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Introduction
Forty years before the publication of this review, Eurovision 1983 was hosted in Munich (München), a city that I have been to! This brought the contest to Germany for the second time out of three. The contest was presented entirely by one person (Marlene Charell) who made sure to say everything in German, English, and French. I admire her multilingualism, but she was infamous for her huge amount of language mishaps, in the presentation and especially the voting. I’m not sure why this contest didn’t have two hosts, like 1978 in France or 1979 in Israel.
France, Greece, and Italy returned after skipping last year, but Ireland skipped out for the first of two times, meaning the contest had a total of 20 participants.
This contest is one of the least talked about of the 1980’s. I’m not sure if the most famous entry is “Si la vie est cadeau” (Luxembourg’s most recent victory), or “Främling” (sung by a future winner from Sweden). It was also the first contest under the 12-point voting system where two entries got zero points: Spain and Turkey. I don’t have high expectations for this year, but that means if I like a good portion of the songs, I’ll be pleasantly surprised.
The intro movie, focused on scenery from German major cities, is the first one whose background music isn’t traditionally orchestral; instead, something partly electronic that you’d hear at the start of an 80’s movie. How’s that for a breath of modernity? The contestants were introduced in something resembling a flag parade, minus the flags, another indication that we’re moving closer to the Eurovision we know today.
I watched this contest with British commentary, which will be my default choice up to at least 1986. Though I may twist things up if I want a break from Terry Wogan. One more fun fact: This was the first Eurovision ever broadcast in Australia, who would get to participate 32 years later.
France: Vivre
Artist: Guy Bonnet, returning from 1970
Language: French
Key: D minor
Just like last time he participated, Guy Bonnet gives us a romantic piano piece, starting the contest on a strong if un-80’s-like note. It may be old-timey, but it has a heck of a lot of class. His singing voice is a lot stronger and crisper than last time. The song is full of dramatic buildup and slight tempo changes to keep the listener engaged, but it keeps the piano centered. The only traces of 80’s sound are in the backing singers and the saxophones in the orchestra. I wish I had more to say about this song, but I don’t. It’s just a very solid piece.
Norway: Do Re Mi
Artist: Jahn Teigen, returning from 1979 and 1982
Language: Norwegian
Key: G major, A major
Anita Skorgan, at the time Jahn’s girlfriend, composed the song together with him and performed as a backing singer. According to the British commentator, Jahn was proud to have scored zero points in the contest and rode off that inaccomplishment.* I can’t blame him for taking pride in this: scoring zero points on purpose is awfully hard to do, as Telex proved in 1980. Even my boy Rambo Amadeus with “Euro Neuro” didn’t come close to zero points, and in fact got 12 points from Albania.
An infamous moment before the song began is that the German presenter forgot the conductor’s name and made one up: Johannes Skorgan. Sigurd Jansen (the conductor’s real name) didn’t seem to mind at all; he just walked to the orchestra with a smile of amusement. If he corrected the presenter, she would have been ten times more embarrassed about it, and Eurovision would have even more of a reputation as a freak show. If I was in Sigurd Jansen’s shoes, I would have burst out laughing at “Johannes Skorgan”, then constantly joked about it after the contest.
Uh, anyway, about the song itself. It’s another song about musical scales, like “Mathima solfege” from 1977. It takes the theme a bit more literally by featuring a major scale played by piano and sung by the backing singers. In the chorus, the backing singers sing “do re mi fa so la ti do” to the tune of the scale, while Jahn Teigen sings the notes in unrelated pitches except near the end, so it doesn’t quite replicate the gimmick from “Mathima solfege”. As usual, Anita Skorgan has a lovely voice, and I had to chuckle when she and Jahn kissed amidst the song. Sorry you two, but Birthe Wilke and Gustav Winckler’s kiss from 1957 will never be topped.
* “Inaccomplishment” is a word I coined on analogy of famous : infamous :: accomplishment : inaccomplishment. It wasn’t a real word before I wrote this post, but now it is.
United Kingdom: I’m Never Giving Up
Artist: Sweet Dreams
Language: English
Key: G major, A major
I haven’t commented on the background music that plays between songs in place of postcards. It’s so cheesy and stereotypically 80’s, but it’s also genuinely fun and gives this contest some personality. Plus, I can never stay mad at funky basslines.
Look at all the flashing lights behind the stage and the colorful outfits and the weird curly outfits. Listen to the pumping bassline and electric pianos and drumbeat in the music. This performance has 1980’s written all over it. The staging is certainly flashy and the song is full of energy, but there’s nothing that elevates it to greatness. What it’s really missing is some catchy hooks, which you can find in…
Sweden: Främling
Artist: Carola Häggkvist, only 16 years old at the time!
Language: Swedish
Key: F minor in the verses, F major and then F♯ major in the chorus
Carola is a big name of Eurovision history who made a big splash with all three of her entries. She got third place in 1983, first in 1991, and fifth in 2006, and each of her entries matches the decade’s popular music style.
Normally it annoys me when the verses of a song are in minor key and the choruses scrap the progression in favor of major key fluff, but this song actually does it well. It’s because the verse and chorus match with the song’s theme, which is about romantic interest in an elusive stranger who she hopes to bring down to earth. The verses are mysterious and worrisome, and the chorus is dreamy. Carola danced like a teenager which was a little goofy, but she presented this song extra well. She forgot the first word of this song, but the good news is that the earlier a mishap is in a song, the more likely the audience will forget it.
This song was recorded in three other Germanic languages: English (Love Isn’t Love), German (Fremder), and Dutch (Je ogen hebben geen geheimen). For some reason, these titles are all over the place even though the lyrics are generally the same. I did not think the German version would have such a thick Swedish accent; normally Norwegian and Swedish Eurovision singers sang in German quite well, and some even represented Germany. The Dutch version isn’t quite as accented, and English even less.
Italy: Per Lucia
Artist: Riccardo Fogli
Language: Italian
Key: A minor
Another song without gimmicks but with a lot of class, this is a minor key swing song about a man who wants to go to extreme lengths for someone named Lucia. It’s set apart from the rest with the sections that use bells. Even if you don’t speak Italian, you can tell from the tone that the lyrics are about being madly in love. I’m guessing the reason it got only 11th place was because it was kind of safe and not very flashy.
This song has an English version called “For Lucia”, but the lyrics are quite different. They’re about gratefulness for Lucia, rather than desire to take extreme lengths. Maybe Riccardo shouldn’t have sung “my heart sings”, because it sounds more like “my heart sinks”.
Turkey: Opera
Artist: Çetin Alp and the Short Wave
Language: Turkish
Key: D minor, D major
According to the British commentator, the title loosely translates to “opera”. I’m so glad I learned this!
I’m guessing this song tried to be like Dschinghis Khan, going by the wacky opera outfits. Maybe it wasn’t outright inspired by the song, but it definitely was going for the same zany vibe. But while Dschinghis Khan was a glorious three minutes of pumping energy, this is a bizarre mishmash of unrelated genres—opera, funky 80’s pop, and country movie music. The only consistent thing about this song is Çetin’s opera-style voice. The lyrics are yet another case of dropping names of historical figures in place of actual substance. I’m not sure if this song deserved zero points, but it’s too all over the place for my tastes. It would have been best to keep just one of the genres it flits between.
Spain: ¿Quién maneja mi barca?
Artist: Remedios Amaya
Language: Spanish
Key: C not exactly major, not exactly minor. This is flamenco we’re talking about.
The German presenter’s pronunciation of Spanish names was very inconsistent. She pronounced the R in “barca” as though it was French, but she correctly pronounced the Z in Muñoz as “th”, a sound most German speakers struggle to say. I am very confused by this.
One thing that does not confuse me is that this song got zero points. I know there are some people who really love this kind of ethnic music (and this song), and some of my absolute favorite Eurovision songs are ethnic style. However, this song hurts my ears so much that when it ends, I need to spend at least ten minutes listening to the sweet embrace of silence. I’m sorry, but I can’t enjoy a song that hurts my ears. If you think this song is a masterpiece snubbed from victory, you’re probably pissed off at me. But that’s OK because I get just as pissed when people say they don’t like “Ding-a-Dong” or “Dancing Lasha Tumbai”.
Switzerland: Io così non ci sto
Artist: Mariella Farré
Language: Italian
Key: E major, F♯ major. The key change is about halfway through.
Maybe this is due to overexposure in 60’s Eurovision, but 6/8 ballads in major key with a dramatic voice need to be really something special to speak to me, and this is just another romantic ballad that does nothing to me. Also, her voice is too shouty for my tastes. It seems that the juries grew tired of this kind of music too, because it got 15th place.
Finland: Fantasiaa
Artist: Ami Aspelund, whose sister represented Finland in 1977
Language: Finnish
Key: C minor, D minor
I cannot blame the German presenter for mispronouncing the singer’s surname as “Aspelsund”. I would have pronounced it as “Apelsund” because it sounds like “appleseed”. I get the feeling Ami Aspelund has heard her last name mispronounced many times, and I sympathize with her, because no one ever knows how to pronounce my last name.
Right when I heard the first verse in minor key, I anticipated the song to change to major key for the chorus, but surprisingly it didn’t! This song is a refreshing change after the last two songs. It’s bombastic in a good way, the singer is confident, the lyrics flow well regardless of what language you speak, and it’s clearly designed to be sung in Finnish. It’s got a good choice of instruments, with lots of piano and a bit of brass, and a strong voice that doesn’t sound like hollering. Seriously, what’s not to love about this? The rhythm of the lyrics appeals to me for the same reason as “Cha Cha Cha”, the song that should have won 2023. It proves that when sung in the right way, Finnish can be as melodious as everyone considers French and Italian to be.
The lyrics are about a woman who discovered a mysterious person of unspecified gender, because Finnish doesn’t distinguish between “he” and “she”, but most listeners probably infer it’s a man. The singer questions whether this is a fantasy or a genuine crush. Surprisingly for two languages that are so different, the English version adapts the lyrics very faithfully (and makes the love interest male) at the cost of fewer rhymes.
Greece: Mou les (Μου λες)
Artist: Christie (Kristi Stassinopoulou)
Language: Greek
Key: A major, B♭ major
Oh hey, a rare Eurovision song in quintuple time! That’s pretty neat. I can’t decide if this song divides the time signature into two and three beats, or three and two, or neither. It’s definitely not divided into the 3, 3, 2, 2 style like “It’s Just a Game”.
This is what I would have expected a song called “Fantasiaa” to sound like, but I don’t mind that it was this instead. It’s lowkey and dreamy, and it does fit a song whose title means “You tell me”. With the key change comes a genre shift into a bit of jazz, which somehow isn’t out of place.
Netherlands: Sing Me a Song
Artist: Bernadette Kraakman
Language: Dutch, with a repeated phrase in English
Key: E major
Another dreamy-sounding song, this starts soft and quiet but soon becomes heavy in piano. It’s pretty good compositionally, but the lyrics are inane and rely way too much on the English phrase, which is exactly the downside of the language rule. It’s like the song really didn’t want to be in Dutch.
Yugoslavia: Džuli (Џули)
Artist: Daniel Popović
Language: Serbo-Croatian (Montenegrin)
Key: F major, G major
This song gave us Yugoslavia’s best result so far: 4th place out of 20 (one point below Sweden), compared to 4th place out of 16 in 1962. It was also one of the most famous entries from Yugoslavia. I can see why: it’s flashy and upbeat and early 80’s sounding, the stretched out “Julie” is iconic, plus it has an accordion. It’s about a man who remembers a romantic experience with a girl named Julie in July, and wonders if it was just a dream. The upbeat tempo gives this song a mood of “my life sucks, but I may as well sing merrily about it”.
This song has an English version whose lyrics basically mean the same as the original, as well as a Hebrew version, believe it or not. I have no idea whether Daniel is Jewish or just really likes the Hebrew language.
Cyprus: I agápi akóma zi (Η αγάπη ακόμα ζει)
Artist: Stavros and Constantina
Language: Greek
Key: F major, F♯ major
Sung by a man and woman on acoustic guitars, this song is pleasant and upbeat if a bit repetitive. The title means “Love is still alive” and that’s what the lyrics are about. It does have good harmonies though.
Germany: Rücksicht
Artist: Hoffman and Hoffman
Language: German
Key: A♭ major
This was sung by a pair of brothers, Michael and Günter Hoffman. Sadly, Günter committed suicide a year after this contest at the age of 30.
The host country gave us a full-out power ballad that hits all elements of the 80’s and 90’s ballad formula, except the key change. It’s pretty damn good as far as power ballads go—it’s got good piano chords and drum fills, plus vocal harmony throughout the song. The lyrics are about reflecting on what went wrong with romance, but it’s about the general concept instead of a specific story. It landed in a respectable fifth place.
Denmark: Kloden drejer
Artist: Gry Johansen
Language: Danish
Key: G major, A major
The title means “the globe is spinning”, but it sounds an awful lot like “clothes dryer”. Oh my fucking god, right as I type it, Terry Wogan jokes that the song’s title means “washing machine”. His mind was on exactly the same wavelength as mine.
This song is extremely stereotypically 80’s with stereotypical 80’s hair styles and outfits. It’s heavy in synths and brass riffs, but there’s not much to it otherwise. I think I’m too distracted by hearing “clothen dryer”.
Israel: Chai (חי)
Artist: Ofra Haza, who died at 42 years old in 2000
Language: Hebrew
Key: B♭ minor
The contest romanized this song as “Hi”, but “Chai” is more accurate to Hebrew pronunciation (if more likely for English speakers to mispronounce). You could also call it “Khai”, but that sound in Hebrew is usually transliterated as “ch”.
Like last year, Israel was the runner up, but it was a closer match this time: Luxembourg beat them by only six points. Just like last time, this is an upbeat minor key pop song with complex choreography, lots of backup dancers, and an extremely memorable chorus. The lyrics seem to be a celebration that the Israeli people are still proud and alive. It’s another good entry that you can immediately tell is from Israel, about as good as last year’s “Hora”.
Portugal: Esta balada que te dou
Artist: Armando Gama
Language: Portuguese
Key: E major
Another power ballad, this starts with classical-style piano playing, then transitions to a more contemporary ballad. The orchestra overpowers the piano for much of the song, but it’s still a pretty good ballad. The lyrics say that the singer has composed this ballad dedicated to his love interest. The title can be translated as “This ballad is for you”, or word for word, “This ballad that I give you”. I didn’t expect this song to have a guitar solo, but I sure can’t complain about it.
Austria: Hurricane
Artist: Westend
Language: German, with a repeated English word
Key: B♭ major, B major
I’m not even surprised that we have yet another 80’s synth pop song. This is 1983, right in the heart of this decade. This song is cheesy as fuck and their outfits and dancing are ridiculous, but at the same time, it’s kind of a total vibe. I can’t stay mad at the stompy drum beat and pumping synth chords, cheesy as they may be. And oh god, the lyrics are barely comprehensible in the most 80’s way. This is exactly the kind of song that my parents grew up with and now think is tacky.
Belgium: Rendez-vous
Artist: Pas de Deux
Language: Dutch and French, but barely
Key: E minor
Oh boy, it’s yet another infamously weird entry from Belgium with a controversial story behind it! As I’ve said before, this is a common pattern with Belgium in the late 1970’s and 1980’s. Viewers were absolutely pissed that this song won their national selection, but the singers were unfazed.
The lyrics are infamous for only consisting of two phrases repeated: “rendez-vous” and “maar de mat is vol en mijn kop is toe” (rendezvous, but enough is enough and my head is closed). I know “rendez-vous” has been loaned into many languages including English, but I’m counting it as French anyway.
As for the instrumental, it’s an indescribable avant-garde synth pop song. There’s nothing inherently wrong about having minimalist or nonsensical lyrics, but it’s a wasted opportunity that the lyrics play the same melody throughout. If the melody changed as the lyrics progressed, that would make it more interesting as a song while keeping the esoteric vibe that they were going for. It’s good that Spain’s song made my ears bleed and Turkey’s was an unfocused mess, because if my opinions on these songs were different, I’d rant about how unfair it is that this got 13 points and they got none.
The absolute funniest thing about this song is that it has official English and French versions. These versions both have a less nonsensical phrase rhyming with “rendez-vous”. In English, it’s “better give it up, I don’t have a clue”. In French, it’s “mais les jeux sont faits et je suis à bout” (but the games are over and I’ve had it up to here). I’m convinced Pas de Deux made these versions only because they thought it would be funny.
Luxembourg: Si la vie est cadeau (the winner)
Artist: Corrine Hermès
Language: French
Key: E♭ minor in the verses, F♯ major in the chorus
And here we have it: Luxembourg’s last and probably least famous of five victories. All five were in French, but none were sung by actual Luxembourgers. After this song won, Luxembourg held the record for most Eurovision wins until Ireland beat them in 1994.
The theme of the song is something you’d hear in old-timey Eurovision: a woman sings about a man who promised her the world and even a child and didn’t follow through, then remarks that “if life is a gift” (the title), you should cherish it while the happiness lasts. On the other hand, the instrumental is a contemporary ballad that could pass as popular music as late as the 2000’s. It’s clear that the modernity of the instrumental is why it won. The singing starts as overly breathy and then becomes overly shouty, which weighs down what is otherwise a worthy winner.
It’s worth noting that the verse and chorus have the same key signature, exactly the same way as “Tu te reconnaîtras”. Both sections are moving, and thus this song evades the “good verses, bad chorus” problem.
This song has versions in English and German, with the same lyrical meaning but without the “if life is a gift” part, which I think is the soul of this song. That makes these two versions a bit more gloomy than the original French. In English it’s called “Words of love”, and in German “Liebe gibt und nimmt” (love takes and gives).
Who’s my favorite?
This time, it’s a competition between two entries that clicked with me far beyond the rest: France and Finland. Luxembourg could have been a potential favorite if she toned down the shoutiness. Should I go with the classy piano piece, or the bombastic tune also heavy in piano? I had to think about it for a while, but I’ll pick the song that’s more fun to casually listen to: Finland, Fantasiaa.
- Austria, 1
- Belgium, 1
- Denmark, 1
- Finland, 2
- France, 1
- Germany, 4
- Ireland, 2
- Luxembourg, 2
- Netherlands, 6
- Norway, 2
- Portugal, 1
- Sweden, 3
- Turkey, 1
- United Kingdom, 1
- (13 winners)
After selecting three winners in a row, plus the cult classic Dschinghis Khan before then, I’m proud to choose something more exotic again.
General thoughts:
First off, I feel bad for Marlene Charrell because she was neither prepared nor equipped to present everything in three languages. She should have had an additional host to handle the English and French, and come on, Germany is a big country. There’s no shortage of potential extra hosts. And since I didn’t mention her last time, the British presenter in 1982 was professional and did exactly what she was supposed to.
The interval act entertained me more than any of this contest’s actual entries. It was a glamorous jazzy medley of popular German songs (none of which I recognized, admittedly) with tons of extravagant dancing, and even the host participated in it. I would list it as my favorite song of this year if I could; it’s easily the highlight of this contest. On the other hand, the voting was a hilarious trainwreck of mishaps. The presenter tried to announce the votes in all three languages, but she kept mixing them up and it lasted for a whole damn hour.
In terms of songs, this was a middling year. Aside from France and Finland which I considered for my favorite, most of the songs ranged from medium-good to forgettable, except Spain which made my ears bleed. That said, I’m happy for the countries that scored well. Yugoslavia got one of their highest placements ever, Israel got second place twice in a row, and Corrine Hermès jumped and screamed in excitement when she won. I get the feeling that the next two contests will be even more over-the-top 80’s.
See you next time as a song in Swedish wins for the first time. We’ve only got 40 contests left to review! Wait, I mean… oh god, we still have a whole 40 contests to go.
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