Intro Post

< 2004 Final | 2005 Semifinal | 2005 Final >

We have such an exciting variety of songs confirmed for Eurovision 2024, and we’ve still only heard 13 songs out of 37. That means we’re only a third of the way through! Right now I think Ukraine is most likely to win, followed by Italy. If Ukraine wins the contest, I really hope the country will become safe enough to host in 2025.

---

Introduction

We’ve now reached the 50th annual Eurovision Song Contest! Less than nine months ago I was reviewing the first ever Eurovision, and now here I am at what’s unquestionably a modern Eurovision. It’s got hosts in colorful outfits, extravagant self-deprecating opening acts, a black stage full of fancy light effects, an overview of the televoting system in English and French, and it’s even broadcast in widescreen! Aside from the 3D visual design of the screen captions, this looks very close to the Eurovision we know today.

Eurovision 2005 was one of two contests to take place in Ukraine, both of which were hosted in its capital city of Kyiv. This year, Ukraine had freshly come out of the Orange Revolution, so the country hoped that hosting Eurovision would boost its relations with the EU. But hosting the contest wouldn’t be easy for them. While Istanbul had a hefty stadium available with over 10,000 seats, in Ukraine the best available arena needed a lot of renovation and ended with only 5,000 seats. Tourists also had a lot of problems with hotels in Kyiv, with many bookings getting abruptly cancelled, but I’m sure that when it was all finished, Ukrainians were proud to have hosted Eurovision.

This year’s contest featured all 36 countries that appeared in 2004, plus three more: Bulgaria and Moldova made their debuts, and Hungary returned after skipping the last six years. The last major gap in Europe was the Czech Republic, which would join the contest in 2007, though Italy, Luxembourg, and Slovakia were still on Eurovision hiatus, and tiny little San Marino was still yet to debut. Crazy enough, Lebanon was almost going to participate this year and even had a song ready, but unsurprisingly for an Arab country, they withdrew because of Israel.

This time the semifinal featured 25 countries, ten of which would qualify to the grand final. Are any of the 15 non-qualifiers worth listening to? We’ll find out together, with some German commentary to guide us.

---

Lebanon: Quand tout s’enfuit (withdrawn)

Artist: Aline Lahoud

Language: French

Key: E minor, F minor

I’ve decided to move the rejected Eurovision songs to the start of my posts, instead of the end. That way I’ll first go through the songs that didn’t reach the semifinal, then the songs that didn’t reach the final, then the finalists. Plus, it’s annoying when I think I’m finished writing a Eurovision review and realize I forgot a rejected song. I keep a spreadsheet to make sure I don’t miss any songs.

Anyway, while most Eurovision fans know that Morocco participated once, it’s easy to forget that Lebanon (another Arab country) was almost going to participate in 2005. The drama came when the Lebanese Eurovision website didn’t list Israel as a participant in the contest. When their broadcaster realized they weren’t allowed to omit Israel from their broadcast of the contest, they withdrew on March 18, two months and a day before the semifinal. It’s always a headache for the EBU when a country withdraws so late, so Lebanon was banned from joining the contest until 2009. They haven’t expressed interest in joining Eurovision since.

I never heard this song before writing this review, and it really surprised me! It’s a romantic tune in moderate tempo that blends French chansons with 2000’s pop and some Arabic flair. It’s hard to imagine how well it would have scored in the contest, since the idea of an Arab country participating in modern Eurovision is so far-fetched, so let’s ignore who votes for who and think of it on a musical level. I think this song would have qualified for the final, since it hits exactly the right balance of accessibility and cultural flair. I can’t say how well it would have scored in the final; depends on how good everything else is.

This really is a gem of a song! It’s more accessible than “Bitakat Hob” but it’s still got some of that Middle Eastern flair. It feels weird reviewing the song without seeing a performance or knowing how well it scored, but I’ll have to get used to doing that when I review Eurovision 2020.

Austria: Y así

Artist: Global Kryner

Language: English and Spanish

Key: G major

Austria has a really perplexing relationship with Eurovision. They usually didn’t try that hard to win and most of their entries aren’t talked about much, but their broadcaster was so pissed off that this song didn’t qualify that they withdrew from 2006 with a “Eurovision is no longer about true music” spiel, then skipped from 2008 to 2010. It’s far from the first time Austria took a years-long break from the contest. I think that the contest didn’t reach the breaking point of being integral to Austria’s musical culture, like it did in all the Nordic countries.

My opinion on this song can be summed up in three words: “It’s cute, but…” Well, I should probably explain what comes after the “but”. Austria tried the folk music strategy this year, but they totally missed the point. If they wanted to score well, they shouldn’t have sent plain old kitschy folk music, but a full out folk bop. The ensemble of brass instruments, accordion, and guitar is fun and all, but this song is crucially missing a rhythm section. So I’d like to discuss: what kind of instruments would improve this song while keeping its spirit?

As it stands, this song sounds like a band is rehearsing while their drummer is unavailable, so the obvious suggestion is to add a drum beat. But it’s totally possible for a Eurovision song without drums to score well—just look at “Nocturne” or “Amar pelos dois”. That’s why I didn’t say this song is missing drums, but that it’s missing a rhythm section (drums, bass, piano, or rhythm guitar). The trombone gives this song some semblance of a bassline, but a bass or piano would have done wonders.

There are a few things this song does well: it has some Spanish-sounding flair (both in composition and language) and the yodeling is a fun addition. While gimmicks like yodeling can elevate a well-liked song, a Eurovision entry can’t rely entirely on those to score highly.

When Austria announced its withdrawal from 2006, their broadcaster ORF said that Austrian musical tradition means nothing to the contest. I can sense a clear attitude from this message: ORF thought they sent the greatest song in the world and failed to see why they didn’t do well. I know all too well what that’s like: being overconfident in a competition, then not understanding why you didn’t win. Alf Poier threw a fake, sarcastic “why didn’t I win” tantrum after scoring sixth place in 2003, but two years later ORF basically was like “this but unironically”. I’m not sure if Global Kryner themselves were upset about it.

Lithuania: Little by Little

Artist: Laura and the Lovers

Language: English

Key: C major

Peter Urban mentioned this song was composed and written by Swedes, which makes me wonder… is this year the beginning of Swedish songwriters composing for as many countries as they can? This certainly gives off Melodifestivalen reject energy. It’s basically an average Europop song with a distractingly accented singer. The problem with this song is that it keeps the same level of energy all the way through, like a plateau instead of a climb up a mountain or a series of hills. I’m surprised it got last place in the semifinal, because it’s not as dreadful as…

Portugal: Amar

Artist: 2B, a short-lived duo

Language: Portuguese and English

Key: D♭ major, E♭ major

Compared to last year’s unexciting postcards, this year’s postcards are very eager to show off Ukraine. The postcard for this song even makes those huge stretches of farmland you see out of an airplane look exciting! Ukraine is known as the breadbasket of Europe after all.

Although Portugal followed a self-imposed language rule until 2021, they did include English lyrics a few times in the 2000’s, almost as if this were Junior Eurovision. This wasn’t the only tactic this song tried using to stand out: it also included crazy outfits and flashy choreography. Unfortunately, these guys can’t fucking sing at all and the instrumental is bland shit. They sound breathless right at the beginning of the song. Portugal really WAS checked out of Eurovision after their sixth place honest effort in 1996.

The English lyrics are funny, because “happy pretty way, happy shiny day” is EXACTLY the kind of gratuitous English lyrics you’d hear in all those upbeat motivational idol anime songs. Like seriously, if you told me there was a Love Live song called “Happy Pretty Way Happy Shiny Day !! ☆”, I would believe you.

This song’s points in the semifinal are incredibly strange: twelve from France, Germany, and Switzerland, ten from Belgium, five from Spain, none from anyone else. My best guess is that this year, western European countries arbitrarily dumped votes on each other as a spiteful response to bloc voting. The best way to curtail bloc voting is to increase the overall quality of songs, which the contest has been doing the past few years.

Monaco: Tout de moi

Artist: Lise Darly

Language: French

Key: D major, E major

This time, Monaco gave us an orchestral chanson like you’d hear in a stage play, as though it was still the 1970’s. I’m pretty sure Lise is out of sync in the start, and to a lesser extent in the rest of the song. It could have sounded really good with the orchestra, but here it’s just a drag to listen to. Eventually there would be an era where classy, old-timey songs score well, but such songs require top-notch audio quality without an orchestra.

Belarus: Love Me Tonight

Artist: Angelica Agurbash

Language: English

Key: D minor

Yet another song that tries to imitate prior winners but misses the point. This song has overcomplicated choreography as you’d expect from 2005 and has a gradual outfit change gimmick, perhaps inspired by “I Wanna”. But all the outfits look way too complicated and the song itself is average Eurodance with inane lyrics. The most interesting part is the bridge section, which sounds more like a dramatic rock song.

Netherlands: My Impossible Dream

Artist: Glennis Grace

Language: English

Key: E♭ major, F♯ major

And so begins the Netherlands’ non-qualification streak, which lasted from 2005 to 2012. I really wish their unlucky streak was broken with “Calm After the Storm” (2014), an absolutely beautiful song that makes me want to cry, instead of “Birds” (2013) which is weird and ugly as fuck. (Yes Erica, I know I’m repeating your opinions on these songs.)

This song isn’t too bad as power ballads go and she has a good voice, but it’s still interchangeable with most other power ballads. We aren’t in the 1990’s anymore.

Iceland: If I Had Your Love

Artist: Selma Björnsdóttir, the runner-up of 1999

Language: English

Key: E♭ minor, F minor

We’ve now reached the first non-qualifier in Eurovision history (not counting 1993 and 1996) that I truly feel sorry about. I would’ve totally expected Selma to qualify this year, since she did so well in 1999, and I really feel bad for her.

I don’t love this song, but as with Selma’s last entry it’s very good by Eurodance standards. It helps that I’m more receptive to Eurodance in minor key, and that it’s flashy and varied in structure. It even has some nice synths to feel less than traditional Eurodance. If I was a Eurodance fan, I would be head over heels for this song, but I’m simply not a big fan of the genre.

The fatal flaw with this song, as with so much else this year, is that they tried too hard with the staging. Selma is super attractive and has a good stage presence on her own, so she doesn’t benefit from all those backing dancers and overcomplicated routines. I think this made the song blend together with other overly choreographed entries this year.

Belgium: Le grand soir

Artist: Nuno Resende

Language: French

Key: D major, E♭ major, A♭ major, then it ends at E major for some reason

Another overdramatic power ballad that unsurprisingly didn’t do well. It starts off with piano and strings, but then gains a drum beat halfway through. I don’t know why it waits so long to put in a drumbeat, but I don’t like the second half any more or less than the first half. Shame that the last Belgian entry in one of their official languages is such a dud.

Estonia: Let’s Get Loud

Artist: Suntribe

Language: English

Key: E♭ major, F major

Estonia, what the hell are you doing? Was the Estonian broadcaster pissed about the direction Eurovision was going in? Did they purposely send bad songs so they wouldn’t win again? The latter explanation is plausible, now that I think of it. Thank god we’re no longer living in the jokefest era of Eurovision.

This is a hideous forced cheerful girlband song whose singers bring back traumatic memories of “Sameach”. Their shouted “loud!” reminds me of the shouted “be happy!” Don’t shout in the middle of lyrics, it annoys the fuck out of me.

Finland: Why?

Artist: Geir Rönning

Language: English

Key: A minor, G♯ minor, A minor, B♭ minor

Peter Urban said that this song gets more appealing the more times you hear it, then said since Eurovision voters are only going to hear it once, that won’t do the song any favors. I have to agree, it doesn’t give a strong first impression.

Just about anything will look disappointing after that fucking amazing peak Eurovision banger from Hungary. This is a gloomy ballad that uses a bunch of key changes to give the illusion of dramatic buildup. Can you believe this was only one year before Finland won the contest?! Normally when a country wins Eurovision, they had already built up momentum over the past few years. “Hard Rock Hallelujah” is a totally different story, which I’ll discuss three posts from now.

Andorra: La mirada interior

Artist: Marian van de Wal

Language: Catalan

Key: D minor, E♭ minor, E minor

Some countries like Moldova and Ukraine really benefited from joining Eurovision in the televote-only era. But for those tiny little microstates, this was the worst possible time to join (or in Monaco’s case, rejoin). It was a real uphill battle for Andorra and Monaco to qualify to the finals, one that neither of them ever won.

This song starts with a nice Balkan or Middle Eastern sound, but by the end… dear god, there’s just way too much going on in the staging. I can practically hear Terry Wogan snarking that this is a costume contest instead of a song contest. The song itself is also unfocused and flits between too many different genres. I started off thinking it was a shame Andorra didn’t qualify, but at the end I was glad they didn’t. Anabel Conde (Spain’s runner-up of 1995) was a backing singer but she couldn’t save this song.

Bulgaria: Lorraine

Artist: Kaffe

Language: English

Key: E minor (verses), G minor (chorus), G♯ major (final chorus)

Bulgaria is yet another country that I keep forgetting was in Eurovision. As with most other Slavic countries that weren’t part of Yugoslavia or the Soviet Union, Eurovision never reached the threshold of mass appeal in Bulgaria, at least from what I can tell. The country reached the top five three times, but aside from those bright spots it has a poor Eurovision track record.

This is a smooth jazz pop song with a bit of a Baka Mitai vibe and a lot of groovy chords, which is a big plus for me. I feel sorry that they didn’t qualify, but I’m not heartbroken about it, because the lyrics are more than a little janky. I’m not sure if I want to regularly revisit this, because it’s a bit unexciting and there are much better Eurovision songs of this genre like “Can’t Wait Until Tonight”. This means that so far, this contest has two saddening non-qualifiers and zero heartbreaking non-qualifiers.

I’m sick of agreeing with or being mildly sad about the non-qualifiers. I want to see a non-qualification that fills me with rage. I do know that 2010 has quite a few controversial non-qualifiers, particularly Slovakia and Sweden, so if I was Slovak or Swedish I’d probably be pissed off when reviewing that year. But since Germany won that year, I’ll instead get a big fat patriotic burst of joy, because that’s what Eurovision does to people.

Ireland: Love?

Artist: Donna and Joe McCaul, a sibling duo

Language: English

Key: F♯ minor, G♯ minor

It’s always a breath of fresh air when Ireland sends something upbeat, but this song doesn’t do much for me. It’s just an average minor key pop song whose singers really aren’t great. Donna and Joe were 20 and 16 years old respectively, and Joe in particular looks and is dressed like an awkward high school student. The ten-second tap dancing interlude near the end can’t save it, because Hungary did the tap dancing gimmick SO much better.

Slovenia: Stop

Artist: Omar Naber

Language: Slovenian

Key: E minor

A fan favorite among the non-qualifiers, this song feels like Slovenia is revisiting former Yugoslavia’s style in the 1990’s, but with a fresh twist. It starts as a dramatic classical-sounding ballad, which we often heard from these countries in the 90’s, but then it gradually turns into a full-out rock song without compromising the classical sound. It reaches its climax near the end, then concludes with a quiet section.

I’m surprised this didn’t reach the final, because as a composition it’s totally epic! But I can think of a few ways it could be improved. Omar Naber doesn’t have the best stage presence of these dramatic ballad singers, so maybe this needed a singer who truly gives it his all. And there is one part about its composition that irks me: the denouement section at the end is WAY too short and ends at an awkward point. Still, this is the best non-qualifier I’ve reviewed so far, and I only have one left in this post.

Poland: Czarna dziewczyna

Artist: Ivan and Delfin, a trio despite the band’s name

Language: Polish and Russian

Key: G minor, A minor, G minor

And so, the semifinal of Eurovision 2005 ends much like it began: with bilingual accordion-heavy folk music that didn’t make it to the final. Poland’s style of entries was all over the place in the 2000’s, so it was inevitable that they’d try out some polka. This song is more of what Austria’s entry should have been, because it’s heavy in drums and bass to get the audience hyped up, but it still sounds completely folksy. The rhythm section complements the accordion perfectly and really makes it stand out, which is good because I love accordions.

Although Austria and Poland both didn’t reach the final, the latter came much closer. This song scored 81 points, while Latvia qualified with 85 points. Austria scored 21st place with only 30 points. I wish this song had more proper lyrics and less “lai lai lai”. If it spent more time with lyrics and was more structurally varied—perhaps it could have used a strong bridge section—then this would have probably qualified.

---

Semifinal thoughts:

This was a much more interesting semifinal to review than 2004! Unlike last year, there are a few non-qualifiers that I’m sad about: Iceland, Bulgaria, Poland, and most of all Slovenia. Most of the qualifiers were good or at least decent choices, but I would have gladly sacrificed Latvia or Denmark for someone else. The semifinal was large and competitive this year, so it was inevitable that not all the good songs would qualify.

I was really excited to see what kind of interval acts Ukraine would bring, and they did not let me down. After the ten-minute voting time window came a crew of ballet dancers set to electronic folk music that perfectly blends the classical and modern sides of Ukrainian music. The fact that I was this excited about the interval acts proves that Ukraine in Eurovision is doing something right. The hosts on the other hand haven’t been the greatest; Maria sounds a little awkward and Pavlo just sounds bored.

The qualifier reveals weren’t as exciting as last time, because the camera focused too much on the hosts and not enough on the contestants. Additionally, I wish we saw a list of the non-qualifiers at the end like last year. The hosts wished luck to the non-qualifying countries for next year but didn’t say any of their names; they were just shoved aside in favor of showing the finalists. I wanted to see the contestants’ reactions to not qualifying.

When Hungary was revealed as the first qualifier, I momentarily screeched in joy, then exploded in laughter when I saw they got the flag wrong. None of the other qualifiers were anywhere near as exciting, but that’s the Hungarian song’s fault for being so damn good. I already have a lot of thoughts about this contest’s overall personality, but I’ll save those for the final.

---

See you next time as Hungary gets brutally, and I mean BRUTALLY robbed from victory.

>> 2005 (Final): Greece’s Turn to Triumph!