Intro Post

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Germany selected their Eurovision entry for 2024 yesterday and I don’t like it at all. I wrote my thoughts on that entry here and I would say more about the new native-language entries here, but it’s better to save that for a separate post.

For now, just know that all those semifinal posts are very quick to write. Makes sense because they’re always about 10 to 15 songs, like all the early Eurovision contests. Then I always get a big burst of motivation to write about the grand final and the cycle continues.

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Introduction

It’s fitting that the title of this post uses a word of Greek origin (chronicles), because Eurovision 2006 took place in Athens, Greece. Some politicians argued that since Athens got to host the 2004 Olympics, a different Greek city deserved to host Eurovision, but the new infrastructure and stadiums built for the Olympics meant Athens was perfect for the job.

Three countries who participated in 2005 withdrew this year: Austria because their broadcaster was pissed, Hungary due to financial issues, and S+M (Serbia and Montenegro) after having a song ready due to a storm of political drama, though strangely enough S+M was still allowed to vote this year. This means that until 2023 introduced rest of the world voting, this was the only year where a non-participating country could vote in the contest. Serbia and Montenegro became two separate countries just a month after this contest. Armenia made their debut this year, which began the Caucasus trio and continued the 2003-2008 streak of years with newcomer countries. I’ll also continue my streak of watching German commentary this year.

To present the contest, the broadcaster ERT picked a Greek singer named Sakis Rouvas (who competed in Eurovision 2004 and 2009), and a Greek-American TV host named Maria Menounos. If you’re an American fan (like me) and feel weird about being this obsessed with Eurovision, just remember that your country is home to one winner (Katrina Leskanich) and two hosts (the other is Daniela Ruah). If you’re wondering whether Maria Menounous can speak Greek, she can! Can one of my Greek commenters tell me how well she speaks the language?

I wondered why the opening film for this semifinal was so short, then I got my answer. As an opening act, Greece showed the world how happy they were to win the contest with an extravagant medley of iconic Eurovision songs (which included Dschinghis Khan) performed by people dressed as Greek gods. This over-the-top campy presentation style is still what pops into most people’s minds when you say “Eurovision”, but I’d argue the contest has evolved in personality since then—more polished and professional, but thoroughly camp when a song demands it.

This time the semifinal had 23 songs, so we have one reject and 13 non-qualifiers to get through.

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Serbia and Montenegro: Moja ljubavi (Моја љубави) (withdrawn)

Artist: No Name, who would have returned from 2005

Language: Serbo-Croatian (Montenegrin)

Key: A minor, B♭ minor, B minor

From 2004 to 2006, S+M selected their Eurovision song using a national final with the best songs from two semifinals: one for Serbia and one for Montenegro. In 2004, four songs were chosen by Serbia, four by Montenegro, and the other four by the shared S+M broadcaster. Then in the next two years, twelve songs were chosen by Serbia and twelve by Montenegro. The problem was that 88.9% of the votes (8 out of 9) were determined by an eight-member jury, four from Serbia and four from Montenegro, and each year, the jury members got more and more biased towards their own soon-to-be-independent country.

When No Name won the national final twice in a row, Serbian fans were absolutely pissed and an explosion of drama followed. Two Serbian jurors who had awarded points to No Name retracted their votes, but that didn’t change the end result. S+M was unable to choose a new entry by March 20, so they didn’t participate in the contest except as voters.

As a song, this has a good amount of yummy Balkan sound—flutes heavy in grace notes, timpani drums, and slow singing that suits Slavic languages well—but the overall rhythm of the song sounds a bit too much like 2000’s pop and it ends abruptly. I like this song, but not nearly as much as the other two entries from S+M.

By the way, Alexander—I read that Balkanist article you mentioned in the comments of my 2005 final post. It’s a fascinating read that gives a totally new perspective on how Yugoslavia during its final years, as well as their successor states, approached Eurovision.

Bulgaria: Let Me Cry

Artist: Mariana Popova

Language: English

Key: A minor

Hey, the first song from the semifinal qualified this time! That was Armenia who sent a fantastic opener entry. I’ll have to be patient to review it, because we won’t hear that song again till the end of the final. For now, we have six non-qualifiers in a row, most from countries that are early in the alphabet.

Bulgaria’s second Eurovision entry is halfway between a Balkan ballad and a regular ballad. I enjoy the elements of Balkan instrumentation, especially the percussion, but I wish it didn’t sound so waily or have so much “whoa-oh”. I prefer the Bulgarian version, called “Ostavi me da placha” (Остави ме да плача), which sounds like it’s the original version, but she won the national final with the English version so I’m not totally sure. Regardless of language, this is too slow and dreary and not quite Balkan ballady enough.*

As with so many songs in 2005, there’s again way too much going on in the staging. Eurovision these days is better at avoiding overcomplicated choreography unless it’s warranted, but this style of crazy staging remains the popular perception of the contest.

* Fun fact: when preceded by the word “Balkan”, “ballady” changes from an insult to a compliment.

Slovenia: Mr. Nobody

Artist: Anžej Dežan

Language: English

Key: G minor, G♯ minor, A minor

Two songs that were unnecessarily changed to English in a row! This song’s Slovenian version is called “Plan B”, so it’s weird that they renamed it for the English version. The Slovenian lyrics basically say “you left me forever and I’m heartbroken, but maybe just maybe I’m your plan B”, but in English he instead calls himself “Mr. Nobody” which sounds so goofy.

This starts as a mediocre dreary ballad, exactly the kind that Slovenia sent so often, then it turns into a mediocre minor key Eurodance song. I’d probably find it underwhelming even if I liked Eurodance. Slovenia did this minor key dance style much better in 2001. Also, this guy’s hairstyle looks like he just got out of bed.

Andorra: Sense tu

Artist: Jenny (Jennifer Serrano)

Language: Catalan

Key: E♭ minor, E minor

Maybe I’m not as familiar with sung Catalan as I am with other European languages, but it really sounds like Jenny has more experience singing in English than in Catalan. What the hell are those barely clothed backing dancers doing and why are there all these chairs on stage? As a dramatic rock ballad in 6/8 time, this would have been staged better if it just featured Jenny, so that the viewers could focus on her and she could focus on giving it her all. Overall it’s not a bad effort from Andorra and it didn’t deserve last place, but they once again tried too hard with the staging.

Belarus: Mama (called “Mum” on screen)

Artist: Polina Smolova

Language: English

Key: E minor

This song annoys me because it’s great musically—a sassy synth rock song is always welcome in my book—but again the staging is unnecessarily complicated and I can barely understand the lyrics. If those two problems were fixed then I might actually like this, since the instrumental is quite a banger. The ending fakeout annoys me too: it should have just used the actual ending, no fake ending needed.

Albania: Zjarr e ftohtë

Artist: Luiz Ejlli

Language: Albanian

Key: A minor

I can practically hear Terry Wogan saying, “Now Luiz tonight will be performing a song called… well, I won’t even attempt the Albanian here. You’ll see the title onscreen anyway.” I’m glad Albania didn’t take long to show Europe what their language sounds like. I’d describe it as a blend of Slavic, Greek, and Italian, but that might just be because I’m not that familiar with its sound.

This song didn’t quite convince me at first—the Balkan instrumentation is nice, but the verses sound a little too slow and dreary. But then the chorus picked up the pace and gave a fun rapidfire chord progression, which we don’t hear in these types of entries enough. I wish it leaned fully into the upbeat ethno-pop style or the Balkan ballad style instead of being halfway between, and that it made greater use of the bagpipe solo as a hook.

I like this song but not enough to keep it. It’s certainly not as good as that Armenian ethno-bop. I don’t like the abrupt ending, but I can’t stay mad at Balkan instrumentation either way. Better for all the songs to try copying “My Number One” than to copy Swedish schlagers.

Wikipedia describes Luiz’s performance as minimalistic, though I don’t agree. Sure, they don’t have any complex choreography, but it uses the maximum of six performers on stage: the lead singer, two bagpipe players, and three backing singers. It’s certainly not maximalistic, more like… medialistic. That’s totally a real word, don’t let the haters tell you otherwise.

Belgium: Je t’adore

Artist: Kate Ryan (Katrin Verbeeck)

Language: English, don’t let the title fool you

Key: G♯ minor (verses), E♭ minor (chorus)

I admit, I have a soft spot for dance music in 12/8 time (other Eurovision examples are “It’s All About You” and “You Are the Only One”). This time signature is good for dance music because it combines the pumping rhythm of quadruple meter with the push and pull of triple meter.

Yet again the staging of this song is more complicated than it needs to be. I don’t mind the gimmick of passing red glowing mic stands to Kate—it’s showoffy in a fun way and doesn’t take up the entirety of the song. But I’m not too big on Kate’s dress. It was probably meant to show off her legs, but it really just looks like a regular long dress that got accidentally ripped.

As for language, I’m not a fan of the repetitions of the French phrase “je t’adore”. It could have been replaced with a variety of different English phrases, like “you’re my love” and “you’re all I want”. This song does have a French version, but it doesn’t sound like the original version. It’s fun to hear this song in French, but the placement of syllable stress doesn’t match the melody that well, especially in the first two lines of the chorus. I would have moved the melody around to fit the language better. Even though she’s from Dutch-speaking Belgium, Kate Ryan’s discography is all in English and French.

Cyprus: Why Angels Cry

Artist: Annet Artani

Language: English

Key: G major, A major

I think Cyprus wanted to copy the success of “Stronger Every Minute” two years prior, by sending a ballad by a native speaker of English which starts off with strings and piano as instrumentation, but then builds up while keeping a distinct personality. But relistening to that previous Cypriot entry, I can sense a lot of things that song did right and this song did wrong.

For one thing, whereas Lisa Andreas gave a performance that balances confidence with delicacy, Annet Artani is one of the many, many ballad singers who thinks louder equals better and wails her way through the song. And while “Stronger Every Minute” saved the percussion for the last 35 seconds, this song introduces them halfway though. In the last third, the delicate buildup falls apart entirely and it turns into a regular pop ballad. It doesn’t help that Europe has gradually been losing interest in power ballads.

Monaco: La Coco-Dance

Artist: Séverine Ferrer

Language: French, plus phrases in Tahitian

Key: A major

Fun fact: Tahitian is the only Austronesian language we’ve ever heard in Eurovision. Though I did remark that “Sanomi” sounds like it could be in a Polynesian language, and those belong to the Austronesian family.

This time, Monaco is trying to do what France did in the 1990’s and showcase music of France’s overseas territories. Unfortunately they missed the mark because the lead singer can’t sing at all, and when the singers all get together they sound frightfully off key. This is supposed to be a party song, but they don’t look or sound like they’re having much fun on stage. They would have needed a lot more charisma to pull it off. Even the “thank you” at the end sounds flat.

As of this writing, this is still the last song Monaco has ever sent to Eurovision. They just weren’t feeling it after not qualifying three years in a row.

Poland: Follow My Heart

Artist: Ich Troje (returning from 2003) featuring O-Jay (Olaf Jeglitza)

Language: English, Polish, German, Russian, and Spanish

Key: C minor, D minor

Poland ended their multilingual phase by sending a song in no less than five languages, sort of like a reunion of all languages they used in the last three years. Even though their two Eurovision entries are multilingual, most of Ich Troje’s discography is in Polish. They just decided that language medleys were the best way to do well at Eurovision. This was the non-qualifier that came closest to qualifying, at 11th place. It was beaten by the Former Yugoslav Republic of Bloc Voting… I mean Macedonia.

Ich Troje’s last entry was a multilingual song done right: it had a clear theme relating to the languages and it’s easy to tell which language is which. This, on the other hand, is a textbook example of style over substance. I think they were overenthusiastic to make a sequel to “Keine Grenzen” and thus crammed as many languages in as they could. Ignoring the language gimmick it’s basically a regular 2000’s Europop song about romance.

A pet peeve of mine is when a Eurovision song features a group of alternating singers with inconsistent skills. In this song, it’s not their ability to sing that’s inconsistent, but their language skills. At the end of the first chorus you get “I follow my khart” followed by “I follow my heart”. Then in the German section, the raspy-voiced guy sings in clear understandable German just like last time, whereas the girl sings with a thick Polish accent. It’s just too gimmicky to click with viewers and that’s reflected in the results.

We’ve gone through nine non-qualifiers so far and none have particularly upset me. Are the last four going to change that?

Netherlands: Amambanda

Artist: Treble

Language: Imaginary and English, even though the English parts defeat the purpose

Key: E minor

Since this song is partly in a real language and partly in an imaginary language, you could say that this song is in a complex language.

OK, dumb math jokes aside, it annoys me to no end that this song outright tells you that music transcends language, in English. The whole point of imaginary language songs is to demonstrate that a good song transcends language barriers, without needing to be in any actual language that people speak! That’s what “Sanomi” did right.

This is another tropical-sounding song like that of Monaco, except instead of being flat and unenthusiastic, the girls are insanely excited and think it’s the greatest song in the world. You can even hear the girls gasping for breath at the end. Thankfully they aren’t hideously off-key. It’s too repetitive for my tastes and the abrupt ending pisses me off, but on the bright side the percussion is loads of fun. I’d say it’s the second best non-qualifier behind Albania.

Portugal: Coisas de nada

Artist: Nonstop

Language: English and Portuguese

Key: B major

Wikipedia lists the languages of this song as “Portuguese, English” but that’s misleading. This is the first of three Portuguese entries where the lyrics are dominantly in English. The other two are “Love Is on My Side” (the only one entirely in English) and my beloved “Saudade, saudade”.

The Netherlands and Portugal both came after iconic out of the box songs—“Hard Rock Hallelujah” and “We Are the Winners” respectively—so it’s no surprise that their entries struggled to stand out. I totally forgot this was the year with “We Are the Winners”! I have a lot of thoughts about that song already, but annoyingly I can’t say them yet.

Peter Urban said this was an upbeat pop song reminiscent of ABBA and Bobbysocks, two Eurovision winners. I can see the comparison and this song has a few good ideas in its composition, but it’s much too repetitive for the style to work. It keeps a static level of energy throughout, except in the bridge section which I’m not even a fan of. I think Portugal’s attitude in this decade was “we never score well and we don’t have bloc voting partners, so why bother trying?” At least they continued to sign the presence sheet because it didn’t hurt them. If any Eurovision fans in this era had the right to complain about bloc voting, then it’s the Portuguese.

I don’t know if the Eurovision delegations knew about the Barbara Dex award back then, but if they did, I bet the Portuguese delegation thought “we’re never going to win, but at least we can aim for the Barbara Dex award”. Predictably enough, they won the award this year.

Estonia: Through My Window

Artist: Sandra Oxenryd, the second Swedish woman Estonia has sent

Language: English

Key: E♭ major

Peter Urban called this song “die schwedische Hymne Version 2”—you probably don’t need a translation for that. I don’t know why it scored so much lower than “Invincible” (the first schwedische Hymne)* which came right before: were fans that hyped about Carola returning? It’s decent as Swedish-sounding pop songs go and has some nice pumping energy, but I won’t remember it the moment it stops. Funny enough, the singer of this song is Swedish but its composers are not.

* Confusingly to English speakers, the German language doesn’t capitalize nationalities but capitalizes nouns.

Iceland: Congratulations

Artist: Silvia Night, portrayed by Ágústa Eva Erlendsdóttir

Language: English

Key: A major

I wish this song had swapped places with “Lejla” (which came right before), so that the absolutely gorgeous Balkan ballad could serve as a palate cleanser after this obnoxious fucking joke entry. And why does Peter Urban keep calling the country “Bosnien-Herzogewina” instead of “Bosnien-Herzegowina”? He made the same mistake last year.

I’m not going to defend any of Silvia Night’s infamous behavior during the show. She was playing the character of a self-absorbed diva, sure, but she was still completely disrespectful to the Eurovision staff. She fully deserved to be booed on stage for that reason alone.

I don’t like this as a song at all—it’s just an annoying TV show theme song for three minutes with an insufferable squealy voice. The lyrics take the piss out of the contest in an obnoxious way, rather than a fun way like “We Are the Winners”. It won the Icelandic national final, so were fans from Iceland that pissed about Selma not qualifying last year?

And yet, this song genuinely has good staging despite its sarcastic intentions. Unlike most of the non-qualifiers this year, a lot of effort was put into the choreography and props in a way that fits the song. Silvia is full of confidence on stage (as are her backing dancers) and she doesn’t care that the audience hates her. I’m not going to say it’s a good thing that she’s so confident on stage, but a performance like this does take a lot of skill. I find it amusing that the audience did not cheer at all during the costume changes, something that normally fills them with excitement.

Don’t get me wrong, the quality of the staging is the only good thing about this song. Everything else about it can fuck off. I’m glad Silvia Night didn’t get the Barbara Dex award, because giving it to an intentionally tacky outfit wouldn’t be in the award’s spirit. If I was Icelandic I would be so ashamed of this song that I’d refuse to acknowledge it ever happened. But I’d also get to brag that my country gave us Daði Freyr, so it’s really a trade-off.

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Semifinal thoughts:

Unlike 2005, I’m not at all upset about any of these non-qualifiers—all the songs that I thought deserved to qualify did. This proves that the semifinal wasn’t too competitive this time. I would have expected Belgium to qualify, and maybe Poland since Ich Troje did so well last time, but I’m not upset they didn’t.

The interval act came in two parts: first Sakis singing the English version of one of his Greek hit songs, then a folk dance number themed upon Greek mythology which is fun but restrained as these types of interval acts go—certainly no Riverdance. The hosts are a bit of an odd pair: an American new to the contest who kept mentioning how exciting and surprising this show is, and a previous Eurovision singer who kept mentioning how nerve-wracking it was waiting for the results. Maria has such an American sense of humor, it feels so weird! But I don’t mind because I’m American myself. We’re less sarcastic than the Brits and more eager to express excitement, and we’re a hell of a lot noisier than the Canadians. Maria even hummed the Jeopardy theme song when waiting for the qualifiers, which is a quintessentially American thing to do.

I had a lot of varied reactions to the qualifier reveals, even though I already knew who would make it. Bosnia and Herzegovina made me screech in joy, Lithuania made me burst in laughter, and Finland gave me a wide grin. I’m also pleased that Armenia qualified on their debut, they totally deserved it! There is a good reason Lithuania (We Are the Winners) qualified and Iceland (Congratulations) didn’t, which I’ll go over in the next post. There’s a lot of exciting stuff to come in the final!

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See you next time for a bald guy dancing to a violin solo, Halloween costumes on guitars, and another peak Balkan ballad.

>> 2006 (Final): The Victory of Halloween Costumes