Intro Post

< 2012 Semifinals | 2012 Final | 2013 Semifinals >

Random fact: Everything in this post from Turkey onwards is written on my brand new desktop computer, which runs so much faster than the laptop I had before and is much better for archiving Eurovision content. It’s my first time owning a desktop computer since Christmas 2016 when I got my first laptop.

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Introduction

“Now initially, we heard that the Crystal Hall was built specifically for Eurovision. They’re now poo-pooing that idea, even though they did throw it up in seven months and this is the first event in it.” This quote from Graham Norton tells you a lot about Azerbaijan.

On May 27, 2012 when the clock struck midnight in the Baku Crystal Hall, 26 countries battled to determine who would take the prize of Eurovision 2012. In third place came Željko ballad number 4 from Serbia, sung by the man himself. In second place came shameless televote bait from Russia, and the winner was Loreen from Sweden with one of the most famous Eurovision songs of all time: Euphoria. She won by quite a landslide, and we’ll find out together if it was deserved or not.

Unfortunately, this grand final is also known for getting off to a sluggish start. The beginning is filled with slow, understated ballads, and the exciting stuff won’t begin until song number 6, at least if my memory of the final is anything to go by. Luckily this will be the very last Eurovision contest with the songs are in random order, perhaps to prevent something like this from happening again.

The opening act starts off as a showcase of Azerbaijani folk music, then it jarringly transitions to an unmodified “Running Scared”, the extremely un-ethnic winner of last year. I would say I’d prefer to hear “Running Scared” arranged in ethnic style, but that song doesn’t seem as musically malleable as “Satellite”. The song had quite a few revisions and alternate versions during Unser Star für Oslo, it’s actually pretty interesting.

I’m looking at the lineup of songs and all I can say is gulp. Why couldn’t this final start with an upbeat entry like Greece or Russia? Luckily once I finish this year, I’ll be treated to the most beloved host in Eurovision history. In the mean time, I’ll watch this final with one of the most beloved commentators in Eurovision history, the BBC’s Graham Norton.

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United Kingdom: Love Will Set You Free

Artist: Engelbert Humperdinck, who was 76 years old (now 87)

Language: English

Key: C♯ minor, D minor

I think it’s pretty obvious why the UK decided to send a grandpa to Eurovision. They were afraid that if they sent one of the country’s many young talents, the artist’s career would be ruined, so instead they sent a big-name singer from the 1960’s who has nothing to lose no matter how low he scores. Indeed, he scored second last place and his career prodded on. If this doesn’t indicate how badly the UK’s Eurovision greatness has fallen, I don’t know what does. Wikipedia lists Engelbert Humperdinck as “one of the finest middle-of-the-road balladeers around”. That’s how you know he’s a grandpa: it was before “middle of the road” became derogatory.

It’s so blatantly obvious that the running order screwed over this song. That’s probably the main reason why 2013 did away with random order (hell yes!), the second one being “Euro Neuro”. It’s never ever a good idea to open a musical show with a dreary ballad, and in fact no one would ever put one at the start of a show unless the order was random.

I suppose this is nice instrumentally: it’s got a good guitar and Engelbert can sing for sure. But he’s so out of place among everyone else this year and his lyrics comes off as a divorced grandpa telling kids not to make the same mistakes he did. Maybe it would’ve emotionally impacted me more if it came after some lighthearted songs, but this is too cheesy for me to enjoy. Russia will do a senior citizen entry so much better.

Hungary: Sound of Our Hearts

Artist: Compact Disco

Language: English

Key: B minor

Sigh, I like Hungary better when they showcase all the cool things they can do with their esoteric language, not when they send English-language pop that could be from any country. I feel this about a lot of countries, but especially Hungary because they sent the absolutely brilliant “Forogj, világ!” The same goes for former Yugoslavia because they sing in their own languages more often than most others, and Germany because of personal bias.

This is just an average 2012 dance song with slight elements of dubstep that goes in one ear and out the other. It’s too repetitive and the verses and chorus sound too similar to each other, so there’s no sense of hype.

Albania: Suus

Artist: Rona Nishliu

Language: Albanian

Key: B♭ minor

Now we’ve reached Albania’s best result in Eurovision history: an impressive fifth place. This scored third place with the juries and eighth place with the televote, and it even won the jury vote in the semifinal. It’s not the only jury bait song this year not in English, which is why I gave this post its title.

Some people are going to hate me for what I’ll say about this song, but I know one person who won’t and her name is Erica Dakin. This is exactly the sort of song she would fucking hate, exactly as predictable as her being obsessed with “Opa”. I’ve never met a Eurovision fan whose tastes align more closely with mine.

“She can do extraordinary things with her voice. Not pleasant things, but extraordinary.” Graham Norton perfectly summed up how I feel about this song. I don’t care how emotional the piano ballad instrumental might be, or how impressive it is that she can hold long notes for this long. This is pretentious as all fuck and the long notes in the chorus are an absolute assault on the ears. And the screamy high notes in the bridge are even worse, dear god. This might be the number one most pretentious song I’ve ever heard in Eurovision. I’m sure that some people who love this song think that anyone who hates it has no appreciation for ~TRUE MUSIC~, but if you’ve made it this far reading my blog, at least one of my opinions has almost certainly pissed you off already. So I trust that if you love “Suus”, you won’t be too upset I tore into it.

Lithuania: Love Is Blind

Artist: Donny Montell (Donatas Montvydas)

Language: English

Key: E♭ minor

This is some sort of hybrid of disco with 2012 dance pop, which makes it more pleasant to listen to than most of this year’s dance pop entries. I quite like the disco sound in this song, but it’s nowhere near “OMG I LOVE THIS” territory. I’m starting to think it won’t be hard at all to pick my winner this year.

Bosnia and Herzegovina: Korake ti znam

Artist: Maya Sar

Language: Serbo-Croatian (Bosnian)

Key: A minor

Fun fact: This song has the only postcard in the entire contest to feature a city in Azerbaijan other than Baku. All the other postcards start with “Azerbaijan, Land of _” or “Baku, City of _”. I think that’s part of why the postcards come off as self-indulgent: they’re all Baku this, Baku that. Bosnia’s postcard features Sheki, a city in northern Azerbaijan. I imagine Azerbaijani viewers outside of Baku were annoyed that the other cities were barely represented. It’s like if the postcards for a contest hosted in France featured only Paris.

This is the second most recent Bosnian entry in Eurovision history: the last one was in 2016. The former Yugoslav countries kicked so much ass in 2000’s and early 2010’s Eurovision and I’ll be sad to see so many of them drop out. Bosnia’s second last Eurovision effort is a classy piano ballad. It’s interesting to hear a ballad in Serbo-Croatian that doesn’t sound so explicitly Balkan, although it does have a few Balkan elements like the freeform lyrical cadence. For a ballad I rather like it, but it’s not something I want to come back to. The rare non-Balkan ballads I truly love, such as “In Your Eyes” and “Is It True?”, are lightning in a bottle.

Russia: Party for Everybody

Artist: Buranovskiye Babushki

Language: Udmurt (a Uralic language of Russia) and English

Key: C minor

Between Russia’s russo-pop phase (2000-2011) and their peace anthem phase (2013-2015) lies an anomaly among Russian entries. It’s the closest Russia has come to sending an ethno-bop, which is a genre I wish they sent more often. It’s also anomalous for being the only Russian entry sung in one of their minority languages. I’m reading a bit about the Udmurt language and it has a fair bit in common with Finnish, the Uralic language I know most about. For example, Udmurt has fifteen noun cases, most of which indicate prepositions like “to” and “from”, and zero grammatical gender, not even in pronouns (meaning he, she, and it are all the same word).

Even though this is so different from the last few Russian entries, I’d say this song is very much in character for Russia, because their approach to Eurovision is all about ambition. They saw that fans weren’t liking their regular pop entries that much, so instead they sent a bunch of old ladies singing about baking bread and throwing a party for their dear grandchildren. Unlike the UK, this is the right way to do a senior citizen entry. These ladies own up to being goofy grandmas and want nothing more than to party. They can’t sing that well but they have the perfect stage energy, so this falls into the camp of “a joy to watch, but not something I want to keep”.

This song has such a perfect mix of the serious, stompy Russian folk sound (which my mother always described as “socialist”) with the boppy party dance sound. Since most viewers have no idea what the Udmurt lyrics are about, the grandmas convey the lyrics through staging: they put a plate of dough into the oven and at the end, out comes some hearty Russian bread. This is the kind of gimmicky staging that works, because it ties in perfectly with the song.

At the end of the song, Graham Norton said “Who would knew that getting some biscuits out of a revolving oven could be the highlight of Eurovision 2012?” I could imagine Peter Urban saying the same thing in German, except he would sound monotone and scripted like he always does. Graham Norton wasn’t alone in liking this song: it got second place in the televote (11 points below Sweden) and second place overall. Even the juries gave this entry a respectful 11th place.

Iceland: Never Forget

Artist: Greta Salóme (who will return in 2016) and Jónsi (returning from 2004)

Language: English, though it should’ve been kept in Icelandic

Key: C minor, C♯ minor

Something I forgot to mention when reviewing “Coming Home” last year: All of Iceland’s English-language entries from 2011 onwards have an Icelandic version, except for “10 Years” from 2021. That’s because starting from 2011, Söngvakeppnin (the Icelandic national final) required all songs to be performed in Icelandic. In 2014 the rules were relaxed so that they could be performed in other languages in the superfinal, and in 2015 they were relaxed further so that the songs only had to be sung in Icelandic in the semifinal. “10 Years” is an exception to this pattern because Daði Freyr’s 2020 entry was so beloved that Iceland internally selected him for 2021.

My notes in the semifinal said this sounded like a Russian or Ukrainian entry, but I don’t agree anymore. It sounds more like a dramatic Nordic folklore entry, which is kind of is although the lyrics are more about romance. It’s quite a good effort from Iceland with a great cinematic sound and 6/8 time signature. Not a potential winner to me, but one of the more enjoyable songs of the night. The best part of this song by far is the violin solo. It sounds gorgeous and the playback is so believable! There’s no suspension of disbelief required, unlike the hectic violin solos in “We Are the Winners” and “It’s All About You”. I don’t really like the key change though.

Since I said this song sounds like folklore, I was curious how the Icelandic version (Mundu eftir mér) sounded. Oh my god, this song sounds incredible in Icelandic! The whispery sound of Icelandic suits this song so well and makes it sound mysterious. Now I’m peeved they changed it to English for Eurovision, because this version is so much better. If it was in Icelandic, then it could be a potential winner for me. We’ll hear a Eurovision song performed in Icelandic next year—I wonder how good it is?

Cyprus: La La Love

Artist: Ivi Adamou

Language: English

Key: C♯ minor

This song left a sour taste in my mouth in the semifinal, but not quite as much in the final. I mean, it still sounds stereotypically 2012 and like something teenage me would’ve enjoyed way more than adult me, but it isn’t as trashy as other dance songs, let’s keep it to that. I still don’t like the dance break or abrupt ending though, and I still don’t want to come back to it. I wish I had a time machine to show this to 13-year-old me, I bet he would’ve loved this.

France: Écho (You and I)

Artist: Anggun Cipta Sasmi

Language: French and English

Key: C major (intro), F major, F♯ major

Bleh, way too many countries are singing in English this year. Even France and Italy put some English into their songs, as we saw in the Big Five previews. German-language music still doesn’t exist, and the UK already speaks English. That leaves Spain as the only Big Five member to eschew English this year.

Anggun is one of few French representatives in Eurovision to have remained a big name in France. It probably helps that she’s popular in her home country of Indonesia. She only scored 22nd place with 21 points, but luckily that didn’t dent her career. I think this song is trying too hard to be dancey and flashy and is a good representation of France’s identity crisis in Eurovision. The song is mostly in French, but it really doesn’t want to be in French. The rhythm is way too blocky and even to fit French, and it keeps mixing in English lyrics which I really don’t like. It’s like France doesn’t have the confidence to show off their language anymore.

I do somewhat like the loosely Asian sound in this song. I don’t know anything about Indonesian music, so I’m curious if this song has any semblance to the music of Indonesia.

Italy: L’amore è femmina (Out of Love)

Artist: Nina Zilli

Language: English and Italian

Key: C♯ minor (verses), E♭ minor (chorus)

Oh come on, even Italy is singing in English? Normally I can count on them for an oasis away from Anglophone pop. This isn’t even the most English-dominated Eurovision has been, just look at 2015 to 2017. I’m so glad this trend has been reversing from 2021 onwards. As a (half) German Eurovision fan, Italy is always a lose-lose situation. Either I’m jealous of Italy for embracing their language, or annoyed that they aren’t embracing their language. The solution would be if Germany finally brought back their language, which has to happen someday, right? Luckily, no other Italian entry will be as Anglophone as this.

I never realized how much I liked hearing Italy sing in Italian each year, until this year they didn’t do it. I mean, there is some Italian in the verses but most of the song is in English. “Madness of Love” last year blended the languages in an appealing way, but in this song the Italian lyrics take a backseat to the English. The fully Italian version is so much better.

Graham Norton called Nina Zilli an Italian Amy Winehouse and I can see the comparison. The verses are cool and sassy but the chorus is quite a bit weaker, and I’m not fond of the key alternating between the verses and chorus. It makes the song feel like two songs stitched together, sort of like “Popular” last year.

Estonia: Kuula

Artist: Ott Lepland

Language: Estonian

Key: F major, F minor

Time for native language jury bait volume 2! Sixth place jury and overall, twelfth place televote. I’ve heard Peter Urban’s commentary enough times that the word “Heimatsprache” (German: national language) plays in my head when we get a native language song. I did not expect Eurovision 2012 to have a native language piano ballad, the kind we heard so often in the 1990’s, but we have one after all. I can’t say I missed these types of ballads—no matter which language they’re in, most of them sound the same to me. He expresses himself well and I appreciate the unusual structure (first half major key, second half minor key), but sadly this isn’t my kind of song.

This song has English, Spanish, and Russian versions too apparently, but it’s too much of a ballad for me to care. Maybe I’ll listen some other time, I’ve been dragging ass reviewing this year as is. Rändajad (the last Estonian-language entry) was so much better.

Norway: Stay

Artist: Tooji (Touraj Keshtkar)

Language: English

Key: C minor

My notes from the semifinal say it’s weird for Sweden to be rewarded for swedo-pop while Norway (who got last place this year) isn’t. I was right, it is awfully weird. I’m not referring specifically to “Euphoria”, which actually is a good song unlike this cheesy dance drivel. All those bendy bass synths are so painfully 2012. Really, the whole song is painfully 2012. It’s a little bit like the classic PSY song “New Face”, except bad instead of good. I’m sure thirteen-year-old me would’ve eaten it right up though. Thanks to this song, Swedish songwriter Peter Böstrom finished first and last place in the same year.

PSY is a little bit like Scott Joplin in that most people know them for one genre (hectic K-pop bangers and ragtime respectively) and have one song in particular that’s their most iconic (Gangnam Style, The Entertainer) and many other famous ones in the same genre, but their songs are so much more versatile than people give them credit. Try “Augustan Club Waltz” by Scott Joplin or “Now” from the album Psy 9th, if you want to see other sides of their music. I’m excited for us to encounter the Finnish version of PSY in 2023.

Azerbaijan: When the Music Dies

Artist: Sabina Babayeva

Language: English

Key: C♯ minor

The host entry this year is a 6/8 jury bait ballad that completely failed to lift my sour mood. Most songs this year are 2012 in a sour way and this is no exception. I’m trying to think which songs are 2012 in a sweet way, but I’m hard pressed to think of any other than Euphoria. I know what palate cleanser I need right now: “Vida minha”, the Portuguese entry that sadly didn’t qualify. I relistened to that song just now and it lifted my mood a little bit, but I’m also salty it didn’t reach the final. I’m halfway through the 2012 final now… I just gotta stay strong.

Romania: Zaleilah

Artist: Mandinga

Language: Spanish and English

Key: E major

Surprisingly enough, the bulk of this song’s lyrics are in Spanish. I know Romania liked to switch up their languages, but this is still unusual. Also surprisingly, even though this uses only one four-chord progression all the way through, it’s one of the most enjoyable songs this year. I don’t want to keep this, but it has a nice bouncy rhythm and plenty of variance to make up for the chord progression. I can hear a tinge of Romanian accent in her Spanish singing: the “e” and “o” vowels sound a tiny bit like diphthongs.

Denmark: Should’ve Known Better

Artist: Soluna Samay

Language: English

Key: F minor

Erica describes this as one of those interchangeable radio pop songs that you’d stick on for background noise, and I couldn’t agree more. This uses a generic four chord progression all the way through, so it’s hard to decide if it’s in F minor or E♭ major. I’ll go with F minor because that’s what the song starts and ends with. This is exactly what annoys me about these generic pop chord progressions: these progressions are meant for the chorus or climactic part of a song, not to be repeated for the entire damn song. It reminds me of “This Is My Life” from 2010, except this uses only one generic chord progression instead of three.

Greece: Aphrodisiac

Artist: Eleftheria Eleftheriou

Language: English

Key: B minor

This seems like the kind of entry my resident Greek commenter Ellie Z. would describe as bottom of the barrel Greek radio pop, and if she thinks that then I preemptively agree with her. I quite liked it on the first listen, but now this has soured on me. It’s just too cheap and predictable and doesn’t bring anything new to the table. It seems like Europe has soured to this genre too, since it only got 17th place. Don’t worry, next year we will experience peak Greece.

Fun fact: This is one of two songs in a row this year with a title originating from Greek. The next one is…

Sweden: Euphoria (the winner)

Artist: Loreen (Lorine Tahlaoui), the second double winner

Language: English

Key: B minor (verses), F minor (chorus)

Now we’ve reached the first entry by Loreen, the second person and first woman to win Eurovision twice. Say what you will about her second victory in 2023—I’m one of many fans who wanted “Cha Cha Cha” to win instead—but I can never stay mad at her. She seems like a really sweet person and when she won 2023, she was so modest about it. She and the runner-up Käärijä were both very respectful about each other’s results, which is a strong contrast against the aggressive fan discourse from that year.

Although this is probably the most iconic song of 21st century Eurovision,* I don’t have all that much to say about it. It’s a good song for sure, one of few 2012 entries that I can confidently say I like, but unlike a few other winners of this era (particularly Fairytale and Satellite), I don’t come back to it all that often. Maybe 2012 dance music just isn’t my thing anymore, even though it so totally was when I was 13. Credit where it’s due, unlike most of the dance entries this year this has stood the test of time perfectly. I don’t know why it stood the test of time so well, I’m not an EDM expert or anything. All I can say is it holds up better than most everything else this year.

Part of why this song won is Loreen’s performance. It’s simple and modest, much unlike the flashy Swedish staging we’ve seen the past few year, yet it’s engaging at the same time. It feels much like watching a real-life music video. Usually I try to write a massive wall of text evaluating whether the winner was worthy, but this time I’ll be quick because it’s a regular good song that deserved to win. I don’t think I would have wanted it to win with my current musical tastes, but I would have thought that if the winner really had to be an English-language dance song, then this is by far the best option.

* Not the most iconic entry of 21st century Eurovision—that would be “Hard Rock Hallelujah”, as I explained in my 2006 review.

Turkey: Love Me Back

Artist: Can Bonomo

Language: English

Key: E minor

Since the audience is dominantly from Azerbaijan, the Turkish entry got a rousing applause as though it were the host entry. These two countries speak mutually intelligible languages and have a friendship similar to the Nordic countries.

Unfortunately after 12 years, this is still the last ever Turkish entry for Eurovision. Their last Eurovision result was a respectable 7th place, so it’s weird that they quit while they were ahead. The generally accepted reason was that Eurovision was getting too gay for Turkey. That didn’t stop Russia or Azerbaijan from continuing to participate, but every country’s approach to the contest is a bit different.

This is a fun Middle Eastern dance song with a cute gimmick where the guys form a boat out of their outfits near the end, not much more to say. Not Turkey’s best entry, but it’s one of the most fun to listen to this year and a fitting finale to Turkey’s character arc. The country started off Eurovision as a clumsy underdog in 1975, then threw ideas at the wall to see what worked in the 1980’s and 1990’s. Turkey struck gold in 1997 with an iconic ethno-bop, then kept perfecting that formula till they won in 2003 with an even more iconic ethno-bop, and they remained an inspiring power player until they quit. I’ll dearly miss Turkey from here on out.

Spain: Quédate conmigo

Artist: Pastora Soler

Language: Spanish

Key: A♭ major, A major

Now we have native language jury bait volume 3, and this is an extreme case: 10th place overall, 5th in the jury, 18th in the televote. Impressively, three of the jury’s top five this year (Serbia, Albania, Spain) are fully native language and one (Italy) is partly native language.

Good on Spain for being the only Big Five member to avoid English. Pastora has a good voice and I like the buildup throughout this power ballad, but this genre simply isn’t my style. Plus, I find it weird that Spain of all countries is using the slickly produced swedo-pop sound this year. It can’t just be me who thinks the melodies sound like those of a Swedish entry, right? This song has a team of Swedish producers and in fact, so many songs this year do that I almost think it should be derogatorily called not Anglovision, but Swedovision.

Germany: Standing Still

Artist: Roman Lob

Language: English

Key: B♭ major

Apologies to anyone who loves this song. To me, this is just another four-chord radio pop ballad that I wouldn’t shut off but wouldn’t go out of my way to listen to, exactly the kind of song that I am sick of Germany sending. I feel so babied by Germany pretending their language doesn’t exist, as if they think viewers are afraid of the “angry Rammstein language”. I want them to prove to Europe that it’s more than just the angry Rammstein language. It’s interesting that Germany got eighth place this year but flops so much worse with their radio pop these days. That’s clearly a result of everyone else upping their game.

Malta: This Is the Night

Artist: Kurt Calleja

Language: English

Key: C major

My notes during the semifinal said that if every song is dancey and flashy, none of them are. Malta tried to stand out this year, but they really just sent another addition to the pile of overly choreographed dance songs. I’d say either this or Norway is the sourest of the 2012 dance songs. I have a friend who absolutely hates this song but met Kurt Calleja in person once and said he was very friendly.

I’m starting to see why so many fans have Finland as their personal winner of 2012. For those who don’t like dance pop, they don’t have a lot of good options. I’ll discuss this further in the general thoughts.

North Macedonia: Crno i belo (Црно и бело)

Artist: Kaliopi Bukle, who was going to represent North Macedonia in 1996

Language: Macedonian

Key: D minor

16 years after her entry was eliminated, Kaliopi has finally gotten her second chance in Eurovision! This is quite a big fan favorite and probably the second most iconic North Macedonian entry, behind “Proud” from 2019. The introduction of televoting nerfed countries like North Macedonia, but not too badly this year: this got 11th place in the televote, 17th in the jury, and 13th overall.

This starts as a piano ballad for the first minute, but then transitions into a very decent Balkan rock song. You can always win me over with dramatic string riffs and powerful Balkan singing (so long as it’s not wailing). It’s not my favorite rock entry from this era and doesn’t grip me in the same way as “Hard Rock Hallelujah” or “We Could Be the Same”, but I’d say it deserved more than 13th place. You can tell at the end of her performance how grateful she was for this second chance.

Ireland: Waterline

Artist: Jedward, the twins returning from 2011

Language: English

Key: A♭ major (verses), B♭ major (chorus)

After making Ireland so proud last time, Jedward has taken a second go at Eurovision, but most fans agree this song isn’t nowhere as good. It has kickass staging and I like their new outfits, but the song itself is too much of regular radio boyband rock for me. And again, I don’t like this new trend of the key alternating between the verses and chorus. “Taken by a Stranger” was a returning contestant entry done right, whereas this is… I wouldn’t say it’s done wrong, but it’s certainly not done right.

Serbia: Nije ljubav stvar (Није љубав ствар)

Artist: Željko Joksimović, returning from 2004, 2006, and 2008 in various roles

Language: Serbo-Croatian (Serbian)

Key: C♯ minor, E♭ minor

Time for Željko ballad number 4, and native language jury bait number 4! This got more points from the televote than jury, but both ranked it very high: third and second place respectively.

Do you know how absolutely unreal it feels to reach this awesome song, in a year filled with bland crap? I already discussed this feeling when I reviewed Portugal’s song this year, which unfortunately didn’t qualify, but this time it’s multiplied tenfold. It’s like I was locked in a dirty smelly cave for five days or so (which is how long it’s taken to write this post), and suddenly one of the cave walls bursts open to reveal a beautiful garden. Maybe that’s harsh on the 23 songs preceding this, so you can think of “Euphoria” as a patch of flowers lit by a hole in the ceiling, and “Party for Everybody” as a group of partying grandmas I encountered in the cave.

At this point, we’re familiar with all the composition tropes of this musical mastermind. The main melody introduced on the violin and returning in vocals, check. The secondary melodies that vary throughout the song, check. The steps up in buildup that make the audience cheer, check. The key change where it goes wild with drama, check. We’ve seen most of these composition tropes before, but I’ll analyze the structure of this song anyway.

The song doesn’t begin with the lead melody, but instead has a piano intro. Then the violin comes in and plays the main melody in typical Željko fashion. It feels as though the violinist is not just bowing her violin, but also my heart. Then he starts singing and his vocals are interspersed with extra string riffs in the verses, again in typical Željko fashion. And after the first chorus comes my favorite part of this song, maybe even my favorite part of any entry Željko has ever composed: that breathtaking violin duet. It has that step up in buildup that always makes my face light up and the violin harmonies sound so amazing. I think more songs should have duet sections as interludes between the singing, like guitar duets, flute duets, or even duets between two different instruments.

After the duet comes the climactic key change with a dramatic Balkan drum rhythm. Usually I slightly prefer the pre-key change portion of his ballads, but in this song both parts are equally good. And finally comes one last Željko trope: he sings the lyrical climax at the very end. This man is an absolute genius, I love all his songs so much. I would’ve badly wanted this to win in 2012, but I’m glad it at least got third place. Part of me wishes he was as prominent in Eurovision as Ralph Siegel or Thomas G:son, but I like modern Eurovision better when the songs all have varied composition and production styles.

Ukraine: Be My Guest

Artist: Gaitana (Gaita-Lurdes Klaverivna Essami)

Language: English

Key: F major

Agh, now we’re back in 2012 dance pop hell. I was hoping Ukraine would avoid that style this year, but instead they indulged it extra hard. The aggressive synths, the drawn out “guest”, the repetitive four-chord progression, that annoying fucking dubstep interlude that you’d only get in 2011-2013, everything about this song is just plain annoying. I don’t think even 13-year-old me would’ve liked this song. The only part of this song I actively hate is the dubstep part, the rest is just annoying.

Moldova: Lăutar

Artist: Pasha Parfeni, who was the lead singer of SunStroke Project before 2009

Language: English

Key: G minor, A minor

Oh hi, Pasha Parfeni! This isn’t as good as (and surprisingly different from) his 2023 entry “Soarele și luna” and it’s not something I see myself coming back to, but it’s charming and characteristically Moldovan. I quite like the trumpet parts in particular, and overall it sounds a bit like a kids’ movie song in a good way. Especially in the interlude with the piano, bass, and violin. Unfortunately the lyrics are janky at a few parts, especially “you haven’t seen before how looks the trumpet”. This impedes my enjoyment of the song, but I’m at least glad the final ended with one of the more pleasant entries.

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Who’s my favorite?

For the first time in I don’t know how long, this year has only one song that truly blows me away: Serbia, Nije ljubav stvar. Honorable mentions to Sweden for sending a 2012 dance song that hasn’t aged like milk, and to Finland and Portugal for eschewing the dance pop trend this year. The good thing is, I’m unlikely to change this winner in the future.

• Belgium, 2 (1976, 2003)
• Bosnia and Herzegovina, 1 (2006)
• Denmark, 3 (1963, 2000, 2001)
• Estonia, 1 (2009)
• Finland, 3 (1968, 1983, 1989)
• France, 3 (1977, 1990, 1991)
• Germany, 4 (1956, 1979, 1982, 1999)
• Hungary, 1 (2005)
• Iceland, 1 (1992)
• Ireland, 4 (1970, 1980, 1993, 1994)
• Israel, 1 (1987)
• Italy, 1 (1958)
• Latvia, 1 (2002)
• Luxembourg, 4 (1961, 1965, 1972, 1988)
• Netherlands, 7 (1957, 1959, 1964, 1967, 1969, 1975, 1998)
• Norway, 5 (1960, 1966, 1973, 1985, 1995)
• Portugal, 3 (1971, 1984, 2008)
• Serbia, 3 (2004, 2011, 2012)
• Sweden, 2 (1974, 1996)
• Switzerland, 1 (1986)
• Turkey, 3 (1978, 1997, 2010)
• Ukraine, 1 (2007)
• United Kingdom, 2 (1962, 1981)
• (20 winners)

This is my third time choosing a Serbian entry and my third time choosing one composed by Željko Joksimović. Serbia is by far my favorite former Yugoslav country in Eurovision.

General thoughts:

Thank god I’m done reviewing all these songs. This year was just as much of a slog to get through as 2011. The lineup of songs was slightly better than 2011, but the presentation was much worse. All the songs this year made me realize how much dance pop has soured on me, even though I totally loved it back in 2012. Most entries this year, I don’t want to touch with a ten-foot pole, which is a shame because 2005 to 2010 were all so good. Even Eurovision 2008, a year notoriously filled with joke entries, had a lot of campy charm. It’s a miracle that at least “Euphoria” holds up.

I’m sorry to say this, but the hosts were godawful this year. Normally hosts are supposed to keep the viewer engaged in the show, which 2010 did amazingly and 2011 did quite well, but this year they were unbearably stilted. Ell (Eldar Gasimov) was the most competent of the three, but the ladies’ style of hosting was dismal. Azerbaijan must have seen that Norway and Germany went for a trio of hosts and concluded that three hosts = good, so they picked a trio of hosts that recited a bunch of stilted rehearsed lines that are unnecessarily split across three people. I would’ve liked this year better with just two hosts, or maybe just Ell. I also found the postcards way too self-indulgent, but it was fun seeing the Baku Crystal Hall light up in the colors of each flag.

One thing Azerbaijan did well in presentation was the opening and interval acts, or at least some of them. The final interval act was a good one: an ethnic orchestral act that faithfully follows the interval act formula, followed by a dance choir song called “Never Enough” which is more pleasant than most of the dance entries this year. The drum interlude is the best part… are Erica’s tastes rubbing off on me? Weirdly enough, the song in the second half of the interval act is between B♭ minor and B minor, which means it doesn’t follow the 440 hertz tuning standard like almost all Eurovision songs do. As far as I know, every Eurovision entry from 1957 onwards matches this tuning standard.

As with last year, the voting was pretty boring because I don’t care about most of the songs. But the results didn’t feel quite as random as 2011: the songs that scored high, I can see why they did. San Marino’s spokesperson delivered her points all in French, which has become rare for spokespersons outside of France and Belgium.

During the voting, you can tell that the audience was dominantly Azerbaijani. They cheered loudest not when the fan favorite got points, but when Azerbaijan and Turkey did. Despite the drama surrounding Azerbaijan hosting, I’m happy for all the Azerbaijani fans this year. They must have been so excited see the contest from their home country.

Loreen looked so touched when earning twelve points from so many countries, and even more so when she won. Though her song wasn’t my personal favorite, I consider her victory a happy ending.

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See you next time as we finally meet the queen of Eurovision hosts, Petra Mede.

>> 2013 (Semifinals): Introducing the Queen of Hosts