year is so much better in every way. I’ve decided to keep my review of this song positive, and reserve the sour side for the Netherlands. I trust that you don’t think this is an attack on Conchita for being a drag queen—it’s awesome that this side of LGBT culture made its place among Eurovision winners, and that Conchita became an icon to the gay community. But once I get to the Netherlands, be warned: I will be petty.

Germany: Is It Right?

Artist: Elaiza

Language: English

Key: G minor

There is actually one place where German-language music exists, and it’s a city called Bielefeld. Unfortunately none of the members of Elaiza are from Bielefeld, so they’re singing in the usual English. What a shame!

OK, enough being snooty. There’s no such place as Bielefeld anyway. This starts with some elements of German folk music with the accordion and string bass, but it quickly gets repetitive and four-chordy. It’s not bad or anything, but I don’t care for it at all. It’s another example of the kind of song I wish Germany would move away from, but props to them for sounding at least a little German. I’m also annoyed that she extends her singing beyond the song’s end, as if to maximize her time in the spotlight.

Sweden: Undo

Artist: Sanna Nielsen

Language: English

Key: E♭ minor, E minor

This got third place, seriously??? This is one of those songs that fools you into thinking the lyrics are gloomy and dramatic, when in reality they’re totally inane. Why couldn’t she have sung “undo myself” instead of “undo my sad”? And it’s also a four chord power ballad with an unnecessary key change. I don’t like this at all, but at least she has a good voice and looks sincere instead of smug. Liv told me she’s baffled that out of all songs Sanna Nielsen sent to Melodifestivalen, the weakest of them won the contest and went to Eurovision.

France: Moustache

Artist: Twin Twin

Language: French, plus phrases in English and Spanish

Key: B♭ minor

The last place of Eurovision 2014, this scored only two points: one each from Finland and Sweden. It’s one of the most hated entries of 2010’s Eurovision, but as with any hated entry, it has its apologists. As it turns out, two of these people happen to be watching the show together.

I’m not saying this song is an awesome masterpiece or anything. Musically it’s a rip-off of “Papaoutai” by Stromae, and feels like an off-brand Stromae song without the magic that makes his music work, but it does have redeeming qualities. The lyrics, for one, are NOT solely about wanting a mustache—I really hate when people think that. The lyrics tell a genuine story about the problems with consumerism: a man has access to almost everything he can dream of but is still left wanting more, because he can’t grow a mustache.

This song has a lot of good melodies and is a decent representation of modern Francophone pop music, which I think was the intent behind selecting Twin Twin. It shows us that French-language music isn’t relegated to old-timey chansons. Yet everyone still thinks this is a joke entry anyway. Some people blame it on not being sung in English, but I blame it on the performance.

God dammit, the staging for this song is a total assault on the eyes. Hmm, I see there’s a grid of cubes behind us, the staging designers thought. We better make some use of it… ooh, I know! Let’s display every color on the rainbow, what could go wrong? Why did these guys have to wear such ridiculous costumes and jump around, instead of dressing like they did in the music video? Why couldn’t the staging look more like the music video in general? If they wore more casual clothes, that would make it clearer that this song is telling a story.

And why do these guys have to shout at the audience so much? I hate when Eurovision singers do that. It’s as if the attention they get from millions of people watching isn’t enough, and they need that extra bit of validation. It’s especially annoying when this is done in a native-language song, because the singers always shout at the audience in English and it decreases the already paltry respect given to native-language music in 2010’s Eurovision.

Even from watching the music video, I admit that this song is kind of annoying, but it’s really not as bad as everyone says. I do like the lyrics if nothing else. They adapt the French language into a modern pop rhythm quite well. Here’s a mashup that massively improves upon the original “Moustache”.

Russia: Shine

Artist: The Tolmachevy Sisters, or as I like to call them, Manastasiya. Think of them as a gender-swapped Jedward.

Language: English

Key: E minor, F♯ minor

Out of Russia’s trio of sappy girl songs, this is probably the best and least sappy, but I still do find it sappy. I can’t decide if the lyrics are about romance, peace, or both. It’s got a lot of that Russian Eurovision sound, but that might just be because Philipp Kirkorov co-composed it. It’s also got some characteristic Russian gimmicky staging, this time using a seesaw to represent something, I don’t know what.

This is a decent song with a good performance and there was no reason for the audience to boo these girls whenever they got points. They had absolutely nothing to do with the annexation of Crimea or anti-gay laws Russia had just passed. And no, even if these girls turned out to be supporters of Putin (which I don’t know if they are), that doesn’t retroactively justify the booing. It’s a shame the Tolmachevy sisters are best known for being booed; that’s the only thing people ever mention about them.

Italy: La mia città

Artist: Emma Marrone

Language: Italian

Key: A minor

I think this is one of the weakest Italian 21st century entries. It feels like a Big Five entry not from Italy, which makes sense because it didn’t win the Sanremo Festival. It scored 21st place, their lowest ranking in Eurovision history, but not their lowest score: that would be zero points in 1966.

My notes describe it as a proto-Måneskin song, an Italian rock tune does a lot with its language, but doesn’t quite have their musical magic. And it has an abrupt ending to my annoyance. Still, it’s always nice to see what Italy will do with their language next. It makes me with Germany was like this…

Slovenia: Round and Round

Artist: Tinkara Kovač

Language: Slovenian at the start and end, English otherwise

Key: C minor

This is like a female counterpart to “Huilumies”, that old Finnish entry about a man obsessed with his flute. Tinkara loves her flute just as much; the Finns might call her “Huilunainen”.*

Aside from the flute part, this is just a mediocre minor key dance song. I’d like it more if it was entirely in Slovenian. The song absolutely screams “may or may not qualify” and indeed, it barely qualified at tenth place in semifinal 2. It got second last place in the grand final and I can see why: it has nothing bad about it, but nothing gripping either.

* I looked up the Finnish word for “woman” for this joke.

Finland: Something Better

Artist: Softengine, or as Liv calls them, “the most Finnish-looking motherfuckers in history”

Language: English

Key: G major

This is a normal good radio-sounding alternative rock song with a nice rousing chorus. It’s a pumping rock tune heavy in guitars and drums, so quite a typical 21st century Finnish entry. The most interesting thing is the unusual C major 7th chord at the end, which is a fourth above the root chord and almost sounds like a minor chord. I don’t have much else to say about this; it’s a good song but doesn’t lend much analysis.

Spain: Dancing in the Rain

Artist: Ruth Lorenzo

Language: English and Spanish

Key: C major

Oh jeez, even the representation of Spanish-language music is hanging by a thread this year. You know, the second most spoken language IN THE ENTIRE WORLD! Liv said she doesn’t care what language it’s in, it’s boring either way, and I think I agree. It’s a dull power ballad mostly in English, and the few Spanish parts feel like an afterthought. Also, she breathes into the microphone at the start.

Switzerland: Hunter of Stars

Artist: Sebalter (Sebastiano Paù-Lessi)

Language: English

Key: E minor

Not a bad effort from Switzerland, I kind of like the country style and whistling. But I don’t like the janky lyrics or his pronunciation of “candidate” as “candy date”. Something is just off about the rhythm of the words, I can’t quite place why. It’s a fairly enjoyable experience, but I wouldn’t go out of my way to listen to this.

Hungary: Running

Artist: András Kállay-Saunders

Language: English

Key: B♭ minor

I have quite a soft spot for drum and bass music. The intensive energy, the alternation between relaxing and hyperactive sections, the buildup to the hectic chorus, the hectic chorus itself which you can’t help but bop your head to… it might not seem like the kind of music I like listening to, but it just is. It only has one chord progression throughout, but I still quite like it.

You can hear the American sound in his voice, a refreshing change after all those non-native English speakers, and the passion with which he sings the lyrics about a tense domestic abuse situation. The staging depicts this tough relationship not using András himself, but with two backing dancers who depict it artistically. That’s a smart decision because it keeps the singer focused on his song.

Malta: Coming Home

Artist: Firelight

Language: English

Key: D♭ major

This is a regular twee pop country song, I have no thoughts on it. It’s pleasant enough but overall has a flat pace, doesn’t really progress beyond its initial level of energy. When will Malta send a 21st century entry that isn’t forgettable?

Denmark: Cliché Love Song

Artist: Basim Moujahid

Language: English

Key: E♭ major

I think this tries to be a cliché love song in a self-aware way, but instead it’s exactly what the title implies. To make a song like this work, the lyrics would have to be over-the-top satirical, or bite into the inane nature of cheesy love songs. This is just more fluffy inoffensive pop with some nonsense lyrics, a bit of filler right before my beloved…

Netherlands: Calm After the Storm

Artist: The Common Linnets

Language: English

Key: A♭ major

FINALLY, THIS IS THE SONG I’VE BEEN WAITING TO GET TO FOR THIS ENTIRE POST!!! Holy shit you guys, I’m so excited to review this. I love the postcard where they assemble their flag out of flowers while boating through a canal—it’s quintessentially Dutch.

There are three Eurovision years where I think the winner is a very good song but find the second place to be vastly superior: 1991, 2014, and 2023. In fact, I can’t listen to the winners of these years without thinking about the superiority of the runner-up. 1991 is a particularly good example, because I loved “Fångad av en stormvind” when I first heard it a few months before reviewing that year. But then when I wrote my review of 1991, “C’est le dernier qui a parlé qui a raison” blew me away so much that I had a bitter breakup with Carola’s song. I can no longer listen to it without thinking about how Amina’s song is so much better in every way. And now I’m salty that the gorgeous fusion of French and Middle Eastern music lost a tiebreaker to Scandinavian schlager number 5 million.

My relationship with the top two of 2014 is similar. I heard “Rise Like a Phoenix” early in my journey into the Eurovision rabbit hole and it blew me away, but eventually “Calm After the Storm” eclipsed it in my head. It didn’t quite blow me away the first time, but the more times I listened to it, the more I fell in love. If my first time hearing this song was when watching the 2014 semifinal, then I would’ve fallen in love just as quickly.

Look, I get why Austria won this year. They sent a well-composed power ballad that fans who are invested in LGBT representation could stand behind. But Erica is right, it is another bombastic power ballad. Whereas this song is so much more special and unique. She absolutely adores this song, more than any other Dutch entry since “De troubadour” from 1969, which proves she has good taste.

On the surface, this might seem like a simple little country song about a romantic relationship that just went through a turbulent storm. But it turns out there are a lot of little details that make it special. For starters, in every single second that Waylon and Ilse sing, their voices harmonize. There’s not a moment where they sing the same notes or one of them does a solo, it’s a duet all the way through. The staging is very effective because it doesn’t try to be flashy or in your face: it lets the song do the talking, set to a moving road on the floor in the style of “Unsubstantial Blues”. It’s very beautiful and natural to look at. They don’t even shout “thank you” at the end; the whole song speaks for itself.

I’m sure you remember all those times I complained about songs using the same chord progression all the way through. But every musical pet peeve of mine has a few exceptions, and this song is one. It has a simple chord progression of A♭ major, F minor, D♭ major, A♭ major (I, vi, IV, I), which isn’t very common despite its simplicity. It starts and ends on the same root chord, which perfectly represents the singers unwinding after they went through something nasty. It’s actually a good thing that this song uses the same chord progression, because it fits the song’s story and theme.

The little musical details in this song, they pluck directly at my heart! It’s so full of flourishes that light up my face, much like Željko’s Balkan ballads. It starts with a simple bassline that consists of repeating notes, but as the song progresses the bassline gains some life and plays the notes B♭ A♭ F E♭ (first before the first chorus), which is such a lovely detail. And this is one of few Eurovision songs to feature a guitar solo that doesn’t feel flashy or over-the-top, but like a natural part of the song’s journey. You can hear the audience clapping when the solo begins, much like they did each time “Lane moje” gained a new section.

Right after the solo, the drums pause to make it just a little extra special, then the instrumental pauses entirely so that the audience can cheer. The cheering reminds me that I’m not alone in appreciating tiny details in a song: that’s something everyone does even if they don’t know the first thing about music theory.

And then near the end, the song deviates just a tiny bit from its chord progression. When they sing “there ain’t nothing new” for the last time, the chord progression skips its first two chords (A♭ F) and goes straight to D♭ A♭. It’s such a perfect surprise that elegantly concludes the song and solves its tension.

I’m glad this song was rewarded with second place, but I’m annoyed that two nearby Dutch entries have a cool honor and this one doesn’t. “Birds” from 2013 is known for breaking their eight years of non-qualification, but I think it’s a hideous song. “Arcade” was the first Dutch victory in 44 years, but it feels too much like a standard good song musically. I guess this was the Netherlands’ best result since 1975, but it only held this honor till 2019. Why couldn’t this have been the song that broke the Netherlands’ unlucky streak, or their first victory since 1975? Then it would be more likely to appear in people’s Eurovision starter packs, like “Rise Like a Phoenix” so often does. And it would be more iconic in general.

I should be grateful that this song is so beloved, but the petty side of me wants it to be more beloved. I want it to be one of the first songs anyone thinks of when they hear “Eurovision”, which is true of quite a few second or third place songs. Examples are “Dancing Lasha Tumbai” and “You Are the Only One”, and I think “Cha Cha Cha” is becoming the newest example. This song has many people who rightly adore it, but unlike “Rise Like a Phoenix” and the other three I listed, I don’t think it’s considered one of the Eurovision songs. If it had won Eurovision 2014, it would get its rightful slot among all the Eurovision icons.

San Marino: Maybe

Artist: Valentina Monetta, for the third year in a row

Language: English

Key: G minor

I’m happy this year had a contestant actually from San Marino, because it’s rather sweet seeing Valentina paint her country’s flag in the postcard. She must be feeling so proud to be Sammarinese—drawing your own flag has that effect.

I’m pleased for Valentina Monetta getting into the final, but I don’t care about this song one way or another. It’s just a slightly dramatic vaguely operatic song (in terms of instrumental, not singing) and the spoken word part annoys me. I’m also obligated to mention Ralph Siegel, the guy who once hogged up all the German entries, is playing piano on stage.

United Kingdom: Children of the Universe

Artist: Molly Smitten-Downes

Language: English

Key: E♭ minor

This is one of the UK’s more honest efforts of the 21st century. It’s a decent pop song with some good electronic elements, especially in the rousing chorus. It feels forward-thinking like the British entries used to be in the grayscale years. If I was British I would’ve hoped this would give our next top five finish, but I am not British so instead I am fairly sad it only achieved 17th place.

When the backing singers say “children of the uni, children of the uni”, I like to think they’re paying tribute to all the kids who were born when two college students partied too long and got drunk.

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Who’s my favorite?

Just like last year, my favorite of the year is head and shoulders above the rest, and is also Erica’s favorite by far. I shouldn’t have to tell you what it is unless you skipped to this section, in which case I’ll tell you it’s Netherlands, Calm After the Storm. It’s my first Dutch winner since 1998!

• Belgium, 2 (1976, 2003)
• Bosnia and Herzegovina, 1 (2006)
• Denmark, 3 (1963, 2000, 2001)
• Estonia, 1 (2009)
• Finland, 3 (1968, 1983, 1989)
• France, 3 (1977, 1990, 1991)
• Germany, 4 (1956, 1979, 1982, 1999)
• Greece, 1 (2013)
• Hungary, 1 (2005)
• Iceland, 1 (1992)
• Ireland, 4 (1970, 1980, 1993, 1994)
• Israel, 1 (1987)
• Italy, 1 (1958)
• Latvia, 1 (2002)
• Luxembourg, 4 (1961, 1965, 1972, 1988)
• Netherlands, 8 (1957, 1959, 1964, 1967, 1969, 1975, 1998, 2014)
• Norway, 5 (1960, 1966, 1973, 1985, 1995)
• Portugal, 3 (1971, 1984, 2008)
• Serbia, 3 (2004, 2011, 2012)
• Sweden, 2 (1974, 1996)
• Switzerland, 1 (1986)
• Turkey, 3 (1978, 1997, 2010)
• Ukraine, 1 (2007)
• United Kingdom, 2 (1962, 1981)
• (20 winners)

Which songs should I give honorable mentions to outside of the top five (Austria, Netherlands, Sweden, Armenia, Hungary)? I guess Finland and the UK are pretty decent. Hungary is probably my second favorite.

General thoughts:

My thoughts on this year’s songs are dominated by the debate between Conchita Wurst and the Common Linnets—I’m on team Netherlands all the way. Most of the others were regular accessible pop, with a few oddballs sprinkled in. As a lover of flags, the postcards were my favorite part about this year. I hope the next few years do something similarly creative with postcards.

The hosts this year were nowhere near as good as Petra last year and I kind of wish Denmark continued the one-host formula, but they were professional and did their job well. I’ll give special mention to their handling of the technical difficulties between the Netherlands’ postcard and their song. The hosts kept their cool during the mishap and the show resumed about 30 seconds later, so it hardly seemed like a mishap at all!

This contest really took its sweet time with interval acts, or rather the period between the last song and the voting. I thought it was a much longer period than in 2013, but not by that much: in 2013 it was 37 minutes, in 2014 it was 42 minutes. Still, I get the feeling the EBU wanted lots of time to ensure the results were legitimate, so they wouldn’t repeat the infamous voting scandals last year. There were three interlude segments that I’d call interval acts, two during the voting time window and one after. First was a choir rendition of “Ode to Joy” on ladders, then a song about the number 12 with references to China, then Emmelie de Forest singing an abridged version of “Only Teardrops” and a better song called “Rainmaker”. Liv says it would’ve been cool if Denmark pulled a Lena and used “Rainmaker” as their host entry.

About the references to China… those were a running gag throughout the show and they show us how different the world was just a decade ago. Pilou Asbæk (one of the hosts) spoke Chinese a few times and Graham Norton snarked every time. In the mid-2010’s, the EU was optimistic about their relations with China and the EBU even entertained the idea of China joining the contest. Suffice to say, these shoutouts to China did not age well.

I don’t care about or remember most of the songs this year, so the voting sequence would’ve been boring to watch if not for the tense race between Austria and the Netherlands. I’m happy Austria got their day in the limelight as TV Tropes would call it, and that the Netherlands was rewarded second place, but at the same time, for me this is only the second best possible outcome this year. I’m left longing for a timeline where the Common Linnets walk up to the stage with excited smiles. But since I’m not Dutch, I’ll concede that Austria deserved their moment in the spotlight.

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See you after the Eurovision grand final (May 11) as Eurovision comes back to Vienna. How long after, I can’t say yet.

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